Day by Day
by AlOlLove
Summary: Olivia and Alex welcome the new addition to their family. Femslash. Sequel to Taken Sick. FINAL CHAPTER NOW UP.
1. Chapter 1

_**Some of you asked for a sequel to 'Taken Sick', so here it is!**_

By the time baby Olivia and baby Lily had been cleaned up and moved to the private room Alex had insisted on paying for, it was after midnight. Alex was exhausted, and could only wonder at how Olivia felt. Exhilarated, she decided; she smiled at the look of awe on Olivia's face as she held their slumbering daughter.

Olivia looked up at Alex, and could see her lover was trying not to cry. "She's here," she whispered, stroking the baby's head tenderly.

Alex nodded. "And she's perfect."

Olivia smiled. "Of course she's perfect. She's your daughter."

Lily made a small gurgling sound, nuzzling further into her mother.

"You should both sleep," the midwife said. "But first this young lady should have a feed, if you can manage. You're planning to nurse her yourself, is that right?"

"I'd like to try," Olivia said.

The midwife smiled. "Let's get you started then." Efficiently, she unbuttoned Olivia's clean nightshirt, and positioned the baby at her breast. Primal instinct kicked in, and baby Lily's questing mouth searched out the nipple. "Like this," the midwife said, carefully lifting Olivia's breast to optimize the angle to the baby's mouth. "If you get the angle right, she should latch on... just like that!" she smiled. She saw the look of wonder on Alex's face. "You can maybe help, Alex; new mothers can find it hard to get this just right. Do you see how this makes it easier for Lily?"

Alex nodded, awestruck; her daughter was seemingly still asleep, but she was still suckling contentedly. "Liv?" Alex said quietly.

Olivia smiled and nodded. "It's really happening," she said.

"Does it hurt?" Alex wanted to know.

Olivia grinned. "Yeah," she admitted, wryly. "It does a little. I'm sure I'll get used to it."

"It'll get better," the midwife told her. "You just need to watch out for cracked nipples."

Alex winced at the mention, making the midwife chortle.

"Here," she delved into her bag and passed over a tube of ointment. "Take this. You can get more at any pharmacy. Rub it on after each feed. And remember, Olivia, the breast pump is your friend! You need to give yourself a little break from time to time, give your poor boobs a chance to recover. You can freeze the breast milk for up to a month. There should be full instructions with the pump, but if you have any questions at all, call. I'm going to give you some privacy now, but press the call button if you need anything. That goes for you too, blondie," she grinned at Alex. She had been assisting at births for over 20 years, and she could just tell that the blonde beauty was going to be a loving and attentive parent; she would take care of her girlfriend too, that much was clear.

Alex grinned back. "We never thanked you," her voice cracked.

"You don't have to thank me. It's a privilege," the midwife smiled and left.

Alex perched on the side of Olivia's bed, her gaze fixed on their child, tears blurring her vision. She looked up at Olivia, who was equally emotional. "We have a family," Alex whispered. "We're going to take such good care of you, Lily," she stroked her downy hair. "We're going to have a wonderful life together, all of us. And _you_," she kissed Olivia very softly and tenderly. "You amaze me."

"We did it," Olivia said. "We really did."

"You did all the hard work."

"I couldn't have done it without you," Olivia was sincere. "Hey, baby, want to switch sides?" she said, as Lily slipped off her breast. She lifted the baby, and switched her to the other side. She frowned. "Lex?"

"You just need to...," Alex lifted her breast carefully, and cupped the back of the baby's head, trying to imitate what the midwife had done. She grinned as Lily immediately latched on. "There, that should do it."

"You always did have a great way with my boobs," Olivia started to laugh, but was overtaken by a huge yawn.

"You need to sleep," Alex said. "As soon as this one is done, you should try."

Olivia nodded. "You too," she said sleepily. "You should go home."

Alex shook her head firmly. "I'm on the couch tonight," she gestured to the small couch by the wall.

"It's okay, Alex, you don't need to do that; I can always call a nurse if I need help."

"I wouldn't sleep at home, Liv, not knowing you two are here. I want to be near you. I _need_ to be near you."

Olivia smiled. "We did it," she said once more. Baby Lily unlatched, making small, contented noises.

"Can I burp her?" Alex asked.

"Of course. You can change her diaper too, if..." Olivia grinned as she felt a rumbling in her daughter.

Alex smiled as she lifted the baby carefully, putting her over her shoulder. "Your mommy's letting me have all the fun this evening," she smiled.

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Sarah knocked quietly on the door at 8am the following morning.

"Come in!" Alex called cheerfully.

Sarah entered the room, and smiled at the idyllic scene before her. Her aunt – who had become more of a mom to her than her own mother had ever been – was perched on the side of the bed, looking lovingly at her daughter who was nestled at the breast of her girlfriend.

"You have a good night?" Sarah asked, tentatively.

Olivia laughed. "Whoever coined the phrase 'sleeping like a baby' has a twisted sense of humor," she said. "But it was fine. It was great, in fact. Our little girl is here."

"We just need to train her to sleep for more than two hours at a stretch," Alex grinned, yawning.

"She's beautiful," Sarah was sincere. "Truly. I haven't seen many babies, but from what I can recall, most of them are kinda... squished," she laughed. "Lily is just... beautiful," she stroked her soft cheek. "How are you feeling?" she asked Olivia.

"Better than I've ever felt," Olivia replied.

Alex laughed.

"Okay, so I'm kinda sore, and more tired than I ever knew I could be. But I feel great. Hey, we should phone Graham and Carla!" she remembered suddenly.

"I did, last night," Alex said. "While they were moving you. They're ecstatic. That reminds me, I promised I'd text a photo today," she fumbled for her phone.

"You should be in it too," Sarah said, taking her phone from her. "The three of you," she took a few shots. She looked at the pictures on the phone. "Lily's first photos," she smiled.

"You too, now," Alex insisted. "If we hold the phone out like this...," she grinned as she reached her long arm out. "That should get us all. There. Perfect," she pronounced. "I'm sending them all."

"And to Elliot, and the rest of the guys," Olivia said. "And Melinda and Rosie. And Rebecca."

"These pictures are gonna go viral at this rate," Alex couldn't stop smiling.

"When are they letting you out?" Sarah asked.

"As soon as the doctor has visited," Olivia replied. "Should be in the next hour or so."

"Have you had breakfast?" Sarah asked.

"We have," Alex said. "You?"

"Yes, before I left. I'll go get us some coffees. You're allowed coffee now, right, Olivia?"

Olivia grinned happily. "Oh God, yes. My first coffee for nine months. I can't wait."

"I'll be a while," Sarah told them. "If this is your first in all this time, I'm going to the coffee shop across the street, your first coffee has got to be a good one!"

Olivia smiled.

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As they approached the door to the apartment, with Alex proudly bearing the carrier that held their daughter, they spotted the pink balloons on the door. "When did you get time to do that?" Olivia asked Sarah, laughing.

Sarah looked confused. "It wasn't me," she said. "I think we may have visitors."

She opened the door tentatively, and saw a small group of smiling people. Right by the door, little Gracie was hopping from foot to foot with anticipation. Melinda sat on the couch, with Rosie next to her, holding their other daughter Katie on her knee. Elliot, Fin and Munch stood to one side, trying – and failing – not to look too excited.

Olivia bent down and hugged Gracie. "Mommy said I'm not to make any noise," Gracie said in a whisper. "In case we wake the baby. And we're only staying for two minutes."

Olivia smiled. "She's awake, Gracie. You wanna meet her? Her mommy's got her," she nodded toward Alex, who was scooping the tiny child out of her travel seat.

"If you sit down, you can hold her if you want," Alex said.

Gracie's face split into a wide grin. She sat excitedly on the couch, and Alex placed Lily in her lap. Gracie held her very carefully. "Ma showed me what to do when Katie was born," Gracie's voice was so quiet Olivia couldn't help but smile. This was the first time her goddaughter had ever been quiet and calm in her presence.

Olivia and Alex accepted hugs of congratulations from all those present. Olivia's eyes filled with tears when Elliot's strong arms enveloped her. "You did it, partner," he said, sounding choked.

"We did," Olivia took Alex's hand.

"Wait until you see what Munch chose as a gift," Fin grimaced.

John Munch almost blushed. "They say kids like primary colors," he said. "And this was … well, he's kinda cute," he reached behind the couch, bringing out an enormous multi-colored soft toy dinosaur.

Alex burst out laughing. "He's perfect," she grinned.

"Right," Rosie declared. "We're leaving."

"You don't have to go," Olivia protested.

Rosie grinned. "Oh yes we do. You're exhausted. Both of you. And it's not going to get any easier for some time. She's beautiful, but she was always going to be a stunner, with you two as her parents."

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"You moved the chair!" Olivia smiled, as she went into the nursery, and saw Alex's favorite leather chair by the crib, with warm blankets beside it.

Alex nodded. "I thought it might make it easier for you, in the night, when you're nursing."

"It's wonderful," Olivia kissed her softly. "How are you holding up, Alexandra?"

"_Me_?" Alex sounded startled. "I'm great, Olivia. I'm truly ecstatic. And I'm so proud of you."

"I think somebody's getting hungry," Sarah called from the other room. "Shall I bring her in there?"

"Please," Olivia smiled, as she sat down in the leather chair. She started to unbutton her shirt. "Stay?" she asked Alex, as Sarah passed her the baby. "You seem to have the magic touch. I swear I can't get the hang of this without you."

"I'm just happy for any excuse to handle your boobs," Alex grinned. "Wow!" she exclaimed as Olivia opened her shirt. "These beauties aren't getting any smaller, are they?"

"Don't get used to it," Olivia said drily. "As soon as Lily loses interest in the milk bar, they'll go back down again. Thank God," she grimaced. "I feel like I'm toting a couple of watermelons!"

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"So," Alex smiled later that afternoon, after she had finally persuaded Olivia to take a nap at the same time that Lily slept. "Orchestra tonight, huh?" she grinned, knowing that her niece had developed a strong crush on one of the cello players.

Sarah blushed. "She might not be there," she said. "She's a firefighter, so she works shifts. I'm assuming that's what you were referring to?" she smiled.

"Me?" Alex feigned innocence. "I was just looking forward to hearing you practice."

Sarah snorted. "Yeah, that's right, _auntie_," she knew Alex hated being called that. "I won't be practicing here for a while anyway. Don't want to wake anyone up. You should sleep too, Alex, you looked shattered."

"I am," Alex admitted. "It's just suddenly hit me. We're responsible for a whole new person now. Olivia was amazing. I always knew she was strong, but she was incredible. She didn't complain, not once."

"She told me she couldn't have done it without you," Sarah was sincere. "Why don't you go join her for a while? I'll fill you in on my romantic encounters later. Or lack thereof..." she grinned, ruefully.

"You should just ask her," Alex said bluntly. "What's the worst that could happen? Ask her on a date."

Sarah smiled. "You know, maybe I'll do just that!"

"Atta girl!" Alex grinned. "And Sarah? For God's sake, undo another button on your shirt. You have great boobs. You gotta display the merchandise a little!"

Sarah spluttered, nearly spilling her tea. "_Alex_!" she protested. "You can't say things like that!"

"Why not?" Alex was still smiling. "If Olivia hadn't worn those tight t-shirts, we might not be here now. God she looked hot in that squad room," she said dreamily.

"_No_!" Sarah declared, blushing furiously. "We are not having this conversation. La la la la," she put her fingers in her ears.

"It's true what they say, youth really is wasted on the young!" Alex winked, as she headed for the bedroom.

Olivia lay on her side, her eyes fixed on the bassinet in the corner of the room, where baby Lily was going to sleep for the next two weeks.

"You not asleep?" Alex whispered, as she kicked off her jeans.

"Can't stop looking at her," Olivia lifted the quilt to welcome Alex in. "Our baby girl." She lifted one hand and cupped Alex's face before kissing her softly. "You're so beautiful. And she looks just like you."

"I think her hair's gonna be darker than mine," Alex said.

"She's got your eyes," Olivia said. She stroked her face and kissed her again. "The kindest eyes I've ever seen."

"I love you so much," Alex's voice cracked. She pulled Olivia to her and held her gently, her heart filling with joy as Olivia burrowed in to her. "Sleep now, Liv. I've got you. I'm going to take care of you both."

"Love you," Olivia was almost asleep.

Alex dropped a kiss on the top of her head. She had never known it was possible to be this happy.


	2. Chapter 2

The following morning, Sarah was just leaving the apartment when she saw a bleary-looking Alex emerge from the bedroom, her baby daughter in her arms.

"Hey," Sarah said in a soft voice. "How are we this morning?"

Alex grinned. "_We're_ wide awake," she said, "when _we_ really should be sleeping. So Lily and I are going to spend a little time together, and hope that Olivia can sleep a little longer."

"Rough night?" Sarah couldn't keep her eyes off the tiny baby.

"It wasn't too bad; I'm sure we'll get used to it. But I want Liv to sleep, she hasn't had a chance to recover from the birth yet. So we're going to sit in here and get to know each other. Aren't we Lily?"

Sarah knew that Lily couldn't focus properly yet, but she could have sworn that she was taking in every word Alex said; her gaze seemed fixed on her mother. "Can I hold her? Just for a few minutes?" Sarah asked.

"Of course," Alex smiled, and very carefully passed her over. Lily looked up at Sarah and, apparently satisfied, snuggled into her. "She likes you," Alex smiled. "She knows she's safe with you."

"I'd do anything to protect her," Sarah said, fiercely. "She's amazing. It's kinda hard to believe, two days ago she was Olivia's bump. And here she is now, a whole person."

Alex's eyes filled with tears. "It's a cliché, isn't it? The miracle of birth."

"It's only a cliché because it's true," Sarah said softly. "Hey Lily," she stroked her cheek.

"Hey!" Alex suddenly remembered. "Orchestra! How was it? Did you ask her?" her eyes twinkled with mischief.

Sarah laughed ruefully. "She wasn't there. She must have been working."

"Damn," Alex said. "Next time."

"We'll see. We're on hiatus for a month now. Maybe it's not meant to be," Sarah sounded a little sad.

"Nonsense," Alex declared. "Of course it's meant to be. You just need to give it a little nudge sometimes."

"And wear tighter shirts, if your advice is anything to go by," Sarah laughed.

"Exactly!" Alex grinned. She looked at her watch. "You're going to be late."

"I know," Sarah reluctantly passed her Lily back to her mother. "I blame Lily. She's just too cute."

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"Did you sleep?" Alex asked Olivia when she came out of the bedroom an hour later.

"A little," Olivia said. "And then I woke up, and I was lonely."

"Your timing's good, I think someone is just about ready for a snack. You sit here," Alex patted the couch seat next to her, passing Lily over once Olivia was settled. "I'll get you some breakfast."

Olivia unbuttoned her nightshirt, positioning the baby.

"You're getting better at that," Alex smiled. "You just need to... there, that's it," she said, lifting Olivia's breast slightly.

"I've really gotta learn to get that right on my own," Olivia said.

"There's no hurry, I'm not going anywhere, for two weeks. There, Lily, that's what you've been waiting for, isn't it, some time with your mama?"

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The next few days passed in a blur for Olivia and Alex. It was a seemingly endless round of feedings and diaper changes, interspersed with moments of pure, undiluted bliss as they watched their baby daughter. Lily was a contented baby who was never happier than when she was cradled in the arms of one of her loving parents. Sometimes Olivia and Alex took her into the bed with them for a half hour, and just laid her between them as they talked lovingly to her.

Sarah fell completely in love with the tiny child, which Olivia reflected wryly was a godsend, as she could hardly be enjoying the disturbed nights. Sarah claimed that Lily's crying never woke her, but it was clear that couldn't be true. Sometimes Sarah would take Lily for an hour in the evening, so that Alex and Olivia could spend a little time alone. That, at least, was the plan, but it was rare that more than a half hour passed before Olivia or Alex would emerge from the bedroom, under the pretext of getting a glass of water, or finding a book. It was clear to Sarah that they were both exhausted, but also that they had never been happier.

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"Hey, looks like you're really got the hang of that," Alex smiled, as Olivia sat in the warm leather chair one afternoon, the baby clamped to her breast.

"I had to learn," Olivia said. "I can't expect you to be there every time she's hungry. You go back to work in a week," she tried to sound happy about that.

Alex shook her head. "I've just been talking to Liz. She's agreed to give me a month unpaid. I told her I couldn't bear to leave you two just yet."

"Alex, you didn't have to do that."

"I did," Alex was firm. She sat on the arm of the chair, and leant down to kiss Olivia tenderly. "This is such a precious time, I didn't want to miss a moment. And I don't want all the work to fall on you either, Liv. You've done so much, the pregnancy, the labor, the breast-feeding. We always said we'd have this baby together, so I want to do my part."

Olivia blinked back tears. "You already do so much. I think I've only changed two diapers."

"I want Lily to know she has two parents, who both love her."

"She knows that already," Olivia smiled. "She loves being with you. She settles immediately. I wish she'd fall asleep so fast in my arms."

"She's just trying to see if the milk bar's open," Alex grinned.

"So that's what I am to her, huh," Olivia teased. "A giant bottle of milk."

"Yep!" Alex said. "And I'm her personal poop scraper! Isn't that right, Lily?" she smiled as Lily finally unlatched from Olivia, already asleep in her mother's arms. Alex looked down. "Shit, Liv," she sounded concerned. "That looks real sore," tenderly she touched Olivia's raw nipple.

Olivia nodded. "It is a bit," she admitted.

"What about the other one?" Alex was already peeling back her shirt. "Oh God, this one looks even worse. You have been applying the cream, right?"

"Yeah," Olivia said. "I talked to Rosie, she was real sore for a few weeks."

"This looks beyond sore. I'm taking you to the doctor."

Olivia shook her head. "There's no need, I'm sure," she said. "I'll be fine. Pass me that ointment."

"I'll do it," Alex very gently applied the lotion to Olivia's tender breasts. "And I'm going to the doctor's office, see if I can't get you something that works better."

"Okay," Olivia's voice was small.

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_**Three hours later**_

"She says this should work better," Alex had returned from the doctor's office. "And she says not to breast feed for a few days, maybe a week, at least until it's much better."

Olivia looked anguished. "But..." she started to object.

"It's okay," Alex was gentle. "We have a few bottles of milk in the freezer. You'll just have to use the breast pump for the next little while. You can still feed her, but it'll just have to be from a bottle."

"She doesn't like the bottles so well," Olivia was blinking back tears, furious with herself for becoming so emotional.

"She'll learn," Alex was firm. "And it won't be for long, baby," she put her hand on Olivia's arm. "It won't help Lily if you have bleeding nipples."

"I hate that pump," Olivia's tone was mutinous. "Stupid contraption."

"I know, sweetheart, but you're just gonna have to cope, for a little while. I'll help you."

Olivia nodded. She knew Alex was right, and that she was only trying to help her. "You just want a reason to play with my boobs," she tried to joke.

"Always," Alex kissed her. "Always."

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"Did you have a good day?" Olivia called from the kitchen as she heard Sarah coming in the apartment.

"Yeah," Sarah came in, in search of coffee. "Really good. I'm loving the work. I can never thank you two enough."

"You don't need to thank us; we're so proud of you. And your 'sister' is proud of you too, aren't you Lily Alexandra?" Olivia laughed as she held her nearly-three-week-old child.

"Can I hold her?" Sarah asked.

Olivia grinned, and passed the baby over. "You can change her too, if you want!" she laughed. "Somebody's in need of a clean diaper."

"Again, Liv?" Alex said drily as she came in.

"What?" Olivia tried to look innocent.

"Sliding out from diaper duty," Alex said. "Lily, your mama is a terror."

Little Lily looked up at her blonde mother. She gave a slow, sweet smile. "Liv!" Alex called excitedly. "She's smiling! It's her first smile!"

"And she's laughing at you, Olivia," Sarah said. "Aren't you, Lily Benson?"

Lily smiled again.

"I can't believe it," Olivia's voice cracked. "Her first smile. You are so beautiful, Lily. You look just like your momma. And just like momma, you're going to spend half your life laughing at me."

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"Damn," Olivia looked in the fridge. "We're out of milk. _Cow's_ milk," she added, when she saw Alex raise an eyebrow.

"I'll get some," Sarah offered. "I need to get more paper for my printer anyway. I'll be back in ten," she grabbed her keys.

"Take your coat!" Olivia called.

"Yes, _mom_," Sarah grinned, grabbing her coat and ducking out of the door before Olivia could swat her.

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Five minutes later, Olivia was standing by the window, holding baby Lily. "See, my angel?" she said to the baby. "This is your neighborhood. That's the drugstore over there, and there's the newspaper stand. And only ten minutes away is the park, which is huge and wonderful. We're going to take you there once it gets a little warmer."

"She can feed the ducks," Alex said fondly, approaching her family.

Suddenly, there was a screech of brakes and the sickening sound of screaming metal. Olivia looked down, and saw that a truck had plowed into the back of a city bus. Passengers and onlookers were screaming; the damage looked horrendous, there was no telling how many casualties there were.

Olivia thrust Lily at her other mother, and picked up the phone, dialing 911. She reported the incident clearly and concisely, as she grabbed her coat.

"Liv? Where are you going?" Alex asked.

"To see if I can help," Olivia said. "I'll be careful, I swear," she banged out of the door, eschewing the elevator to sprint down the stairwell.

Olivia hadn't seen that Sarah was turning the corner as the accident happened. Sarah felt helpless as she saw the truck career into the bus, unable to prevent it happening. She dropped her gallon of milk and ream of paper, as she sprinted toward the mangled wreck. Passengers were screaming, so she helped those that were ambulatory to get off the bus. Out of nowhere, she felt Olivia's hand on her arm. "You're doing great," Olivia said. "I'm going round the back."

Sarah nodded.

"Be careful," Olivia said. "No heroics."

"I swear," Sarah said.

Within a few minutes, the blessed sound of sirens signaled the arrival of the police, ambulances and the fire service. Sarah was about to leave it to the experts when she saw a small boy of no more than four trapped in the corner of the bus, under a twisted seat. The boy was white with fear, his breathing coming in sharp gasps. His eyes met hers. She smiled at him, and reached out, but her arm wasn't long enough. "It's okay," she said soothingly. "We're gonna get you out of there."

His face crumpled, and tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Sit tight, I'm coming in to get you," Sarah eyed the small gap, calculating that she could just slide in if the angle was right. She was just getting down to reach him when a sharp piece of metal tore a deep gash in her arm. She was so intent on reaching the terrified child that she barely noticed. Eventually, she managed to twist herself in such a way that she was through the hole, and put her arms round the boy. She realized immediately why he had not been able to get out; he was strapped into a pushchair, and the strong webbing that held him in was trapped. There was no way she'd be able to free him without help.

"Okay, sweetie, you're going to be fine. We'll get you out of here. I just need to cut through this strap. Hang in there. Now I don't want you to be scared, but I'm going to yell now, so that they can hear us. They'll help me get you out. You're safe now, okay?" He nodded solemnly, trying to stifle his sobs. "I need a knife!" she shouted loudly.

She saw a yellow and black arm reach into the hole, and a surge of relief flowed through her. "Here," the voice said.

Sarah grabbed it, and set to work freeing the boy. The strap finally gave, and she carefully pulled the boy out of his prison; apart from scrapes and bruises, he looked unharmed. He flung his arms around her neck, sobbing helplessly.

"Shh, it's okay, sweetheart. You're okay now. I'm just going to pass you up, and we'll get you out of here. Are you ready to receive?" she called up.

"Pass him up," the female firefigher said. She took the boy from Sarah, and passed him off to one of her colleagues. "Now we need to get you out. Wait a moment, just let me...," she took off her thick jacket and laid it over the sharp piece of metal that had caught Sarah's arm on the way down. "Okay, here we go. Put your foot there... and... that's it," she took both of Sarah's hands and guided her out.

Sarah was relieved to be back on the tarmac. "Thank you, that's great, I... hey, I know you, don't I?"

The firefighter smiled. "Jane Kazinsky, from orchestra," she said. "I knew I recognized you from somewhere. Sarah Lomas, isn't it?"

Sarah nodded. "That's right. Is he okay?"

"He's fine," Jane nodded to the side, where a distraught mother was clutching the boy. "So's his mom. Hey, this looks sore," she took Sarah's arm.

Sarah looked down, confused, only then spotting the deep gash. "I hadn't realized," she said.

"Let me get a medic over here," Jane said.

"No, they have more important things to do," Sarah told her. "I'll go to the doctor's office, get it stitched there. Truly."

Jane looked concerned. "If you're sure," she said, doubtfully.

Sarah nodded.

"Here," Jane took a clean handkerchief out of her pocket. "Let me just...," she placed the handkerchief over the wound carefully. She then took off the bandana she had knotted round her neck. "It's pretty clean," she smiled, and wrapped it round the handkerchief. "That should keep it clean for a while. You'll go today, though, you swear?"

"I swear," Sarah smiled.

Olivia approached the two of them, her face streaked with dirt. "Are you okay?" she asked Sarah.

"I'm fine," Sarah told her.

"She _will_ be fine," Jane smiled. "After she gets her arm stitched."

Olivia looked concerned.

"It's just a scratch," Sarah said.

"Hell of a scratch," Olivia muttered. "Thanks, officer, we'll get her fixed up."

Jane nodded. "I gotta go... more to do. Thank you both, for what you did. And I'll see you soon," she smiled at Sarah as she left.

Olivia looked askance.

"Jane," Sarah said.

"From _orchestra_?" Olivia asked. "Talk about a coincidence! Tell me truthfully, are you sure you're okay?"

"I really am," Sarah said. "I just had to get him out. He's so little. What about you?"

"I'm good," Olivia put her hand on her arm. "C'mon, let's leave it to the experts. They seem to have everything under control now. Let's get you cleaned up."

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Alex was pale, and she held Lily close to her chest. When the door opened, she turned in fear, and her face crumpled when she saw Olivia enter the apartment with Sarah. "Liv?"

"I'm fine. We're both fine, Alexandra," Olivia's voice was soft. She knew that her own emotions had come much closer to the surface since the birth of their child, so she guessed that Alex had been worrying.

"Thank God," Alex said in a small voice.

"We just need to get Sarah cleaned up," Olivia tried to stay calm. "You okay with Lily while I take her into the bathroom? And maybe you could call Melinda, see if she's around to put a couple of stitches in. If not, I'll take her to the doctor's office."

"Sarah?" Alex was concerned.

"It's nothing," Sarah insisted.

"She went in, to save a boy," Olivia sounded proud.

"And did you succeed?"

Olivia nodded. "Thanks to Sarah, he's fine. C'mon, honey, let's clean that up. Are you sure you're okay?"

Sarah looked a little shaky, but she nodded. "I'm fine, really."

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"Nine stitches is _not_ a scratch," Melinda smiled, as she accepted a cup of tea from Olivia. "Now where's my little girl?"

"Right here," Alex laughed, as she lowered Lily into Melinda's arms.

"Ask her nicely and she might smile," Alex couldn't keep the pride out of her voice.

"_Already_?" Melinda sounded surprised. "She's such a happy baby, isn't she?"

"She takes after me," Alex teased.

"That's true enough," Olivia batted back. "She's grumpy in the mornings and she's already a terrible flirt."

Alex grinned. "Busted."

"Talking of flirting, I never told you," Olivia smiled.

"Told me what?" Alex demanded. "Spill, detective."

"You'll never guess who we met at the accident?"

"Who?"

"A certain firefighter," Olivia smiled. "And, from what I could see, she was very happy to see Sarah."

"_Olivia_!" Sarah protested. "She was just doing her job."

"Her job does not involve patching you up. And doing so using her own hankie and bandana. I'm thinking she was pleased to see you."

"Call her!" Alex demanded.

"Alex!" Sarah sounded exasperated. Then she smiled. "I can't call her anyway, I don't have her number."

"But you know where she works," Olivia suggested helpfully.

"And it would be rude not to return her hankie and bandana," Melinda joined in the teasing.

"It so would," Alex said. "And I don't want her thinking you have no manners. We should launder them, so you can go tomorrow."

"They're soaking in detergent," Olivia winked. "We can make sure they're cleaned for tomorrow."

"And pressed," Alex said in devilment. "They've gotta be pressed."

"I don't know if she'll be working tomorrow," Sarah's excuses were getting thin.

"It can't hurt to try," Olivia sounded a little more gentle.

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_**The following afternoon**_

"Hello?" Sarah sounded nervous as she stepped into the depot. She looked up and saw enormous fire trucks; she hadn't realized quite how big they really were. "Is anyone there?"

A friendly face poked his head out from behind one of the trucks. "What can I do for you?" he asked politely.

"I was just wondering if... I'm trying to find Jane Kazinsky," Sarah stuttered. "Is she working today, do you know?"

"JK?" he asked. "Sure, she's here. Let me just find her for you. _Jake_," he bellowed.

After a moment, Sarah looked up and saw Jane sliding athletically down the fireman's pole, a sight she found unbearably arousing.

Jane looked over and saw Sarah, and her face split into a wide grin. "Hi!" she said. "It's great to see you. How's the arm?"

"Oh it's fine," Sarah smiled. "That's why I'm here, I just wanted to return these," she held out the laundered handkerchief and bandana. "Thanks so much for that."

"So how many stitches?" Jane asked wryly.

"Nine," Sarah grinned.

"Ow!" Jane replied. She smiled at the young woman, and made a decision. "Hey, my shift finishes in...," she looked at her watch, "45 minutes. I don't suppose you'd like to grab a coffee?"

Sarah's face brightened. "I'd love to," she answered, almost too quickly.

"Meet you at the coffee shop across the road?" Jane suggested.

"I'll be there," Sarah's heartbeat increased. Maybe Jane was interested after all?

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"Hurry up!" Jane pounded on the door of the bathroom. "I wanna take a shower?"

Her friend Mick grinned as he exited the bathroom, toweling his hair dry. "What's up, Jake?" he teased. "Want to look good for your girlfriend?"

Jane blushed. That was exactly what she wanted. And the thought that the seemingly unattainable Sarah Lomas might be interested in her filled her with joy. "Can it, Micky," she growled, as she pushed past him, a blush rising on her cheeks.

Mick laughed. Oh she had it bad. Real bad.


	3. Chapter 3

"Shouldn't Sarah be back from school by now?" Olivia asked.

"Maybe she did stop by the fire station after all?" Alex suggested with a grin.

"We shouldn't tease her," Olivia said. "She's kinda shy when it comes to girlfriends."

"I know," Alex nodded. "I'll be more tactful. She does have a real thing about this Jane, doesn't she? What was she like, Liv?"

"She seemed very nice. Tall, brunette. She looked very fit and athletic, though it's hard to tell through that uniform. She had a kind smile."

"Did she seem to like Sarah?"

Olivia nodded happily. "She really did."

Alex smiled.

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Sarah tried not to feel nervous as she sat waiting for Jane at a table by the window. Every time the door went, her head snapped up, and each time she was disappointed. She looked at her watch; only eight minutes to go until Jane's shift ended.

"More coffee, hon?" the waitress held out the steaming pot.

"Please," Sarah lifted her mug.

"Too much caffeine can be bad for you," a humorous voice came from behind her.

"Jane!" Sarah grinned. "You're early."

"I snuck off," Jane replied. "They're covering for me," she slid into the seat opposite Sarah. She smiled as the waitress returned to their table, and put a latte in front of her.

"Decaff," the waitress declared.

"Thanks, Vanessa," Jane said.

"Decaff?" Sarah laughed.

"Vanessa knows what I like. Strong, caffeinated coffee before shift, decaff latte after."

"You're a regular, then?"

"I've been coming here since I started at the station, just under a year," Jane told her. "Best coffee in the area."

"Best service too!" Vanessa winked as she sashayed away.

Jane grinned. "I'm so glad you stayed," she said.

Sarah nodded. "Me too," she said, after a beat. "I really wanted to thank you for yesterday. You were very kind."

"_You_ were very brave. How's your arm?"

"Kinda sore," Sarah said wryly. "But it'll be fine."

"Those things are always worse the next day," Jane sounded like she had experience.

"Were there any fatalities?" Sarah wanted to know. "I've checked the paper, but you know, you can't always trust what's in there. Olivia says they often hold stuff back."

"No fatalities, thank God. Eight injured, but only three still in the hospital. So who's Olivia?" Jane asked.

"She was there yesterday. She's a cop. A detective. She's Alex's girlfriend. Alex is my aunt. I live with them," Sarah started to ramble.

"I always imagined you lived with your parents."

Sarah shook her head. "Long story," she said. "I'm much better off where I am, I've been with Alex and Olivia nearly six months. And _now_," she couldn't help herself smiling, "now there's baby Lily as well."

"Has Alex had a baby?" Jane asked, trying to organize all this family information in her mind.

"Olivia did, just over three weeks ago. And she's just beautiful. She's such a good baby, too. She hardly ever cries."

"I can't believe Olivia's just had a baby, she looks amazing," Jane said.

"She keeps very fit, she has to, for the job."

"What precinct is she at? I've got some friends in the force, they may know her."

"The 1-6; she works with Special Victims."

Jane let out a low whistle. "Wow, that's got to be hard. Nobody lasts long at SVU from what I hear, it can really screw you up."

"Alex says she's amazing, just wonderful with the victims. That's how they met, Alex is in the DA's office."

"You have a very interesting family, Sarah," Jane smiled. "I thought you were... you know, more of a society girl. Tennis parties at the weekend, that sort of thing."

Sarah's face clouded over. "That's my mother, _not_ me," she said, almost fiercely.

"I'm so sorry," Jane looked anguished. "I wasn't trying to suggest... it's just, with the family name. I didn't mean to imply..."

"It's okay, I'm sorry, I overreacted," Sarah was mortified. "It's just... I've been fighting against that all my life. The best thing I ever did was to leave that house."

Without thinking, Jane reached over and put a hand on one of Sarah's. "I meant it as a kind of compliment. You just seem so... 'together', and accomplished. You're so smart, and you go to an expensive school."

"Only thanks to Alex and Olivia. My parents stopped paying, and they insisted." She looked up into Jane's eyes. "I will tell you the whole story, I swear. But not right now, is that okay? I want to know all about you."

Jane nodded. She smiled. "There's not that much to tell. I'm an only child. My mother left when I was four, went off with some guy, and we haven't heard from her since. I joined the service at 19, left home at 20, and I've now got my own apartment. It's small, but I love it."

"What made you join the service?"

"Pop was a firefighter; it just made sense to me to follow in his footsteps," her face clouded over a little.

"Jane?"

"He had an accident, about eight months after I joined. He's in a wheelchair now, and blind in one eye. He wanted me to leave when that happened, but he's accepted it now."

"Were you at the Twin Towers last year?" Sarah was almost afraid to ask.

Jane nodded. "That was awful," her voice fell to a whisper. "Another time?"

"Of course, I'm sorry. Let's talk about something more cheerful!" Sarah suggested.

Jane nodded, happily.

"I know what I want to talk about," Sarah sounded mischievous. "I want to know why they called you Jake at the station house!"

Jane grinned. "I've been called Jake for years. I hate the name Jane, always have. I'm not sure why, maybe because my mother named me? So I used to go by my initials, JK, and then it kinda morphed into Jake. It's dumb, I know. One of the guys at the station heard my dad call me that once, and they won't let it go now!"

"It's certainly different!" Sarah laughed.

"So," Jane plucked up her courage. "What made you come over today? You could have posted the hankie and bandana. Or you could have kept them."

Sarah looked at her straight in the eye. "I wanted to see you," she replied honestly. "To say thank you, but not just that. I really like you. I did, the moment you joined orchestra. But I didn't have the courage to say anything. And then Alex said something to me before orchestra practice last time. She told me to just ask you out. And I was going to."

"And I wasn't there," Jane said. "I was working. Damn, that was bad timing." She smiled gently. "I would have said yes."

"You _would_?" Sarah's eyes twinkled.

"I would. I've been wanting to ask you out to dinner for weeks, but could never find the right words."

"How about 'would you like to go for dinner?'" Sarah smiled impishly.

Jane laughed. "Sarah Lomas, would you like to go for dinner? With me?"

"I'd love to," Sarah replied. "When?"

"Damn!" Jane looked at her watch. "Talk about crappy timing. I have to go, I should have been at my dad's ten minutes ago. It's my night to take him to do his groceries. And I'm working on the late shift tomorrow and Friday, I don't finish until 10.30pm. And then I'm on nights, Sunday to Wednesday. _Please_ tell me you're free Saturday evening?" she looked pleadingly at Sarah.

"I'm free," Sarah smiled. "Now go, you don't want to keep your dad waiting."

"Pop won't mind," Jane said. "Let me walk you to the subway."

"I brought the car, it's just around the corner," Sarah told her.

"Well then, let me walk you to your car," Jane insisted. She fished in her pocket for a pen, and passed it over to Sarah. "First," she pulled a napkin out of the dispenser, "I need your cell number. Please?"

Sarah grinned and wrote it out for her.

They reached the small Audi. "Nice wheels," Jane said.

"It belonged to Alex and Olivia. They gave it to me when they had to get a bigger car for all of Lily's stuff."

"They sound wonderful," Jane said.

"They really are. They're like parents to me. Can I drop you somewhere?"

"That's okay, I have my motorcycle at the station house."

"So you're a biker?" Sarah's mouth went dry at the thought of Jane in leathers.

Jane grinned. "It's okay. Pop still has his car, even though he can't drive it. So I take him to the market in that, he doesn't have to ride pillion!"

Sarah smiled. "You should go," she said, reluctantly.

Jane nodded. She reached over and kissed Sarah very chastely on the cheek. "Saturday," she said. "I'll call you."

"You better had," Sarah smiled.

Jane started to walk away.

"Hey," Sarah called after her. Jane turned to face her. "You're so pretty," she sounded a little embarrassed. "You're far too pretty for me to call you Jake. Can I maybe call you Jay?"

Jane smiled. "I'd like that," she said in a soft voice.

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"Is she done?" Alex asked softly, as a slumbering Lily fell away from Olivia's breast.

"I think so," Olivia smiled.

Alex took the child very gently and laid her over her shoulder, rubbing at her back softly to expel the air. She placed her carefully in her crib. "Sleep well, angel-mine," she whispered. She turned to Olivia. "Show me," she demanded.

"They're fine, Alexandra, truly," Olivia sounded a little exasperated.

"You still need ointment," Alex insisted, and drew Olivia's shirt aside. "You're right," she said, as she fingered her nipples tenderly. "So much better" She squeezed ointment from the tube and applied it lovingly.

"You take such good care of me. Of us," Olivia said.

Alex put her hands out and pulled Olivia out of the chair in the nursery.

"I should do some laundry," Olivia said reluctantly.

"And _**I**_ should clean the kitchen," Alex said. "I have a better idea. Why don't we snuggle up on the couch for a half hour first?"

"That sounds perfect to me," Olivia agreed. "Maybe I can even get to play with the girls for a little bit?" she grinned as she cupped Alex's right breast through her plaid shirt.

"You can play with them any time you want," Alex's voice dropped an octave, and she kissed her lover tenderly, thrilled at Olivia's responsiveness.

Olivia took her hand and led her to the couch, where they settled in each other's arms. "Kiss me," Olivia demanded.

Alex kissed her, a little tentatively this time. "Liv, you don't have to do this. Not for me. I'm not in any hurry."

Olivia kissed her. "I love you, Alexandra," she said. "I'm not ready to make love yet. Not fully. But I can't think of anything nicer than making out with my fiancée for a little while. Is that okay? I'm sorry I'm making you wait, I know it must be hard."

"It's not hard. Not in the least," Alex said. "Sex is great. Hell, with you, it's nothing short of miraculous. But the thing I love most is holding you, having you by my side. Being able to reach out to you in bed. You built a baby. In your belly," she placed her hand gently on Olivia's stomach. "_This_ was Lily's first house. I know it's going to take you time to get back to where we were, and that's just fine. Where we _are_ right now is so much more exciting. We're parents. It's weird, everyone says that having a baby is life-changing, and you don't disbelieve that when you hear it. But when it happens, it's ... _wow!_ So you, my darling girl, you take all the time you need."

"I love you so much Alex," Olivia's voice cracked.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey," Sarah called as she let herself into the apartment.

"Hey you," Olivia called from the kitchen. "I'm just making tea, want a cup?"

"Please," Sarah replied, entering the kitchen and sitting at the table. "I'm sorry I'm a little late, I stopped off..."

"At the station house," Olivia finished her sentence for her. "Did it go well?"

Sarah smiled, shyly. "Yeah, I think so. We went for coffee. She's got a real busy week, but we're going to have dinner on Saturday night."

Olivia smiled widely. "Oh Sarah, that's great. I'm so pleased. Was she as nice as you remembered?"

"Nicer," Sarah said. "I really like her Olivia."

Olivia passed her a mug of tea, and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "I'm so pleased," she was sincere. She sat at the table opposite Sarah, reaching out to put her hand on hers. "She's a lucky girl if someone like you is interested in her."

Sarah blushed.

"I'm sorry we've been teasing you; we'll back off now. A _little_," Olivia laughed. "We just want you to be happy."

"I've been happier here than I ever have before, thanks to you two. You _three_," Sarah smiled. "Lily's sleeping I guess?"

"Knock on wood," Olivia laughed again. "She's been down for a half hour. I'm hoping she'll last until 10pm, then there's a good chance we won't have to get up to her until 4am. Six glorious hours!"

"You must both be exhausted."

"She's worth it. One day you'll have kids, and you'll see what I mean," Olivia said.

"Where's Alex?"

"Out running. She needs some time to herself, poor baby. She's taking such good care of us, she isn't making any time for herself. And she does love to run, so I sent her out. I told her I don't want to see her for at least an hour."

"She loves doing it, she told me she never imagined she could be this happy," Sarah confided, smiling as Olivia's tired face lit up. "She loves you, Olivia. And she loves Lily."

Olivia's eyes filled. "I love her too. We're going to miss her so much when she goes back to work."

"What about you? Do you ever think about work?" Sarah asked.

Olivia nodded. "I do, sometimes. When Elliot calls, and tells me what's going on."

"Will you go back?"

"I'll have to. Not because of the money, because the job is so important. And I think maybe it'll be good for Lily too, to have parents that have interests outside the family. Not for a few months though, at least. She's so precious. I think we'll talk seriously about returning to work when she stops nursing. I can't really interrupt an interview to go breastfeed my baby!" Olivia laughed at the thought.

"So, Saturday. What's the plan?" Olivia asked, lightly.

Sarah shook her head. "We haven't fixed it up yet. Jay said she'll be in touch."

"Jay?" Olivia asked. "I thought her name was Jane."

"It is, but she doesn't like it. She usually gets called JK or Jake. I asked if I could call her Jay."

"That's a nice name," Olivia mused. "Like a jay bird. Beautiful birds. Striking. Quite shy, I believe."

"That sounds just like her. I really want to get to know her properly."

"You'll love it. Finding out about each other, it's so exciting. What she likes, what she doesn't like. What makes her laugh," Olivia's voice took on a dreamy quality.

"Is that was it was like with you and Alex?" Sarah was curious.

"I'm still learning about Alex. She has so many depths. She still surprises me."

"You never argue," Sarah commented. "My parents argued the whole time."

"We don't like to argue. We _debate_ sometimes," Olivia grinned. "Sometimes the debate can get quite heated."

"You're never mean to each other though. My mom used to say the most awful things to my dad. And he was really unkind to her sometimes."

"I think maybe they got married for the wrong reasons," Olivia's tone was gentle.

"I don't think they really like each other," Sarah was miserable.

"That'll never happen with you, whoever you finish up with. You're too like Alex. Alex would never compromise, not on love. She would never be with someone for money, or position. Or social standing. God, if she wanted that, she would never have chosen me. But, incredibly, she did choose me. And you are right, she has never once said a mean word to me. She just loves, and supports me. And Lily."

"And me," Sarah said. "She's been so sweet to me. You both have." She squeezed Olivia's hand. "You two are like parents to me. Young parents, but how I always hoped my mom and dad would be. You've given me a home, you're paying my tuition, you..."

Olivia went over to Sarah's side of the table and pulled the young woman into a warm hug. "We love you, Sarah. You're like a daughter to us too. A ready-made daughter. We're so proud of you."

"I want to make you proud. I want to deserve all you've done for me," Sarah stifled a sob.

"You do already," Alex's voice was soft; neither Sarah nor Alex had heard her coming in from her run. "Having you here makes us so happy."

Olivia looked up at her lover, and blew her a kiss. She ceded her position to her, and smiled as Alex drew Sarah into a hug.

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"Sarah said something interesting earlier," Olivia said as she and Alex snuggled up that night after Lily's feed.

"What was that?" Alex asked.

"She said that we never argue."

Alex snorted. "We argue all the time!"

"Not about anything important. We argue over what to watch on tv, or whether to have arugula in the salad. We never argue about things that matter. Sarah said we're never mean to each other."

Alex looked appalled. "Of course we're not! Oh God, I can't think of anything worse. I'd never forgive myself if I were mean to you. And if you said something unkind to me... I think I'd just cry," Alex looked distraught at the thought.

Olivia smiled. "You? The hard-assed ADA? With all the awful things you hear every day?"

"Not from you," Alex gulped. "Never from you. Not from the person I love more than anything in the world. That would be too awful."

"Oh sweetie, I didn't mean to upset you," Olivia laid her hand on her arm. "You're quite right, it would be awful. We might do it one day, though, huh? If Lily keeps us awake all night, or something bad happens at work. If we get stressed."

"If we do, we have to fix it immediately," Alex was firm. "We have to talk about it right away. Swear to me, Liv, that we won't let anything fester."

"I swear. Never go to sleep on an argument. We'll talk it out, however uncomfortable it is."

"As long as I win the argument," Alex grinned, her spark returning.

"Only if you let me choose what to watch on the tv," Olivia teased.

"Okay, but then you have to admit that arugula is not a food. It's disgusting Liv."

"How can you say that? The pizza queen doesn't like arugula, it doesn't make sense. Arugula on a pizza is... it's divine."

"Well that's it!" Alex sat up in a pretend huff. "We're over. This is one argument that can't be resolved. I think I should go pack my stuff..."

Olivia reached out and grabbed her sleep shirt. "You, blondie, are staying here," her voice dropped by an octave.

"But we can't go to sleep on an argument," Alex smiled.

"Who said anything about sleeping," Olivia reached across and started to toy with the buttons on Alex's shirt.

Alex watched, open-mouthed as Olivia flicked the first button open, and the next. She continued to stare as Olivia slid one hand inside and cupped a breast tenderly. "Liv?" Alex sounded tentative.

"Yes, counselor?" Olivia's tone was flirtatious. "Do you wish to raise an objection?"

"No objection," Alex squeaked, as Olivia teased the nipple between her fingers. "Just... are you sure? You don't have to do this."

"I'm sure. I want you Alexandra. I want to show you how much I love you."

"Liv, I know you love me. And I love you. With all my soul. But I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. If you're not ready..."

"I'm ready," Olivia told her. "You might have to take it a little slow... and you should bear in mind..."

"Liv," Alex kissed her softly. "I know. We'll take it as slow as you like. Whatever you need. And if you want to stop, that's fine too."

"I won't want to stop," Olivia's breathing quickened as she felt Alex respond to her ministrations.

"As long as you are sure," Alex shed her nightshirt and cupped Olivia's face. "God, Olivia, you are so beautiful. My beautiful baby-mama."

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_**10pm that night**_

Sarah closed up her laptop and yawned. The day had been a momentous one, and she was feeling sleepy. As she stood up, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out, and looked at the message.

_Hope it's not too late. Just home from Pop's, he wants to meet you sometime. I can't wait until Saturday. J__. xx_

Sarah's heart leapt.

**It's not too late. I had a great time today. My aunts want to meet you too. I'm looking forward to Saturday too.**

_I'll call you before then, so we can decide where we want to go. Sleep well._

**You too. Sweet dreams. xxx**

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Alex looked over at Olivia and laughed at the smug look on her face.

"What?" Olivia grinned.

"You. You were worth waiting for."

"So I've still got it, huh?" Olivia teased as she kissed her.

"Oh dear lord, yes," Alex was emphatic and still a little breathless.

"Even with the baby weight?" for the first time, Olivia sounded a little tentative.

Alex snorted. "What baby weight?"

"Oh come on, Alexandra. Even you have to admit that my body has changed."

"Your body, detective, is indisputably New York's finest. Liv, I don't care about any of that. You are still amazing, and beautiful."

"I'm not as toned as I was. _Yet_," Olivia smiled. "It'll take a while to get back to what I was."

"Take all the time you need. Or not. I love you just as you are. Nobody can have a baby without some traces of the pregnancy, but that's just more exciting for me. Lily came from here," she ran her hand over Olivia's belly. "Our precious daughter. I can never thank you enough for her. You're still just about the hottest thing I've ever seen."

"I love that you take your contact lenses out when we make love," Olivia teased.

"I don't need anything to help me see how stunning you are," Alex was serious.


	5. Chapter 5

After lunch the next day, Sarah sat in the library with her books. She felt her phone vibrate silently in her pocket and pulled it out to look at it.

_Just having coffee before I go in to work, wanted to see if your day was going well? J. xx_

**It is now. You're at the coffee shop, right?**

_I am. Vanessa asked me where my pretty friend was. I think she likes you._

**I like her too. I like you too. A lot. Swear to me you'll be careful out there?**

_I swear. I'm always careful._

**Text me when you come off shift. Even if it's late. Please?**

_I promise. Now get back to work!_

**xxxx**

Jay smiled as she pocketed her phone; she took out a couple of dollars and left them on the table. She felt elated. The beautiful Sarah Lomas had told her she liked her. A lot. Only two more days until their date.

Jay spent much of the day pondering where to take Sarah on Saturday. Sarah was not, as she had originally assumed, someone who liked things to be fancy. She was straightforward and honest, and had actively pulled away from her rich family.

_**10.37pm**_

_I'm out of here. Do hope I didn't wake you._

**Was it okay? You didn't wake me.**

_It was fine. Only two shouts, and nobody injured. That's when it's hard, if someone's hurt._

**I'm so glad.**

_Do you like Moroccan food?_

**I love it.**

_There's a small restaurant, near the park. It's not fancy, no expensive tableware or linens. But the food is great. Would you like to try it on Saturday?_

**I'd love to. I hate fancy restaurants. I can't relax in them. This sounds perfect. What should I wear?**

_Jeans is fine. Or whatever you want. No pressure._

**Sounds great. Now go home and get some sleep!**

_You too. xxx_

**xxx**

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_**Saturday morning**_

"What time will they be here?" Olivia looked nervous as she looked round the apartment, picking up a stray book and putting it in the bookshelf.

"2.30pm. They're only coming for tea, Liv," Alex was amused. "Olivia, relax. Graham and Carla aren't coming to check on the housework. They just want to see us. And meet Lily."

"I don't want them thinking that we're bringing her up in a slovenly household," Olivia was tense.

Alex took Olivia's hands. "They won't, sweetie. They know what it's like to have a new baby, God knows they've done it enough times. Remember their house? It was hardly pristine. But it's a family home. Just like this place now. Anyway, it looks great here!"

Olivia grinned. "I don't know why I'm so nervous."

"I do," Alex said in a quiet voice. "But Graham called me last night when you were asleep. He's not coming to meet his daughter. He's coming to meet his niece. He made that very clear. They've got five kids already. They don't want another. He said she's _our_ daughter."

"They've both been so kind," tears threatened and Olivia brushed them away angrily.

"They love me. And you. And they're going to love Lily. Who, I have to say, is looking especially beautiful today."

"She is beautiful, isn't she? Do think we're just biased?"

"Of course we're biased," Alex laughed. "But we also happen to be right!"

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"Ali Baba!" Graham swept his sister up in a huge hug. "You're looking great. Motherhood suits you."

Carla laughed as Graham released Alex and she hugged her tightly. "Gray's right. You're blooming. How are you, Alex?"

"Wonderful," Alex smiled. "I've never been happier."

"Olivia's been good for you," Carla smiled.

"More than you could ever know," Alex agreed.

"So where is she? And the munchkin?" Graham asked.

"We're here," Olivia emerged from the nursery, a sleepy Lily in her arms. "She just woke."

Carla kissed Olivia, and looked down at the wriggling bundle in her arms. She stroked the top of her head gently. "She's perfect," she whispered. "Gray, come over here and meet your niece."

Graham looked down at the small child. "She looks like you, Al." He looked again. "Actually, she looks a little like you too Olivia. She's going to be a heartbreaker. Congratulations," he kissed Olivia on the cheek. "And, if I may say so, Detective Benson, you are looking _good_! I can't believe she's only... what... three weeks old?"

"Three and a half," Alex amended.

Lily whimpered softly.

"Will you excuse us?" Olivia said. "I think somebody wants a snack. We'll be right back."

Carla smiled.

"She's wonderful," Carla said to Alex as they settled in the living room with mugs of tea. "I'm so happy for you both."

"She's made us so happy," Alex said.

"And how is Olivia? Has she recovered from the birth? She looks amazing," Carla said.

"She's good," Alex said. "She says she's never felt better. I know she gets tired, but she won't admit that. You know what she's like."

"She's still smokin' hot!" Graham grinned.

"Graham!" Alex spluttered.

"What?" he asked, innocently. "You've always had hot girlfriends, Ali Baba, can't a guy show his appreciation? And face it, Olivia is by far the hottest one to date."

"To _date_?" Alex was outraged. "Graham Cabot, I swear I'm going to..."

"How about you break one knee, and I'll break the other?" Carla suggested drily.

"If I didn't know he was so completely besotted with you, I'd probably agree," Alex laughed.

"So how is it, being a mom?" Graham was more serious.

"It's the most incredible feeling. She's such a happy baby. And she seems to accept me completely as her mom."

Graham reached out and touched his sister's knee. "That's because you _are_ her mom, Alex," he said softly. "And you're a wonderful mom."

"She is," Olivia returned to the room, Lily in her arms.

"So is Uncle Graham going to get to hold her?" Graham put his arms out, smiling. Olivia lowered the baby into his practiced arms. "Hey, Lily," Graham spoke quietly. "I'm so pleased to meet you. I'm your disreputable uncle, and I have every intention of being a _very_ bad influence on you."

Olivia heard the door to the apartment open. "That'll be Sarah," she smiled. "We're in here!" she called out.

Sarah joined the throng, and the smiling and laughter continued for the next couple of hours.

At 5.30pm, Carla looked at her watch. "We must go," she said reluctantly. "C'mon, Gray, you have to give her back some time!" she smiled at the slumbering baby in Graham's arms. "He's a sucker for a cute baby."

Graham grinned. "It's a good thing we had so many of them then, huh, C?"

"We must phone Mom, find out how she's coping with our five," Carla smiled.

"She'll be fine," Graham replied. "Your mother has to be the state's foremost expert on childcare."

"Hand her over," Carla said drily, laughing as Sarah scooped Lily up from her uncle's arms. "You are taking me to dinner, remember?"

"Would I dare forget?" Graham laughed. "Twelve years, C. Have I ever forgotten an anniversary?"

Tears sprang to Carla's eyes. "No," she replied, serious for once. "You never forget. You never forget anything that really matters. That's why I love you."

Graham took her hand. "See Olivia, I'm a very lucky man."

Olivia was very moved by the love she saw in front of her. "I think maybe Carla's not done too badly for herself either."

Graham hugged Olivia tightly and then Alex. "You take care of your girls, Ali Baba."

"I will. I swear." Alex said. "Enjoy your meal."

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"Do I look okay?" Sarah was nervous. "Jay said just jeans would be fine." She stood in front of her aunts, in her best pair of jeans and a long, blue, silk shirt. Her shoulder-length blonde hair hung loose.

"You look lovely," Olivia's voice was soft. "She's a very lucky girl."

"I still think you should undo one more button," Alex teased.

"Ignore her," Olivia was firm. "You must do whatever you are comfortable with. You look stunning, Sarah."

"So do we get to meet her?" Alex asked, impishly. "If she's picking you up."

"Not this time," Sarah laughed. "I don't want you scaring her. She's going to text me when she's outside, so she doesn't have to park. And you are _not_ to peer out of the window!"

"I'll make sure she behaves," Olivia laughed.

Sarah's phone beeped, and she smiled as she read the message.

"Go. Have a great time," Alex hugged her niece.

As she stepped out into the corridor, Sarah took a deep, calming breath. She set off toward the main door and smiled. She reached up and loosened one more button on her shirt. Maybe her aunt was right, after all.

Jay smiled as Sarah got into her father's car. She had forgotten just how beautiful she was. "You look amazing," she kissed her softly on the cheek.

"So do you," Sarah took a long look at her. She too was wearing jeans, teamed with a white cotton shirt and undershirt.

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Sarah looked at her watch; she couldn't believe it was nearly 11pm. The evening seemed to have gone by in a flash. Jay had been right, the food was delicious, the cool beer a perfect accompaniment. And best of all, the conversation had been wonderful. There had been no awkward moments as they got to know each other.

"Another beer?" Jay suggested.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" Sarah teased.

"No, I just don't want this evening to end," Jay replied honestly. "It's been wonderful. I hate that it's almost over."

"Me too," Sarah replied. "And you're on nights from tomorrow, so it's going to be almost a week until I can see you again."

"Please tell me you're free on Friday?" Jay pleaded. "I'm on nights until Wednesday, and then I have to go over to Pop's on Thursday."

"I'll make sure I'm free," Sarah reached out and took her hand. "You have wonderful hands," she said, turning it in her own. "So strong. Capable."

"Calloused," Jay laughed. "That's one drawback of my job."

"Still soft, though," Sarah sounded surprised. "Let's go for a walk," she suggested, suddenly. "Let's go to the park. It's well lit by the lake, it should be safe."

"That's a great idea," Jay agreed.

"Let's get the check," Sarah fumbled for her wallet.

"It's already taken care of," Jay smiled.

"No!" Sarah protested. "You shouldn't have to pay. Let's pay half each, it's only fair."

Jay squeezed her fingers. "No," her voice was soft, but firm. "Next time if you want. This time I want to. It's not every day I get to take a beautiful woman out to dinner. I insist."

Sarah nodded. "Thank you," she said, quietly.

Jay helped Sarah into her coat as they left the restaurant. "That shirt really brings out the blue in your eyes," she said softly. She took Sarah's hand.

They walked for nearly ten minutes without talking. Sarah was just enjoying the feel of Jay's fingers against her own. She felt safe and confident in the presence of this strong, capable woman. Jay was also beautiful, though she didn't seem to realize it. She wore no make-up, but her high cheekbones and clear skin didn't need any.

"We're here," Sarah said as they reached the lake. The moon was bright and shone on the still water.

"It's a full moon," Jay said quietly.

"Just for us," Sarah said. She turned and faced her. "Kiss me?" her words were so quiet that Jay only just heard her.

Jay smiled. She put one hand round Sarah's waist and drew her to her. Very softly, her lips brushed against Sarah's. Jay smiled and kissed her again. "You're so beautiful," she whispered.

Sarah reached up and cupped the back of Jay's head. "So are you, more than you know." She felt Jay's strong arm tighten a little round her waist. She drew Jay into her, deepening the kiss. She couldn't suppress a whimper when she felt Jay's tongue against her own.

Jay pulled back a little. "Is this okay?" she was worried she had gone too far.

Sarah just grinned and pulled her down once more, inviting her further in. She had never before felt this way; the touch and taste of Jay was exquisite. She kept one hand behind Jay's head, allowing the other to wander up her muscular frame, finally resting on her small breast.

Sarah smiled as she felt rather than heard Jay gasping with pleasure, her own breathing quickening as she felt Jay's hand wander to her own, much fuller breasts.

Jay pulled back a little and smiled at the look of disappointment on Sarah's face. "Bench," her voice was husky as she pointed to a small seating area. Sarah nodded, and allowed Jay to lead her to the wooden bench.

They made out for over half an hour, delighting in the feel of one another. Eventually Jay pulled back, looking reluctantly at her watch. "It's nearly midnight," she said. "I should get you back home."

Sarah nodded.

"Friday," Jay said as she stood up and put out her hand to Sarah.

"Friday," Sarah's voice was a little sad. She wasn't sure she could cope with not seeing Jay for nearly a week.

Jay took her in her arms once more and kissed her, more chastely this time, but with such tenderness that Sarah wanted to cry. "I think I'm falling for you, Sarah Lomas," she whispered.

"I feel the same way," Sarah said.

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Sarah tried not to make any sound as she entered the apartment, but she could see the light shining under the door of the nursery. She tapped lightly on the door and opened it, to see Olivia feeding Lily.

"Hey," Olivia smiled. "Did you have a good time?"

Sarah smiled. "It was wonderful."

"You're seeing her again?"

"Friday; she's on the night shift for the next little while."

"It'll be worth the wait," Olivia said.

"You're up late," Sarah said.

"Lily's a little colicky, aren't you baby?" Olivia's voice was soft. "She keeps waking. She'll be okay, won't you my angel?" she pressed a kiss to the almost-sleeping baby.

"Let me know if I can do anything," Sarah said.

"I will. I'm going to put her down now, she should sleep for a few hours."

"G'night," Sarah stifled a yawn.

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Sarah's phone beeped.

_I'm home. I had a wonderful time. Thank you._

**Me too. I can't wait to see you again.**

_Friday xxx_

**Friday xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

_I'm going in in an hour, wondered if you'd had a good Sunday?_

Sarah smiled as she read Jay's text.

**It's been fun. Lily has had us all laughing. I can't wait for you to meet her. When do you start your shift?**

_8.30pm, finish at 7.30pm._

**Are you likely to be busy?**

_It varies. I'm hoping to get some time to read and relax. And think about you._

Sarah smiled again.

**I keep thinking about you too. Yesterday was wonderful. Will you send me a text when you finish?**

_Of course. Don't worry if it's late, sometimes we're still out when shift officially ends. What time do you get up to go to school?_

**I'm up at 7am, on the road at 8am.**

_Good, then I won't wake you up. Sleep well._

**Stay safe. xxx**

_xxx_

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"Is everything okay?" Alex asked a noticeably tense Sarah the next morning.

Sarah looked up from her coffee, startled. She smiled. "I'm sorry. Jay's texting me when her shift finishes, and she's late.

"She'll still be out on a shout," Olivia said gently.

Sarah nodded, a little glumly. "I know," she said in a small voice. "It's just..." she tailed off.

"It's hard, being the one at home waiting," Alex was understanding. "All sorts of things go through your head. I know."

Olivia looked at Alex.

"I'm sure she's fine," Sarah said.

"I'm sure she is," Olivia said. "Do you want me to make a call?"

"No, I don't want her knowing what a screw-up I am," Sarah smiled gently. "I should go. Have a good day. Kiss Lily for me when she wakes up."

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"I'm sorry, Alexandra," Olivia said softly.

"For what?"

"For being selfish. It's too easy to forget that my job is hardest on _you_. When we're out in the field. I know it's not really fair, to expect you to hang around for me."

"I'll always wait for you, Liv," Alex spoke softly. "And your job's important. I know you have to take risks."

"Even so. I should remember what you go through. But I am really careful, I want you to know that. Even more so since we got together. And Elliot has my back."

"I know that, sweetie. And I know he has. He's too scared of me not to," Alex winked. "Hey, that sounds like our daughter's finally woken up. How long is it since her last feed?"

Olivia looked at her watch. "Seven hours!" she smiled widely.

"She's barely a month old. This is a really good sign," Alex said.

"I forgot to tell you, Fin called. He and Munch are coming over this afternoon, if they can get away," Olivia told Alex.

"No Elliot?" Alex was surprised.

"He's in court. Fin says he and Munch have to visit a witness in the area."

"That's three times they've just _happened to be in the area_," Alex grinned. "Have you seen John's face when he's holding her? I think big, bad detective Munch has been hiding a soft side. He just loves her."

"He does, doesn't he?" Olivia scooped up their daughter, and settled in the armchair with her. "So does Cragen. He's been over twice, and he's a really busy man."

"Totally turns to mush," Alex giggled. She stroked their daughter's back. "That's because of you, Lily. Because you're so beautiful."

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_**8.15am**_

Sarah was at a stop light when her cellphone vibrated in her pocket.

_Sorry this is so late; long night. All fine. And I know you are driving, so don't even think of replying. J. xxx_

_**8.40am**_

**I've just parked. So pleased to hear from you. You swear you're okay?**

_Of course I am. Now get working!_

**I will. If you promise to sleep.**

_I promise. Text later?_

**Yes please. xxx**

_xxx_

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"He did _not_!" Sarah whooped with laughter.

"He did," Alex told her. "Detective John Munch sat in this very chair and sang to our daughter."

"Did she like it?" Sarah asked.

"She loved it," Olivia replied. "She loves her Uncle John."

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Olivia turned to Alex in bed that night. "Alex? I've been thinking."

"Uh oh," Alex teased.

Olivia grinned. She leaned over and kissed her. "God you are so beautiful."

Alex smiled. "C'mon, what have you been thinking?"

"About John. He was so cute with Lily, wasn't he?"

"He really was," Alex agreed.

"We haven't really talked about Lily's christening. You do want to get her christened, right?"

Alex nodded. "Definitely. But not at the family church. At your church. I love it there."

"The thing is, Alexandra. Elliot's always going to be part of Lily's life. He's family to me. I was going to suggest we ask him to stand as one of the godfathers. But he's going to be there for Lily anyway. How would you feel about asking John and Don Cragen? I know Don's real sad he and his wife never had children, and John's really shown his soft side with Lily. I can talk to Elliot, let him know what I'm thinking. He wouldn't be offended."

"I think that's a wonderful idea, Liv. Let's do it. Who do we want for godmothers? We want Sarah, don't we?"

Olivia nodded emphatically. "And Melinda," she suggested.

"Great. We'll ask them tomorrow?"

"Perfect," Olivia agreed.

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_**7.40am Wednesday **_

_Finished on time! Busy night, looking forward to my bed._

Sarah was relieved to receive Jay's text.

**Get some sleep. We'll talk later maybe? **

_Definitely. I've really missed you today. I keep thinking about you._

**Me too. I can't believe I won't see you until Friday.**

_It's these damn shifts._

Sarah had an idea.

**What time do you think you'll get up this evening?**

_I'm usually up by about 4pm. Can't seem to sleep later than that._

**I'm finishing college at 4.30pm today. Maybe we can meet for a coffee before you start work?**

_That would be wonderful. What time can you make it to the coffee shop?_

**I can be there by 5.15pm, if the traffic's okay.**

_That would be great. Are you sure? I don't want to keep you from your studies._

**I'll study later this evening. I'll see you at the coffee shop. Now sleep.**

_K. Work hard._

**I will. Can't wait to see you.**

_Ditto._

**xxx**

_xxx_

Jay smiled as she pocketed her phone. She was so glad Sarah had suggested the coffee shop. She couldn't remember when she had last thought so much about one person. Never, she realized. Sarah was different to anyone she had ever been with; she was so smart, well-educated. Kind. And so sexy. A cloud crossed her face; how could Sarah possibly want a blue-collar public servant like her? But then, her aunt was also one of the Cabot clan, and she lived with a police officer. Sarah spoke very highly of her, Olivia. The mother of the baby. Jay had met her at the accident site, but she couldn't picture her. Maybe she would meet her properly one day, along with Sarah's aunt? Jay smiled at the prospect.

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_**5.05pm**_

Jay looked up as Sarah came into the coffee shop, and her heart leapt with pleasure when she saw the wide smile of recognition on Sarah's face. Jay stood up to greet her, kissing her briefly on the lips.

"When did you get here?" Sarah asked with a smile. "I thought _**I **_was early."

Jay looked bashful. "About 20 minutes ago. I couldn't wait. It's so good to see you, I can't tell you."

Vanessa approached. "Let me guess, black coffee, no sugar?" she smiled at Sarah.

"Please," Sarah said, gratefully.

"Can I get another expresso?" Jay looked up hopefully.

Vanessa shook her head. "You can have a decaff latte. You know the rules, Jake."

Jay grinned. "It was worth a try."

"Hoping I wouldn't notice? I don't want your hands shaking while you're pointing that hose," Vanessa chided and she sauntered off to get the coffees.

"It's like having my very own Jewish mother here!" Jay called cheekily.

Vanessa returned with the coffee. "Somebody has to keep you in check. And I'm not Jewish." She winked at Sarah as she walked off in a mock-huff.

"She cares about you," Sarah said.

Jay smiled warmly. "She does. She's been so kind to me. She likes to pretend she's a hard-ass, but she's got a heart of gold. She's great. Don't let her know I said that though."

"So you're playing hard-ass too?"

"Something like that. She has a daughter my age, told me once that she moved to Texas a couple of years ago."

"So you're her surrogate daughter?" Sarah smiled.

"I suppose maybe I am. I never thought of it that way."

"I'm just so pleased she's here for you. Someone who cares. Someone who sees you go off to work, and come back afterwards."

"Pop cares," Jay said gently. "He cares a lot. I just... I don't like to talk about the job with him. Not any more. Not after..."

"That makes sense. I'd like to meet him one day."

"I was going to ask you," Jay seemed a little hesitant. "Are you doing anything tomorrow evening? I'm going over, to take him to the market, and then I usually stay for dinner. I was wondering if you'd like to come along? You don't have to. It's a bit soon, isn't it? Too much pressure. I should never..."

Sarah put her hand on Jay's arm. "I'd love to," she said with a smile. "I really want to meet him."

Jay smiled, a look of relief on her face. "I hope you like borscht. Pop nearly always makes borscht for me when I go over. He thinks I don't eat."

"And do you?"

"I eat!" Jay protested.

"Not enough!" Vanessa called as she passed their table.

"I eat plenty. I just don't like to cook. But we get fed real well at the station house. And Pop feeds me once a week, at least. And there are some great take-out places," Jay defended herself. "C'mon, do I look too thin to you?"

"You look perfect to me," Sarah blushed when she realized she had spoken her thoughts out loud.

"So you'll come. Tomorrow?" Jay changed the subject.

"Definitely. Where shall I meet you?"

"Can you get to my place? We can go from there. Do you like motorcyles?"

"I've never been on one," Sarah admitted. "I'd love to try."

"We can go in your car if you'd prefer? I don't want to scare you," Jay spoke gently.

"I'd love to go on your bike, as long as you can tell me what to do."

"Just hold tight on to me, and you'll be fine," Jay told her.

Sarah swallowed. She couldn't think of anything nicer than holding on tight to Jay.

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_**10am the next day**_

"Liv!" Elliot called as he saw his partner coming through the doors at the precinct. "What are you doing here?"

"We've come for a visit," Olivia accepted his warm hug. "The three of us," she pointed over to a proud Alex, who held baby Lily in a sling.

"So you didn't come to do my 5's for me?" Elliot smiled.

"Are you busy?" Olivia asked. "I'd just like a few words with you."

"Never too busy for you, partner. Sit," he pushed her into a chair.

"Counselor!" Cragen came out of his office, his face wreathed in smiles. "And just look who you've brought to see us," his eyes were on Lily.

"This is what happens when you become a parent," Munch joked. "You become invisible. You're no longer relevant, it's just your baby everyone wants to see."

Alex nodded ruefully. Carefully, she maneuvered Lily out of the sling and handed her to Munch, pretending not to notice the look of disappointment on Cragen's face. "Captain, I'd really like to speak to you for a moment. You too, John."

Cragen smiled. "Come into my office," he beckoned Munch and Lily in too.

Twenty minutes later, Olivia knocked on Cragen's office door. She was enchanted to see Don Cragen cradling their daughter, making silly faces and baby noises at her. Alex was sitting next to Munch, who was chatting more animatedly than Olivia had ever seen. "Everything okay?" she asked.

"Everything's great," Alex replied, reaching out for her hand.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Liv?" Munch teased.

"Of course we're sure," Olivia replied. "And if Lily grows up thinking the moon landings were a fake, and that Elvis is alive and killed JFK, we'll know who to blame!"


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm so sorry," Sarah spoke into her cellphone. "I don't know what's going on with this traffic. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Sarah, it's fine," Jay reassured her. "Pop won't mind one bit. But you shouldn't be driving while you're on your cell."

"It's okay, it's on speaker. I just hate being late."

"Be safe. That's all I need from you."

"Meet me in the parking lot at your apartment?" Sarah begged. "Then we can go straight to your dad's without wasting time. I don't want him to think I'm flaky."

"He won't think that. I'll see you soon. In the parking lot," Jay smiled as she hung up.

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"Is she asleep?" Olivia asked in a quiet voice as Alex left their daughter's room.

"Out like a light," Alex said.

Olivia smiled, and failed to stifle a yawn.

"Looks like somebody else needs their sleep too," Alex smiled as she settled next to Olivia on the couch. She kissed her tenderly. "C'mon, detective, you're having an early night."

Olivia smiled ruefully. "I wanted to spend the evening with you," she pouted.

"And you shall. If you let me hold you while you sleep," Alex compromised.

"Deal," Olivia agreed. "But you just wait until tomorrow morning, counselor, when my batteries are recharged."

"I can't wait," Alex's voice was laced with lust.

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"Relax!" Jay laughed, as Sarah ran toward her. Sarah looked so worried that Jay's heart broke a little at the sight of her.

"I so wanted to make a good impression," Sarah sounded miserable.

"And you will," Jay kissed her softly. "God you are so beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful you are."

Sarah smiled, despite her agitation.

"We still have plenty of time," Jay's tone was gentle. "I told Pop we'd be there around 6pm. We'll only be a few minutes after six. Here," she passed a helmet to Sarah. "Are you sure you want to go on the bike?"

Sarah grinned, relaxing at last. "Definitely. And _you_," she pulled Jay to her and kissed her thoroughly, "you look fantastic in leather."

Jay grinned.

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Sarah's arms stayed wrapped firmly round Jay's slim waist as Jay drove expertly and safely to her father's house. Sarah wanted the journey to go on for ever; the feel of her strong, athletic girlfriend under her hands was both comforting and arousing. Having a legitimate reason to hold her tight was a thrill and she was loath to release her.

As they drew up in front of her father's house, Sarah was surprised to see a man in his early fifties standing on the porch. As she looked more closely, she saw that he stood in front of his wheelchair, and that one hand was gripping a metal handle on the doorframe tightly.

Jay ran up the steps and happily accepted his warm embrace.

"My little girl," her father said, over and over as he hugged her tight with one arm.

Jay finally pulled out of her father's arms, reaching out to take Sarah's hand. "This is Sarah, Pop. Pop, Sarah," she grinned as she made the introduction.

Joe Kazinsky smiled as he took in the sight of his daughter's new girlfriend. His smile was warm and kind, and reached to his eyes. Sarah liked him immediately. She put out her hand. "Hello, Mr Kazinsky," she said a little shyly.

He ignored her hand, and pulled her into a bear hug. "One rule, kid," his voice was humorous and kind. "Nobody in this house calls me Mr Kazinsky. Joe. You should call me Joe."

Sarah smiled as she hugged him back. "Joe," she repeated. "Thank you."

Joe released her, and slowly lowered himself back into his chair. He looked at his daughter. "You were right Jake. I do like her. I like her a lot. _And_ she's cute."

"Pop!" Jay squawked. "You can't say things like that."

"Hey, it's my house. I say what I like in my own house."

"Well then we should take you out of your house. Maybe you'll behave better at the market?" Jay's eyes twinkled with humor.

"Don't bet on it kid," Joe smiled. "Come in for a little while first. I'll make you some tea."

Sarah followed Jay into the house, which was a little shabby, but warm and friendly. She noticed several more steel handles positioned at strategic points around the place.

"You've got a lovely place, Mr... I mean Joe," Sarah smiled.

He grinned back. "I like it. And thanks to my little girl, I can stay here. Come, see what she's done for me."

He chivvied Sarah into the kitchen, proudly showing her the wooden ramps around the room. "She built all these for me, so's I can cook. I love to cook."

Sarah looked in awe at the rugged ramps that had obviously had a good deal of use. She saw a few more of the steel handles around the stove and the sink. "So you didn't have to move?" she said.

He shook his head. "Been here for 27 years. My little Jake grew up here."

Sarah smiled fondly. She loved that she was in Jay's childhood home.

"She was a real handful," Joe chortled. "Jake!" he yelled. "Did you tell Sarah about the tree yet?"

"No, and I'm not going to," Jake called from the living room. "And where's my damned tea?"

Joe grinned as he filled the kettle. Sarah had to stop herself offering to take over. Joe Kazinsky clearly had complete control over his kitchen, and didn't need any assistance from her, however well-meaning.

"She was six," Joe's eyes twinkled with pride.

"Stop it Pop!" Jay yelled from the other room.

"It's a good story," Joe yelled back. He turned to Sarah and lowered his voice. "It wasn't her fault. Well, it kinda was, but that kid had it coming."

By this time, Jay was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, leaning against the door jamb, an amused look on her face.

"It was this kid at school. She'd been teasing one of the boys in Jake's class."

"She didn't just tease him," Jay remembered, "she bullied him. Horribly. Just because he'd peed himself in the playground."

"That's true. So my little Jake wanted to protect the boy. What was his name Jake?"

"Billy," Jay reminded him.

"That's right. So my Jake pretended that nothing had happened, and invited this girl over. They both climbed up the tree, and Jake helped her to climb right to the top with her. Then Jakey tied a rope to the tree and climbed down. She left that little brat, what was she called?"

"Sukie," Jay grimaced.

"Sukie. Damned stupid name. Jake left her at the top of the tree, and refused to help her climb down. She was too scared."

"It was an awful thing to do," Jay's voice was quiet.

"Bullshit," Joe said. "Sukie was so frightened she peed herself. Jake then put up a ladder and helped her down. Sukie was so scared that Jake would tell everyone at school that she'd peed her pants."

"And did you?" Sarah asked curiously.

"Of course I didn't," Jake said. "She'd learned her lesson. So did I," she looked thoughtful. "Cruelty is never fun, even if you think it's justified."

"Billy was never bullied again," Joe reminded her. "Thanks to you."

"I'm still not proud of it, Pop," Jay's voice was soft.

"Well I damned well am. I'm proud of everything you do!" Joe declared.

Jay laughed. "You're my dad. It's your job to be proud of me! C'mon, where's my tea?" she teased as the kettle came to the boil.

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"That was delicious Joe," Sarah smiled two hours later as they sat at the table. "Thank you so much."

"You like Scrabble?" Jay asked Sarah. "Or we could play cards?"

Joe shook his head. "You two should go," he said.

"We always play games after dinner," Jay protested.

"Not tonight, baby girl. You two should go back, spend the evening together. What's left of it."

"Let me do the dishes first," Sarah stood up and started to gather plates.

"Not this time," Joe insisted. "I mean it. You two should have some time alone."

"But Pop...," Jay started.

"Scram," Joe said, rolling toward her with a mock-threatening expression on his face.

"Okay, okay," Jay grinned, her hands in the air as if in surrender. "Friday next week good for you?"

"I'll see you then," Joe said.

"We'll talk on the phone," Jay picked up her leather jacket.

Joe turned to Sarah who was shrugging on her own jacket. "_You_, I want to see again," he smiled.

"You will," Sarah smiled happily. "Thank you so much. I've had a great time."

"I make the best borscht in the city," Joe said.

"You do," Sarah agreed. She hugged him warmly.

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Jay drew up carefully in the parking lot next to Sarah's car. She felt bereft as Sarah's hands dropped from her waist and they both dismounted.

Sarah handed Jay the helmet. "Thank you," she said softly. "It was great. I love your dad."

Jay smiled. "He loves you too. I can tell."

"I bet he's like that with everyone," Sarah demurred.

Jay shook her head. "No, he's not. He didn't like my last girlfriend. Turned out he was right," she spoke in a whisper.

Sarah could tell that the memory was not a good one; instinctively, she reached out and gave Jay's hand a reassuring squeeze.

"You want to come in?" Jay pulled herself together. "I haven't shown you my apartment. Or we could go for a drink? Whatever you want."

"I'd love to come in. I really want to see where you live."

Jay nodded, reaching out for Sarah's hand. She led her into the building and into the elevator, pressing the button for the sixth floor. "It's not a big place," she said. "But I like it."

Sarah entered the apartment, and was immediately taken by how warm and relaxing it was. "This is lovely," she said quietly. "Mind if I look round?"

"Look all you like," Jay said, smiling as Sarah inspected the photographs on the wall.

"These are amazing," Sarah said. "Where did you get them?" she reached out and touched the frame of a particularly lovely black and white shot of an old man sitting on a bench, a dreamy smile on his face, completely oblivious to the camera.

"I took them," Jay said shyly. "I like taking pictures."

"_You_ took them? You're kidding?" Sarah was astounded. "But these should be in a gallery. You've got real talent."

Jay shrugged, self-deprecatingly. "I'm no expert. I just like to record stuff. Especially things that have moved me. That one," she pointed to the photo with the old man. "I was having a bad day. Everything felt real bleak. So I went for a walk in the park, and I saw him. He's gotta be, what, at least 90? Probably more. And he was so happy. Serene. Something made him smile that day. Maybe it was a memory. But it … God this is going to sound so hokey. It gave me hope. Things would get better. And," she ran her hand down Sarah's soft cheek. "They did."

Sarah swallowed, seeing the affection in Jay's face.

"You want a drink?" Jay asked.

Sarah nodded, suddenly at a loss for words.

Jay reached into a cabinet and withdrew a bottle of 18-year-old whisky. "I haven't tried this yet. Some guy we rescued brought it in to say thanks. I've been saving it for a special occasion."

"I shouldn't," Sarah said reluctantly. "I'm driving."

"You could always stay here?" Jay's voice was soft. "You can take the bed, I'll sleep on the couch if you want."

Sarah looked deep into her eyes. "I'd love to stay," she kissed Jay tenderly on the lips. "But I don't want you to sleep on the couch. I want to be near you. _With_ you. I want to make love to you," her voice cracked with emotion.

Jay nodded. "That's what I want too. More than anything."

"You get some glasses, I'll just text Alex and Olivia. I don't want them to worry."

Jay returned as Sarah was slipping her cellphone back into her pocket, and poured a generous measure into each glass. Jay took a large sip. She grinned as the liquid burned satisfactorily in her gullet. "That's good," she said.

Sarah took a slug, and coughed, causing Jay to grin. "I don't drink whisky usually," she smiled as she recovered.

Jay took the glass from Sarah and set it on the table next to her own. She took her face in both hands, and kissed her gently. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.

Sarah nodded. "You're so beautiful," she said quietly, kissing her softly on the lips. "I'm falling for you so hard, Jay Kazinsky. I can't stop thinking about you," she kissed her again.

Jay nodded. "I feel the same way," her breathing quickened as Sarah helped her out of her jacket, letting the leather garment hit the floor. She reached out and dragged Sarah's jacket from her, smiling as her hand brushed against a full breast. "_You_ are so sexy," she cupped her breast, grinning as she lifted it to feel its glorious weight. She inhaled sharply as she felt Sarah push herself against her. "Bedroom?"

Sarah nodded, and allowed herself to be led through to the other room.

Jay smiled at Sarah. "Are you sure you want to do this? There's no hurry. I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for."

"I've never been more ready for anything," Sarah's voice was husky as she pressed a hand against Jay's jean-clad center.

Jay gasped at the sensations that seared through her. She reached out and slowly undid the buttons on Sarah's shirt, watching her face carefully to make sure Sarah was happy with what was happening. She smiled as she saw only anticipation and... lust. She drew the sleeves down Sarah's arms, transfixed by the sight of Sarah's large, beautiful breasts encased in a red silk bra.

"Take it off," Sarah spoke in a low voice.

"You sure?" Jay asked.

Sarah took one of Jay's hands and pulled it to her breast, enjoying the look of delight in her girlfriend's face as she felt a rock-hard nipple through the material. "I'm sure."

Jay reached out behind Sarah's back and released the clasp, pulling the flimsy garment away from Sarah's flesh. "Oh God," she could barely speak at the sight before her. "Oh Sarah...," tenderly she fingered a pale pink nipple. "Can I?"

Sarah nodded, but couldn't suppress a cry of ecstasy as Jay's mouth closed around the nipple, kissing softly at first, but increasing in intensity. When Jay's tongue slipped out and encircled the hardened nub, Sarah's control left her and she cried out, pulling Jay further to her.

Sarah slid one hand down the front of Jay's jeans, watching carefully to ensure her girlfriend was happy, and almost came when she encountered her swollen, sodden folds.

"Bed," Jay gasped, lifting Sarah carefully in her strong arms and laying her down on the bed. She made short work of Sarah's jeans, casting them onto the floor.

"I want to see you," Sarah was barely able to speak. She reached up and untucked Jay's t-shirt.

Jay put a restraining hand on Sarah's. Sarah couldn't interpret the expression on Jay's face.

"There's something you should know," Jay said tentatively. "In case you don't like it. I've... I've got a piercing. Well, two. Here," she took Sarah's hand and pulled it to her left breast.

Through the material of Jay's t-shirt and bra, Sarah could feel something solid. "Can I see?" she asked quietly.

Without speaking, Jay pulled off her t-shirt in one swift motion, kneeling on the bed facing Sarah. Sarah sat up and smiled as she took in the sight of Jay's muscular torso, her strong arms contrasting with the silkiness of her skin. Sarah cupped her breasts, grinning as she felt the metal of the piercings through the material of Jay's bra. Slowly she reached round Jay's back, watching her expression to make sure she wasn't doing anything Jay didn't want her to. She released the clasp of Jay's bra, her eyes fixed on her breasts.

"Oh my God," Sarah whispered, when her eyes first saw the round ring and small bar that pierced her girlfriend's right nipple.

"If you don't like them, I can take them out. I don't ever have to wear them again," Jay sounded worried.

Sarah reached out and fingered the silver jewelry, her eyes opening wide in wonder at the sensations coursing through her. "That is just about the hottest thing I've ever seen," she gasped.

"You don't mind?" Jay was still tentative. "Some people don't like it."

"I love it," Sarah breathed, her eyes darting from one unadorned nipple to the other with its silverware. Grinning, she cupped a breast in each hand, her thumbs flicking playfully against the nipples. "I can't decide which one I like best."

Jay's eyes closed as she whimpered with barely controlled desire.

Sarah leant forward and took the ringed nipple softly in her mouth, letting her tongue toy with the turgid flesh. She let her hands drop to Jay's waist, undoing her jeans and tugging urgently at the stiff material. "I want to see all of you."

Jay lifted her hips as Sarah dragged her pants down her toned, muscular legs.

"You're so beautiful," Sarah told her. Reverently, she caressed a strong thigh. "I want you to come here," her tone was gentle and loving, as she pulled Jay into her lap.

When Jay was facing Sarah fully, she cupped her soft cheek tenderly, leaning forward to kiss her passionately.

Sarah gasped at the feelings, both physical and emotional, that the kiss elicited. She returned the kiss fervently, plundering her lover's mouth with her questing tongue, her ardor rising sharply at the sound of Jay's moans of ecstasy.

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Sarah came first, her sweat-slicked body pressed hard against Jay's, pulling Jay's mouth to her own breast as she rode her expert fingers. She cried out as wave after wave of ecstasy overwhelmed her. "Oh God. Oh Jay. That was... You are...," she whimpered as she collapsed in Jay's strong arms. "I've never felt like that. You make me feel so...," panting, she struggled to regain control over her breathing.

Jay encircled Sarah, holding her lovingly, relishing the incredible closeness she felt with her. Even her own urgent need was set aside as she held Sarah, looking adoringly at her, watching as surrendered herself so completely to her.

Eventually Sarah regained a measure of control. She turned in Jay's arms and looked at her, startled to see the level of emotion in Jay's eyes. "You okay?" she asked quietly, kissing her very softly on the lips.

Jay just nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

Sarah smiled. She kissed her again, this time more ardently. "Your turn," she whispered to Jay as she regained her strength.

"You don't have to," Jay said.

"I want to," Sarah leant in and took Jay's nipple in her mouth, gasping with pleasure as she felt the two pieces of silver chink tantalizingly against each other.

"Oh... Sarah...," Jay tried to control herself.

Sarah smiled as, very gently, she pushed Jay onto her back, without releasing her nipple. She continued to toy with it for long minutes, her own arousal rising once more at the sound of Jay's impassioned responses. She transferred her attentions to the other breast and then, very slowly, starting to work her way down Jay's body.

When Jay climaxed, the sensations rocking her body and her soul almost overwhelmed her. She bucked desperately against Sarah, all language lost as she gasped and panted desperately.

Sarah was thrilled at Jay's responsiveness. She crawled back up her body to claim a kiss, and saw to her surprise that Jay's face was streaked with tears.

"Jay?" she ran her hand softly down her face. "What is it honey?"

Jay tried to turn away from her.

"Jay?" Sarah very gently cupped her face and turned it toward her. "Are you okay?"

She saw Jay's beautiful brown eyes, looking almost black in the half light. Jay nodded. "I am now," she whispered. "For the first time in two years. I really am."

Sarah looked at her. She hesitated, swallowing nervously. "I love you Jay," she said quietly. "Like I've never loved anyone."

Jay's face crumpled once more; instinct took over, and Sarah wrapped her arms round her. She held her as she shook with emotion, one hand rubbing her back lovingly, the other in Jay's soft, dark, short hair.

"I love you too," Jay whispered eventually.

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Olivia blinked and peered at the clock; 4.57am. The space next to her in the bed was cold and empty. She started to sit up, as the bedroom door opened, and she saw Alex coming in, baby Lily in her arms.

"Hey," Alex said softly, as she sat on the bed. She kissed her softly.

"Hey," Olivia smiled.

"Somebody's hoping for a snack," Alex teased lightly, as she reached out with one hand, slowly flicking open the buttons on Olivia's nightshirt. She passed over the child, and smiled lovingly as Lily immediately began suckling. "How did you sleep, Liv?"

"Like the dead," Olivia smiled. "You?"

"Great. Until _your_ daughter decided it was breakfast time," Alex grinned.

"She's only _my_ daughter when she's hungry," Olivia bantered. "We all know that she becomes _your_ daughter when it's time for a clean diaper."

"I know my place," Alex smiled.

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_**8.20am**_

"No newspaper," Alex pouted as she came back into the apartment, a fistful of mail in her hand.

"That's twice this week they haven't delivered!" Olivia said. "We have to have a newspaper. I know how much you like to do the crossword over breakfast. Here," she passed a gurgling Lily over to Alex. "I'll go get one. I'll be right back."

"You don't have to do that," Alex protested, smiling at her daughter as she took her.

"It'll just take a minute. In the meantime, you can open the mail. See if we've won the lottery."

"Not likely," Alex grinned. "We don't buy any tickets."

"I don't need one," Olivia leant down and cupped her face lovingly, kissing her tenderly. "Living with you is like winning the lottery every day."

Alex's eyes filled. "Smooth talker," she muttered. "Your mama is a charmer," she told Lily.

Olivia smiled and grabbed her keys.

Ten minutes later, Olivia was back, the newspaper under one arm and a paper bag in one hand. "Chocolate croissants," she announced triumphantly. "I know how you... Alex, are you okay?" she asked worriedly, as she saw Alex's face. Alex looked upset, and she had both arms around Lily, and was hugging her close. In her hand was a letter.

Alex just looked at her, hurt in her eyes. She shook her head slightly.

Olivia placed her burdens on the table. She reached out for the letter. "Can I look?" she asked, gently.

Alex nodded.

Olivia took the letter and started to read.

_Alex,_

_This is a hard letter for me to write. There are two things you should know. I asked Brian to leave this morning. You were right. He doesn't love me. He never really loved Sarah. I know I made a lot of mistakes with Sarah, but I loved her, at least. I still do. One day I'll find the courage to contact her and tell her that. _

_The second is something you'll probably read in Friday's newspaper. Mother has had a stroke. It's serious, but not life-threatening, at least that's what the doctors tell me. Her speech is affected, and she's partially paralyzed down her left side. I did ask her if she wanted to see you, but she doesn't, and for that, I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry about a lot of other things too. I'm sorry about the way I treated you. I was wrong, utterly wrong. But you know that._

_I'm determined to change my life now. Without Brian, I feel a little isolated, but also strangely strong. So I'm going to focus on charity work. I was even thinking of volunteering in Africa, but with Mother that won't be possible, at least for a while._

_I know it's not fair to ask your forgiveness. I hope one day to see you, and your family. Graham tells me you have a beautiful daughter. I can only pray that you do a better job of mothering than I did._

_I'm so sorry,_

_Carolyn_

_p.s. I'm writing to Graham too today, so he'll know about Mother as soon as you do._

Olivia looked over at Alex. "Alexandra?" her voice was tentative. "Are you okay?"

Alex nodded, continuing to cradle Lily tight. "I am," she said, softly. "Because I have you. And Lily."

Olivia knelt at Alex's feet, and took her hand, stroking her face tenderly. "You'll always have us."

"I know," Alex whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

_**8.45am**_

Sarah smiled as she woke, her heart filling when she realized that she was held in the arms of her girlfriend.

"Hey," Jay said softly.

"Hey to you," Sarah replied. She reached out and touched Jay's soft cheek.

"What time do you have to leave?" Jay peered anxiously at her watch.

"I don't," Sarah replied smugly. "Fridays are study days, I don't have any classes."

"_Study day_ must mean just that though," Jay's voice was gentle. "You need to study, Sarah. I don't want to get in the way of your education."

Sarah pouted. "But I want to spend the whole day with you."

"And I want to be with you too. More than anything. But I couldn't bear if it you fell behind because of me," she looked at Sarah's disappointed face. "Let's compromise. Stay here this morning, go home and study in the afternoon, then I'll take you out for dinner tonight."

Sarah smiled. "Perfect. But no restaurants. I want you to myself. Let's eat here."

Jay looked dubious. "Have I told you I don't cook?"

Sarah grinned. "But your Dad is such a great cook!"

"That's why I never had to learn," Jay smiled back. "Anyways, I've tried. It always goes wrong."

"I'll cook," Sarah declared. "If you can go to the market this afternoon, I'll cook when I come back this evening."

"Deal," Jay declared. "Now," her voice lowered. "Just what are we going to find to do this morning?" she kissed Sarah, her hand straying to her torso.

"I don't know, officer," Sarah gasped as Jay's hand found its target. "I'm sure we'll think of something."

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"It's a glorious day," Alex looked out of the window, baby Lily in her arms. "Let's take Lily to the park."

"Great idea," Olivia agreed. "I'll get the stroller."

Alex shook her head. "I wanna take her in the sling. I want to feel her close to me," she sounded a little embarrassed.

"Are you okay honey?" Olivia knew that Alex had been more shaken up by Carolyn's letter than she had admitted.

Alex nodded. "I'm fine. I'm just... you know, just a little..."

Olivia placed her hand on Alex's arm. "I know. Do you want to talk?"

"Yeah. But not now. Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay. And Lily will be thrilled you're carrying her. She loves being in the sling, don't you peanut?" Olivia smiled at their daughter.

Lily's face split into a wide smile, innocent, loving and amused.

"She's so beautiful," Alex's voice hitched.

"Of course she is," Olivia said gently. "She's your daughter."

"Liv?" Alex looked anxious. "One thing."

"What Alex?" Olivia was concerned at Alex's serious demeanor.

"Don't tell Sarah about Carolyn's letter. Not today. We should just let her enjoy her new relationship for a few days without having to think about her mother. We'll tell her soon. In a few days. Okay?"

"Of course," Olivia said softly.

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The trip to the park was a great success, and Olivia and Alex felt greatly refreshed afterwards. Lily fell asleep in the sling on the way back, only awakening on their return to demand feeding. Alex sat next to Olivia on the couch as Lily fed, constantly touching them both. Once Lily was full, she fell into an instant slumber. "Time for a nap," Olivia said quietly. "C'mon baby girl, let's get you to your bed."

"Can I maybe hold her instead? Just this time?" Alex's expression was pleading. "I know it's not good discipline for her. I'd just really like to hold her," she tailed off, marginally embarrassed that she couldn't come up with a better reason.

Olivia looked at her girlfriend, and could see the tension radiating off her. Very gently she passed their daughter to her. "You hold her as long as you want," tenderly she kissed Alex on the lips. "She's a very lucky girl. There's nothing nicer than sleeping in your arms, I know that better than anyone."

Alex nodded, blinking away unwanted tears.

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_**2pm**_

Olivia looked up from her book as she heard the key turning in the lock. "Guess who's back?" she grinned at Alex.

Alex smiled back.

"Hey," Sarah called lightly as she came into the living room. She saw the sleeping Lily in Alex's arms. "Hey, baby," she whispered. She kissed Alex on the cheek.

Olivia rose from her seat, and gave Sarah a quick hug. She tucked a lock of hair behind Sarah's ear. "Your hair's getting long," she said.

Sarah nodded.

"So?" Alex's tone was teasing and affectionate.

"Leave the girl alone, Alex," Olivia warned, but smiled as she spoke.

"I had a great time," Sarah smiled shyly. "She's wonderful."

Olivia squeezed her hand. "So when do we get to meet Miss Wonderful?"

"Soon. I swear," Sarah said. "I'm going back over tonight. I'll ask her then."

"Ask her if she can come to dinner one evening, maybe next weekend?" Alex suggested.

"I will. She'd like that, I know. And she doesn't cook, so dinner would be perfect," Sarah grinned.

"I'm so pleased you're happy," Olivia said softly.

"I really am," Sarah smiled. "I just know you're going to like her."

"We'll love her," Alex said affectionately. "Hey, baby," she said as Lily stirred in her arms.

Lily snuffled and burrowed into her mother's front, emitting small, sleepy noises.

"She'll be properly awake soon," Olivia said. "And," she grimaced, "I'm betting she'll be hungry."

"She's always hungry," Sarah laughed.

"Just like her mom," Olivia looked accusingly at Alex. "Though God alone knows where she puts it all."

"Hey, I just happen to have a fast metabolism!" Alex protested. "You can't blame a girl for that. Hey, chipmunk, you're ready to join the conversation now?" she kissed her daughter on the top of her head.

"Can I hold her? Just for a moment?" Sarah asked.

"Of course you can," Alex passed her over carefully. "She loves her big sister," she smiled as Lily settled happily in Sarah's arms. "Hey," she teased. "Does Jay like babies?"

"She's going to like this one; Lily's a dealbreaker, as far as I'm concerned," Sarah smiled. "And who could not love a face like this?"

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"_That_," Jay declared, "we delicious. Where did you learn to cook?"

"I learned when I was a kid," Sarah told her.

"Did your mom teach you?"

Sarah shook her head. "No. Mom didn't cook. She was too busy being seen in all the right places, climbing the social ladder. It was Annie, our … well, housekeeper, I guess. She did lots of things. She's a wonderful cook."

"Does she still work for your mom?" Jay was curious.

"No," Sarah's voice was thick with emotion. "She left when I was 15. She and Mom had a … disagreement," she tried to keep the bitterness from her voice.

"About?" Jay asked gently; she could see that this was a difficult subject for her girlfriend.

"Me," Sarah said in a small voice. "Annie finally got fed up with all the snarky comments Mom would make. She told her to shove her job. She works in a children's home now. They all love her."

"You still see her?"

"Hardly at all these days. I don't want to impose on her new life. She didn't like the Park Avenue mentality, I don't know how she stuck it as long as she did."

"Maybe for you?" Jay suggested gently.

Sarah nodded, trying not to let her emotions get the better of her. "I think so," she whispered.

"You know, if you want to go see her, I'd be happy to go with you," Jay took Sarah's hand in her own.

"Maybe one day," Sarah said, a little sadly.

Jay decided to let the subject rest, for the moment. "So," she said brightly. "Did you get much studying done?"

"Fair bit," Sarah said. "I visited with Lily for a half hour first. She makes me smile."

"I'd like to meet her one day," Jay said.

"You will. I want you to meet Alex and Olivia too. They're bursting with curiosity. They've told me to invite you for dinner one evening. Will you come?"

"Of course I will! Anything for a free dinner," Jay winked as she cleared away the plates.

Sarah got up to help her, following her into the small kitchen where they stacked the dishwasher.

"You want coffee?" Jay asked.

"No," Sarah said quietly. "I want you to kiss me."

Jay grinned. "I think I can do that," her voice took on a sultry tone. She slid one hand round Sarah's slim waist, and ran the other down the back of her head, tangling the hair at the back of her neck. "You're so beautiful," she whispered, as she leant in for a soft kiss.

"I want to spend all night making love to you," Sarah's voice hitched. "I never want to let you go."

"That fits well with my plans," Jay teased gently. She untucked Sarah's shirt from her jeans, and slowly, tantalizingly, flicked open the buttons. She smiled at the first glimpse of a full breast, encased in lacy fabric. She slipped her hand inside Sarah's bra, her arousal increasing sharply at the gasp of pleasure Sarah gave. Jay tweaked a nipple firmly, laughing at Sarah's stifled moan.

She lifted Sarah bodily and set her on the kitchen counter, standing between her legs.

Sarah took the opportunity to grasp Jay's t-shirt and pull it over her head. Sarah smiled lovingly at Jay, as she reached round her back, releasing the clasp on her black bra. "Well hello," she teased, staring unabashedly at Jay's erect nipples. She fingered the silver piercings in her breast, and closed her mouth around her unadorned nipple, whimpering with pleasure as she felt the turgid flesh pebbling further.

Jay had never felt so aroused in her life. "Bed," she gasped, pulling Sarah tighter to her, and hefting her off the counter, Sarah's legs wrapped around her waist. She carried her precious cargo to the bedroom, lowering her carefully onto the bed.

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"You always know what I want," Alex's breathing was ragged as she came down from her climax.

"That's because I love you," Olivia spoke lovingly. "You always know what I want too."

Alex ran one hand down Olivia's sweat soaked back. "God, you're gorgeous," she whispered, in awe.

"You're hardly Shrek yourself," Olivia teased, her heart lifting at the smile tugging at the corners of Alex's mouth. She was still worried about Alex, knowing how unsettled she had been by her sister's letter. Olivia hated it when Carolyn had so openly rejected Alex, but this new phase could be almost as difficult. Alex had to decide whether to allow her sister back into her life in any way; whatever she decided, there were going to be some difficult times ahead.

"Princess Fiona," Alex's voice was muffled as she snuggled into Olivia.

"Wha'?" Olivia was confused.

"Shrek. He's the boy. Princess Fiona is the girl. Keep up, Liv," Alex teased. "You started this."

"Well you're _my_ princess," Olivia kissed her softly.

Alex screwed her face up, and Olivia remembered that she had told her she hated being called a princess; it reminded her too much of when her mother had called her that, when she still thought Alex was going to conform.

"My angel," Olivia amended. "My beautiful, smart, sexy angel."

"Angels shouldn't be sexy," Alex protested jokingly.

"Tell that to God," Olivia ran her hand along a toned thigh. "Because this body is definitely divine."

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Olivia held Alex lovingly, watching carefully as she finally fell to sleep. The tension that had been evident in Alex's face drained away, as she buried her face in her lover's front. "Sleep well, Alexandra," Olivia whispered.

Olivia was disappointed that Alex's peaceful sleep lasted for less than an hour. She heard her mumbling quietly, and panicked when, without warning, Alex bolted upright, gasping for air.

"Alex?" Olivia smoothed the hair from her face. "Baby, what's wrong?"

Alex blinked myopically, not seeming to understand where she was. After a moment, she relaxed, recognizing Olivia at last. "Nightmare," she said. "I'm sorry," she looked tired and defeated.

"You don't have to be sorry. Want to talk?" Olivia spoke quietly.

Alex shook her head, laying down once more. "No," she tried not to be snappish.

"Can I hold you?" Olivia didn't want to upset Alex any further.

Alex didn't speak, but moved over in the bed, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Shh," Olivia soothed. "Sleep now."

Alex's sleep was troubled and restless. She tried to keep still and not disturb Olivia, who had finally fallen to sleep. When Lily whimpered at 4am, Alex was almost relieved. She slid out of the bed carefully, switching off the baby monitor so Olivia wouldn't be disturbed.

As Alex lifted Lily out of the crib, and held the vulnerable infant to her front, she couldn't stifle a sob. She tried to imagine what life would be like without this small, precious bundle who had become the focus of her existence; _their_ existence. "I love you, baby girl," she whispered, rocking the child carefully.

After a diaper change, it became apparent that Lily was also hungry. Not wanting to wake Olivia for once, Alex carried Lily to the kitchen, where she warmed up a bottle of breast milk that Olivia had expressed. She carried the baby back to her room, and settled in the comforting leather chair. As she fed Lily, she shivered slightly, so she reached out and pulled the huge warm blanket from the back of the chair, wrapping it round them both.

Lily suckled contentedly, draining the bottle. Alex burped her, and knew she should put her back in her crib to sleep, but just couldn't resist keeping a hold of her. She watched as the tiny girl slept, so small, innocent and beautiful. "We'll always love you, Lily. No matter what," Alex promised her daughter.

Olivia awoke at just after 6am, and was concerned to find the space in the bed next to her empty and cold. She shrugged on a robe, and made her way to Lily's room, where she know she would find Alex. Her heart broke a little when she saw Alex's pale face, their daughter held securely in her loving arms.

Alex looked up as Olivia entered. Olivia didn't speak, she just knelt by the chair and kissed Alex softly on the lips. "Room for another?" she asked quietly.

Alex nodded, unable to fathom why she felt so tearful; she could barely control her emotions. She shifted to the side as Olivia slid in beside her. She moved the blanket so that it covered all three of them. Still holding Lily, Alex turned so that she could snuggle in Olivia's front.

"Try and sleep a little, Alex," Olivia whispered, her hand gentling her fiancée's cheek.


	9. Chapter 9

"I've replied," Alex sounded anxious. "To the letter."

"Carolyn's letter?" Olivia enquired.

"Yes. It's over there, on the side table."

"Want me to read it?" Olivia asked, as she fed Lily.

"Would you? Before I mail it? I just... I don't know... I don't want to get it wrong."

"Of course I'll read it honey," Olivia smiled as Alex handed her the sheet of paper and started to read.

_Dear Carolyn,_

_Thank you for your letter, and for letting me know what's happening._

_I am sorry things are difficult for you._

_You are right, we have a daughter now. Lily is perfect, healthy and beautiful, and has made us both so very happy._

_Sarah is doing well, and seems happy._

_Best wishes,_

_Alex_

"Is it okay?" Alex was uncharacteristically nervous.

"It's perfect, Alex. Are you okay?" Olivia sounded concerned.

"Should I ask her over?" Alex asked, ignoring her question.

Olivia shook her head. "I think it's a little early for that, don't you think? And I don't think we should do anything without Sarah's input. We should talk to her first."

"Shall we tell her when she comes back today? About the letter?"

"I think that would be good," Olivia said. "This has really shaken you, hasn't it sweetie?" she touched her hand affectionately.

"Yeah," Alex admitted. "I don't know why. I think, maybe, in a way it was good to be able to forget all about them, and just concentrate on my _real_ family. I kinda demonized them, I think."

"With good reason," Olivia spoke kindly.

Alex nodded. "Mom made me feel bad about being the person I am. I can't imagine," she smiled as Lily wrapped a pudgy fist round her finger, "_ever_ not loving Lily. There's no conceivable reason."

Olivia passed Lily over to her other mother, who accepted the child eagerly. "Your mom is wrong. She's plain wrong. We're going to make mistakes, parenting. Lots of them. But never one like that."

"I know," Alex whispered as she smiled at her daughter, who returned her smile with a gummy grin. "Remind me of today, when she's fourteen and smartmouthing us, huh?"

"I will," Olivia kissed Alex softly.

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Olivia heard the key turning in the lock later that same afternoon, smiling as Sarah came into the apartment. "Hi honey," Olivia called from the kitchen. "I hope you're in the mood for chilli tonight."

"Hey," Sarah replied, sticking her head around the door. "I'm always in the mood for your chilli. Can I help?"

"No, it's all in hand," Olivia smiled.

"I'll go say hi to Lily then, if she's awake?"

"She is, she's teasing her mom," Olivia said, "she keeps taking her glasses and smearing them with God only knows what."

Sarah grinned, and headed for the living room. Alex looked up from the floor, where she was lying with her knees up, balancing Lily against them. She smiled at her niece. "Hey, Sarah, you wanna take over?"

Sarah nodded, enthusiastically, sweeping Lily from her mother's arms. "Hey baby girl," she cooed, grimacing as Lily reached out and tried to grab her nose.

"She's real grabby today," Alex grinned, wiping her glasses on her shirt before replacing them. "Did you have a good time?"

"Great," Sarah smiled. "Jay says to say hi."

"Say hi back! And tell her she has to come to dinner," Alex nagged.

"She's coming Friday, if that's okay? She has to work during the day, but she should come off shift at 5pm. Would 6.30pm be alright? Then she can meet this one," she nuzzled Lily affectionately, "before she goes down for the night?"

"It's a date," Alex said.

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Sarah kept one arm wrapped firmly round Lily as she read both letters. She put them both down on the table. "I don't want to see her," she said in a quiet voice.

"You don't have to," Alex sat next her on the couch, placing a comforting hand on her back. "You don't ever have to. We just didn't want to keep this a secret. We wanted you to know that she'd made contact."

"Thank you," Sarah said. "I appreciate that. But I don't want to contact her."

Alex rubbed her hand up and down Sarah's spine. "You don't have to. It's okay, Sarah," she was aghast to see Sarah furiously blink away tears. "Sarah?"

Sarah look in her eyes, seeing only love and concern. "I don't want her anywhere near Jay. I don't want her to be a part of that. Of us. I couldn't bear it if she said anything, or tried to make Jay feel bad. Jay's so wonderful, Alex. But Mom would hate her. She's... well, she's not girlie. She's so beautiful, but doesn't wear make-up, or not much. And she's... well, athletic, I suppose..." Sarah tailed off.

"Soft butch?" Alex's voice was soft and kind.

Sarah nodded, dashing away her tears. "I guess so. I love her like that, but Mom hates that look. I've heard her ridiculing girls in the mall before. I don't want her to make Jay feel bad, or me feel bad for being with her."

Alex took Sarah's hand firmly between her own. "You should never feel bad for being with her. Never. Anyway," she winked, trying to break the tension, "all the smart lesbians are hooking up with soft butches. You should have seen Olivia the first time I set eyes on her; she was marching a perp along the corridor, she had the 'tough cop' routine down pat. She was wearing a leather jacket, her gun holstered at her hip, her badge clipped to the belt, I thought all my Christmases had come at once. And then," she grinned at the memory, "_then_ I saw her interrogating the bad guy. I could barely keep my eyes off her, to this day I have no idea what the captain was saying to me."

Sarah smiled. "Was that when you fell in love with her?"

Alex shook her head. "No," she replied. "I was incredibly attracted to her. I thought she was the hottest thing I had ever seen. It was later that day," she was startled to find her own eyes filling with tears. "I watched her interview a child. He was maybe four years old. She was so kind, so tender. I saw then what a good person she was. _Then_ I fell in love."

"Bullshit," Olivia joked as she entered the living room. "You just liked my boobs in those tight t-shirts."

"Busted!" Alex smiled.

"Are you okay, Sarah?" Olivia asked as she scooped Lily up from her arms.

"Yeah, I am. Thanks to you two. You _three_," she smiled at a wriggling Lily.

"I'm just gonna feed her, you want to give her her bath after that?" Olivia asked.

"Can I? Will she mind?" Sarah sounded eager.

"She'll love it," Olivia told her. "She loves her big sister. We won't do anything you don't want us to, Sarah," Olivia promised her. "And we'll tell you if we hear from your mom again."

"Thank you," Sarah replied, grateful for the kindness of her aunts.

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"I'm glad you told me," Jay took Sarah's hand as they walked in the park.

"Am I being mean, not wanting to contact her?" Sarah asked.

"I'm not the best person to give advice on that, I'm hardly impartial. I haven't seen my mother in nearly 20 years, and I plan to keep it that way. Your mom let you down, Sarah. If you don't want to see her, you don't have to. You aren't the one that caused this."

"I know. I just don't want to regret anything," Sarah admitted.

"You don't have to decide now," Jay spoke gently. "If she makes further contact, you can think about it then. Maybe she truly is sorry."

"I _have_ a family now. I don't need her. I have Alex and Olivia, and little Lily. And now I have you. I'm happier than I've ever been, and I don't have to hide who I am."

"Never hide who you are," Jay stopped on the path and looked deep into Sarah's eyes. "Who you are is... pretty damned perfect, from where I'm standing," she leant in for a soft kiss.

Sarah's heart melted at the tenderness of the kiss; soft, undemanding, and loving. She couldn't quite believe that this incredible, sexy woman was kissing her, looking at her as though she had won top prize. "You make me so happy," she whispered. "Can we go back to your apartment?"

"Of course we can, Sarah. Are you tired?" Jay sounded concerned.

Sarah smiled. "Not tired," she said, a slow smile spreading across her lips. "But it would be nice to go to bed..."

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"Five more days," Alex was glum.

"I know," Olivia kissed her. "We're going to miss you so much during the day, aren't we Lily?" she spoke to her daughter who was perched in her girlfriend's lap, enjoying the game of grabbing Alex's glasses from her nose and dropping them on the floor before her mother could stop her.

"I don't know how I'll be able to concentrate, knowing you two are here."

"You're going to love being back, Alex," Olivia smiled. "I know it's been wonderful here. I wouldn't swap the last six weeks for anything in the world, even with all the sleep deprivation. But you're a born prosecutor, ADA Cabot. The legal system needs you out there, kicking their asses in court."

Alex grinned. "It will be good to see people again. And court can be fun. There's nothing quite so satisfying as knocking one out of the park, getting one over on the defense. Though my favorite cop's not gonna be around for a while, that's going to take some of the fun out of it."

"I'll be back soon enough," Olivia said, thoughtfully.

"Have you thought much about it?" Alex wanted to know.

"A little," Olivia replied. "It's strange, what having this little one has done," she nibbled lovingly on Lily's pudgy fist. "In some ways, I never want to leave her. Not for one moment. But then I remember what the world is like out there. And I know I have to get back out there at some point. I know what I do doesn't make a great difference, but it we all felt like that, then we'd have anarchy."

"You do make a difference. A _real_ difference. You've had a direct impact on people's lives, Olivia. People like Lucy Stark. She would never have got this far without you," Alex reminded her.

Lucy Stark was a 14-year old who had been systematically raped by her step-grandfather since she was four. It was only because of Olivia's gentle handling of her when she had been caught joyriding that the story had come out, and the abuse finally halted. Lucy had relied totally on Olivia to give her the strength to tell her story to her mother, who, fortunately, had believed her.

"Poor Lucy," Olivia paled at the memory of the details the girl had finally gone into.

"At least it was you who talked to her, Liv. If it had been anyone else, she'd be locked up in Juvie for taking that car. You've given her her life back."

"I hope," Olivia blinked back tears. "When's the Grand Jury on her case?"

"Three weeks away. I'm meeting with her next Wednesday. Thanks to you, she trusts me now."

"She trusts you because she's a good judge of character," Olivia told Alex. She looked closely at Alex. "When Lily finishes nursing, we'll talk about when I should go back, even if it's part time, can we do that?"

"Any time you want. And we know Rosie has said she can take her for up to four days a week if we want her to. Gracie would love that," Alex said affectionately. "We should get them over for dinner some time, Melinda and Rosie. Maybe get Rebecca and John to come along too? We could go all out and get the guys from the squad room too."

"Great idea," Olivia agreed. "We'll wait until you're settled back at work, and then we'll organize something."

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"Hey, watcha doin'?" a sleepy Sarah rolled onto her back.

"Taking pictures," Jay's voice was low and lustful. "I found this beautiful woman in my bed," she reached out and ran a hand teasingly across Sarah's flat stomach, tweaking the sheet down to reveal a full, plump breast as she did. "It seemed a pity to waste the opportunity."

"Let me see," Sarah demanded, putting her hand out for the camera.

Jay laughed. "It's my SLR, not the digital. I'll develop the photos later, you can see then."

"Are they x-rated?" Sarah asked.

"No," Jay shook her head. "All decent. Just your face on the pillow. Did you know," she kissed her softly, "that you look like an angel when you sleep?"

"Only when I sleep?" Sarah teased.

"You'll always be my angel," Jay bantered back. "Though," she squeaked as she felt Sarah's hand make its way inside her thin robe, "there are times when you're my devil too..." she gasped, "leading me into temptation."

"Do you have photos of your exes anywhere?" Sarah asked, suddenly a little nervous.

Jay shook her head. "None in bed. I've never wanted to take photos in bed before. Is that okay, Sarah?" she was suddenly nervous that she had overstepped the mark.

"Everything you do is okay," Sarah reassured her. "I know you would never do anything I didn't like... in bed, or anywhere else. I trust you, Jay."

"Sorry," Jay said. "I just didn't want you to think I was... taking advantage. If you don't like the photos, I'll burn them."

"I think I'm going to love them. In fact," Sarah pulled Jay's robe down from her shoulders, as always thrilled by the sight of her neat breasts, "I think I'd like to borrow the camera," she cupped Jay's pierced breast and flicked her tongue teasingly over the dark bud, grinning as she felt Jay inhale sharply. "Can I?" she put her hand out.

Wordlessly, Jay passed the camera over.

Sarah slipped the strap around her neck, taunting Jay with her own nudity as she leaned forward to focus the camera on a close-up of Jay's straining nipple, firing off several shots.

Jay laughed as Sarah sat back on her heels, the large camera swinging between her ample breasts, a wide smile on her face.

"Your turn," Jay demanded, her hand 'accidentally' brushing Sarah's breast as she removed the camera from around her neck. She cupped the back of Sarah's head and drew her in for a kiss that was mind-blowing in its passion. She leant forward and closed her lips round a plump nipple, teasing it into a sharp peak. As Sarah moaned and started to push into Jay, Jay grinned and pulled back, aiming her camera, taking shot after shot.

She was still smiling when she placed the camera on the nightstand, and pulled Sarah to her. "Want to help me develop the pictures?"

Sarah nodded. "You bet," she breathed. "In a while," she tugged at Jay's robe. "Right now, I have plans for you."

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_**Thursday evening**_

"You look tired," Sarah said, as she passed Jay a plate of food.

"I'm fine," Jay said, "it's just been a long week. But it's nearly over, and I'm being spoiled, as my girlfriend has come over to cook for me. And it's a short shift tomorrow, 10am to 5pm. So it's all good."

"You should get an early night tonight," Sarah said, "catch up on your sleep."

"I'm definitely planning an early night," Jay winked, "but sleep isn't on the top of my list of priorities."

"Whatever can you mean?" Sarah pretended to be shocked.

"You just wait," Jay laughed. "You'll see _exactly_ what I mean!"

_**1.15am**_

Jay rolled off Sarah, her skin slick with sweat, a wide grin on her face.

Sarah smiled back at her. "So _that's_ what you meant."

Jay was already snuggling into her front. "I hope I made myself clear," she bantered, as she stifled a huge yawn.

"Sleep," Sarah ordered, loving the feel of Jay in her arms.

_**3.27am**_

Jay heard her cellphone ringing, and leapt out of bed, determined to find it before it woke Sarah. She spotted it on the floor and, grabbing her robe off the back of the door, stepped into the living room. She saw that it was her station commander.

"Kazinsky," she barked into the phone. "Sir? Of course. I'll get there as soon as I can. Twenty minutes, tops. Goodbye Sir."

She shut her eyes in despair, and ran a hand through her short hair. She looked up, to see Sarah standing in the doorway.

"Jay?" Sarah asked, sleepily.

"Big warehouse fire," Jay said apologetically. "I have to go in. You go back to bed, I'll just get showered."

Six minutes later, Jay emerged, fully dressed, her hair still wet from the shower. She saw Sarah standing in the kitchen. "Here," Sarah thrust a mug at her and a plate of toast. "Eat in the car. I'm driving you. No arguments," she said firmly. "I know you have to go in, but you need energy in your job, you've gotta have breakfast. It won't take any longer."

Jay was moved by her girlfriend's kindness. "Thank you," she said softly.

Sarah drove expertly, reaching the station house 11 minutes later. "Call me, or text, when you can, you swear?" she asked Jay.

"I will. And I'm still gonna make it to your apartment tonight, I can't wait to meet the family."

"Just be safe. Remember I love you."

Jay leaned over and kissed her. "I love you too. Now go back and get some sleep."

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_**6.15am Friday**_

"That huge warehouse blaze is still burning," Alex said as she drank her morning coffee. "I wonder if Jay's involved?"

"That wouldn't surprise me, they'll call everybody in from off-duty, I expect," Olivia said.

"I just hope she's careful if she is, it looks real dangerous."

_**11.20am**_

Sarah's phone beeped with a message from Jay.

_Still burning. Taking a break for lunch. Back out there in a half hour. Nobody's been hurt, thank goodness. Have a good day, and please don't worry. I still hope to make it tonight._

**Just be careful. Please don't worry about tonight, just take care of yourself.**

_**3.40pm**_

Sarah looked at her phone which had just vibrated.

_It's calming down now, at last. I should finish within the hour. I'll see you tonight, definitely. I love you._

**I love you too. You're my hero.**

Sarah smiled. She had hoped that Jay would be able to make it to dinner, and she was relieved that, at long last, it looked like her terribly long day would soon be over.

_**5.50pm**_

_I'm so sorry, I'll be a little late. I should make it just before 7pm. xxx_

**Please don't feel you have to come. Just go home and get some sleep, you must be exhausted.**

_I want to come. I can't wait to meet Lily! AND I'm hungry! I'll see you in about an hour. Don't worry, I'm fine._

_**6.45pm**_

"She'll be here soon," Sarah said to Alex, feeling strangely nervous. At that moment, her phone rang; she saw it was Jay calling.

"Hey," Sarah answered. "You okay?"

"I'm great," Jay told her. "I'm in a cab, on the way over. I'll be there in about five minutes. I just wanted to warn you, and to tell you not to worry. I had a couple of stitches," Jay heard Sarah's sharp inhalation. "But I'm fine," she said hurriedly. "Truly."

"What happened?" Sarah tried not to overreact.

"Falling wood," Jay said. "Seriously, I'm fine. I just wanted to call, so that you wouldn't panic when you saw me. I'm pulling up outside now."

"I'm coming out," Sarah strode to the door.

Jay was coming in the main doorway when Sarah saw her. She had a large bandage on her face just below the hairline, and a swollen eye that looked like it would turn into a real shiner. Sarah ran up to Jay, concern written all over her face.

Jay smiled at her. "It looks worse than it is, I swear," she kissed Sarah softly.

Sarah reached out and tenderly touched the skin surrounding the bandage. "Does it hurt?"

"Only a little," Jay lied. "I really am fine. Even more so now I'm with you," she leant in for another kiss, basking in the feel and taste of her. "I kept thinking about you today," she said.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you, too," Sarah admitted. "When I saw that fire on the tv, it looked so awful."

"We knew what we were doing; I know it looked bad, but we know how to deal with that sort of fire. It just takes a long time, even longer as our top priority is staying safe."

Sarah nodded, trying not to cry.

"Hey, baby," Jay cupped her chin lovingly. "I really am okay. This is minor. Comes with the job. It'll be all gone in a few days. They say it'll hardly scar, and the worst bit is just by my hairline. So you won't see it."

"I'll know it's there," Sarah's voice was small.

"Look at me, Sarah. I'm fine. I'm feeling good. And I'm looking forward to meeting your family. Are you going to let me in, or are we just going to stand in the hallway all night?" Jay smiled.

Sarah smiled back, and took her hand. "I'm sorry. Come in. They can't wait to meet you. And Lily is still up, having her diaper changed I think." She led Jay into the apartment, and smiled as Alex emerged from the kitchen, drying her hands on a towel. "Jay, this is Alex. Alex, Jay," Sarah said a little shyly.

Alex gave a wide smile, and drew Jay into a warm hug. "At last we meet!" she said affectionately. "I've heard a lot about you. Hey," she noticed her face, "are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Jay said, for what felt like the millionth time that evening. "Work accident," she smiled wryly. "It's so good to meet you, Sarah is always talking about you. And Lily and Olivia too, are they here?"

"We certainly are," Olivia smiled as she entered the room, Lily in her arms. "And now we've got a clean butt, we're completely presentable!" she winked.

"I hope you're talking about the baby," Jay grinned back, instantly liking the feisty brunette.

Olivia grinned back, and kissed Jay gently on her uninjured cheek. She looked at the dressing, and Jay's swelling eye. "Rough day?" she asked.

Jay nodded, grateful that she wasn't making a fuss. It was clear Olivia knew all about being hurt in the line of duty.

"Well it's great you're here now," Olivia smiled, "and we get to meet you at last."

"I'm real pleased to be here," Jay replied. "Sarah can't stop talking about Lily, and now I can see why," she smiled at the baby, who grinned back cheerfully.

"Can you two take her while I help Alex in the kitchen?" Olivia asked.

Sarah nodded, eagerly taking Lily from her.

"Can I bring you a beer, Jay? And you?" Olivia asked Sarah.

"A beer would be amazing," Jay said, as she sank into the couch; Sarah nodded her assent too.

Olivia came back from the kitchen, two bottles of beer in one hand, and an ice pack in the other. "I thought this might help," she said quietly to Jay.

"Thanks," Jay smiled appreciatively, wincing slightly as she applied the cold pack to her face. "That feels good."

Two and a half hours later, Lily was asleep and the four adults had all eaten. Jay felt her eyes get heavy as she sat on the couch, her appetite sated, and feeling surprisingly comfortable in the company of the two women she had only met that evening. She loved the warm, friendly atmosphere in the apartment, and she could tell that Sarah was completely happy there. After a while, she felt Sarah's arm slide round her shoulders and, unwittingly, snuggled into her girlfriend. Within a few minutes she was asleep.

Olivia felt for Jay, knowing only too well what it was like to be on duty for hours on very little sleep. They all kept their voices low, and about an hour later, Alex stood and stretched. "Time to turn in, I think," she said. "Sarah, why don't you ask Jay to stay tonight? She's clearly exhausted."

Tenderly, Sarah guided a still-almost-asleep Jay to her room, smiling at her puppy-like docility. Jay was so tired that she could barely stay awake as Sarah helped her into a pair of Olivia's warm pyjamas. "You sure this is okay?" Jay slurred her words a little as she lay down. "They won't mind?"

"It was Alex's idea. You're always welcome here. Now sleep," Sarah pulled her close.

_**Monday morning**_

"How do I look?" Alex was startled to find herself feeling nervous about going into the office.

"You look good enough to eat," Olivia said. "I'd forgotten how hot 'Counselor Cabot' is," she ran a finger teasingly down Alex's front.

"Not now, detective," Alex looked at her watch. "Much as I'd like to. Hell, I'd love to. But I have to go. I can't be late on my first day back. Text me, if you need me for anything. Or even just to talk."

"We'll be fine," Olivia hitched the baby up in her arms. "Won't we, Lily-bean?"

"I hate leaving you," Alex was somber.

"I know. But you'll love it when you get there. Give 'em hell, counselor."

"I will," Alex grinned.

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_**6.30pm**_

Olivia heard the key in the lock; she strode to the door, her face breaking into a wide smile as Alex came in. "You're early," she said.

"I missed you," Alex said simply. "Both of you. So I brought paperwork home," she placed her briefcase on the floor. "Let me hold her," she nodded at Lily.

"Go change out of your good clothes," Olivia instructed. "She's real dribbly today. Then you can hold her as long as you want."

Alex returned a moments later, wearing her old jeans and a t-shirt. She kissed Olivia deeply. "I can't believe I forgot to do that when I came in," she said. "How are you Liv? Did you have a good day?" she asked, as she scooped Lily from her arms. "And you, Lily? Were you a good girl for your mama?"

"We had a great day. We missed you though, didn't we Lily? How was your day Alex? Was it good to be back?"

"It was," Alex smiled. "When I could get my mind on the job. They've brought Lucy's Grand Jury testimony forward, it's going to be next week, Wednesday."

"That's good, the earlier it's over, the quicker she can start to recover," Olivia replied.

"It seems worse, now," Alex said in a quiet voice, cradling the baby to her front. "Now we have Lily. It just makes me wonder how people can do these things. And I realize, if anyone tried to hurt Lily, I could kill. I never knew that about myself. I don't like it."

Olivia put her arms round them both. "Nobody's going to hurt our little girl. Ever," she said.

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	10. Chapter 10

The first ten days back at work were like a whirlwind for Alex. By Tuesday evening the following week, she was exhausted. She didn't get home until nearly 10pm that night, and tried to slip in quietly so as not to wake anyone. As she came in, though, she saw a light under Lily's door. She let herself into the room, and saw Olivia in the leather armchair, Lily almost asleep in her arms, Olivia's nipple in her mouth.

"Hey," Alex spoke quietly. "All okay here?"

Olivia looked tense. "She's got a little fever," she said. "Rebecca says there's a bug going around. Bethan had it last week."

Alex looked and saw that her daughter's face was flushed, and realized that she was a little more snuffly than usual. "What can we do?"

"Not much," Olivia said. "I've given her Calpol. Rebecca says if her fever's not gone by tomorrow to let the doctor take a look. Bethan had it quite badly, she says it was a difficult few days."

"But Bethan's fine now, right?" Alex asked.

"She is. And you'll be feeling much better soon too, peanut," Olivia kissed the top of her daughter's head. She looked up. "How was your day? You look shattered," she said gently to Alex. "You should get some sleep."

"Thanks very much!" Alex laughed, and then yawned. "I'm fine, it's just been a long day. But we have everything prepped for Lucy's Grand Jury testimony tomorrow. Let me just get changed, I'll take over here."

Olivia shook her head. "The only thing you're getting changed into is pajamas. We're fine here, aren't we Lily? I don't want you to be tired tomorrow Alex. This is so important for Lucy," she looked pleadingly at her lover.

Alex hesitated, and then nodded. "Okay," she kissed Olivia tenderly. "But you call me if you need me, you swear?"

"I swear. She's nearly asleep now. Go to bed, I'll be there soon."

It was just before midnight that Alex felt Olivia slide into the bed next to her. She smiled even in her sleep, and turned and buried her face in Olivia's front.

Three hours later, Alex turned in the bed, and realized she was alone. She shrugged on her robe and went to Lily's room. She saw Olivia holding Lily, her mouth at her breast.

"She hungry?" Alex asked quietly.

Olivia shook her head. "Not really, just comfort I think."

"How's her fever?"

"Still there. The doctor's office opens at 7am, I think I'll take her in."

"I'm coming with you," Alex stated. She put a hand up to stall Olivia's objection. "The Grand Jury isn't until 10.30am. I have plenty of time. I'll drive you."

Olivia nodded. "Thank you, Alexandra," she looked down anxiously as Lily whimpered. "Go back to sleep now, though, huh? For Lucy?"

"Okay," Alex was reluctant. "Call me? I'll leave the monitor switched on."

"We will if we need you, I swear."

Alex rose again at just after 6am, heading straight for Lily's room. Olivia looked utterly exhausted, the baby still clamped to her breast. She looked up as Alex came into the room.

Alex took one looked at the whimpering child. "She's worse?"

"A little, I think," she placed her hand on the baby's forehead. "You're having a rough time, aren't you Lily?"

Lily whimpered under her touch.

"I'll get some clothes on, then you can dress and we'll take her right in," Alex said soothingly. "We'll get you all better, baby."

Alex was back in three minutes, dressed in jeans and a loose shirt.

"I'll take her," she said gently to Olivia.

Olivia placed her hand behind Lily's head, and was just about to pass her over when Lily moaned and vomited suddenly, regurgitating a stomachful of milk onto Olivia's front. Lily set up a high-pitched wail.

"Oh baby, it's alright," Alex knelt by her head, stroking her cheek soothingly. "We're gonna get you to the doctor, they'll fix you right up." She looked at Olivia, who was distraught. Alex grabbed a towel from the side and wiped Olivia down as best she could. "You go shower, Liv; I'll get her cleaned up, and we'll be ready to go."

Two hours later, the small family was back in the apartment. The doctor had diagnosed Lily with a bug that seemed to be rife in the city, and had prescribed her fever-reducing suppositories to be given every three hours. Already, the first one seemed to be taking hold, and Lily was finally asleep in Alex's arms.

"You _have_ to go, Alexandra," Olivia was shattered, but knew how important it was for everyone that Lucy Stark's Grand Jury testimony went ahead, and the traumatized teenager would need Alex there for her. "Please, honey? We'll be okay. And you'll be back here by lunchtime."

Alex hated the dilemma, but knew in her heart of hearts that Olivia was right. "I'll be back the minute I can," she handed over Lily.

_**1.20pm**_

"How did it go?" Olivia looked up as Alex entered the room.

The first thing Alex noticed was the deep shading under Olivia's eyes; her lover had been awake for nearly 30 hours now. Second, she saw that Lily was asleep in Olivia's embrace.

"It was good, she did really well. How's Lily?"

"Still feeling lousy, I think. She got real restless, but I gave her her second suppository an hour ago, and she's settled down again."

"Did she get sick again?" Alex asked.

"Not since she threw up in the doctor's office," Olivia sounded relieved. "I called Rebecca, just to ask her what it was like with Bethan. She says she'll likely get sick again, but that it's normal. She says Bethan was feverish for nearly three days, and that she couldn't keep anything down. She advised giving her rehydration salts if she throws up again."

"I don't think we have any," Alex said.

"I got the pharmacy to deliver," Olivia nodded to the side table. "And I got her to drink a little. We just have to keep trying."

"Let me just get out of these clothes," Alex said. "Then you are going to get some sleep Liv. Lily and I will be fine."

Olivia slept for nearly five hours, sitting bolt upright when she awoke and realized how long she had been away from Lily. She looked into Lily's room, and saw Alex holding her tenderly. Lily was restless and whimpering a little. Alex looked tense.

"She got sick again," Alex kept her voice low. "But I managed to get her to drink a little of the salts. She slept after that. She's due some medicine soon, so she's not feeling so good right now."

Alex passed Lily over to Olivia for a small feed, and because Lily was comforted by Olivia's breast. Once she was done, Alex took her back and changed her diaper, inserting a suppository as she did. She took her back into her arms, and soon the baby was asleep.

Olivia's heart twisted when she saw how Alex was with their sick child. She had always known how caring Alex was, but now, watching her tending lovingly to the baby, she wanted to cry. "I love you Alex," she kissed her softly.

"I love you too, Liv," Alex said. "I love you both. Please try and sleep some more for me, huh? You can take over later if you want."

In the event, Alex didn't surrender Lily, but held her all day and most of the night, tending to her lovingly. At 9pm, Olivia squeezed onto the chair with the two most important people in her life, her hand on Lily's back. Alex laid her forehead against Olivia's, and smiled tiredly. "So this is parenting, huh?"

"Looks like it is, baby. She'll be okay, won't you Lily?" Olivia whispered. "She looks a little better."

Eventually, at just over 5am the next morning, Lily's fever broke.

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After Lily had slept peacefully for nearly four hours, and was showing no sign of waking, Olivia finally persuaded Alex to go to bed. She looked in on her after fifteen minutes, and saw that she was already deeply asleep. She had hated seeing Lily so sick, but her heart had been filled with love at the sight of Alex tending to her so sweetly, with no thought of her own self.

So Olivia was saddened, but not surprised, when she got a call in the middle of the following Tuesday morning from Alex's assistant Louanne, telling her that Alex was sick and that she was bringing her home. Just over a half hour later, Olivia heard the doorbell ring, and she opened the door to see the kind, matronly Louanne with her arm round Alex's waist. Alex looked white as milk.

"I _have_ a key," Alex was saying crossly, as she searched fruitlessly in her pocket.

"Olivia doesn't mind coming to the door," Louanne kept her voice even; she knew how snappy Alex could be when she was sick.

Olivia reached out and took Alex from Louanne's grip, startled to feel Alex sway a little. "Thank you," she mouthed at Louanne, who smiled and gave a little wave as she left.

"Call me if you need anything," Louanne said over her shoulder.

"I'm okay," Alex said. "I don't need help," she sounded pissed.

Olivia loosened her hold on Alex's waist, but immediately regretted it as Alex paled further and grasped the back of a chair. Olivia took her more firmly. "Humor me," she said.

Alex leaned gratefully into Olivia. "I'm sorry; I get bitchy when I'm sick. That's something you didn't know about me," she tried to smile.

"It's allowed," Olivia smiled. "You look awful Alex," she said softly, as she helped her sit on the bed.

Alex nodded. "Yeah," she said weakly. "How's Lily?"

"She's in her room, playing in her crib. I expect you'll hear her real soon," Olivia said. "She's full of energy today."

"Tha's good," Alex's head was drooping already. "She's all better then."

"She's great; I'm just sorry she gave it to you," Olivia helped Alex out of her jacket.

"S'long as she's okay," Alex rubbed her temples.

"Headache?" Olivia asked. "How bad?"

"Bad," Alex swallowed painfully.

"I'll get you some Tylenol," Olivia skilfully unzipped Alex's pants and pulled them down her slender legs.

"'kay," Alex shivered, involuntarily.

Olivia grabbed a blanket from the bed, and wrapped it round Alex's shoulders. "I'll be right back," she promised, sprinting to the kitchen for a glass of water and some Tylenol that they kept in a high cupboard.

As she headed back to the bedroom, she heard the main door to the apartment opening. "Hi," Sarah said. "Are you okay?" she gestured to the pills and water in Olivia's hand.

"It's Alex," Olivia sounded worried. "She caught Lily's bug."

"Oh God, poor Alex," Sarah sympathized.

"What are you doing here at this time?" Olivia asked her.

"I was just going to dump my books before I meet Jay for lunch," Jay replied, and then heard a cry from Lily's room. She made a quick decision. "I've got her," she put a reassuring hand on Olivia's arm. "I'll call Jay, we'll take Lily to the park, get lunch at a café there. Lily loves the park."

"Oh that's great, thank you," Olivia said. "Are you sure Jay won't mind?" she asked.

"She'll love it," Sarah says. "She's totally fallen for Lily. I swear she'd rather spend time with her than with me. Your daughter is a heartbreaker!" she smiled.

"I really appreciate it," Olivia said. "Do you think you could call the doctor too, for Alex? She looks awful, Sarah."

"Of course," Sarah said. "Go to her, I'll handle things here."

Olivia went back to the bedroom, the pills and water in her hand, but Alex was not sitting on the bed where she had left her. She set her burden down, hearing a low moan coming from the en suite bathroom. "Oh Alex," her heart broke when she saw her lover, crouching, shivering on the floor of the bathroom, clutching the bowl of the toilet. She put a hand to her forehead, feeling the fever burning in her. "Alexandra?" she spoke quietly.

Alex moaned and dry heaved. "Wanna be sick," she whispered. "But nothing...," she gagged again, spitting very little into the bowl. "Hurts," a single tear tracked down her pale face.

"Let's get you back to bed," Olivia said softly. "I'll get a basin, so if..." she felt Alex's body convulse again, as she fought for control.

"No," Alex panted. "I need... oh God," she whimpered.

"Okay, honey, it's okay. Try not to panic. I know it's awful. It won't last long, Alex," she rubbed her back, feeling the shirt damp under her palm. "Wait there, baby."

In a moment, she was back, with Alex's robe. Carefully she peeled the sodden shirt from Alex, and unhooked her bra, so that she was sitting there in just her panties. She took a warm towel and dried her off swiftly, guiding her arms into the fluffy robe. "We need to keep you warm," she told her. Olivia took a washcloth and ran it under the hot faucet. She wiped Alex's face, hoping it would make her feel better. Alex closed her eyes, leaning her head into Olivia's supporting hands.

"Think you can get up now?" Olivia asked.

"No... I'm... oh God, Liv, help me, I'm..." Alex could feel her stomach churning. She jerked forward, just in time as her breakfast landed in the bowl.

"That's it," Olivia put her hand to Alex's forehead, startled by the heat she felt there. "Good girl. And again, huh?" she grimaced as she felt Alex's body convulse again. "Once more? Think you're done? No? Okay. It's alright, baby, you can do it. Just try to relax. Breathe deeply. Don't force it. Good girl. That's it, there, that's good Lex. And again? That's it, you're doing well. Try to relax. It's over now. You'll start to feel better soon."

Alex's eyes were half closed, and her head was nodding as she strove to remain conscious.

"C'mon, baby, we're gonna get you into bed. And then the doctor'll be here soon, give you some magic pills."

Olivia half-carried Alex back to the bed, concerned at how quickly her fever was rising. She noticed gratefully that Sarah had left a basin by the bed. "Okay, honey, in you go. I'll just check when the doctor's coming, be right back."

Olivia was back in a moment. She slid onto the bed next to Alex, holding her close. "She'll be here in a half hour, honey. Just try and rest."

Alex moved closer to Olivia, resting her pounding, sweaty head on Olivia's thigh. She felt Olivia's hand tangle in her damp hair, resting on her forehead. "Sorry," Alex mumbled.

Olivia smiled. "It's okay, Alex. It'll all be over soon," she whispered.

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Olivia was grateful to Sarah and Jay for taking charge of Lily, as she tended to Alex. The doctor visited, and prescribed similar medications to that which Lily had had, only in adult strength. Jay had arrived by then, so insisted on going to the pharmacy to get the prescription filled while Sarah played with Lily. By early afternoon, Alex was sleeping, though even in her sleep she became very distressed if Olivia left her even for a moment.

So Olivia stayed in bed with Alex as much as she could. She emerged from the bedroom at 6pm to check on her daughter. She looked into the living room, where Sarah sat on one end of the couch reading one of her college books. At the other end, Jay sat crossed legged, little Lily in her lap, playing with her and making soft, silly noises. Olivia heard Lily's giggle as soon as she looked into the room, and she just stood watching the idyllic scene for about 15 seconds before she made her presence felt.

Jay smiled widely as Olivia came fully into the room, and for a brief moment, Olivia could see exactly why Sarah had fallen for her. Not being a willowy blonde, she was not Olivia's 'type' at all, but she was strikingly beautiful, and her open, friendly nature made her quite enchanting. And Lily loved her, and Olivia knew Lily was a great judge of character.

"How is she?" Sarah looked up from her book, a concerned expression on her face.

"She's having a rough time," Olivia admitted. "She'll be okay. She's sleeping now. I'm hoping her fever will break soon. You want me to take over?" she nodded over at Lily.

"No!" Jay said humorously. "I'm keeping her. I'm gonna take her home with me," she smiled softly. "Seriously, we're doing fine here. Just tell us what her schedule is, and we'll make sure she follows it."

"Did she eat?" Olivia asked.

"She had a bottle at 5pm, she seemed hungry," Sarah said.

"That's perfect," Olivia said. "I'll come out and feed her myself at 8pm, then maybe you could give her a bath and put her to bed? Is that okay? You two want to go out, surely?"

"We're staying here," Sarah was firm. "We'll be here all night, so you don't have to worry about Lily."

"Sarah's promised to cook," Jay winked. "So I'm not going anywhere. She's a hell of a cook."

"Did you eat yet?" Sarah asked Olivia.

"Not yet," Olivia realized she was starving.

"I'll call you when it's ready," Sarah promised. "And I'll sit with Alex while you eat."

"You're a lifesaver," Olivia said. "Both of you," she smiled at Jay, her hand gentling Lily's cheek. "You gotta new friend there, huh, Lily? You be a good girl for her. We want her to come back."

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Alex passed a miserable night, burning with fever, yet unable to get warm, the cold seeping into her bones and making feel that she just wanted to die. She clung to Olivia as a drowning person clings to a liferaft, only feeling safe with Olivia's arms around her. Every three hours, Olivia gave her fever-reducers, which worked for little more than an hour. She persuaded her to take sips of rehydration salts, but often as not they just came right back up again.

By the time morning came, both women were exhausted. Olivia stuck her head outside the bedroom door, to see Jay sitting on the floor, playing peek-a-boo with Lily, who was propped up between Sarah's crossed legs opposite her. Lily's laugh lifted Olivia's spirits.

Olivia fed Lily and returned to a thankfully sleeping Alex.

At midday, Alex's fever broke, and she was finally able to get some proper rest. Olivia went out to check on the rest of the family, spotting a note on the table.

_Lily wants to get some driving practice, so she's taking us out to lunch. Don't worry, we'll make sure we put her seat near enough for her to reach the steering wheel._

_We'll be at Jay's dad's for an hour, if you need us. He wanted to meet Lily, and he makes a great lasagne. We'll be back in time for you to give Lily her 3pm feed if you want to, if not don't worry, there are still three bottles in the fridge. My cell is on if you need to call._

_Hope Alex is doing better._

_Sarah_

_xx_

Olivia smiled. Jay was really becoming one of the family. They would have to invite her father over for dinner some time. Sarah had told her how much she liked him, and Olivia wanted Lily to have as much extended family as possible. She had felt so isolated as a child, she always wanted Lily to have someplace to go, even if it was only to complain about how awful her mothers were.

Olivia had a quick sandwich and went back into the bedroom, where Alex hadn't moved even an inch. She sidled in next to her, checking her temperature with the back of her hand, feeling relief that it had fallen again.

She settled down to sleep for a couple of hours, holding Alex tight. She kissed the top of her head.

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Alex slept solidly for the next two days, only emerging from her slumbers to use the bathroom and to take sips of water. It was nearly a week before she could keep food down, and Olivia was so relieved that she was at last on the road to recovery.

Jay stayed at the apartment for three nights, only leaving when she had to go back on duty at the fire station.

"Tell Jay I'm so grateful," Olivia said to Sarah. "To both of you. It would have been awful, having to take care of them both."

"We were pleased to do it," Sarah told her. "It was the very least I could do, after everything you have done for me. And Lily's such great company. She barely cried. And I told you, Jay is in love. I think I may have lost her to a younger woman..." she grinned.

"We must have her dad over for dinner some time. There's only two steps outside the apartment, I'm sure we could get a ramp."

"He'll be fine for two steps, he can stand for short periods, so it won't be a problem. That would be great. You'll love him, he's so funny. And Jay's funny when she's with him, he's always trying to tell stories about her, and she's always trying to stop him."

"A proud father," Olivia felt a sudden lump in her throat, thinking of all she had missed out on.

"He really is," Sarah agreed.

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Alex went back to work after a break of ten days; she was still a little pale, but she was determined to get back, so Olivia didn't argue. She did call her several times during the day, but Alex knew that was only because she cared. When she got home after that first night, Alex's heart melted when she saw that Olivia had cooked a special meal for her, followed by a candlelit bath for the pair of them.

As Alex relaxed back into Olivia's arms in the tub, her hands trailing in the scented water, she almost hummed with pleasure. She turned in Olivia's embrace to kiss her. "I love you so much," she whispered.

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The next day, Alex opened the mail without paying attention to the handwriting on the envelope. A check fluttered out. Her blood went cold for an instant when she realized what it was.

_Dear Alex,_

_Thank you for replying. I know I can't expect too much, certainly not yet. I still haven't had the courage to write to Sarah direct. I would, however, like to do my duty as regards her schooling. It was wrong of me to let you pay for her. _

_I do so hope you are all well and happy._

_Carolyn._

"Alex?" Olivia picked up the check and looked at it.

"She can't do this," Alex's voice was hard and cold. "She can't decide now that she wants to a mom. If she had had her way, Sarah would never have been able to stay at school. I don't want her money."

"So we won't take it," Olivia said in a quiet voice. "We'll do whatever you need, Alex."

"We should tell Sarah, though," Alex was anguished. She didn't want to cause her niece any further distress; ideally, she would have preferred that Carolyn had never made contact. "I promised her we'd tell her if she contacted us again."

"I promised too," Olivia said. "We'll let her see the letter. She's old enough. And it _is_ an overture, Alex. Maybe Sarah will want to forge some sort of relationship with her mother. We have to be prepared for that."

Alex looked up at Olivia. She nodded. "I don't want her to leave," her voice was small. "I don't want her to go back there."

"I don't think she'll want to. And if she _does_ decide to leave, I don't think it'll be to live with her mother," Olivia smiled. "She's much more likely to move in with the hot firefighter, don't you think?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah. I just love her being part of our family, I don't want to lose that."

"You never will, Alexandra; she loves you. She loves us all. She especially loves Lily."

"_Everyone_ loves Lily," Alex tried to cheer up.

"Of course they do. She's your daughter; she's beautiful."

"She wasn't beautiful when she needed a 4am diaper," Alex remembered with a grin.

"Hey, I _did_ that one," Olivia pouted. It had become a long-running joke that Olivia never changed Lily's diaper, a rumor that in fact had no basis in truth. But the idea that Alex was there just to scoop poop amused them, so they both played up to the tale.

"I know," Alex grinned. "I gotta go," she said, regretfully. "I'd rather spend the day here. Ideally in bed with you," she slid a hand inside Olivia's robe, and pulled her nightshirt to one side so that she could caress the naked flesh of a rounded breast.

Olivia whimpered with pleasure. "Sarah's staying with Jay tonight. We'll get an early night, huh? No interruptions."

"Tell that to your daughter," Alex smiled, as she reluctantly withdrew her hand.

"I'll make sure Lily's up with the programme," Olivia grinned. "What time can you get back?"

"Shouldn't be late today, 6pm? I'll try anyway."

"That would be perfect. You can play with Lily for an hour after dinner, and put her to bed. Then you can put _me_ to bed," Olivia's voice was seductive.

"It's a date."

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The next few months went by without incident. Jay's father came over for dinner, and they all had a hilarious evening, watching Jay blush at his tall tales.

Lily seemed to be growing at an alarming rate, but she remained sweet tempered, quick to laugh and full of joy. By the time she was five months old, she was down to two feeds a day from Olivia, as she ate ever more solid food and drank formula milk. Olivia was a little saddened to feel her milk supply falling off, but she knew that Lily would stop feeding from her when she was ready. Lily was still happiest when in the arms of one of her mothers, and loved to snuggle at any opportunity.

"She's definitely your daughter," Olivia laughed as Lily fell to sleep, cushioned on her ample breasts.

"She's the smartest kid on the block," Alex teased. "She knows all the best places to sleep."

Olivia and Alex started discussing a return to work for Olivia. They provisionally agreed that they would try to arrange it so that they both worked a four-day week, so that Lily would only need taking care of three days a week. Their friend Rosie, Melinda Warner's long-term girlfriend, would take Lily for those days, which would thrill Olivia's eight-year-old goddaughter Gracie.

"When she stops feeding," Olivia stipulated. "I don't want to force her to stop before she's ready."

"Whatever you want, honey," Alex agreed, kissing her tenderly.

Olivia spoke to Cragen, who told her that he would be thrilled to have her back for as many days a week as suited her. Elliot was also relieved, having had a slew of temporary partners.

One Friday night, Olivia snuggled up to Alex on the couch and fell to sleep in her arms, as Alex read a book. So it was Alex who picked up Olivia's cellphone when it started to ring.

"Hello?" she said quietly, trying not to disturb her lover.

"Liv?" Elliot's voice was tinny.

"It's me, Alex, Elliot. She's asleep, want me to wake her? Is it important?"

"It is," Elliot replied. "I need her help. Can you give her a shake?"

"M'awake," Olivia mumbled as Alex stroked her face gently.

"It's Elliot, baby," Alex handed the phone over.

"I need your help," Elliot told Olivia. "I need you to come to the hospital, talk to a victim."

"Why me?" Olivia asked.

"Please Liv, trust me on this one. I need you here."

"I'll be there in 20 minutes, meet me at Reception?"

"See you then Olivia. And thanks," Elliot rang off.

Olivia was suddenly fully awake. "Gotta go," she kissed Alex as she disentangled herself from the couch. "Elliot says it's important."

"You're not even back on the clock yet," Alex said.

"I know, honey. But he wouldn't have called if he didn't need me. I'll call, okay?"

"'kay," Alex was disappointed. "Be careful out there."

"I swear. It's only talking to a victim at the hospital," Olivia was clipping her badge on her belt, reaching for the key for the lock box where she had been keeping her gun since the arrival of Lily. She took her handcuffs out of a drawer.

"Call me?" Alex asked, as Olivia headed for the door.

"If I can," Olivia promised.

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"How come you need me?" Olivia asked Elliot as soon as she spotted him in the hospital corridor.

Elliot looked her right in the eye. "It's Alex's sister," he said, putting a gentle hand on her arm.

"Carolyn?" Olivia paled. "What the hell happened, Elliot?"

"That's what we need to find out," he told her. "He did a real number on her. He left her for dead, she's been on the roof since last night, Warner thinks."

"Will she make it?"

"They hope so. She's been badly beaten, and she's running a fever, likely due to the extended exposure. I thought you'd want to be here," he said.

"I do. Thank you. Rape kit?" she hated saying the words.

"Done; I think they got some fluids, and there's definite tearing and bruising. This is a rape case, no doubt."

Olivia's blood ran cold. How was she going to tell Alex?


	11. Chapter 11

Olivia stepped into the private room. Even though she was more used than anyone should be to seeing rape victims, she was still horrified by the sight in front of her.

The last time she had seen Carolyn, the word 'frail' would never have crossed her mind. But the victim in front of her bore scant resemblance to the furious woman she had seen in Alex's lawyer's office. There were tubes everywhere, and the bruising on her face alone was horrific. A nasal cannula fed oxygen to the patient, whose breathing was stentorian. She moaned intermittently, and sweat rolled down her face.

"Can't you do something for her?" Olivia spoke more sharply than she had intended to the nurse.

The nurse shook her head sadly. "She has a real bad concussion, so we can't give her any painkillers until the morning."

"Nothing?" Olivia was aghast. "But you can see how distressed she is!"

"I'm sorry," the nurse's tone was kind. "I know it's awful, but her system can't take the drugs right now."

Olivia nodded. "I'm sorry," she said.

The nurse smiled. "It's okay. Are you a friend? I thought you were from SVU."

"I am from SVU," Olivia said. "Though I do know her. Not well."

"Sit with her, it might help her to settle," the nurse said.

Olivia nodded again. She knew Carolyn had despised her, but she had made overtures recently, even though, she remembered with shame, they had not replied to her last letter. Carolyn moaned again; instinctively, Olivia sat in the chair by the bed and took up her hand. "It's over now," she said reassuringly. "It's all going to be alright. You're safe, Carolyn. He can't hurt you any more."

Olivia sat by Carolyn's side for over an hour, realizing that she wasn't going to get any sense out of her at least until the morning, if not later. She was unconscious, and her fever raged. Olivia alternated between holding her hand reassuringly and wiping her brow with a cold cloth. She just hoped the hefty dose of antibiotics she was on would soon take hold.

Olivia looked at her watch; 11pm. She debated with herself as to the best course of action. She thought about what Alex would want, what she would really want, and she knew that it was not just to be protected.

"I can go get her?" Elliot was one step ahead, knowing what Olivia would be thinking. "I'll take Munch, he can stay with Lily, unless Sarah's there?

Olivia shook her head. "Sarah's out for the night. Would you do that? I'll call Alex just before you get there, so that she's prepared. She'll want to come, I'm sure, but I really don't want her to drive after a shock like that."

Elliot put his hand on her arm. "I'll leave now. I'll get Munch to call you when we're five minutes away from your apartment."

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Sarah didn't get to Jay's until nearly 9pm that evening, having been caught up in a frenzy of seminars and studying. As she approached the apartment, her hand closed over the key that Jay had given her only the week before, and she smiled. She loved that Jay trusted her enough with the key to her apartment, and she swore to herself that she would never give Jay reason to regret taking that momentous step.

Sarah opened the door, and saw that the lights in the small apartment were down low. She saw Jay sitting in an armchair, nursing a glass of whisky, which surprised her as Jay never drank alone. "Hey," she called softly, her heart filling when she saw the look of genuine pleasure on Jay's face.

Jay leapt up from the chair and approached Sarah, taking her in her arms and kissing her. "Hey," she pushed a strand of hair behind Sarah's ear. "I thought you weren't coming."

"I'm so sorry," Sarah told her. "It went on real late, and then my phone ran out of juice. Is this okay?"

Jay nodded, suddenly almost tearful. "Of course it's okay. I'm so pleased you came." She took Sarah's hand and brought it to her lips. "I love it when you're here."

"Jay?" Sarah was concerned at the emotion that Jay was trying to hide. "What is it? What's happened?"

Jay shook her head. "Nothing happened," her voice cracked. "I just want to be with you."

Sarah took her face in both hands and kissed her softly. "You _are_ with me, baby," she whispered. "But something's upset you. Please tell me?"

"I'm okay," Jay lied. "And nothing happened, I swear. It's just … today … it's kinda like an anniversary."

Sarah smiled. "You mean with tomorrow being your birthday?"

"No. Not that. Well, maybe. You don't need to hear this. Let's just cuddle," Jay tried to backtrack.

Sarah drew her to the couch, pushing her gently onto the soft seat and sitting next to her. She grabbed a cushion and put it on her lap. "Lie down here," she said. "Let me hold you, while you tell me. Because you _are_ going to tell me. I want to help, Jay."

"You have already helped, more than you can ever know," Jay lay down, finally feeling able to breathe freely as Sarah's hand gentled her, toying with her short, soft hair.

"Tell me," Sarah spoke softly.

"It was two years ago today," Jay's voice hitched.

"This is about her, isn't it?" Sarah asked. "Your ex?"

Jay nodded. "I should have told you about her before now. I just didn't want her to have anything to do with us." She turned in Sarah's lap to look up at her. "You do know you mean more to me than she ever did? Than anyone ever has?"

Sarah stroked her cheek. "I do. And nothing you say will stop me feeling the very same way about you."

"It's not a pretty story," Jay said.

"Just tell me, baby," Sarah's voice was kind and unthreatening.

"She... Katarina... she wasn't a good person. I didn't know that. I thought I was in love with her. I should have listened to Pop, he told me from the beginning that she was a user. But I didn't want to believe him, so I just ignored him. And when Kat needed money, she told me she needed to borrow $200, just for a couple of weeks, I didn't hesitate. I was stupid, I know. I should never have trusted her."

"You _have_ to trust, if you want a relationship," Sarah said. "Or there's no point."

"That's what I thought. I never imagined she'd stiff me. And I know I should never have given her my banking details. She went online, and she cleaned me out. Not that there was much to take. But it was my life savings."

"How much?" Sarah was appalled.

"$8,000, give or take. She was never going to retire on it, but it was all I had. But it was worse, losing her. I found out she'd been cheating on me all along. So I went to her apartment to confront her."

"Two years ago?"

Jay nodded. "It was awful," she whispered. "She said such terrible things."

"Oh Jay, I'm so sorry. Did you ever get your money back?" Sarah asked.

Jay shook her head, trying to hold herself together. Sarah could feel her shaking, and she drew the warm comforter over her. "No," she whispered. "I didn't care about the money. She took more from me than money."

Sarah rocked her gently, caressing her lovingly.

"I had a breakdown," Jay said in a tiny voice. "Pop had to put me back together."

"Tell me what happened," Sarah tried to keep the fury from her voice.

"I never told anyone. Not the whole story. I couldn't. It was Vanessa who found me. I was throwing up in the bathroom of the coffee shop. She called my Dad, and he got a cab, came to get me. Vanessa went with him. I had just lost it."

"Jay?"

"They thought it was just the shock of losing her. And it was, in a way. The shock of losing faith, and love. And my reason for living. But it was worse than that," Jay's breathing started to quicken as the horror of that night came back to her."

"You can tell me," Sarah pressed a kiss to her brow.

"She assaulted me," Jay whispered. "When I went to see her. Two years ago today."

"What do you mean?" Sarah's blood ran cold. "How did she assault you?"

"Sexually. She attacked me," Jay tried to control her breathing, but was becoming panicked. "She pinned me against the wall... I tried to fight back, but she was stronger. And I couldn't believe what was happening. It was hard," she was crying now, "I should have fought harder. I should have gotten away. But I had loved her," her breathing was unsteady, "I didn't know _how_ to fight her. To hit her. I wish I had. I wish I had," Jay struggled not to hyperventilate.

"Jay," Sarah's tone was loving. "Olivia doesn't often talk about her job. But the one thing she has told me, and it's important, is that the victim has only one job. And that is to survive. And you did that. That's all that matters."

"It gets worse," Jay was inconsolable. "I...," she could barely speak through the wracking sobs, "I... oh God..."

Sarah held her tight, concerned that she might be going into shock. "You don't have to tell me now," she said. "I love you Jay. It's okay now," she rubbed her hand reassuringly on her quivering back. "It's over."

Jay sat up and looked at Sarah, her face streaked in tears. "I think maybe I must have wanted it... subconsciously...," she gasped. "I must have done... oh God Sarah. She was crazy, wild. I'd never seen anything like it. She was so aggressive. She hurt me. She hurt me a lot. But... I _came_, Sarah. I _came_. I didn't want to. But I must have wanted her, don't you see?" Jay's face was contorted with pain, her body wracked with tremors as she fought the terrible memory. She pushed off the couch and got to her feet.

"Jay?" Sarah tried to reach out, but Jay bolted on unsteady feet, flinging herself into the bathroom.

Sarah sprinted after her, her heart breaking as she saw her girlfriend collapse to her knees, her legs giving way as the trauma overwhelmed her. She tried to pull away from Sarah, but Sarah put a gentle hand on her back. "Jay?" Sarah spoke gently. "Jay, it's over now. And it's good that you told me. I'm so pleased you were able to tell me."

"You must hate me," Jay's words came in short gasps, "I'm … there must be something wrong with me. To respond to _that_."

"No, Jay, there isn't. Not at all. It's a common reaction. Olivia told me. It's the one thing that victims find so hard to understand, to cope with. It's just a physical reaction, Jay. It doesn't mean you wanted it. And it sure as hell doesn't mean she had the right to do that to you. You're a _victim_, Jay. You didn't do anything wrong. Nothing. And I love you, baby. I love you so much. Nothing could ever change that. Ever."

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"Liv?" Alex snatched up the phone. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Alexandra. I'm still at the hospital."

"Are you coming home soon?"

"I think I'll be here a while. Alex, I need to talk to you," Olivia struggled to find the right words.

"What is it Olivia?" Alex asked.

"There was a reason Elliot asked me to come. I know the victim. _We_ know the victim. She's going to be okay, Alex. He did a real number on her, but the doctors say she'll be okay."

"Who is it?" Alex's blood ran cold. "Oh God, please tell me it's not Sarah. Or J..."

"It's Carolyn, Lex," Olivia cut in, not wanting to prolong Alex's torture. "I'm so sorry, honey."

"Carolyn? My sister?" Alex was astounded. "How can anything have happened to Carolyn?" she asked, obtusely.

"We don't have all the details yet," Olivia said gently. "She's okay. She's quite beaten up, and she's got a nasty concussion, but they're pretty sure there's no brain damage. She's running a fever, but that will abate in the next few days, they say."

"Why does she have a fever?"

Olivia swallowed. "It seems she's been on the rooftop for the last few hours. Bastard left her there, he may even have thought she was dead."

"How did she get off?" Alex knew the answers didn't really matter, she just wanted to fill her mind with details instead of dealing with the full horror of what had happened.

"Some guy went up there to try and fix his tv aerial. If he hadn't, they may not have found her in time," Olivia told her.

"I'm coming over," Alex said. "Let me just get Lily together, I'll have to bring her in."

"It's alright, Elliot's on his way over. John's with him, he's going to sit with Lily. And I'm sure Rosie, or maybe Rebecca, will take Lily tomorrow. Elliot's going to drive you here, if that's what you want."

"It is," Alex was adamant. "I don't expect she'll want to see me, but..." she tailed off, miserably.

"She will, when she comes to, I'm sure," Olivia spoke very gently. "She wrote you, remember?"

"And I didn't reply, not to the last letter," Alex was overwhelmed with guilt.

"None of that matters now," Olivia said. "Wear a warm sweater, huh? I know you always get cold when you're in shock."

"I'm not in shock," a shocked Alex said.

"I know, honey. Bring one anyway."

Alex nodded, forgetting that Olivia couldn't see her. "This is awful," Alex's voice was small and scared.

"I know. I'm so sorry, Alex," Olivia hated hearing Alex so miserable. "She's going to be okay. And we'll get her all the help we can."

"You'll stay with her?" Alex pleaded. "All the time?"

"I won't leave her side," Olivia promised. "I'm here with her now."

"Thank you, Liv," Alex started as she heard a gentle tap on the door. "That's Elliot now," she said.

"Check the peephole," Olivia commanded, not wanting Alex to take any risks and knowing that she wasn't thinking clearly.

Alex did as she was instructed. "It's him," she said. "I'll be right there, Liv."

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Sarah pulled the covers up to Jay's chin, smoothing the hair from her forehead. Her face was white and she looked more exhausted than Sarah had ever seen. "Wait there," Sarah said gently. She was back a few moments later holding a glass of water. She passed two tablets to Jay. "Advil," she said. "Your head's gotta be pounding," she sat on the bed, a supporting arm behind Jay's back as she sat up to drink from the glass. She helped her lie down again. Sarah swiftly stripped off her clothes and grabbed a long t-shirt from Jay's closet to use as a nightshirt. She climbed into the bed next to Jay and was pleased when her girlfriend snuggled up to her, her head in her lap.

"I'm sorry," Jay whispered.

"You don't have to be sorry. You want to tell me the rest?"

"'kay," Jay said. "It was awful. I tried to pretend nothing had happened."

"You never reported her?" Sarah asked.

Jay shook her head. "I didn't do anything. I did take photos. Of the bruising. In the mirror," her breathing hitched.

Sarah had never felt so angry in her life, but she forced herself to remain calm.

"I never developed the pictures. The roll of film is still in the fridge. Cold stops it degrading. But I couldn't face it. I couldn't even look at them. So I pretended it had never happened. But I kept getting flashbacks. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't eat. I tried to, I really did. But I couldn't keep anything down. I survived on coffee. Too much coffee. Vanessa was so kind, she could see that something was wrong, but I just denied it. Until that day."

"What day?"

"She brought me my coffee, and she brought a muffin too; told me I was too thin. She sat right at the table while I ate it, she didn't give me any choice. I didn't want to throw up. I wasn't anorexic, or bulimic, nothing like that. But it was bad that day, I thought I was going to pass out in the bathroom of the coffee shop. Then I felt something warm, and it was Vanessa's cardigan. She had come into the bathroom to check on me. She was so kind. She called Pop. And he put me back together again. Turned out I had an ulcer. All that caffeine. And I was so screwed up. I was off work for a month, but Pop pulled strings so nothing appeared in my jacket. I changed station houses after that though; I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me."

"Your dad really loves you," Sarah tightened her grip.

"I love him too. And Vanessa; she was amazing."

"So that's why she limits your coffee intake?"

"Yeah," Jay was calming down at last. "I really missed her when I moved stations. But then she got a job at the coffee shop opposite the new station house. Well, not just a job. She co-owns it, with the chef. She'd been saving up for years. It was so nice to see her every day again."

"But you never told her? Or your dad?"

Jay shook her head. "Not about the assault. They just think I was screwed up over Kat."

"It's not too late to report it," Sarah's spoke softly. "I can talk to Olivia?"

"No!" Jay was vehement. "Absolutely not. I couldn't bear it."

"It's okay, baby. It was just an idea. You should talk to someone, though. You can't cope with this on your own."

"I only want to talk to you."

"Okay, Jay. You can always talk to me. I love you so much."

"I love you too," Jay said. "I'm so sorry to put all this on you."

"I'm honored that you did," Sarah said. "And I want to take care of you. I want you to be happy."

"I _am_ happy," Jay sat up and looked Sarah deep in the eyes. "I'm _so_ happy. I love you Sarah."

"You're amazing," Sarah ran her fingers very tenderly down Jay's cheek. "I don't know how you've been able to trust again. I'll never let you down, Jay, I swear. Never."

"I know that," Jay kissed her softly. "I do. I really do. I trust you with my life. I never thought I would be able to, but somehow with you, it was just all so clear. It's like... God this is going to sound so hokey. It's like I've been waiting all my life for you. And the moment I saw you, I just knew. I was only scared that I wouldn't be good enough for you."

"_Good_ enough?" Sarah laughed. "You are the very best thing that has ever happened to me. A year ago my life was empty. My family hated me, and I hated the fact I was gay. I never thought I'd fit in anywhere. And then Alex and Olivia took me in. And then little Lily came along," a soppy smile came over her face. "And then _you_. _You_. Right now my life is pretty damned perfect. And tomorrow," she kissed Jay tenderly, "tomorrow, we are going to celebrate your birthday. We're going to do whatever you want. I want to show you how much I love you."

"You've made it all better," Jay whispered. "I've been dreading telling you. I thought maybe I wouldn't ever have to. But I couldn't... it's too big to hide. I was so frightened you'd be disgusted, that you'd leave me. And you're still here. You've made it all better."

"I don't think anything will ever do that," Sarah spoke gently. "But if I've made it a little more bearable, I'm so pleased. You swear you'll talk to me when it gets too much? I'll always be here."

"I swear," Jay said. Her eyelids were heavy; the trauma of the day weighed heavy on her. She snuggled into Sarah's side.

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Olivia looked up from Carolyn's bedside to see Alex's white face as she came through the door. Very carefully and gently, she released Carolyn's hand, stroking her arm soothingly as she rose to greet her girlfriend.

Olivia pulled Alex into a tight hug; she could feel her shaking despite the warm room. Olivia pulled back and looked anxiously into Alex's face. "Did you bring a sweater?" she asked the shaken woman.

"Forgot," Alex shivered again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Olivia was already stripping off her own sweater, watching carefully as Alex cautiously approached the bed. "Sit," Olivia said.

Alex sat in the chair and watched her sister's face. Carolyn grimaced and let out a small moan. Alex reached out and took her hand. "It's okay," she whispered. "Try and sleep. We'll be here when you wake up." She felt Olivia pull the sweater over her head and guide her arms into it. It was a little too large, but it was wonderfully warm and smelt of Olivia.

"You'll get cold," Alex protested.

"I won't, it's real hot in here. You'll warm up soon, my darling," Olivia was tucking a blanket around Alex. "You've had a shock."

"She will be okay?" Alex asked.

"That's what the doctors say. She can't have any painkillers until tomorrow, that's why she's having such a hard time now. Her fever should start to fall soon, they expect her to wake up tomorrow morning some time."

Alex refused to move from her sister's bedside, so Olivia found another chair and settled herself next to Alex. Neither of them slept, as they both reacted to any minor whimper or movement from Carolyn. Olivia angled their chairs so that she was able to wedge a pillow between them, and pulled Alex so that she could rest her head against the pillow, with Olivia's arm round her. It was hardly a comfortable position, but they both felt the need for physical contact.

"What about Sarah?" Alex whispered at about 5am.

"We'll talk tomorrow," Olivia said quietly. "She's at Jay's all day anyway. Everything will be clearer when Carolyn wakes up."

Alex nodded, her whole being engulfed in misery. "I would never have wished this on her," she whispered. "I know there have been times when I hated her, but I would never want..."

Olivia tightened her grip on Alex. "I know that, honey. Carolyn knows that too. See if you can sleep a little. I love you."


	12. Chapter 12

**[So sorry for the delay, I've been rather busy. Here's the next chapter at last.]**

Alex felt warm fingers stroking the back of her hand.

"Lex?" Olivia's words were soft. "You need to lie down, honey."

Alex blinked. "Whassa time?" she couldn't work out where she was.

Olivia looked at her watch. 2.24am. "It doesn't matter," she soothed. "C'mon," gently she pulled Alex to her feet, trying not to wake her too much. She just wanted to get her settled on the small couch by the wall.

Alex allowed Olivia to lead her, unprotesting, to the couch. She felt Olivia lift her legs, and before she knew what was happening, she was laid out on the lumpy couch, with Olivia's jacket under her head. Her eyes were already closing as Olivia pulled a blanket over her. She felt soft lips on her forehead. "Sleep, Alexandra. Tomorrow's going to be difficult. You need to rest."

Alex murmured and snuggled into the worn fabric. "Liv?" she muttered.

"I'll join you soon," Olivia lied, looking lovingly at her girlfriend. She knew that tomorrow Alex would have to speak to Sarah about what had happened to her mother, and she didn't want her embarking on that painful task without having slept for at least a few hours. She returned to Carolyn's bedside, and took up the injured woman's hand again. She placed her hand on Carolyn's forehead; her fever was no worse. Carolyn whimpered, and unconsciously leant into the gentle touch. "It's okay," Olivia said softly. "Get some rest."

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Jay blinked as she awoke that next morning. She felt a sense of relief, of cleansing. As she came to, she realized that it was because she had shared her worst secrets with Sarah, and Sarah was still there. Except she wasn't. Jay sat up, a little startled. Her eyes fixed on a piece of paper on Sarah's pillow.

_Gone to get some birthday croissants. Back in 10._

_p.s. Happy Birthday gorgeous!_

Jay smiled. So her revelations hadn't scared Sarah off. There was no longer anything to fear. She heard the door to the apartment click, and was about to get out of bed when she saw Sarah entering the bedroom, a wide smile on her face. In one hand, Sarah held a cardboard drinks tray that held two large cardboard cups, with a paper bag dangling from the same fingers. In the other hand, Sarah was balancing a large box with a ridiculous huge pink bow on the top.

Sarah grinned. "I guessed you'd hate anything pink," she was laughing.

Jay smiled back. "You were right," she took in the sight of her girlfriend. Sarah was wearing yesterday's jeans, with Jay's white shirt over the top. The shirt was very baggy on her, but it only partly disguised the sway of her – evidently bra-less – breasts.

Sarah set the drinks and the paper bag on the nightstand, and sat on the bed next to Jay. She held out the box in both hands. "Happy birthday, my beautiful girl," she leant over the box, and kissed Jay passionately.

"Wow!" Jay replied eventually. "This has to be the best birthday ever. _And_ you went out for coffee and croissants."

"_Tea_ and croissants," Sarah kissed her again. She looked at her, and took both hands in her own. "We're tea drinkers from now on," she said.

"But you _love_ coffee," Jay protested.

"I love you more," Sarah was sincere. "And I want you healthy."

Jay's heart skipped a beat. "I am healthy, sweetheart. I'll never do that to myself again, I swear."

"I know," Sarah touched her cheek. "I know. Try it. They do great tea."

Jay smiled, reaching out for the cardboard tray. She took a sip of her tea. "It's perfect," she said. "Just like you. You have never looked better, you know that?" she loved Sarah's natural look, unimpeded by make-up, her hair unbrushed. She looked so fresh, and young. And hot, Jay realized. She reached out and tenderly cupped a breast, thumbing the instantly-hardening nipple. "There are _some_ shades of pink I like," she said shyly. "Some, I like a lot."

Sarah smiled, an open, loving smile. "You have to open your gift first," she pushed the box into Jay's hands. "I hope you like it," she looked suddenly nervous.

"I'll love it," Jay said. "I'll even wear the pink bow for you later if you like."

Sarah's mouth went dry. "I like," she said. "Then I can unwrap _you_."

Jay gasped as she lifted the lid off the box. "Oh my God," she whispered. "This is too much. You can't... Sarah?"

Sarah looked like a child at Christmas. "Do you like it?"

"_Like_ it?" Jay asked, as she pulled out a soft brown leather jacket. "Baby, I _love_ it. But it's too much money."

Sarah shook her head. "No it's not," she said. "Try it on," she said, excitedly.

Jay pulled the jacket on over her nightshirt. "It's perfect," she said, relishing the feel of the soft leather, inhaling its smell. "I've never had such a beautiful jacket."

"I want you to be safe on your bike," Sarah kissed her. "You need a proper leather jacket, to help protect you."

"I'll wear it always," Jay caught her hand and brought it to her lips. "I swear. Sarah, you shouldn't have. But I love it. I really do. Thank you, baby."

Sarah looked delighted. "There's a little something else," she said, a little bashfully. "It's more for me than you... Check out the inside pocket."

Jay looked intrigued, and felt inside the jacket. Inside the largest of the pockets, her hand closed around a piece of cloth, with something hard inside. She drew out a small velvet bag. She undid the bag and tipped the contents into her palm. Her eyes widened as she saw silver jewelry; a nipple ring and bar. She looked more closely at the settings.

"Tiny pearls," Sarah said, her voice a little husky. "I looked it up. Pearls are your birthstone, right?"

"I think so," Jay told her. "I always get that sort of thing wrong. These are beautiful, Sarah," she whispered. "I love them."

"You don't have to wear them," Sarah said, nervously. "What you have there," softly she fingered Jay's nipple through her over-sized t-shirt, "is wonderful."

"I want to wear them," Jay was instantly aroused by her touch. She pulled the t-shirt over her head, and faced Sarah, wearing only her sleep shorts. "I want you to put them in. Then, whenever I look down, I'll think only of you."

Sarah's breathing hitched as she ran her fingers lovingly over the puckering flesh. "God you are... you are...," she smiled as the dark, exotic nipple stood to attention at her touch. "You make me so hot," she whispered.

"That's because you _are_ hot," Jay smiled. "She hated these," her eyes clouded over briefly.

"Katarina?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah," Jay exhaled. "She made me take them out. I suppose, if I'm honest, that's the main reason I put them back in."

"Well I'm glad you did," Sarah took the stiffened bud in her mouth, almost painfully aroused at the feel of the responsive flesh.

"Take them out," Jay tried to keep her voice even. "I want you to put the new ones in."

Sarah smiled, as she tentatively fingered the jewelry. She pulled the bar apart carefully, and drew it out, watching Jay's face carefully as she did so. "I don't want to hurt you," she said.

"You won't," Jay smiled.

Sarah then pried the ring apart and pulled it from its home. She reached for the new ring and, very carefully, pushed it through the hole in the skin. She looked at Jay.

"It's okay," Jay reassured. "You have the magic touch. Now the bar."

Sarah smiled as the slid the bar in place. She fingered both pieces of silver, her excitement growing as she felt them chink softly in her fingers. "You are so hot," she breathed, as she leant in to kiss Jay tenderly. She took both breasts in her hands, massaging the flesh. She smiled. "They look good," she kissed the unadorned breast first, her ardor rising at Jay's whimpers of pleasure. She toyed with the nipple for long minutes, and then switched to the other breast with its new jewelry. She couldn't hold back her own moan at the sensations in her mouth.

Jay leant back against the headboard, her hand cupping the back of Sarah's head as she licked and suckled at the proud flesh. She tangled her fingers in Sarah's soft hair. With her other hand, she impatiently unbuttoned the shirt, her shirt, that Sarah was wearing. She gasped with pleasure when she pushed the shirt to the sides, seeing Sarah's unfettered breasts, large and ripe, her pink nipples rock hard and just begging for her attention. She ran her hand over Sarah's left breast, feeling a sharp jolt at her own core. "Oh God, Sarah... You... you... I've never wanted you more. I've never wanted anyone more."

Sarah drew back from Jay's torso, a wide smile on her face. "You've got me, Jay. You've got me. And I've got you," she kissed her on the lips. "I'm the lucky girl that gets to share your bed," she kissed her again, delighted to feel Jay's response. She thrust her tongue into Jay's mouth, barely able to contain her excitement at the feel of their two tongues tangling. They made out passionately, and Sarah smiled as she felt Jay unbuttoning her fly and dragging her jeans down as far as she could reach.

"Kick them off," Jay instructed Sarah. "I want to feel you," she slipped her hand inside Sarah's panties.

"Oh Jay... oh God," Sarah wriggled out of her remaining clothing. She grinned as she pushed Jay back against the headboard again. "This time," she hooked her fingers at the edges of Jay's boyshorts. "This time, it's all for you. My way," she openly ogled her girlfriend as she slowly pulled the boyshorts down Jay's toned legs, "of making sure you have a good birthday."

Sarah half sat up, and firmly placed one knee either side of Jay's thighs. She kissed her once more, before returning her attentions to Jay's straining breasts.

"Inside," Jay gasped. "I want to feel you inside... oh baby...," she squeaked when she felt one, and then two fingers enter her.

Sarah looked up at her anxiously. "Okay?"

Jay could barely speak. "Oh yeah. God yeah. Harder," she grasped Sarah's wrist, and tried to pull her further into her, but she could feel her resisting.

"Are you sure?" Sarah asked. "I don't want to hurt you. I'd never want to hurt you."

Jay looked deep into her eyes. "You're not her," she said softly. "You could never hurt me. I want to feel you," she pulled again, relieved to feel Sarah's wrist relaxing. "Please Sarah. I want...," her hips rocked unwittingly, increasing the pressure, "I want... oh that's it. More. Please. Oh you're amazing. Just... Yeah... Just there... Oh my sweet Lord...," Jay was rocking rhythmically now, Sarah meeting her demands with gentle thrusting that grew in intensity.

Sarah watched her carefully, seeing no hint of unease, and relaxed into her rhythm. Her own breathing was becoming erratic as the sight of her sweat-soaked girlfriend writhing in ecstasy sent wave after wave of arousal through her. Sarah leant down and closed her lips around the jewelry-free nipple, tonguing, nipping and suckling the taut bud.

Jay cried out at the sensations of her girlfriend's mouth. She was thrusting wildly now, riding Sarah's fingers, overwhelmed with passion. "I'm going to... oh sweet baby... I can't hold back...," she tried to tense her muscles to keep her in control, but she knew that she was only seconds from climaxing. "I can't help... oh my God... I love you so much... that's just..."

Sarah bit down gently on Jay's nipple, tipping her over the edge. Jay's climax was explosive, as she bucked uncontrollably against Sarah's fingers, screaming her name as she came. Sarah held her tenderly as she slumped bonelessly into her arms, panting desperately. Sarah's arms encircled her, holding her close as she recovered. "You okay?" Sarah asked gently after a few minutes.

"Better than I have ever been," Jay's breathing was still erratic. "Thank you, baby. Thank you."

They lay down and snuggled together for almost a half hour, just looking at each other, kissing and giggling. Eventually, Jay leaned up on one elbow, her hand touching Sarah's face. She kissed her. "Your turn," she said, softly.

"You don't have to," Sarah said.

"I want to," Jay smiled. She cupped both of Sarah's breasts. "If ever I doubt the existence of God, I just have to look at _these_," she tweaked one nipple between her thumb and forefinger.

Sarah squeaked in delight. "This won't take long," she said breathlessly. "I'm already close."

Sarah's climaxed hard a few minutes later, overcome with emotion as she did so. She could never imagine loving anyone as much as she loved Jay, right at that very moment.

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Alex jerked awake suddenly on the couch. She looked at her watch; 7.50am. She looked over, and saw Olivia standing by the doorway. She glanced over where the bed had been, and was panicked to see an empty space.

"Liv?" Alex cried out, panic clear in her voice.

Olivia turned round and looked at her fiancée. "Hey, sleepyhead," she smiled kindly. "It's okay," she reassured her. "She's doing fine. They've taken her for an MRI. Her fever's down. They think they can give her some sedation, if the MRI comes back clear."

Alex let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. She looked closely at Olivia, seeing the tired lines by her eyes. "Did you sit with her all night?"

Olivia nodded. "She needed reassurance," she said simply.

"You astound me," Alex said. "She's been consistently mean to you, and still you take care of her."

"She's your sister."

"I love you, Olivia Benson," Alex got up from the couch, shaking off the blanket. She took Olivia in her arms. "Thank you."

Olivia accepted her embrace.

"We should call Rosie, see if she can take Lily for a while," Alex was already trying to organize things in her mind.

"It's done," Olivia told her. "I called ten minutes ago. She'll be there by now, I expect. She said she's going to bring her in here for a feed, she'll just give her a half bottle when she gets to the apartment."

"I miss her," Alex was surprised to find tears gathering in her eyes. She dashed them away with a wry smile. "Eight hours away from her, and I'm a mess."

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Alex was walking along the corridor on her way back to Carolyn's room, two coffees in a cardboard try in her hand, when she saw Rosie walking toward her, carrying a wriggling Lily.

"Hey," Rosie smiled. "Someone's gonna be glad to see you, aren't you monkey?" she addressed the child. "I can tell you this, Alex, Lily's the sweetest child ever, but she does _not_ like waking up without one of her mommies to greet her."

"Hey, Rosie," Alex kissed her on her cheek. "Hey sweet baby," she caressed the top of her daughter's head, her heart filling with joy when she saw a huge smile from the child.

"Here," Rosie reached out and grabbed the cardboard tray with the coffees, "you take her."

Alex scooped Lily up and held her close. "Have you been fussing, baby?" she kissed her on the top of her head. "Have you been causing trouble for your Auntie Rosie?"

Rosie smiled. "She's been no trouble. She just wanted to see you, didn't you Lily?" she looked at the beaming child. "How's your sister?" Rosie asked Alex.

"She's going to be okay," Alex looked relieved. "Olivia's with her. She's been amazing."

"She's had a lot of experience," Rosie followed Alex as she started toward Carolyn's room. "She knows the best way to help victims."

"I suppose that's what she is... a victim," Alex said.

"How are you coping?" Rosie asked her.

"I'm fine. It's weird, though. We're not close."

Rosie reached out and touched her arm. "Maybe you can rebuild some bridges?" she said quietly.

Alex nodded. "I hope so," she whispered, as she turned into the room. "Hey Olivia, guess who's hungry?" She saw Olivia look up, and caught the look in her eye, as well as the look of delight on their daughter's face, and her heart filled with joy. Even at times of hardship, the love of her girls was never in doubt.

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Jay was toying lazily with Sarah's hand as they lay together in bed. "Hey," she noticed, "where's your watch?"

Sarah shrugged. "I didn't need it," she tried to sound nonchalant. She had worn the same watch for years; it was an expensive model, bought for her by her parents to celebrate her graduation.

Jay sat up. "You sold it," she stated. "That's how you could afford the jacket. And my new toys," she smiled.

"I don't need an expensive watch," Sarah reached out and gently fingered the new jewelry in Jay's nipple. She nodded toward the leather jacket that lay on the chair by the bed. "But I do need you to be safe. As safe as possible. Anyways," she grinned wickedly. "You look so hot in that jacket."

Jay nodded. "Thank you," she said, quietly.

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Olivia smiled as Lily unlatched. "You can go to your mommy," she smiled, as she passed her over to Alex. She buttoned up her shirt again. She looked over at Carolyn, relieved to see that she was still sleeping peacefully. "She's looking better, Alexandra," she said softly. "They say she's gonna be okay."

"Physically," Alex said.

Olivia nodded. "We'll get her all the help we can. They say she should wake up later today. We really should..." she let the rest of the sentence hang.

"Call Sarah. I know," Alex looked tense. "I'd rather do it in person."

"I'll drive you," Rosie said. "And then Lily and I can spend the day with Katie. And Gracie, once she gets back from school. I should go soon anyway, Melinda's working at 12pm."

"Is that okay, Liv?" Alex asked.

"That sounds great," Olivia said. "I'll stay here, in case she wakes up. We need to get a statement as soon as we can, if we're gonna have any chance of finding the bastard that did this."

"I'll go home and change, see if Sarah's there. She may be at Jay's. If she is, I'll call and tell her I'm coming over."

"Tell her we love her," Olivia said.

"She knows, Liv," Alex smiled.

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Jay reached and grabbed Sarah's phone off the nightstand, looking at the caller display before she handed to her. "It's your hot aunt," she smiled.

"Which one?" Sarah grinned as she took it, looking at the screen. "Hey, Alex," she said chirpily. "Yes, I'm at Jay's. Yeah, she's still here. Of course you can. Alex, is everything alright? Are you okay? And Lily and Olivia? Thank God. Okay. We'll be here. See you in a half hour."

"Sarah?" Jay asked when she hung up the phone.

"Something's wrong," Sarah sat up in bed. "I can tell. Alex is coming here. She wants to talk to me. She wanted you to be here too."

"Let's get showered and dressed," Jay took her hand. "It'll be okay, Sarah. We'll make sure it is."

Sarah nodded. "I hope so," she whispered.


	13. Chapter 13

Alex felt sick as she knocked on the apartment door. She was relieved that it was Jay who answered."Hey," she said.

Jay could see that she was shaken, and drew her into a quick hug. "Everything okay?" she asked.

Alex shook her head. "Not really. I have some difficult news for Sarah. Tell me, Jay, what time are you working today?"

"Not until late afternoon," Jay told her. "I can always swap shifts, stay with her all day?"

Alex looked relieved. "Would you?" she asked. "I think maybe she's going to need you."

"Of course," Jay was already dialing. "Go through. She's just doing dishes."

Alex smiled at Sarah who was drying her hands. She put a soft hand on her back. "You look good," Alex said. "Being with Jay must suit you."

Sarah smiled. "I've never been happier. Alex," she saw the tired lines on her aunt's face. "What is it?"

"Come and sit down," Alex said."Please?"

Sarah nodded. "Okay. You swear Lily and Olivia are okay?"

"I swear," Alex said. "Sarah," she reached out and took her hand. "Olivia was called into work last night."

"I thought she wasn't going back until next month?"

"That's right," Alex agreed. She took a deep breath. "But Elliot thought she should be there. He was at the hospital with a victim. A rape victim. Someone Olivia knows. We _all_ know. There's no easy way to say this, Sarah. It's your mom."

Sarah gave a nervous, half-smile. "No. No it isn't. Elliot's mistaken. That would never happen to mom. She's too careful. It's okay, Alex, Mom's fine," she squeezed her hands reassuringly.

"No, she's not," Alex spoke quietly. "It's her, Sarah. We've been at the hospital all night. Liv's with her right now." Alex looked up, to see Jay's aghast face at the doorway.

"There must be some mistake," Sarah insisted, her brain refusing to accept the information.

"There's no mistake. She's going to be okay, Sarah. She was hurt, and she had a high fever last night, from exposure. She was left on the roof most of the day, and it was cold yesterday, and wet. But her fever broke in the night."

Sarah just looked at her aunt, finally registering the smallest part of what she was saying. "Mom?" she said eventually, in a tiny voice.

"I'm sorry, honey," Alex said.

"She was _raped_? Are you sure?"

"There's no doubt," Alex kept her voice steady, watching the color visibly drain from her niece's face.

"Who?" Sarah spoke in a whisper.

"We don't know yet. Olivia's staying with her, in case she wakes up."

"She hasn't woken up yet?"

"Not yet. She had a knock on the head. And they've given her painkillers and a light sedative today, so she's not in any pain. They expect her to wake up later," Alex explained.

Jay sat on the arm of the chair next to her girlfriend. She placed a soft hand on her back, feeling her trembling.

"I should go see her, shouldn't I?" Sarah asked, in a shocked voice.

"If you want to," Alex knelt at her feet. "Only if you want to."

"Do you want to go in, Sarah?" Jay spoke for the first time.

Sarah looked up, registering her presence for the first time. "I don't know. I don't know what I want. I want this not to be happening."

Jay gentled her spine lovingly.

"I should go," Alex said. "I told Liv I'd be back as soon as possible."

"Which hospital?" Jay asked.

"Mercy," Alex said. She reached into her jacket pocket. "The details are here. There's a police guard, but they know to let you two in, if you want to go."

"I think we're going to be coming in," Jay said quietly, "huh, sweetheart?"

Sarah nodded.

"You can come with me, or make your own way, whatever is easiest for you," Alex told them.

"Sarah's car's here," Jay said."I'll drive us in soon, okay Sarah?"

Sarah nodded again.

Alex stood, reaching out to wipe away a tear from Sarah's cheek. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do," she kissed her on the cheek. "Are you okay?" she asked Jay.

Jay smiled. "I'll take care of her," she promised as she showed Alex to the door. "We'll be there within the hour."

"I'm so sorry," Alex whispered."I'm so very sorry."

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Alex opened the door to her sister's room quietly; she saw the Olivia was dozing in the chair, still holding Carolyn's hand. She shut the door very quietly, but Olivia jerked awake anyway.

"I'm sorry, baby, go back to sleep," Alex said.

"I wasn't really asleep," Olivia looked at her and smiled.

"Has she woken?"

"Briefly. She didn't say much. The doctors say she's doing really well. She's just sleeping now, no evidence of any brain injury. And her temperature's still falling."

"How are you, Liv?"

"Missing you," Olivia gave a tired smile. "I'm fine, Alexandra. I'm just so sorry for all this. It's awful."

Alex nodded.

"How was Sarah?"

"Shocked. Upset. She didn't say much."

"Is Jay with her?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, thank God. She's bringing her in soon. I told Sarah she didn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. Any progress on who did this?"

Olivia shook her head. "Elliot came in. There were fluids, they're running the DNA now. No news yet. I read the report; her hurt her, Lex. Badly. There's a lot of tearing. It was frenzied."

"Photos?" Alex looked round the room, her eyes alighting on a buff folder, half-hidden by Olivia's coat.

"Don't look," Olivia pleaded.

"I have to. I should know. It's the least I can do for her."

Olivia nodded. She understood Alex's logic. She placed Carolyn's hand back on the bed and grabbed the folder. "Sit," she led Alex to the couch. She sat next to her, her hand resting on the small of Alex's back. Alex gasped in horror at what she saw, flicking through the photographs, her movements becoming angry. Olivia rubbed her hand in comforting circles. "I'm so sorry, my darling," she whispered. When Alex had looked through the photos twice, Olivia reached out and took the folder from her shaking hands. She saw the tears gathering in Alex's beautiful eyes, which looked even more blue against the pallor of her skin. She pulled her into a hug. "We'll help her," she said softly. "In every way we can."

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When Sarah and Jay walked into the room, hand in hand, Olivia was holding Alex tight.

"Is she okay?" Jay asked.

"She'll be fine," Olivia said."This is rough for everyone," she looked pointedly at a pale Sarah.

Jay nodded.

Olivia got off the couch and approached Sarah, putting a warm hand on her arm. "She's doing well," she said, nodding toward Carolyn. "She's been awake a couple of times. The bruising looks bad, but she's going to be fine."

Sarah didn't speak, just nodded briefly, and tried to smile at Olivia.

"You want to sit?" Alex was standing on Sarah's other side.

Sarah just looked at her, so Alex guided her gently to the seat next to Carolyn. Sarah sat, her gaze fixed on her mother. "She looks so small," Sarah whispered.

"Everybody looks smaller in bed," Olivia told her.

Carolyn's eyes fluttered, and she whimpered slightly. Instinctively, Sarah put out a hand, brushing a lock of hair from her mother's face.

Carolyn opened her eyes, blinking in the light.

"Sarah?" she croaked feebly."S'that really you?"

"It's me, Mom," Sarah tried to hold her emotions in check.

"I'm so sorry," Carolyn's face crumpled. "I've been... oh Sarah," tears rolled down her cheek.

"Don't talk," Sarah said. She took up her hand. "You need to take it easy. We'll talk. Soon. Right now, you need to focus on your recovery. You got much pain?"

"'m'okay," Carolyn told her, wincing as she drew breath.

"Try and sleep," Sarah spoke gently.

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"We'll be fine here," Jay was firm."You two look shattered. And I'll bet Lily's missing her moms," she smiled.

"If you're sure," Olivia sounded doubtful.

"We're sure," Jay said.

"Call us if she remembers anything," Olivia said, for the thousandth time.

"We will. Now shoo. And kiss that beautiful baby for us," Jay propelled Olivia and Alex out of the door.

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"Hey, Lily-bean," Olivia's heart melted at the sight of her daughter in Melinda's arms. "Have you been a good girl?"

"She's been an angel," Melinda smiled as she handed her over. "And your timing's perfect. She's hungry and I think," she sniffed her butt, "yes, that's not all she needs!"

Olivia laughed, as she hugged her daughter tight.

"You feed her, I'll change her after," Alex said. "Thank you," she hugged Melinda. "And thank Rosie for us."

"She's loved every minute of it, Gracie too," Melinda said.

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Alex walked into Lily's room, and saw her lover cradling their child to her full breast. "Liv?" Alex was surprised when her voice cracked.

Olivia looked up at her. "I know," she whispered. "I know, Alexandra. I'm so sorry, my darling. We'll get through this. All of us. Even Sarah, with Jay's help."

Alex stood in the middle of the room, looking small and scared. She nodded, minutely.

Olivia patted the chair. "Come sit with us," she said. "Your daughter's missed you."

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"How has she been?" Alex whispered, as she let herself into Carolyn's hospital room at 7am the following morning.

"She had a good night," Sarah told her.

"Did Jay go home?" Alex asked.

"She's gone to get us some tea," Sarah said. "She's been here all night. She's been wonderful. Is Olivia okay today?"

Alex nodded. "She's here too; she's just parking. We had to bring Lily, Rosie couldn't take her today. Liv'll be getting her out of the car."

"S'good," a weak voice came from the bed. "I want to meet her. Hey, Alex," Carolyn tried to smile. "Thank you for everything."

Alex nodded. "How are you doing?"

"I'll be okay," Carolyn's expression was pained. "So I'll get to meet your daughter?"

Alex couldn't repress a proud smile."Yeah. She'll be here in a few minutes, with Olivia."

"Olivia's been so kind," Carolyn sat up with Sarah's help. "I can't believe how kind she's been. Especially after the awful things I've said to her in the past."

"She doesn't bear grudges," Alex said softly. "I think we've all learned something in the past few days. About what's important."

"She's important to you," Carolyn said.

"She's _everything_ to me. I can't imagine life without her."

"I plan to make it up to you. The way I've behaved," Carolyn said.

"We'll talk. All of us. When you're feeling better. Just focus on yourself, Caro," Alex unconsciously used her sister's old nickname.

"You've got a girlfriend too, Sarah, is that right?" Carolyn turned to her daughter.

Sarah nodded. "Jay. She's here too, she's just getting us some hot tea."

"I hope she deserves you," Carolyn said softly.

"She does," Alex spoke for Sarah."She's a sweetheart."

"Who did this to you Mom?" Sarah couldn't hold back the question.

Carolyn's lips pursed stubbornly. "I don't know," she said.

"Olivia will find him. If anyone can find him, Olivia can," Sarah said.

"I just want to put it behind me. Move on. I don't even want to talk about it."

"That's a natural reaction," Alex said softly. "Olivia will talk to you about all the help that's available."

"I don't want any help," Carolyn fought to contain her tears.

"It's okay, Caro, don't upset yourself. First you need to get better. The doctors say you're recovering well. How's the pain?"

"It'll be gone soon," Carolyn said firmly, shutting down the conversation. She looked up at the sound of a gentle rap on the door frame, to see Olivia holding a sleepy baby Lily.

"Hey," Olivia smiled. "You're looking better," she forced herself not to wince at the livid bruising visible on Carolyn's face.

"Is this her?" Carolyn couldn't keep her eyes off the baby.

Olivia nodded. "Our daughter," she said, unable to keep the pride out of her voice.

"She's beautiful. She looks just like you did at that age Alex. Her hair's a little darker."

"You want to hold her?" Olivia asked.

Carolyn nodded. Very gently, mindful of the older woman's injuries, Olivia lowered Lily into Carolyn's arms.

"Hello, Lily," Carolyn looked into the baby's innocent face. "I'm real pleased to meet you. You're a very lucky girl. You have two moms who love you very much. And they won't make the same mistakes I did."

"We can fix all that, Mom," Sarah spoke quietly but determinedly.

Olivia's phone buzzed. She looked at the screen. "It's Elliot, I have to take this," she excused herself and went out into the corridor. A few minutes later, she was back. She gestured to Alex who, seeing the serious look on her face, immediately stepped out.

"You need to sit," Olivia said, propelling her to the relatives' room nearby.

"What is it Olivia?" Alex didn't like the grave look on her face.

"That was El," Olivia sat them both on the couch. She looked at Alex. "I'm sorry, honey. They had the DNA results."

"The bastard's in the system?"

Olivia nodded. "From years ago. From a frat party that went wrong, he was charged and let off with a caution. But his DNA remained on file."

"Who is it?" Alex was starting to panic.

"It's Carolyn's husband. Brian," Olivia tried to be gentle. "Sarah's dad."


	14. Chapter 14

"Dad did this?" a shocked voice spoke from the doorway.

Olivia looked up, horrified. "Sarah?" she looked at the pale young woman. "Oh God, Sarah, I'm so sorry..."

Sarah shook her head. This couldn't be happening. Her head swam, and her whole body felt like molten lead. "Mom? He did this...," she tried to take a step forward, but the ground tilted alarmingly, and she felt her vision narrowing.

Olivia sprang to her feet, catching Sarah before she fell. "Get Jay," she said, urgently, to Alex. She helped Sarah to the couch, pushing her head between her legs.

Sarah was aware of somebody's hands holding her, but she couldn't stop the overwhelming panic that spread through her. Surely this couldn't be true. She tried to slow her breathing, but found she couldn't get air into her lungs. She felt sick and clammy, and the dizziness was getting worse.

"Sarah, try and relax," Olivia's soothing voice spoke. Sarah felt her hand rubbing comforting circles on her back. "Try to calm your breathing. You're panicking. Listen to me, honey. Breathe in slowly, on my count. We'll do it together. In... and hold it ... now let it go. Wait just a moment... and in... out. There, that's it. Just keep doing that. It's okay. I'm going to stay with you. Alex has gone to get Jay. We won't leave you. Easy. Good girl. You're doing real well. There. That's it. That's good. You're feeling a little better now, huh?"

Slowly Sarah started to feel more human. Her breathing slowed, and the feeling of nausea and dizziness started to dissipate. She felt unbelievably weak; she had never been so scared in her life. She raised her head from between her knees.

Olivia was shocked to see how pale Sarah looked. She put a warm arm round her shoulder, relieved to feel Sarah accepting the contact.

"M'sorry," Sarah's voice shook.

"You don't have to be sorry. I'm so sorry you heard me. You should never have found out. Not like that."

Sarah let her head fall onto Olivia's shoulder, and took a shuddering breath.

Olivia tightened her grip on her. "Let it go, Sarah. I know, honey, I know."

Sarah felt tears threaten and swallowed determinedly. She couldn't lose it here, she told herself angrily. She would be of no use to anyone if she fell apart now. Her mother needed her. Oh God, she realized. Her mother must have known that it was her own husband violating her. Beating her to a pulp. Leaving her for dead. She sat up sharply, and as she did so, she felt another body sit the other side of her. She just knew it was Jay.

Sarah flung herself at her girlfriend, burying herself in those strong arms she loved so much. Jay held her as she sobbed, overwhelmed with misery. Jay rocked her gently, making soothing sounds, knowing that there was nothing she could do to alleviate this nightmare for her love. She wished she could take the trauma on herself, take it away from Sarah. But she couldn't, so she just held her and whispered to her. Just like Sarah had for her so recently.

Sarah tried to disappear into Jay's hold, clinging desperately to her, feeling her soft sweater against her face, inhaling that scent that was so unmistakably Jay. She didn't think she could ever feel safe again. And then it dawned on her. Her father was a rapist. And _she_, Sarah, was a rapist's daughter. Her father had shown no sign of his true nature over the years. What if it were something he couldn't control that had suddenly come bursting out? And what if that same trait, that _rapist gene,_ lay dormant in her? She loved Jay more than life. But Jay had told her that she had been almost destroyed by her previous girlfriend's assault. Her rape. Sarah couldn't take that risk. Not for Jay. Not for herself. She knew, deep down, that if she were ever to hurt Jay, she just wouldn't be able to bear it. She wouldn't be able to live with herself.

"No!" Sarah cried, pulling away. "No. I can't. I just can't!" she stood up and backed away from Jay. She was desperate, she had no clue what to do. "Leave me," she said harshly to Jay. "Leave me alone!"

Jay's face was a mask of confusion and hurt. "Sarah?" she spoke softly, and approached her lover. "Sarah, sweetheart, I want to help you."

"Then leave me alone!" Sarah shouted. She looked at Jay. Her voice softened. "Please?" she begged, her resolve weakening. If Jay put her arms round her again, she would be lost. And Jay could be placing herself at terrible risk. Her beloved Jay. The sweetest girl in the world.

"I'm not going anywhere," Jay said firmly. "I love you Sarah. You need help."

"Just GO!" Sarah bellowed. "Leave me the fuck alone. What is it with you? Are you deaf? Are you stupid?"

"Sarah?" Jay reached out and touched Sarah's arm.

Sarah whipped round, the panic rising in her. She shoved Jay, hard. Harder than she meant to. She heard Jay cry out as her hip connected with the sharp edge of the table. Sarah looked at her face, horrified to see the fear in it. Blinded by tears, Sarah ran out of the room, bolting toward the parking garage.

She had descended two flights of stairs before Olivia caught up with her. She felt Olivia's hand on her shoulder, and turned to shake her off. She looked at the concerned, loving expression on Olivia's face, and she crumpled. She slid down the wall of the stairwell, her whole body heaving with sobs. Silently, Olivia sat next to her and pulled her into her lap, and just held her. Olivia had seen more than her fair share of people in crisis, and she knew to keep quiet and just hold tight.

After a few minutes, Alex appeared in the stairwell; Olivia shook her head minutely, so Alex realized that she shouldn't interfere. She sat on the step a couple of feet away from them, and watched sadly as her niece dissolved in her lover's arms.

After about 20 minutes, Sarah's sobbing finally slowed. Alex reached into her pocket and passed over her cotton handkerchief to Olivia, who took it with a grateful smile and handed it to Sarah, who had not noticed her aunt behind them. After a few minutes, Sarah was silent at last.

"I'll take you home," Olivia said.

"Here's the keys to her car," Alex said softly as she handed them to Olivia. "Jay gave them to me."

Olivia nodded, and got to her feet, helping a shaky Sarah up. "It's just one floor down," she kept her voice soft and unthreatening. "Can you manage that?"

Sarah nodded. She allowed Olivia to slide a strong arm around her and hold her securely as she made her way gingerly down the steps.

"I'll see you later," Alex whispered.

Olivia nodded.

Olivia buckled Sarah into the car. She kissed her on the forehead. "We'll fix this," she whispered, as she shut the door and walked to the driver's side.

Sarah was silent as a stone as Olivia negotiated the traffic. Olivia reached over and put a reassuring hand on Sarah's knee, concerned to feel her trembling again. "We'll be home soon," she said softly.

Sarah nodded slightly.

Olivia turned up the heat in the car, but could feel Sarah continue to tremble. She would ask Melinda to come over with a sedative, she decided.

Sarah remained silent for a further ten minutes, staring sightlessly ahead of her. Suddenly she moaned pitifully. "Pull over!" she demanded desperately.

Olivia swung the car to the side of the road as Sarah battled unsuccessfully to open the door. Olivia reached over her and flung the door open, just in time as Sarah's stomach erupted violently onto the tarmac. Olivia dashed out of the car and ran round to Sarah's side. Sarah leant her head weakly into her supporting hand as she continued to heave painfully, barely even registering Olivia's other hand rubbing her back comfortingly.

The misery continued for five minutes, as Sarah struggled to eject everything from her body, long after her stomach was empty. Her life had crumbled in a short hour, and she had even attacked the one person she loved more than air. There was no coming back from this. Her father's genes were coming through the generations.

Finally, her stomach calmed, and she sat back in her chair, gasping with misery.

Olivia disappeared, returning a few moments later with a bottle of cool Coke that she had bought from a stall on the street. "Drink this, slowly," she said. "It'll help. I swear."

Sarah blinked, and stared at her.

"I keep some in the squad car," Olivia smiled ruefully. "Even now, sometimes... some of the cases just turn your stomach."

Sarah took a tentative sip, grateful as it seemed to settle her. She took another sip, and then another. "Thanks," she said, weakly.

"I think you need some air," Olivia said. "Sit there while I find somewhere to park, can you do that?"

"'kay."

Olivia parked a few minutes later. "Okay?" she said as she opened Sarah's door.

Sarah shook herself, she hadn't been paying attention. "We're by the park."

"Let's walk for a little, are you up to that?"

Sarah nodded. "The Coke worked," she tried to smile as she slipped the half-empty bottle into her pocket.

They set off companionably, Olivia's heart filling with pleasure when she felt Sarah slip her hand in hers. Olivia squeezed her fingers tight. "It's all going to be okay, Sarah," she said quietly.

After walking in silence for 15 minutes, Olivia spotted an empty bench. "Let's sit for a while," she suggested. They sat, Sarah still keeping a hold of her hand.

"Do you want to talk?" Olivia probed gently. "D'you want to tell me what that was all about with Jay?"

Sarah's eyes filled anew. "I love her, Olivia."

"I know that. She knows it too."

"That's why I have to leave her," the misery in Sarah's voice broke Olivia's heart.

"You're not making sense."

"I can't risk hurting her. Hell, I hurt her back at the hospital, when I pushed her. Violence runs in families. What if sexual violence does too?" Sarah's breathing became erratic as she tried to stay calm. "I couldn't bear it if I... if I forced myself on her. I can't risk it, Olivia... I can't put her through that..." Sarah's words were jumbled, coming out in short gasps. "I'm a rapist's daughter. There's no getting away from that. I love her too much. She can't go through that again. She needs someone who'll love her... not a fuck-up like me," she was starting to feel dizzy and sick again, as she struggled to get enough oxygen.

Olivia pushed Sarah's head between her knees again, keeping a tight hold on her hand, her other gentling her hair. "It's okay, Sarah. Let it out, honey. You're not him. You're nothing like him. You never will be. You're a wonderful, loving, sweet girl. I've seen how you are with Jay. How you are with Lily. You are so compassionate and tender. You need to trust yourself, Sarah."

Sarah tried to sit up, but Olivia pressed her down again. "Stay there for a while," she advised softly. "You'll be okay soon."

"I'll never be okay. It'll never be over," Sarah sounded so miserable.

"It will, honey. It is. The worst is over now. We just need to get you back to Jay, so you can talk. You have to tell her how you feel, why you did what you did. She'll understand. She loves you."

"I know. But... oh God, I can't risk it. Suppose we got back together, and one day we wanted to make love," she was horribly embarrassed, but she had to get her point across. "I could lose control. I might force her to...," she gasped with horror at the thought. She sat up slowly and looked at Olivia. "She's been raped before," she said quietly. "I don't think she'd survive if it happened again."

Olivia pulled Sarah to her and held her tight. "It's not going to happen, Sarah. That's not what rape is. It's not lovemaking gone bad. It's about power, control. Wanting to humiliate someone. Taking away their control. It's violent. It's twisted. You're not like that Sarah. Have you ever wanted to hurt anyone? Have you ever wanted to subjugate Jay?"

Sarah shook her head. "No!" she shouted. "Never! I love her. I don't want to make her feel bad. I don't want to hurt her. But suppose I don't have that control? Suppose I can't stop myself? God knows what I've inherited from him."

"You haven't inherited _that_. That's one thing I'm sure of," Olivia spoke softly.

"How can you know that?" Sarah was getting angry. "You can't know that. My father is a _rapist_, Olivia!"

Olivia made a decision. She turned to Sarah. "There's something you don't know about me," she spoke softly. "It's not that I was trying to hide it. I'd just had enough of it being... I dunno, part of who I am."

Sarah squeezed her fingers. "I _love_ who you are," she said earnestly.

Olivia swallowed. "I was eleven years old. Nearly twelve," she remembered. "My mother brought me here. We sat on a bench, on the other side of the park. _That_," her voice shook, "is where we were sitting when she told me that I was a product of rape."

"Your dad raped your mom?" Sarah asked, aghast.

"Not my dad," Olivia said firmly. "A stranger. A random stranger. He raped her, and she fell pregnant. And then she had me."

"And she _told_ you that?"

"In a way it was almost a relief," Olivia tried to remain calm. "At least I knew she had a reason for despising me. For being drunk half the time. For putting me down. Every day she saw me, it reminded her of the worst thing that had ever happened to her."

"Oh God, Olivia, that's awful."

Olivia shook her head. "It was, but it's okay now. I'm finally coming to terms with it. With her, what made her behave the way she did. I've seen victims. _So many_ victims. And they're all different. But in some way, they're all the same."

"You never said," Sarah's voice was quiet. "And you've had to listen to all my self-pitying shit."

"It's not self-pitying," Olivia said. "I just wanted you to know I understand. I've had all those thoughts, and more. Over the years, there's very little I haven't wondered about. How much of him is in me. Why my mother didn't have an abortion. How she coped, looking at me every day. Whether I was going to turn into him. But I never did, Sarah. I never have. I've never wanted to hurt any of my lovers. Never. The very idea appals me."

"Is that why you went into SVU?" Sarah asked quietly.

Olivia nodded. "Yes, deep down I suppose it is. I wanted to find justice for my mother. And I wanted to find her rapist."

"And did you?"

"I haven't. Not yet. But I'm still looking. One day, maybe. More importantly, I have to fight to get justice for all the victims of sexual assault and abuse. And some days, I feel good about my job. Some days, it goes well. We nail the bad guys, and Alex, or another attorney, puts them away for a very long time. Other days it's awful. Too awful. There's so much evil in this city, so much depravity. But you're not part of that, Sarah. You're one of the good guys. Don't let this define you. It's defined me for too long. You don't think that I'm capable of sexual violence, do you?"

Sarah shook her head vehemently. "Never! You're the most compassionate person I know."

"I've always been a little nervous. In bed," Olivia blushed. "With my previous girlfriends. I was so scared that I was like him. I couldn't relax. Not properly. Too frightened of hurting people. Until I met Alex," she smiled. "I know you don't want to think about me and Alex together, and God knows I'm not going to go into any detail," she smiled weakly. "But you should know that ... bed... with Alex. It's amazing. I've never felt inhibited with her. And she isn't with me. We're meant to to be together. In _every_ way. She brings me such joy. She loves me for who I am. And she's known, right from the beginning, about my conception. She doesn't care. She knows I'm not him."

"You'll never be like him," Sarah said.

"And Lily?" Olivia pressed.

Sarah looked askance.

"I nearly didn't have her," Olivia swallowed, the memories painful. "I told Alex I could never have a baby. I was so scared that his genes could be passed down. That I would give birth to a monster. I had terrible nightmares when I was pregnant, even after Alex had convinced me that the baby... _our_ baby... would be innocent and beautiful. I was still haunted by what could happen. But she's perfect. She's innocent, and wonderful, and perfect. She's made our lives complete. And she _loves_ her big sister," Olivia smiled. "She's a real good judge of character, and she loves you Sarah. She loves Jay too," she spoke softly.

Sarah nodded. "I love Lily, she's so precious."

"And Jay?" Olivia pushed.

"I love her too. More than anything."

Olivia hugged her close. She looked at her watch, 5pm. "Hey," she said softly. "There's a great café round the corner from here. Alex and I often go there after running together. We haven't had any lunch, and we both know what happened to your breakfast," she smiled lovingly. "Let's go, have an early dinner. And you can call Jay while we're eating. Talk to her," she suggested.

"What if she doesn't want to talk to me?"

"She will," Olivia said. "She will."

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"This meatloaf's great," Sarah said between mouthfuls.

"It's the best in the city," Olivia smiled. "Sarah," she spoke tentatively. "You said Jay had been assaulted before. I don't want to pry, but d'you want to talk about it?"

Sarah went quiet for a moment. "I shouldn't have said. It wasn't my place."

"I don't want to violate her privacy," Olivia's tone was kind. "But I may be able to help. You never know. And it might help you to have someone to talk to about it."

"It was her last girlfriend," Jay told her. "She's only just told me about it. She'd never told anyone. She had a kind of breakdown."

"How is she now?"

"I think she's okay," Jay spoke softly as she thought about her beloved girlfriend. "It was awful for her, though," Sarah told Olivia all that Jay had told her about the rape.

Olivia was quiet at the end of the sad tale, one that she had heard too many times over the years. "I know some great counselors, if you think she would go. It does help, Sarah."

"Even after two years?"

"Yes, even after that long. And I'd be happy to investigate, see if we could prosecute; I can do it discreetly."

Sarah shook her head. "She doesn't want to prosecute. She says she couldn't bear to go through it. I told her to talk to you, but she doesn't want you to know."

"Then I _don't_ know," Olivia was reassuring. "But I'm here if you need me. If either of you need me."

Sarah nodded. "I don't know why you're so kind to me," she said, trying to keep her voice even.

Olivia smiled. "Because I love you. We both do. All _three_ of us do," she smiled at the thought of Lily. "I'm gonna make a call now, are you okay with that?"

Sarah looked a little nervous, but she nodded.

Olivia took out her phone and dialed. "Jay?" she said as the phone was answered. "It's Olivia here. Are you at home? I've got somebody here, I thought I'd drop her round in half an hour. Is that okay?" Olivia smiled at the response. "Here," she held out the phone to Sarah. "She wants to talk to you."

Sarah took the phone nervously. "Jay, I'm so sorry," she said. "I'm so very sorry. I love you Jay."

Sarah hung up after a moment. Olivia looked at her quizzically.

Sarah smiled. "She said she loves me too," she said, bashfully.

"Then finish your meal," Olivia smiled. "I need to give you a ride."

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Jay answered the apartment door, her face still blotchy from hours of crying. Sarah looked at her and just stepped into her embrace. "I'm so sorry," Sarah's voice was muffled.

"You should have trusted me," Jay said quietly.

"I do. I always have," Sarah said. "I just didn't trust myself."

"I trust you," Jay said. "And I love you."

"I love you too," Sarah said.

"I'll leave you to it," Olivia smiled. "I'll bring the car back tomorrow."

"Thank you," Jay's words were heartfelt.

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When Olivia got home, it was nearly 8pm. She didn't hear anything, and Alex wasn't in the living room. She knew where she would be.

As Olivia looked through the doorway of their daughter's room, her heart filled with love at the sight of her fiancée, sitting in the much-loved battered leather chair, holding their baby daughter tight to her chest. Both were sound asleep, but even in her sleep, Alex's hand gentled their baby's back.

Olivia very carefully lifted the baby from Alex's arms, and held her to her own chest for a few moments, relishing the contact with the warm, innocent bundle. She kissed her on the top of her head, and lay her down in her crib.

When she looked back down to the chair, she saw that Alex was stirring. "Hey," Olivia said softly.

Alex smiled. "Is Sarah okay?"

"Move over," Olivia smiled, insinuating herself next to Alex in the chair. She kissed her tenderly, running her hand down her cheek. "She's fine," she answered finally. "She's with Jay. She's okay. They're both okay now. There are a few things I should tell you. Tomorrow. Tonight," she peered anxiously into Alex's tense, tired face, "tonight, you need to sleep. Is Carolyn okay?"

Alex nodded. "She's doing really well. The doctors are very pleased with her. She made me come back; said Lily shouldn't spend all day in the hospital. She's being very thoughtful. I really think she's changed, Liv. A lot."

Olivia nodded. "I think she's learned a few things about what's important. C'mon, sleepyhead," she smiled as Alex yawned widely, "time for bed."

Alex let her pull her to her feet. She caught Olivia's hand, and pulled it to her. Very deliberately, she kissed the warm, strong palm, and pulled it to her own breast. "I do want to go to bed. But I don't want to sleep."

"Alexandra, you're exhausted," Olivia protested, even as her own ardor rose as she felt Alex's nipple pebble in her hand.

"I need to feel you," Alex's voice was small. "I want you to make love to me. Please, Liv. Without you, nothing makes sense. I need to feel you on me. _In_ me."

Olivia nodded. She took Alex's hand, and led her silently to the bedroom. Alex stood still while Olivia undressed her, kissing her lovingly as she did so. Olivia shed her own clothes and lowered Alex on to the bed. She ran her hand through her soft, blonde hair. "I love you, Alexandra Cabot. I'm only me when I'm with you. You bring me so much joy," she kissed her.

They made love for hours; it was so gentle, yet deeply passionate. As Olivia's soft tongue brought her to her climax for the fourth time, Alex cried out involuntarily, unaware of the tears streaming down her cheeks. Olivia held her as she collapsed bonelessly in her arms. Alex wept, with sadness, with happiness, for Lily, Sarah, for Carolyn, but most of all for Olivia, without whom she couldn't imagine wanting to live. Olivia rocked her tenderly. "The worst is over, Alex," she whispered. "We're all going to be so happy. I love you, honey. I love you so much."


	15. Chapter 15

**I am so sorry it has taken me so long to write this next chaper, I've just been terribly busy. So sorry to keep you all waiting.**

**And thank you so much for all the positive reviews, I can't tell you how much I appreciate them. They are especially welcome after my first negative review from a reader who objects to femslash.**

**To that reviewer (and I would have replied to you privately had you had the courage to sign your review, rather than resorting to the public arena), may I suggest that if femslash is so offensive to you, you could save yourself unnecessary trauma by avoiding any story that is clearly marked as such, rather than going out of your way to be offended? Just a thought. **

Alex blinked as she woke. It was just after 7am, and she groaned, knowing that she should get up; she was interviewing a witness at 9am, and she had to make sure she was prepared. "Liv?" she realized the bed was empty. She slid out of bed and padded to Lily's room, where she saw her lover holding their child tenderly. She stood in the doorway for a few seconds, just watching as Olivia played with Lily, making the infant gurgle with pleasure as she pulled faces at her.

Olivia looked up and saw Alex watching. "Hey, hot stuff," she grinned, remembering back to their marathon love-making session the night before. She loved watching Alex in the morning, as she came to slowly, her hair mussed, her expression sleepy. She looked so young, so vulnerable. So trusting. So goddamn hot.

"Hey, baby," Alex stepped forward and kissed Olivia deeply, her breathing quickening as she felt Olivia respond. Alex glanced down at Olivia's open nightshirt, the sight of her partially exposed breast sending a jolt to her center.

Olivia grinned as she followed Alex's gaze. "No time for that, sweetheart, sadly. Later, though, huh?"

"I'm going to hold you to that," Alex placed a kiss on the top of the soft mound. She then kissed Lily on the top of her head. "Hey peanut, you needed an early morning snack from your mama, did you?" She then looked over, and saw an empty bottle on the side table. She picked it up, and looked at Olivia.

Olivia tried to smile casually. "I think the milk bar's just about closed up now," she was furious to hear the wobble in her voice.

"Oh Liv," Alex could see the cloud that passed over her girlfriend's face. "I'm so sorry, honey. You're going to miss that, I know."

Olivia angrily dashed a tear away. "It's ridiculous," she said. "She's six months old now. I should be glad. More freedom. It's just..."

"I know, baby, I know. I'm going to miss just watching you feed her. I've got to admit, I've been a little jealous. Watching you and Lily, sharing that bond."

"Lily _loves_ you Alexandra," Olivia said fervently. "She's knows you're her mom."

"I know. And I couldn't love her more if I'd given birth to her. Watching you with her, it's always so beautiful. It's still beautiful now. Because my baby girl," Alex scooped her up from Olivia's arms, and her heart almost burst with joy when Lily gave her a sweet smile, "is almost as beautiful as her mama. And," she kissed her on the cheek, "every moment with her is precious. _Even_," she grinned as she felt her daughter's heavy diaper, "even when she needs a fresh diaper."

Olivia stood. "I'll do it," she said. "You have to get ready for work. Your mommy," Olivia addressed Lily, "is going to lock up the bad guys. So I'm going to take you to Auntie Rosie's while I go visit your Aunt Carolyn."

"Are you okay, Liv?" Alex called as Olivia headed to the bathroom, their daughter in her arms. "About... everything?"

Olivia smiled. "I have you. I have Lily. Of course I'm okay."

Thirty minutes later, Lily was playing in her crib as Olivia pressed a mug into Alex's hand. "Drink it in the car," she instructed. "And eat this when you get to the office," she passed her a paper sack containing toast and an apple.

"You'll call me when you've seen her?" Alex asked.

"Of course," Olivia promised. She cupped Alex's cheek, and leant in for a soft kiss, trying not to smear Alex's lip gloss.

Alex whimpered. "I want you so bad right now."

"I know. I want you too. We'll make up for it later," Olivia husked.

Alex reached out and pulled Olivia's robe to one side. Very deliberately, she ran her fingers down the side of her soft breast through her nightshirt. She grinned. "That's one good thing about you not nursing any more," swiftly she popped open the first three buttons, and gently grasped a full breast in her hand. She leant down and took the large, dark nipple into her hot mouth, tonguing it teasingly, gasping as she felt it spring instantly into a stiff peak. "I get these all back to myself. Oh God, Liv," she felt her desire rise sharply. She grasped Olivia's hand, and pulled it to her own breast, smiling as she felt Olivia's breathing quicken as she toyed unwittingly with the hard nub under her fingers. "Let's take the day off. I need to feel you. Oh sweet Lord," she gasped as Olivia's hand kneaded her roughly.

"We can't," Olivia growled, "you have to be at the Walker hearing. And you have that witness to prep."

"In 90 minutes. Ten won't make any difference," Alex was panting. "Please, Liv. Oh God," she pulled the robe from Olivia's shoulders, and dragged the nighshirt down her toned arms, unheeding as she heard buttons popping. She leant down and retook Olivia's breast in her mouth, her tongue teasing the pebbled flesh as she nipped and tugged.

Olivia tried half-heartedly to stop her, but when Alex finally removed her mouth from her left breast, replacing it with her hand as she tweaked the stiff nipple, and fixed her hot, sweet mouth on her right nipple, she knew she was lost.

Olivia reached round the back of Alex's skirt, expertly unzipping her. She held Alex steady as she helped her step out of the skirt which, amazingly, Alex managed to do without once removing her mouth from Olivia's breast.

"Lex?" Olivia's voice had fallen an octave. Gently, she pulled Alex from her aching nipple. She kissed her passionately, whimpering as their tongues danced erotically. "Gotta be quick," she rasped, as she pushed Alex back against the wall. She slid a well-muscled thigh between Alex's legs, and was rewarded as Alex thrust her damp center against her, grinding forcefully against her. "Oh Alexandra, you are … you are so..."

"Wanton?" Alex grinned. She grasped Olivia's hand, and pulled it to her own center, laughing as she felt Olivia cry out involuntarily at the wetness she encountered. "Please, Olivia. There's no time to... oh baby, oh my God. More," she felt Olivia's finger enter her, followed by a second. "That's it, Liv. You know what I like. I'm so close, baby, I just need you to... yes... harder. Please Olivia. I want to feel you. I want you to... oh Jesus... Olivia..."

Olivia was normally so gentle and loving, but she knew there was no time, and that was not what Alex wanted this morning. Alex wanted it, hard and fast, and Olivia wasn't going to argue. She palmed Alex's breast through her shirt, making sure not to damage the silk material. She could feel Alex rocking against her fingers, and smiled as she started to thrust, allowing her fingers to explore her lover, alternately scissoring and curling the strong digits.

Alex was almost incoherent, her breathing coming in pained gasps. "Harder," she bit out. "More. Oh sweet Jesus," she leant forward once more, and her mouth closed against Olivia's tortured breast. She suckled frenziedly, trying to cram ever more of the sweet flesh into her mouth. "Liv...," she moaned against her exquisite mouthful, her hips bucking uncontrollably as Olivia worked her expertly. "Liv. Olivia. You... you are... oh sweet baby... you're... oh … Liv," she felt Olivia's thumb flicking against her.

Olivia pushed Alex away from her torso as she slid down her slim frame. She dragged Alex's panties down to her knees as her tongue joined her fingers at Alex's center, spurred on by Alex's cries of ecstasy. As she took the precious nub she found into her mouth, Alex let out a cry of almost animal intensity. Olivia increased the rhythm of her thrusts, feeling Alex riding her fingers wildly. "Now," Olivia whispered, "come for me now, baby," she tugged her gently with her teeth just as Alex came explosively, screaming Olivia's name as she clutched the door handle desperately to stop her collapsing. She slid, bonelessly, into Olivia's arms.

Without releasing her grasp on her lover, Olivia stood carefully, feeling Alex limp in her arms. She looked at her watch. "Eight minutes," she said, smugly. "That's gotta be a record. And you still have two minutes to change your underwear and," she smiled as she kissed Alex's soft lips, "re-do your lip gloss. _You_," she looked at Alex's dazed face, "have that freshly fucked look."

A slow smile spread across Alex's face. She took a deep breath, but her voice was still a little shaky. "Only you can do that to me. I've never wanted anyone the way I want you. I want you all the time. I never _don't_ want you."

Olivia opened her mouth to make a smart remark, but she realized that Alex was in deadly earnest. "You have me, Alexandra. Always. I'm 100% committed to you. I love you so much it hurts."

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"You barely slept," Jay said, her words a statement rather than a question.

Sarah turned in her arms, and looked up at her. She was going to deny it, to protest that she was okay. But she saw Jay's face, and knew that she wasn't asking her to lie to her. She nodded. "I tried," she said quietly.

"I know," Jay kissed her softly. "None of this is your fault, Sarah."

"I hurt you. _That_ was my fault," Sarah's fingers traced a small bruise on Jay's hip.

"You could never hurt me. You were upset. Anyway," Jay tried to smile, "it was the damned table, not you. Sarah, I'm not working until 7pm today. And we both need to sleep. So, let's have some breakfast. Then I'm going to run the tub; I want you to have a nice relaxing bath. I'll even find some gunk to put in, I know how you like bubbles. Then we both go back to bed, and you're gonna let me hold you until you fall asleep."

"I have to go see Mom," Sarah sounded exhausted.

"I called Olivia. She's on her way in to see her. She'll explain that you'll go see her this evening, when I go to work."

Sarah opened her mouth, then shut it. "Okay," she whispered eventually.

"Good girl," Jay kissed her again.

"Will you come with me? In the tub?"

"You need to relax in there," Jay objected.

"I will relax, if you're holding me. Please?"

Jay smiled. "Of course, baby, if that's what you want."

"It is."

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"Thank you," Olivia said quietly to Carolyn. "I know how hard that was for you. But it's a good thing. You've made your statement, and we can pick him up. Elliot's on his way over to the apartment."

"He won't be there," Carolyn said, trying to keep her voice strong. "He's stupid, but he's not _that_ stupid," she tried to smile. "Here," she passed over a piece of paper. "This is the address of his office. And the house in the Hamptons. And his club, he sometimes stays there."

"Are you okay?" Olivia peered at her anxiously. "I know you didn't want to report this, not at the beginning. You wanted to protect Sarah, didn't you?"

Carolyn nodded. "I didn't want her to know. It's too much. Too much to have in your head. To know that your own father can do _that_," she paled at the painful memories. "I never wanted her to find out."

Olivia took her hand. "She's going to be okay," she spoke softly. "She's with Jay today. Jay will take care of her. She loves her."

Carolyn looked up sharply. "I know. And I'm getting used to it. I know. I know I've been an appalling bigot. But it's still hard, you know? Maybe you don't..."

"I do know. Being gay isn't an easy option. It isn't a choice, either. You can't know how hard I tried _not_ to be gay. But I am. And now, I thank God that I am, or I wouldn't have Alex. Or Lily. I was scared of people's reactions, what they would think. And it has been hard, sometimes real hard. And, if I'm honest, part of me hopes Lily's not gay. Not because I don't want her to fall in love with a woman, but because I don't want her to have to deal with the shit that you can't avoid if you are gay."

"Shit from people like me," Carolyn looked piercingly at her.

Olivia opened her mouth to deny the statement, and then shut it again. She inclined her head a little. "Yeah," she said, almost apologetically. "Like you _were_. Not like you are now."

"I still find it... hard to come to terms with. But I'm trying. I'm never going to let Sarah down again. Not like before. I'm going to try to make it up to her."

Olivia smiled. "That's all anyone can ask. Just tell her you love her. The rest will come."

She stood up. "It'll all be okay. With Alex too."

"You think? I just hope she can forgive me. And be patient while I work all this out. I've spent too many years listening to mother."

"Did you want me to call your mother?" Olivia suddenly remembered that Carolyn spent much of her time caring for her mother after the stroke.

"I called. I told her I'd been in an accident. She's being taken care off by the staff, she'll be fine. She's mostly recovered anyway. She just enjoys having me there, doing her bidding," Carolyn failed to hide the hint of bitterness in her tone.

"I'll tell the nursing staff to make sure they go along with the 'accident' story, in case she calls or visits," Olivia offered.

"There's no need, she won't. I've realized she's not really interested in me, she just wants to have someone to order about."

"I'm so sorry," Olivia said quietly.

"Will Alex really forgive me?" Carolyn tried not to sound too pleading.

"Of course she will. She already has, or she wouldn't have been here so much. She'd be here right now if she didn't have an important case. She's a good person, Carolyn. I've never known anyone with a heart as pure as Alex's."

Carolyn smiled. "That's funny. That's what she said about you."


	16. Chapter 16

"Alex?" Olivia was concerned. Alex had barely spoken since Elliot's had left a half hour before. In fact, she had been almost rude to him. Half-way through a conversation, she had announced that Lily was sleepy, and that she would feed her and put her to bed. She had remained in Lily's room, only emerging after Elliot's departure.

"Huh?" Alex looked up from the book she was pretending to read.

"Are you okay, honey?" Olivia asked gently. "You seem, I don't know... a little... off," she tailed off.

"I'm just tired," Alex tried not to snap.

"Maybe you need an early night."

Alex's control snapped. "What I need," she said, icily. "What I _need_ is for somebody to take this seriously."

Olivia realized how tightly Alex was wound. "We _are_ taking it seriously, baby. And Elliot's doing all he can."

"Is that right?" Alex adopted her haughty court persona.

Olivia had never seen that side of her at home, and it made her want to cry. She forced herself to remain calm, she knew only too well what demons her lover was battling.

"I wanted to work it too, Alexandra. They won't let me. I'm so sorry."

For a brief moment, Alex saw the pain in Olivia's eyes. "I know," she said, quietly, sounding almost back to her old self. "_You_ would be doing something. I know you would. But _he_," she spat, as a blind fury overtook her, "Elliot _fucking_ Stabler, is sitting on his fat ass. What the hell does that mean, anyway. 'In the wind'. That bastard's _in the wind_. He raped my sister. He brutalized her. And now he's _in the wind_," she sneered.

"They're trying everywhere, everyone they can. Finn sat outside his apartment all day today. Even Munch spent the day going through his credit history, to try and find something. Anything. And you know how hard it is to get Munch to work a Saturday," Olivia tried to smile.

Alex was beyond reason by this point. "So I'm supposed to call her, and tell her he's still _in the wind_, am I? Do you have any idea how hard it is to tell that to a victim? It's been eleven days, Olivia. Eleven fucking days! Jesus. It's because Stabler hates me. He's always hated me. He thinks we're deviants. Remember how he reacted when we got together? If my sister were anyone else, they'd have arrested him by now!" Alex had never been so angry, or out of control, in her whole life. She was shouting, red in the face, her fists clenched tightly by her side.

"Alexandra," Olivia stepped towards her, at the same time as she heard Lily crying. She looked briefly over her shoulder, trying to decide who needed her most.

In that second, Alex was on her feet. She had woken their baby. In her anger, she had shouted at the woman she loved more than life, she had screamed bitter untruths. She had seen the look of shock on Olivia's face as she spat bile-filled words at her. Olivia had schooled her face to a neutral expression fast, but not fast enough.

"I need some air," Alex gasped, and grabbed at the keys on the counter.

"Alex, no!" Olivia shouted. "Baby, don't go. We can work this out."

Alex took one look at Olivia's pained face, and it was more than she could handle. "I have to. I'm sorry," she ran out of the door.

"At least take your coat!" Olivia called, but it was too late.

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Alex sprinted out of the building, and set off at a run down the street. She ran for 20 minutes, her heart pounding, her head spinning. Finally, she reached the outskirts of the park. Suddenly spent, she doubled over, trying to catch her breath. She held onto iron railings by a hedge to stop herself from falling. What the hell was she doing?

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"Shh, baby," Olivia soothed Lily, all the while trying to stop herself from crumbling. "I know, honey, I know. We made a lot of noise, huh? I'm so sorry," she kissed her on the top of her head as she rocked her lovingly. "There are a few things we need to work out. But we will, baby, we will. We love you so much. _Both_ of us," her voice hitched. "There, my angel," she crooned as Lily nodded off. "There," she lay her down in her crib. "It'll all be okay. Sleep well, baby."

She let herself out of Lily's room, her heart still racing. Where in the hell could Alex be? She reached for her cell, pressing number one on the speed dial. Her heart sank when she heard the unmistakeable sound of Violetta's aria from La Traviata, the first opera she and Olivia had ever attended together. The next day, Alex had changed her cellphone so that Olivia's ringtone was that aria that they both loved so much. The sound was coming from the kitchen. Olivia went in there, knowing what she would find. Alex had left her phone behind. Olivia had no way of getting a hold of her. And she couldn't go out to look for her, as Sarah was staying at Jay's, and there was no-one to sit with Lily.

Briefly, Olivia contemplated calling Rosie or Rebecca to come sit with Lily while she looked for Alex, but she realized that wouldn't help. For starters, she had no idea where Alex was. Also, she knew Alex would be pissed if anyone else knew what had happened. Anyway, Olivia hoped, she would be back soon. And she would need Olivia when she returned. She should just wait, she decided.

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Alex knew that Olivia would not want her to go in the park on her own at night. She had had to deal with too many tragedies that had occurred there. Olivia loved the park, but she knew too much about its hidden dangers too. So Alex decided to be sensible, and stayed on the well-lit roads. She just walked, and walked, not knowing where she was going, half-recognizing her surroundings as she walked, just wishing that she could clear her head. She looked up and vaguely recognized the street she was on. After a few minutes, it all became clear as she saw the fire station where Jay worked. She wasn't there tonight, though, she knew that. She and Sarah had gone to the movies. Suddenly, she felt alone and isolated. She just wanted to feel Olivia's arms around her. But Olivia wasn't there. She was at home, likely pissed as hell at the way Alex had acted.

Alex let out a sob. She wanted to go home, but she couldn't bring herself to go. She felt in her jeans pocket, reassured to find a wadge of cash jammed in the corner of the pocket. Olivia was always telling her to use her wallet. Alex smiled a little at the memory of sitting in the laundry room with Olivia, listening to her girlfriend berating her lovingly over her habit. At least she had enough money for a cab back to the apartment. If only she could think of what to say.

The warm light from the coffee shop attracted her attention. She realized that she was cold. What in the hell was she doing leaving the apartment without even a jacket? Thank God it was a summer night. She would go in, have some coffee, get warmed up, and try and think of something to say to Olivia. Yes, she decided. That was the best thing. She should text Olivia too, tell her not to worry. She felt in her other pocket, realizing that her cellphone was still at the apartment. Damn.

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Olivia looked at her watch; nearly midnight. She had never been so worried in all her life. She shook herself. Alex was an adult. She never took unnecessary risks. She knew the city better than anyone Olivia had ever met. She would just be walking it off, she decided. Poor Alex had had more to cope with in the past couple of weeks than most people in a lifetime.

Olivia desperately wanted to wait up for Alex, but she didn't want to spook her. She didn't want to force her into some sort of confrontation. Maybe she was outside, waiting for the lights to go out? Olivia resolved to go to bed, and wait for her there. She just prayed the wait would not be a long one.

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Alex stepped into the coffee shop, immediately hit by a blast of warm air. She slipped into a corner booth, rubbing her hands together to restore the circulation.

A kindly-looking middle-aged waitress approached her.

"Just black coffee, please," Alex asked.

"Sure thing, hon," the waitress replied. She was back in a couple of moments, placing her coffee in front of her. "Are you okay?" the waitress asked. "You look half-frozen."

Alex looked up at her, and was almost undone by her kind smile. She forced herself to smile back. "I just got a little cold. I'm warming up now. Thank you," she said.

The waitress disappeared, and was back a moment later bearing a woollen shawl. "Put this on, honey."

Alex's eyes filled with tears at the unexpected kindness. The waitress saw as she battled to control her emotions, and a light switched on in her brain. She slid in opposite Alex. "Hey," she spoke. "I know who you are. You're Sarah's aunt, right?"

Alex looked startled. "How do you know Sarah?" she asked, confused.

The waitress, Vanessa, laughed. "She's a regular visitor. She comes to meet Jakie. Or Jay, as she calls her. That niece of yours, she's been wonderful for Jake. And she's shown me pictures of you, and her other aunt, with that beautiful baby. She keeps promising she'll bring her in to meet me. I'm so sorry, she did tell me your name, but I've forgotten it. Old age," she tapped her head and laughed.

"I'm Alex. And you must be the famous Vanessa, I've heard so much about you. You're very kind."

"Not kind, honey, just nosey!" Vanessa laughed. "But tell me, what in the name of God are you doing here at midnight? On your own? Why aren't you with your family?"

Alex looked up to answer, and found herself so overwhelmed she couldn't speak. Tears rolled down her face, and she could do nothing to stop them. Vanessa reached out and put one hand over Alex's. She said nothing, she just let her cry.

"I'm so sorry," Alex sniffed, eventually. "I don't know what came over me."

"You had a fight with your girlfriend," Vanessa said astutely.

"How did you know?"

"You're here, on your own, no jacket, no wallet, no phone. Looks to me like you stormed out. Did you at least slam the door?" she smiled.

Alex shook her head. "No," she whispered. "I'd already woken the baby, I didn't want to upset her more. And it wasn't Olivia's fault."

"Olivia! That's the other name Sarah told me."

"It was my fault. All of it. I let some stuff get on top of me, and I took it out on her. I said some terrible things. I didn't mean any of them. I wish I could take them back. She's going to hate me," Alex sounded so miserable that Vanessa just wanted to hug her, but she could tell that Alex was essentially a very private person.

"Have you two never had a fight before?" Vanessa sounded disbelieving.

Alex shook her head. "Never. Never at home. At work, sure, but that's different. I can't bear to think how much I've upset her. What if she never forgives me?" her hands shook as she raised the coffee to her lips.

Vanessa smiled at her. "You're sweet. You really are. Tell me, Alex, suppose it was the other way round. Would you forgive Olivia, if she said something bad in the heat of the moment? Would you still love her?"

"Of course I would!" Alex said, without thinking. She smiled.

"Finish that coffee, get warm, and I'll call you a cab. You go home to your beautiful family."

Alex swallowed as tears threatened again.

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Alex's heart was in her mouth as she got out of the cab, pulling the woollen shawl round her shoulders. She looked up at the apartment, and realized all the lights were out.

She let herself into the apartment, and saw that the door to their bedroom was shut. Her courage failed her. She would talk to Olivia tomorrow. She wanted to feel Olivia's arms around her, almost more than anything she had ever wanted, but she knew it wasn't fair to disturb her sleep. She let herself into the main bathroom to wash up, and saw Olivia's big, baggy NYPD t-shirt on the airer, and remembered back to Lily's bath early that evening, when the shirt had gotten damp. She reached out and felt the cloth. Realizing it was dry, she stripped out of her clothes and donned the shirt. She had always loved this t-shirt; it made her feel secure. And tonight it smelled of Olivia.

She went the guest bedroom, and climbed into the bed. She would make it up to Olivia tomorrow. She would beg her forgiveness. If just Olivia could forgive her, that was all that mattered.

She had been lying in bed for five minutes when she heard the door creak open slowly. She saw a tousled Olivia silhouetted in the doorway, dressed in a simple camisole and her favorite flannel pajama pants.

Olivia approached the bed, her eyes on Alex. She knelt at the head of the bed. She reached out and stroked Alex's soft hair. When Alex didn't flinch at the contact, she leant forward and, very tenderly, placed a kiss on her lips. "Move over," Olivia said lovingly, giving a small smile as Alex immediately shuffled over, raising the quilt to welcome her in.

Olivia lay down in the bed, her eyes never leaving Alex. She kissed her again.

"I'm so sorry," Alex whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. "I'm so very sorry," her eyes filled with tears again.

"You don't have to be sorry, Alex. You just have to be okay. Are you okay?"

Alex nodded, too emotional to speak.

"You're not okay," Olivia spoke so lovingly that Alex began to sob. "It's going to be alright, my darling. I know it's been awful." She pulled her into her arms and held her tight. "We'll get through this. Together. All of us. And _we_ will catch him. Just let it go, honey. I'm here, Alexandra. I'll always be here for you."

"Even after all those things I said?" Alex wept.

Olivia smiled. "Those things don't matter, Alex. _You_ matter. And if you need to blow off steam sometimes, I can take a little steam. I'm here for you, through the good _and_ the bad. You've always been there for me, it's my turn to take care of you."

"I didn't mean any of it," Alex croaked, through her tears.

"Not even about Elliott having a fat ass?" Olivia teased. "Hey," she rocked Alex as her crying intensified. "We're okay, aren't we? Us? That's what matters. You, me, and Lily. And Sarah. The rest will come." She held Alex tenderly until her sobbing eventually slowed.

"You're all soggy," Alex sniffled, realizing that her tears had soaked into Olivia's front.

Olivia nodded. With one hand, she pulled off the camisole top and threw it onto the floor. "Now I'm dry," she whispered, holding an exhausted Alex to her front.

Within ten minutes, Alex's breathing had evened out, and Olivia realized she was asleep. Very carefully, Olivia lay down, still cradling Alex to her. Alex shifted in her sleep as she readjusted to the new position. Her lips brushed unwittingly over Olivia's nipple. In her sleep, her lips opened to capture the soft bud. Olivia smiled as she felt Alex let out a low whimper. She held her tenderly all night, her heart filling with joy as she felt Alex's soft lips on her. Everything was going to be just fine.


	17. Chapter 17

Alex surprised herself by sleeping soundly all night, and waking with a feeling of calm and contentment. The warm embrace of her lover's arms made her feel so safe – and loved. They had had their first fight, and they had survived it intact. It hadn't even dented their relationship.

Alex padded out of the unfamiliar bedroom and went to see to Lily, who was just making her presence known. She scooped her up out of her crib, her heart filling with pleasure at the sight of Lily's wide, sweet smile. "Hey, baby," she whispered. "You gonna come with me, make some coffee for your mama? _After_," she sniffed at Lily's butt, "after we've gotten you a clean diaper, of course!"

Alex lowered Lily into her chair and buckled her in. She peeled a banana and handed half of it to her daughter, and then switched on the coffee machine with practiced ease. She knew how much Olivia had missed coffee during her pregnancy, and made sure that it was available at all times to her now.

Olivia emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later, and approached Alex from behind. She put both her arms round Alex's waist, and rested her chin on her shoulder. "Hey," she said softly.

Alex smiled. She turned round to face Olivia, passing her a mug of coffee. "You know how much I love you, don't you?" she asked.

"Yeah," Olivia said. "I think I do. And, you know," she grinned, "I've kinda got used to having you around too!" She ducked as Alex swatted her. "C'mere," she put her coffee on the counter as she caught Alex's hands. Very slowly and deliberately, she pulled her to her and kissed her, softly at first, but becoming more passionate as the minutes ticked past. Finally, they broke apart, both a little breathless. "Oh yeah," Olivia's tone was smug. "Just wanted to make sure the day got off to a good start." She winked at Lily, who was sitting smeared in banana, smiling and happy to be with both of her parents.

Alex laughed. "Breakfast," she ordered, as she pushed Olivia toward the kitchen table. "You want pancakes?"

Olivia nodded enthusiastically.

Ten minutes later, they were eating and talking animatedly when they heard the main door to the apartment opening.

"Sarah!" Olivia called. "In here. Your aunt has been _cooking_! Come and eat with us."

"I cook!" Alex said, mock-defensively.

"You do," Olivia admitted. "But you also know the numbers of all the local take-outs off by heart."

Alex grinned. "I'm good with numbers! Hey, Sarah, did you have a good time?"

Sarah smiled as she entered. "It was great, thanks. Jay's just gone off to work."

"On a Sunday?" Alex screwed her face up. "I'm glad we've got the day off. What shall we do, Liv? Shall we take Lily to the park? She does love to feed the ducks."

"I think that's a great idea," Olivia said. "It's a beautiful day, and some fresh air would be good for all of us. You want to come Sarah?"

Sarah nodded enthusiastically. "You bet."

"Shit," Olivia remembered. "I have to go to the hardware store first. I need to replace that chain on Lily's swing, it doesn't look safe to me."

Alex nodded. "You get the chain, then we can go to the park. You can fit the chain when we get back. Maybe," she said hesitantly, "maybe we can get some coffee while we're out too."

Olivia nodded, and put one hand over Alex's, giving her a loving smile.

"I met Vanessa last night," Alex told Sarah, a little embarrassed about admitting to her behavior.

"Did you? At the coffee shop? What were you two doing there?"

"Not two... just me," Alex smiled, wryly. "We had a fight. Me and Liv. I was an asshole. I stormed out. And then I got to the park, and I remembered that Olivia would probably kill me if I went in there late at night," she squeezed Olivia's fingers. "So I just kept walking. And I suddenly got real cold, and went into this coffee shop. She recognized me from pictures, she knew all about me and Olivia. And Lily. And," she reached across to the shawl draped over the back of the chair Olivia was sitting on, "she lent me this. She's so kind, isn't she?"

"She's great," Sarah said. "She was real kind to Jay when things were... difficult."

"She has a heart of gold," Olivia spoke softly. "Why don't we all go there for a late lunch? We can take the munchkin to meet her."

Sarah's face lit up. "That would be great," she said. "She's been bugging me for ever to bring Lily in. What time were you there yesterday, Alex?"

"Around midnight," Alex said.

"So she must be doing the 2pm to 2am shift this week. We should get there after 2pm."

"Great," Alex said. "That'll give me time to go get her some flowers, to say thank you. She'll be so pleased to see you too, Liv."

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"Well my Jakie was right!" Vanessa laughed as she held a gurgling Lily. "You are the most beautiful baby I've ever seen."

Olivia laughed.

Vanessa smiled at her. "And I can see where she gets it from. You have to be just about the cutest couple ever!"

"Hey!" Sarah called, pretending to be wounded.

"And you and Jakie, of course," Vanessa winked broadly.

The family sat at one of the tables and enjoyed their lunch, basking in the special treatment they received from Vanessa, who spent much of the time sitting with them.

Under the table, Alex reached for Olivia's hand, and nearly wept with pleasure as she felt Olivia lace her fingers with her own and hold tight. "We're okay, aren't we?" Alex whispered to her.

Olivia smiled at her lovingly, and kissed her softly. "We'll always be okay. Whatever happens," she promised. "I love you Alexandra."

Vanessa pretended not to notice the exchange between the two lovers, and smiled to herself. Those two would be together for ever, she decided.

After over two hours of laughing and eating and drinking, Olivia stood up. "We should go," she said reluctantly.

"You come back soon, you hear?" Vanessa demanded.

"We will," Alex replied. "Soon."

She was surprised when Vanessa gave her an impulsive hug. "See?" Vanessa said quietly so only Alex could hear. "She loves you."

Alex nodded. "Yeah," she said, smiling to herself.

They were just getting all of Lily's stuff together when Alex had a sudden thought. She grabbed Olivia by the arm. "The boat!" she said. "Why didn't I think of it before?"

"What boat, honey?" Olivia asked.

"He'll be on Daddy's boat," Alex said. "Brian. Carolyn's...,"

"Rapist?" Sarah couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice.

Alex looked at her, agonized that she had brought this up in front of her. "Sarah, I'm sorry, I..."

"Don't be sorry," Sarah's voice softened. "He may be my father, but I want him caught. He has to pay. If you can think where he might be, that's great."

"He loved Daddy's boat," Alex looked at her gratefully. "I mean, the engine is out of commission, from what I remember. He and Daddy worked on it together sometimes, though Daddy preferred to be on his own. He tried to be nice to Brian, but I could tell he didn't like him. Last thing I remember, when Daddy got sick, the engine was in pieces. But you could still live there! Maybe that's where he's gone."

"Where is it?" Olivia was already feeling for her cellphone.

"The marina. I can take you there. We just need to get Lily home, maybe ..."

Sarah reached out for the stroller. "I'll take her," she said. "In fact," she looked at her watch. "Jay finishes work in under an hour. We'll wait here for her, then we'll take her home together. Jay loves spending time with her. You go," she said. "There's no need to waste time. And if you see him... tell him..." her face darkened. "No," she decided. "Don't tell him anything from me. I have nothing to say to him."

Olivia could see the internal struggle in her eyes. She pulled Sarah into a quick hug. "Thank you," she whispered.

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Alex hailed a cab as Olivia dialed Elliot, filling him in on where they were going. "We'll see you there. It's a 30ft yacht, one mast, red hull. What's its name Alex? It's the 'Free Spirit'. Jetty 4, Alex says. Thanks El. Tell Kathy I'm sorry to interrupt her Sunday."

"It's just down there," Alex pointed to the end of a nearby jetty as they got out of the cab.

"And there's Elliot," Olivia looked up as a car pulled up. "And Fin! Thanks for coming, guys."

As they approached the yacht, it was clear that someone was on board. The cabin door was open, and a full set of screwdrivers lay haphazardly around the deck. Someone was fixing the engine.

Elliot knocked on the perspex window. "Harbourmaster!" he called, shrugging at Olivia's amused glance.

Brian emerged from the cabin, wiping his hands on a greasy rag. "Hey," he said. "I was just... what the hell?" he shouted as Fin leapt aboard and twisted his arm up his back, slamming his face on the coach roof of the boat.

"Brian Lomas, you are under arrest," Olivia started reciting as Elliot climbed aboard and cuffed the furious man. She stepped across the guard rail to face him. "You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, anything you say can and will..."

Suddenly, Alex's blood turned to ice as time seemed to slow to an agonizing crawl.

She watched, horrified, yet unable to stop the action, as Brian freed one hand and, in one swift movement, grabbed one of the screwdrivers off the deck and rammed it hard into Olivia's gut, twisting it as he did.

"Shit!" Elliot screamed.

Fin reacted the quickest, slamming his fist into Brian's head with such force that he dropped like a stone.

Alex's vision narrowed to a tunnel, through which she could only see Olivia's face. A look of startled horror flashed across Olivia's features, and then the screaming agony hit her. All colour drained instantly from her face as she clutched at her midriff.

All this seemed to take a lifetime – a horrifying lifetime – but it was less than five seconds.

Alex vaulted over the guardrail of the boat and was at Olivia's side before she even hit the ground. She caught her in her arms, only then getting a full view of the terrifying injury that Brian had inflicted.

As this was happening, Fin was manhandling Brian and dragging him bodily away from Alex and Olivia. He seemed to understand, instinctively, that the last thing they needed was to be near that monster, even though he was unconscious. Fin took out his own cuffs, and slapped them on Brian's wrists. "What the fuck, Stabler?" he yelled. "Why didn't you do these up properly?"

Elliot was white with shock. He shook himself, and was already dialing for an ambulance as he stripped off his jacket, balling it up to press against Olivia's pouring wound.

Alex's hands were covered with Olivia's warm blood, as it seeped rapidly through her fingers. She took the jacket and held it in place, trying not to react to Olivia's cry of pain. At least she was still feeling pain. She was still feeling. Her heart was still pumping.

"Be strong, Liv," Alex pleaded, as she saw Olivia try to mouth something to her.

Olivia had never felt pain like it. She was barely aware of Alex's strong arms supporting her, but she knew she was there. She looked up, and tried to focus on the face in front of her own. Was this where it was going to end for them? She tried to form words, but her brain didn't seem to be sending signals to her mouth. She wanted Alex to know that she loved her. That she loved Lily. That it would be okay. Whatever happened, it would be okay. She wanted Alex to know that, even if this was it, even if her life was over, it had been worth it to be with her. But no noise came out. Her mouth opened, and a trickle of blood ran out of the corner of it.

"Liv, sweetheart. Don't try to talk. We're going to get you fixed up. A bus is on its way. You'll be at Mercy any moment. I love you, baby. I love you. I love you," Alex looked up, anguished, as Olivia slumped, unconscious, in her arms. "I love you, Liv. Stay with me. Just for a few more minutes. I love you."


	18. Chapter 18

There was so much blood. Alex couldn't quite believe how much blood there was.

The EMTs were kind in the ambulance. They made it possible for Alex to hold on to Olivia throughout, while they worked. While they did everything they could to keep her alive.

But Alex still saw the glances that passed between them. She wasn't dumb. She didn't ask, not about Olivia's chances. She couldn't take any bad news. And Olivia was still alive. She wouldn't be bleeding if her heart weren't still pumping. "Hold on, baby," she whispered to her unconscious lover. "Hold on. We're nearly there. They'll fix you right up." She looked up at the female EMT, who gave her a tight smile. "Just a few more minutes, Liv."

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Dr Rebecca Evans had had a bad day. Her head pounded as she dry swallowed two Tylenol.

"You okay?" one of the nurses asked her.

Rebecca nodded. "Yeah," she said. "Long day."

"And you're missing Bethan?"

Rebecca smiled. "More than I ever imagined I could. But she loves it at daycare, and they all love her, so..."

"So it's mommy who's suffering?" the nurse, Laura, smiled kindly.

The phone rang. "Evans," Rebecca said as she answered. "Okay," she put the phone down. "The day's not getting any better. We have a stabbing victim on the way in, female, mid-thirties. Eight minutes out."

"Let's get ready," Laura was already collecting equipment. "We'll meet them in the ambulance bay."

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"We're here, Liv," Alex clasped Olivia's hand. She was still alive. The EMTs looked relieved. There was a flurry of activity as the doors flew open. Suddenly all hell seemed to break loose, as doctors, nurses, EMTs and God only knew who else surrounded the gurney.

Alex found herself losing her grip on Olivia's hand. A blonde nurse held her arms gently but firmly. "You can't go in there," she said, her tone kind and understanding.

"But she's my fiancée!" Alex was desperate.

"I'll take you to her as soon as I can, I swear. We need to make sure she's getting the best treatment, and we can't do that if we're worrying about you. They need to focus on her. Okay?" she smiled kindly at Alex.

Alex took a shuddering breath, suddenly weak as a kitten. She leant back against the cool wall.

"Come with me. You can wash your hands, and we'll get you some hot tea."

Alex looked down. Her hands were covered in blood. So much blood. Olivia's blood.

The nurse saw her reaction. "It's okay," she spoke softly. "We have a nice room, just to the side here. My name's Laura. They're doing everything possible, you have to know that. She'll be going into surgery, as soon as the triage doctor has stabilized her. She's real good at her job, and you're in luck, our best surgeon is dealing with emergency cases this afternoon. So she couldn't be in better hands."

Alex nodded, allowing Laura to lead her to the bathroom next to the relatives' room. Once she had washed up, Laura showed her to the couch in the relatives' room. "I'll be right back," Laura promised. Within five minutes, she was back with a china mug full of hot sweet tea. "I went to the nurses' station," she smiled. "That muck that comes out of the machine is undrinkable."

Alex looked up at her, taking the tea in shaking hands. "You're very kind," her voice cracked.

"What's your name?"

"Alex."

"And your fiancée?"

"Olivia," a tear rolled down Alex's cheek.

"Well, Alex, Olivia's in the best hands. Rebecca, the triage doctor, will be along real soon, to let you know what's happening. Do you need me to call anyone for you?"

Alex looked at her, confused. Lily. Sarah was taking care of her. But she should know. Alex shivered. She couldn't face telling her. That would make it all too real. "I... I... we have a baby. She's with family. I should... I just... I don't..."

Laura took her hand. "It's okay. There's no hurry. We don't have to do anything, not yet. You just tell me if you want me to call anyone. You're shaking, let me get you a blanket." She draped a soft blanket around Alex's shoulders.

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Rebecca Evans took one look at her patient's face and her heart plummeted. She had always feared something like this would happen; someone she cared about would end up on a gurney in front of her. This one would end well, she told herself fiercely, even as she worked feverishly on her. She would not allow Olivia to die. She barked orders, as the whole team ran with the gurney down the corridor. Everyone knew how important it was to get to the operating theater.

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Rebecca took a deep breath before opening the door to the relatives' room. She saw Alex on the couch, staring blankly, as Laura sat quietly with her. She was so pleased that it was Laura who was with Alex; she was kind, compassionate and intelligent. She knew not to raise false hopes, and she was calm, and she really cared about her job and the people she came across.

"Alex?" Rebecca spoke softly, kneeling down by Alex.

Alex looked up; Rebecca had never seen such naked fear in anyone's eyes.

"She's still with us, Alex, she's hanging on."

Alex's face crumpled; tears poured down her cheeks. "Is she going to die?"

"Not if we have any say," Rebecca spoke gently. "I'm not going to lie to you Alex. It's serious. We think her stomach is punctured, the blood from her mouth indicates that. And it's a deep wound, she lost a lot of blood. But she made it to surgery, and that has to be a good sign. She's tough, Alex. We have our best surgeon on the case. He's in with her now. They've given her blood, and they'll continue to transfuse her during surgery. We just have to wait and see now."

"How long?" Alex asked through her tears.

"A few hours. We don't know exactly, it depends on what he finds. If anyone can fix this, it's Osborne. He can be a real ass and the nurses hate him, but he's the best surgeon in the state."

"So we wait?"

"We wait. I'm going back over there soon, see if I can find out how it's all going. I'll keep you updated Alex, I swear."

"Even if it's bad news?" Alex gulped.

"I'll come tell you everything," Rebecca promised. "Have you got everything you need?"

Alex nodded. "Laura's been very kind," she whispered.

"I'll leave you with her," Rebecca stood. She kissed Alex on the cheek, and slipped out of the relatives' room. Her head still pounded. She prayed this day wouldn't get any worse. She looked at her watch; she should have left 10 minutes ago, to pick up her daughter from daycare. She took out her cellphone, and dialed her husband. "John? I can't get away. It's too awful, John," she tried to stifle a sob. "Olivia's been stabbed. I'm going to stay. Can you? Thank you sweetheart. I will. I love you."

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An hour passed. Laura's cell beeped. She saw it was a message from Rebecca. "No change, she's still in surgery. She's holding up." She showed it to Alex.

The door to the relatives' room opened. Alex looked up. She blinked. "Carolyn?"

Carolyn was carrying a holdall, which she dropped on the floor as she rushed to her sister's side. She sat next to Alex and took her in her arms. Alex crumbled completely in her embrace, overwhelmed with fear and horror. She wept uncontrollably, as Carolyn rocked her gently, shushing her like a baby. "Oh Alex. That's it, you cry. Let it all out Alex. We're all here for you. She's strong, honey, like you. And she won't want to leave you, or Lily. Shh, sweetheart."

Carolyn had never seen anyone so distraught. She had been horrified when she saw Alex; her milk-white face contrasted with the horribly blood-stained t-shirt; even her jeans were caked in blood.

Laura stood back and watched the scene in front of her. The beautiful blonde was close to hysterical. "I'll be right back," she mouthed to Carolyn.

Fifteen minutes later, Laura returned.

"I spoke to the ward manager," she said quietly to Carolyn who was still rocking Alex. "They've got an empty room. It's one of our nicest ones, and it has a private bathroom and a couch. Let me take you two there. Alex can get cleaned up; is that fresh clothes?" she nodded to the holdall Carolyn had brought.

Carolyn nodded. "Do you usually offer rooms to relatives?" she asked.

Laura smiled. "I wish we could. No, this is a special favor. Sometimes it helps to be friends with the ER doctor. Rebecca asked me if I could arrange something."

"That's so kind," Carolyn said. "Did you hear that, Lexie?" Carolyn whispered to her sister. She pulled back a little, and brushed Alex's hair back from her forehead. "We're going to get you changed and into a warm bath."

"Olivia?"

"No more news yet. We'll tell you as soon as we hear. But we've got found you a nice room, and we're going to take you there now, okay?" Laura said.

Alex just looked confused.

"C'mon," Carolyn stood. "D'you think you can walk?"

Alex got unsteadily to her feet.

"Is it far?" Carolyn asked.

"Not too far," Laura lifted Alex's bag and between them they helped her walk to the elevator.

In a few minutes, Alex was sitting on the closed toilet lid, her eyes glazed as Carolyn ran the tub. Once the temperature was right, she went over to Alex and took off her shirt and her bra, trying not to react as she saw the amount of blood that had soaked through to Alex's skin. She took a warm washcloth and wiped off as much blood as she could. She knew that otherwise the water in the tub would turn red, and that was the last thing Alex needed.

Once Alex's torso was fairly clean, Carolyn helped her to stand for a second while she removed her jeans and her panties. She wiped her legs down too. She swallowed; she couldn't see how anyone could survive that sort of blood loss.

"Okay, Lexie, are you ready?" Carolyn smiled. She helped Alex to step into the tub, holding her as she slid down into the water.

Gently she soaped her down, trying not to react to the tremors in Alex's body. She knew her sister was in the worst kind of shock. After a few minutes, Alex was clean. Carolyn took the shower head and carefully dampened her hair, rubbing shampoo into it; even her hair had Olivia's blood on it. "Shut your eyes, sweetheart," Carolyn said.

Alex complied, as Carolyn rinsed her hair carefully. "You used to do this for me," Alex spoke at last. "When I was small."

"I loved taking care of you. When you were a baby. You were so beautiful. You still are, Lexie. And now Lily looks just like you used to."

"Why did you bath me?"

"Mom was always too busy," Carolyn said.

"We were close then," Alex sounded sad.

"Maybe we can be again?" Carolyn gave her hair a final rinse.

"I'd like that," Alex said weakly. She had never felt so exhausted in her life.

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Carolyn dragged a sweater over Alex's head. Alex was docile and obedient. Too docile, Carolyn realized sadly.

"Come and sit," she led her to the couch.

Alex held her on to her hand. "Sit with me?" her eyes were pleading. Carolyn sat next to her, and Alex immediately lay down, her head in Carolyn's lap. "Is this okay?" she asked.

"Of course," Carolyn ran her fingers through Alex's still damp hair. "Try and relax."

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Three hours later, Rebecca knocked and let herself into the room. Alex sat up immediately. "Olivia?" she asked.

"She's out of surgery. There was a lot of damage. The surgeon, Osborne, says she held up well. She's not out of the woods yet, though Alex," Rebecca took her hand. "There was jagged tearing to her stomach wall. He's done his best to tidy it all up, but there's a high chance of infection and tissue necrosis. She's on the highest dose of antibiotics, and we have to be super-careful not to expose her to any potential source of infection."

"Can I see her?"

"Not yet," Rebecca spoke softly. "Soon. She's in recovery. She'll be there for a couple of hours, then we'll move her to the critical care ward. She'll have her own room. You'll be able to see her there, though you'll have to wear scrubs over your clothes and a mask."

Alex nodded. "She's still alive?" she whispered.

"She's doing very well, considering what she's been through," Rebecca said. "The next 72 hours will be critical. We'll come get you when it's time for you to be with her."

"You look tired," Alex said.

Rebecca smiled. "We can all sleep when she's better," she said.

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Ten minutes after Rebecca left, there was a knock on the door. Sarah poked her head round the door. "I have a visitor for you," she said quietly. "Lily wanted to see her mom. Are you up to a quick visit, Alex?"

Alex was on her feet immediately, her heart overflowing when she saw baby Lily cradled in Jay's arms. Jay passed her over.

"Oh my baby girl," Alex held her tight. "Oh my precious baby," she kissed her softly.

Lily snuggled into her mother, making small, contented noises.

Carolyn approached Sarah and Jay, kissing them both on the cheek. They were all still awkward and nervous around each other, but each of them was making a big effort. "She was getting real scratchy," Sarah kept her voice low. "I thought it was best to bring her in."

"You did the right thing," Carolyn gestured to Alex, who had settled back on the couch, and was rocking the baby gently. "For both of them."

"How is she?" Jay asked.

Carolyn shook her head. "She lost so much blood," she said quietly. "You should have seen Alex's clothes. I've never seen so much blood. She's just out of surgery. Turns out it was their friend who was the ER doctor. That's why we got this room."

"Rebecca?" Sarah asked. "That must have been horrible for her. But good for Alex."

"She's been so kind, and that nurse, I forget her name. Rebecca says the next 72 hours are critical. They're keeping her in recovery for the moment; Alex can see her when she goes to critical care."

"How is Alex?" Sarah asked.

"She's shattered. She really loves her, doesn't she?"

"They're one half of each other."

"I was such an ass. Believing that shit Mom spouted," Carolyn kept her voice low. "If she could see them now, see Alex with her daughter, even she would realize. Sarah, I'm so sorry. I haven't been a proper mother to you. I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again."

"Mom. It's okay. We can fix it," tears filled Sarah's eyes. "It's not too late. Not for us. And, please God, not for them," she gestured to Alex who was holding a sleepy Lily close to her chest.

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"In here," Rebecca said after she adjusted Alex's scrubs. "She won't know you're there, Alex. And try not to be alarmed. She has an oxygen mask to supplement the nasal cannula. She has an IV which is giving her the strongest antibiotics we can, and they're giving her another pint of blood. She looks awful, Alex," Rebecca hated saying it, but she wanted Alex to be warned.

"I don't care. I just want to be with her. She's alive. I _have_ to be with her."

Rebecca gave her a brief hug. "I'll be down the hall if you need me."

Alex approached the bed, scared of what she would see. But it was just Olivia. Olivia's beautiful face. Too white, too many tubes going in and out of her. But it was Olivia. Her Liv. Her expression was pained, and her breathing was labored. But she was alive.

Alex leaned forward and kissed Olivia softly on her forehead, which was warmer than it should be. "Hey," Alex whispered. She settled herself in the chair by the bed, and picked up Olivia's clammy, limp hand, and held it between her own. "We're all here, Liv. Lily got anxious without you, she's downstairs with Sarah and Jay. And Carolyn. They all send their love. Everyone's okay," she pulled Olivia's hand and held it against her cheek. "We're all just waiting for you to feel better. I love you, Olivia. I love you so much. _So_," she kissed her fingers, "you've just got to concentrate on your recovery now. Because I can't wait until I can take you home. I love you, baby, I love you."


	19. Chapter 19

**[Thank you so much for all the reviews, I really appreciate them. I'm so pleased people are still enjoying the story!]**

Melinda grinned as she rolled off her naked wife. Rosie was still breathless from the powerful climax that had just ripped through her.

"We should do this more often," Melinda gasped, smiling at the stunned expression on Rosie's face.

"What?" Rosie said eventually, when she recovered the power of speech. "Get my mom to babysit?"

"Oh God yes," Melinda breathed. "You realize it's _years_ since we've spent all day in bed together?"

Rosie nodded, reaching out to caress Melinda's soft cheek. "Since before Gracie was born," she mused.

"Do you think your mom really believed we were going to spend the day looking at lounge furniture?" Melinda raised an eyebrow.

"Not for one minute," Rosie smiled.

"You make me feel like a teenager," Melinda said softly, kissing Rosie tenderly.

"A _horny_ teenager," Rosie corrected.

Melinda grinned, smugly. "That's _your_ fault," she said. "If you weren't so damned hot..."

"... you'd never have married me," Rosie finished her sentence for her.

Melinda's face darkened. "Don't say that. Not even as a joke. There's nothing, _nothing_ that would have stopped me marrying you."

"Hey, Lindy, I was only kidding," Rosie said. "I love you too baby."

Melinda looked bashful. "I know," she said. "I was being dumb. I just... I couldn't imagine life without you. I just see it as a bonus that _these_," she lifted Rosie's large breasts playfully, "just happen to be the finest boobs this side of the equator."

Rosie laughed, and grabbed Melinda playfully, pushing her on her back and straddling her. Gently, but firmly, she pushed Melinda's arms above her head. She kissed her passionately, her ardor rising anew at the whimpering sounds coming unbidden from Melinda. "Now," Rosie husked, "_now_ it's your turn," she moved down her body, her tongue flicking out and teasing a nipple when she came to Melinda's small, firm breasts.

An hour later, Melinda finally collapsed in Rosie's strong arms. "You're good at that," she tried to catch her breath.

"That's what you get, with an expensive education," Rosie teased, pulling her close.

"We should plug the phone back in," Melinda sounded glum. "In case your mom is trying to get us."

Rosie nodded. "I know, we should. I know we told her we'd have no cell reception at the furniture store, but even so..."

"I'll get my cell," Melinda slid naked out of bed, while Rosie plugged in the landline.

"There's a message," Rosie called, as she listened.

Melinda returned a moment later, holding up a finger as she held her cellphone to her ear, listening to a message.

Both messages were the same.

Both messages were from Sarah.

Melinda's face dropped at the same moment as Rosie's.

Rosie looked at her as her message ended. "We have to get to the hospital," her voice cracked.

Melinda nodded.

Eight minutes later, they were showered and dressed, forgoing any make-up. Melinda grabbed the car keys.

Fifteen minutes after that, they abandoned the car at the parking lot of Mercy Hospital and sprinted to the main entrance.

Seated in front of them, they saw Captain Cragen, Finn and Munch, all looking tense and exhausted.

"Any news?" Melinda demanded.

"Not much," Cragen told her. "They've operated."

"Is Elliot with her?" Melinda looked round.

"No," Finn shook his head. "He handed himself into IAB. He's with them, getting his ass chewed."

"Was it really his fault?" Melinda asked.

Finn shrugged. "Lomas got out of the cuffs. That's all I know."

"Alex?" Rosie asked, tentatively.

"She's with her," Cragen said. "The family's in a room upstairs, the hospital have put them in there."

"Alex is on her own?" Rosie wanted to know.

Cragen nodded. "Only one person allowed in."

"Risk of infection," Melinda nodded. "I'm going up, the doctors might tell me more."

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Rosie pulled Sarah into a warm hug. "How are you holding up?" she asked.

Sarah nodded. "M'okay. Jay just took Lily to the park. She was getting antsy. I just don't wanna leave. Not until... until..."

"Until you know she's going to be okay," Rosie spoke kindly. "Lindy's gone to track down a doctor, see if she can't get more information. How is Alex?"

"I've barely seen her," Sarah said. "She came out for a few minutes this morning, to see Lily. She said she'll see us later. She's like a zombie. She won't leave her."

Rosie nodded, understandingly. "What can we do?"

"Nothing," Sarah said glumly. "Pray."

"We're doing that already," Rosie took her hand. "Olivia is a remarkable person. There's not much she can't overcome."

Sarah brushed away a tear. "I know," her voice cracked. "She's just been … she's family now."

Rosie wrapped her arms around Sarah and held her tight.

After a few minutes, Carolyn came back into the room, carrying two coffees. Sarah pulled back from the embrace with Rosie, wiping away her tears. "Thanks, Mom," she said. "Rosie, I'd like you to meet my Mom Carolyn."

Rosie tried to hide her surprise. She held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Rosie. I'm..."

"Melinda's wife," Carolyn smiled. "Sarah has been filling me in. I'm very glad to meet you."

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Melinda entered the room ten minutes later. She looked shaken. She tried to smile. "She's still with us," she said. "It was a very bad injury though. Her blood pressure is fluctuating, and she's developed a high fever. That's no surprise, considering the site of the injury, and the tearing involved."

"What can they do?" Sarah asked.

"They're trying to get the fever down with antibiotics," Melinda forced her voice not to shake. "Worst case, they may have to open her up again. Some of the damaged tissue may be dying. They've got her under constant observation. I didn't go in, I just looked through the door. Alex looks exhausted."

Carolyn sat down on the couch. "My poor little Lexie," she whispered.

"They're pulling her out in an hour, to make her eat. You can see her then," Melinda was gentle.

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"Hey, baby," Alex whispered, as Olivia whimpered.

Olivia's breathing was becoming more labored, and her temperature was soaring. Despite the heavy sedation, the brunette was clearly in significant distress, and Alex was distraught, not knowing how to ease her anguish. She bathed her face and neck with iced water, and lay a cool washcloth on her fevered brow.

"You've done the hard part," Alex spoke softly. "You've survived. And you coped with the operation. I'm so proud of you Liv. You're so strong, so beautiful. You just need to hang on in there, until this damned fever falls. Then you can come home with us. With me, and Lily. And Sarah. Lily's just downstairs, she's waiting to see you. Everyone wants to see you."

Olivia moaned painfully, leaning unconsciously into Alex's cool hand.

"That's it, Liv. Good girl. Just try and relax," Alex soothed. She could feel the rising heat beneath her fingers. "I know, baby, I know. You're feeling lousy. I'm not surprised, honey. But they're pumping you with the best drugs. Any moment now, you'll start to feel better. Try to stay calm, sweetheart," Alex could hear Olivia breathing erratically. "Try not to get upset. Hey," she lifted her hot, dry hand to her lips and kissed it softly. "I'm here with you, sweetie. Just try to relax," she smoothed the damp hair away from Olivia's brow.

Alex was at her wits' end. Olivia had become increasingly restless and distressed; it was unbearable watching her declining before her very eyes. Olivia cried out, a weak, frightened cry that Alex had never heard from her before.

Alex did the only thing she could think of. She loosened her scrubs top, and unbuttoned her shirt. Taking Olivia's limp hand, she pushed it into her bra, and molded Olivia's fingers around her left breast. "I'm here, baby. Feel me here. Feel my heartbeat. That's me, baby. I'm strong enough for both of us. Try and draw strength from me baby. Just concentrate on yourself. You'll be all better soon."

Briefly, Olivia's eyes flickered open. She couldn't focus, but she knew the haze in front of her face was Alex. She knew that the flesh under her palm was Alex. She loved her so much. She tried to open her mouth to tell her, but it was too much effort.

"Hey," Alex tried not to weep at the sight of Olivia's beautiful, brown eyes. Still beautiful, even now, even clouded with pain and fever. "I know, honey. I love you too. More than I ever knew. Just try to relax, baby."

Olivia drifted off. Her fever remained high, but she seemed marginally less distressed, a little calmer. A nurse came into Olivia's room, taking note of the scene in front of her. If Alex had been aware of the scrutiny, she might have been embarrassed, but she was so focused on Olivia she noticed nothing. The nurse gave a small smile. Maybe her critically ill patient had a chance after all?

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"You have to eat," Melinda's hand on Alex's shoulder was gentle, but firm. "C'mon Alex. You can be back in 15 minutes. You're gonna be here a long time; it's not going to help anyone if you make yourself sick. I'll stay with her. Sarah's waiting for you, with Lily. Go see your daughter."

"I'll be right back, Liv," Alex leant forward and pressed her lips to Olivia's forehead, trying not to wince at the heat there. "I'll give your love to Lily."

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Alex was relieved to find just Sarah and Lily in the room when she entered. "Where's everyone?"

"Gone for a walk," Sarah said softly as she passed Lily over to her. "We didn't want to crowd you."

Alex nodded her appreciation, too emotional to speak.

"I know you're not hungry," Sarah said. "But see if you can manage a little of this," she put a plate with an egg sandwich next to Alex, with a large glass of orange juice.

"Thank you," Alex said. She held her daughter tight. "Has she been okay?" she asked Sarah.

"She's been missing her moms," Sarah told her. "But she's been so good. We've been over to the park a couple of times. She's just been a little scratchy, without you and Olivia."

"She should really sleep soon," Alex said, kissing the top of her head.

"We borrowed a crib," Sarah nodded to the corner of the room. "We'll be here whenever you want us."

"You should be at school," Alex said. "You mustn't screw up your work."

"I'm taking a few days," Sarah said firmly. "Mom's staying too. And Graham's flying in. Don't worry, we won't all be in your face the whole time. One of us will always be here with Lily. Graham's going to stay with Mom at her new apartment. Just in case you need him."

"She's going to be okay," Alex said stubbornly. "She _has_ to be okay." She picked up a sandwich, trying not to pull a face as she looked at it. Resolutely she took a small bite. She had to stay strong, for Olivia.

Sarah nodded. "Just let me know if you need me to do anything. We've got more clothes for you here, for when you want to shower."

Alex nodded. "Soon," she said. "I just want to make sure Liv's sleeping first. She's been kind of upset; I just want to settle her."

"If anyone can do that, you can. Look what you've done with Lily," Sarah smiled, pointing to the baby who was asleep, buried in her mother's front.

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"Alex?" Melinda stood at the door to Olivia's room. "Try not to panic. They're just trying to get her temperature down. Her fever spiked."

Alex's heart raced. "I have to see her," she wondered if she was going to be sick. She pushed past Melinda, and saw three nurses packing ice packs all around her lover. Olivia was delirious, shaking with fever and gasping for breath, whimpering desperately. Alex rushed to her side, taking up her hand, trying to still the tremors that racked her body. Gently, she cupped her cheek. "Hold still, baby. You need to try and relax."

"Raise the bed," the doctor in charge commanded. "Her airway is compromised."

Alex kept a tight hold on Olivia's hand as the head of the bed was raised. Olivia's breathing eased slightly. "There, baby, isn't that better?" Alex murmured, taking a cloth and wiping at the sweat that was pouring from Olivia. "It's going to be okay, Liv."

Olivia gasped, her hand gripping Alex's as a wave of pain washed over her. "Okay, Olivia. We're all here for you. It's going to be okay."

Olivia forced her eyes open. Through the haze of pain and fever, she saw the familiar outline of her lover. "Lex?" she whispered weakly.

"Yes, baby?" Alex stroked her cheek lovingly.

"Never forget. I love... aagh!" Olivia cried out in pain, her back arching. Her limbs went stiff, as her eyes rolled to the back of her head, her neck twisting at an unnatural angle.

"She's convulsing!" the doctor yelled. "Lower the bed. 10cc's. Call the registrar, we've got to get her back to the theater."

Alex watched in horror as Olivia's limbs jerked independently of each other, twisting violently as the nursing team fought to prevent her from injuring herself further. One of the nurses injected God only knew what into her IV. After an interminable wait as they all held on to Olivia's jerking limbs, she finally took a shuddering breath and collapsed back onto the bed. The nurses rolled her expertly onto her side just before she vomited violently onto the floor, expelling bile mixed with blood. "She's crashing!" the doctor shouted.

The next few moments were chaos. Before she knew what was happening, Alex felt herself being held in Melinda's arms as Olivia's bed was shoved out of her room and pushed at high speed along the corridor.

Alex turned in Melinda's arms to face her, seeing fear in her friend's face. "Mel?" her voice was weak. She tried to move but her legs wouldn't co-operate. "Mel? I...," all color drained from Alex's face as her legs buckled beneath her.

When Alex came to, she was in the 'family room' that the hospital had reserved for them. She blinked, seeing Lily's crib in the corner of the room. Jay was sitting quietly in a chair by the crib, stroking the back of a whimpering Lily, and Rebecca was kneeling at Alex's head.

Alex sat up sharply, trying to ignore her spinning head. "Rebecca?" she was almost too afraid to ask.

"She's in surgery," Rebecca said quietly. "They think there might be some dead tissue causing an infection."

Alex just stared at her.

"They're going to cut it away. If they can get all the infected tissue, we should be able to get her fever down."

"_If_?" Alex said. "And if not?"

"We can't think like that," Rebecca spoke gently.

"When can I see her?"

"In a couple of hours, maybe three. Maybe you can sleep for a while?"

Alex looked at her as though she was insane. She didn't notice Jay coming across with Lily in her arms.

"Lily wants her mom," Jay said.

Alex let out a loud sob. She put her arms out for the child. "Let me hold her," she said. She held Lily tight, rocking her gently. "She's going to be alright, Lily. Your mama's going to be fine. She loves you too much, baby, she won't go anywhere."

Jay nodded, her own eyes filling with tears. Quietly, she let herself out of the room, and went in search of Sarah. She found her sitting at the cafeteria, her face as white as milk.

"Sarah?" Jay slid in opposite her.

Sarah looked up at Jay, fear in her eyes.

"She's alive," Jay said. "They're operating again."

Sarah nodded. "This is bad," she whispered.

"She's hanging on in there. So's Alex."

"Is anyone with Alex?"

"Rebecca. And Lily," Jay smiled. "I think that baby is the only thing keeping Alex together."

Sarah's face crumpled. Jay got up and moved to Sarah's side. "Move up," she whispered. As Sarah slid along the bench, Jay sat by her side. She pulled her into a warm embrace. "I love you," she murmured into her hair.


	20. Chapter 20

"She's asleep," Alex whispered, as she gently lowered Lily down into the borrowed crib. She looked at Rebecca. "Can you stay with her a while? I'm sure Sarah will be back soon."

"Of course. Are you going somewhere?" Rebecca asked.

"I need to get some air," Alex was pale. "I won't be long."

Rebecca nodded, understandingly. "You need someone to go with you?"

"I'd rather be alone," Alex replied.

Rebecca pulled her into a tight hug. "We're all here, if you need us."

Alex's eyes glittered wetly. "I know," she whispered.

When the elevator doors shut, Alex let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. This was like a nightmare, only she wasn't waking up. She was desperate to be with Olivia, but if she couldn't be, she needed to be somewhere she could breathe. She had noticed a couple of benches at the side of the hospital. That would have to do.

As she approached the only empty bench, she looked over to the occupant of the other bench. He was terribly familiar. Then it struck her. "Stabler?" she took a step toward him. "Elliot? It _is_ you."

Elliot looked up. He, too, looked shattered, his normally animated face hollow and empty. He nodded, a little nervously.

"What are you doing out here?" Alex asked.

"I thought I'd wait here. For news. I didn't want to get in the way. Has something happened?"

"She's back in surgery," Alex tried to keep her voice steady. "Have you been here long?"

Elliot shrugged. He looked cold.

"You should have come inside," Alex said.

"I didn't want to cause any trouble. I didn't think I should be there."

"But you're her partner!"

"I _caused_ this," Elliot's eyes filled with tears. "This is all my fault. I don't know how you can even look at me."

Alex exhaled exhaustedly. "May I?" she gestured to the seat next to him.

Dumbly, he nodded.

Alex sat. She looked at him, seeing the distress on his face. "I know we haven't ever really been close. I know you weren't happy when Olivia and I got together," she held up a hand to stop his protests.

Eventually, he nodded.

"_You_ didn't do this," Alex was struggling not to cry. "Brian did. That sick bastard did this to her. I don't know much about you, not about the things that really matter. But Liv does. She loves you, Stabler. And I can see how much you love her. Whatever happened with those cuffs, I know that the last thing you would ever want is for her to come to any harm."

"I wish it had been me," Elliot choked out.

Alex looked him straight in the eye. "So do I," she said softly. "I'm sorry, but it's true. But it happened to Liv. We have to deal with that. _She_ has to deal with that. There's no point in assigning blame. I know you'd do anything to protect her. Hell, you already have, countless times. You've saved her life."

"She's saved mine," Elliot whispered.

He looked at Alex properly for the first time. He didn't think he had ever seen anyone looking so anguished. "I'm so sorry," he said.

"I know," she put out a hand, which he took tentatively.

"You're shaking," Elliot said.

"Am I?"

"How is she Alex? It's bad, isn't it?"

Alex nodded. "Very bad," she felt sick, acknowledging the situation. "She had a seizure. She's having emergency surgery right now. Febrile convulsions, that's what they said. Her wound is infected."

"How long?"

"I should be able to see her in a couple of hours. If...," Alex's head started to spin, and her vision narrowed.

Elliot noticed her suddenly increased pallor. Gently he pushed her head between her legs. He rubbed her back. "You _will_ see her," he said firmly.

Eventually Alex recovered a little and sat up gingerly. She realized she was still holding Elliot's hand. "You're so cold," she whispered to him. "Come inside. We have a room. The hospital have been real kind. We can get some tea."

Elliot shook his head. "I don't want to intrude."

"You won't. You're family. Or at least that's what Liv keeps telling me," Alex tried to smile.

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Elliot held on to a shaking Alex as they re-entered the hospital. Despite the blonde's attempts to stay strong, he could tell she was very close to collapse. He put a steadying arm around her waist, and was grateful as she leaned into him.

When they got to the room, she was shaking badly. He helped her to lie on the couch, tucking warm blankets around her. "I can take over," he whispered to Rebecca, who smiled and left them to it.

Elliot sat watching Alex and baby Lily, wondering how they would possibly cope without Olivia.

Alex tried to sleep, but every time she shut her eyes, visions of Olivia's attack came over her, making her gasp with terror. Eventually, Elliot sat on the couch next to her, and held her in his strong arms as she rested. She resisted his attempts to get her to eat, but he did manage to persuade her to drink some sweet tea.

About an hour and a half later, Rebecca returned. Alex immediately bolted upright.

Rebecca sat on Alex's other side, taking her hand. "She came through the surgery. I don't want you to be alarmed, Alex, but they've induced a coma."

"She's in a coma?" Alex file the bile rise in her throat.

"They've done that deliberately, to take some of the stress off her system," Rebecca said softly. "She's very weak, Alex, and she's still running a high fever. We need to make sure she doesn't have another crisis, she's too weak for that."

"Another seizure, you mean?"

"Anything like that," Rebecca agreed. "We need to prevent trauma to her system."

"How long?" Alex whispered.

"We don't know. A few days, at least. We need to get her fever down as a priority."

"I need to be with her," Alex said.

"I know. And I'll take you there in a few minutes. I just want you to be prepared. And that's not all," she took a deep breath. Alex's head snapped round. "They've had to intubate. She wasn't getting enough oxygen. So she has all types of tubes and machines around her. I don't want that to worry you. All of the equipment is doing its job for Olivia, to give her a chance for her body to recover."

"Keeping her alive?" Alex said shakily.

Rebecca nodded. "Just until she's feeling better."

Alex felt Elliot's warm hand on her back, trying to give her strength. She turned and looked at him. "I'll give her your love, huh?"

He nodded, tears in his eyes.

Although she had been warned, the sight of Olivia hooked up to all those machines was a shock. Alex hadn't thought about the noises they would make, the whooshing of the ventilator, the beep of the heart monitor. She sat next to Olivia's bed, trying to ignore the tubes coming out of her, the ugly plastic taped to her face.

Even in the coma, Olivia's face was creased with pain, and sweat poured down her olive skin. "Can I...?" Alex looked up at Rebecca.

"You can bathe her face," Rebecca said gently. "You just have to be careful of all the tubes. But do touch her. Talk to her."

Alex nodded, reaching out a shaking hand for a cloth, which she dipped into the basin of iced water. Tenderly, she wiped Olivia's face, whispering lovingly to her as she did so.

"Her fever has fallen a little," Rebecca tried to reassure her. "It was 104.7; it's now 104.1. It's still dangerously high, hence the ice packs."

Alex only then noticed the ice packs covering Olivia's body. She took up her hand and brought it to her lips.

"I'll give you some privacy," Rebecca whispered.

Alex nodded.

Two hours later, Olivia's fever had fallen to 104, hardly any change at all. The succession of nurses who came in and out of the room all wore grave expressions.

Alex couldn't take her eyes off her lover. She held her hand tightly. "You have to fight, Olivia. You're not fighting hard enough. You have to fight, baby, for Lily. For me," her voice cracked. "Even for Stabler, who's been sitting outside for God alone knows how long. And you were right, honey. He doesn't have a fat ass," she tried to smile. "In fact, Kathy should be grateful I'm a lesbian; that perky butt of his must attract a lot of attention." Alex knew she was rambling. She was just trying to find something to say. Anything to say.

There was very little change for the next few hours. By 3am, Alex was almost hallucinating with tiredness, but she didn't dare shut her eyes.

Rebecca returned, bearing a pillow and a blanket. She smiled at Alex. "These are both sterile," she promised. "I know you don't want to sleep, but at least put your head on this, and try and snuggle a little."

"Her fever's not falling," Alex said shakily.

"Her body still has to recover from the trauma of the surgery. That's going to take a few hours. We should see a change soon," Rebecca knew she was being optimistic, but she couldn't bear to let Alex know how worried she was. "Please, Alex. You don't have to let go of her hand," she guided Alex's head to the pillow she had put on the chair.

Alex let her head fall back; reluctantly, because she couldn't see Olivia's face properly. But she could still feel her warm hand.

Rebecca pressed a soft hand to Alex's shoulder, and left.

Alex held Olivia's hand between her own. She slipped it under the blanket and her scrubs top and shirt, and eased it into back into her bra. Feeling Olivia's hand against her breast made her whimper with emotion. She would _not_ let her die. She couldn't allow it to happen. She needed her too much.

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Alex started awake, to see Melinda sitting next to her. She looked over at Olivia; there was no apparent change, but she was still alive. Still fighting.

"Wha's time?" Alex could barely form her words. "Damn, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Nearly 6am," Melinda said gently. She smiled. "She's doing well, Alex. Both of you are amazing."

Alex reached out and touched Olivia's sweat-soaked forehead, wiping away the sweat with a cool cloth.

"103.6," Melinda smiled. "I know it's very slow, but it is falling, Alex. She's got a long way to go before she's out of the woods, but it's a step in the right direction."

Alex realized that Olivia's hand was still molded round her breast. Gently she removed it, bringing it to her lips and kissing it softly.

"That's got to have helped too," Melinda said kindly. "I know I always get comfort from holding Rosie."

Alex nodded.

"It wasn't Elliot's fault," Melinda said. "IAB took the cuffs off for testing. There was a fault, with the hinge."

Alex looked at her blankly.

"He had done them up properly. It wasn't his fault."

"Oh thank God," Alex said. "Thank God. I know he would never do anything that could hurt Liv. Have you told him?"

"He's here?"

"He's taking care of Lily. Someone should take her home Melinda. This isn't the right environment for a baby. No wonder she's unsettled."

"She's unsettled because she's missing her mommies," Melinda's words were gentle.

"I know. But she's sensing tension in me. And Liz," Alex swallowed. "Whatever happens, it's not right for her to be here any more. I should call Sarah."

"She's here. I just saw her in the cafeteria, with Jay. And your mom."

"Have they been here all night?"

"They have been here the whole time, apart from going back to pick up stuff you and Lily need. They're refusing to go home."

"I'll talk to them," Alex said. "Soon. I just want to be with Olivia a little."

"I'll come pull you out for some breakfast in an hour," Melinda said, her words firm. "You can talk to them then."

Alex nodded.

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"My sweet baby," Alex crooned, as she sat on the couch, Lily in her arms. Lily was playful, pulling at the glasses on her mother's nose. "You like my glasses, huh? Well you can't have them, sweet pea. I need them, to see you properly. You are so beautiful, I don't want to miss any part of you. Lily, my angel. You're going to go home now. I love you so much, baby, but you should be at home. And I'm going to concentrate on your mama, and we're going to make her all better. Then we can all be together, at home," her voice cracked. "So you're going to be a good girl for Sarah and Jay, and your auntie Carolyn. I'll see you real soon, sweetie." Alex held Lily close, kissing her softly. With tears in her eyes, she handed her to her sister.

"We'll make sure she's okay," Carolyn promised.

"I know you will," Alex replied. "Thank you. And thank _you_ for bringing her here," she addressed Sarah. "I don't know how I would have coped without seeing her. But it's right that she should go home now. _Whatever_ happens," she tried to suppress a sob.

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"It's just you and me, baby," Alex settled next to Olivia again, sliding her hand under her scrubs top. "Lily's gone home with the rest of the family. I sent Stabler home too, though I know he'll be back as soon as he can. He's been cleared, Liv. So you don't have to worry about him. You just focus on yourself. And when you're all better, I think we should start thinking about a vacation. There's so much I want to show Lily, so many places we have to take her. But this time, I think maybe we should just go somewhere we can all relax. We'll talk about it when you're home," she reached out and wiped the sweat from Olivia's face and upper chest. She touched her hand to her forehead, trying to convince herself that Olivia's fever was falling.

The nurse Laura let herself into Olivia's room. She smiled at Alex. "How's my favorite patient?" she asked.

"I think maybe her fever's fallen," Alex tried to keep the note of desperation from her voice.

"Let's just see. 103.1," she looked at the chart. "It's a little better," she told Alex.

"Not much," Alex said, glumly.

"She's hanging on in there, that's what matters. And there's some improvement in her oxygen saturation," she looked at the computer screen. "Actually, that's quite a significant improvement. It's all good, Alex. I know it seems it's taking for ever."

"Is she out of danger?" Alex's heart was in her mouth.

"It's too soon to say," Laura was tactful. "But it's a definite improvement."

Alex nodded.

"When did you last eat?" Laura asked.

Alex looked confused. "I'm not sure. I'm really not hungry."

Laura put a hand on her shoulder. "You're going to need all your strength. She'll need you even more when they bring her round. You owe it to Olivia to take care of yourself. Let me take you to get some lunch."

"I don't want to leave her on her own."

"Then maybe her partner can sit with her," Laura motioned to the glass panel in the door, through which Alex saw Elliot's anxious face. "It will be good for him, too."

"Okay," Alex whispered. She gently removed Olivia's hand from her front, kissing it softly before laying it on the bed. "Fifteen minutes only."

"Good girl."

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Alex was back at Olivia's bedside 17 minutes later. She saw how tenderly Elliot was holding her hand. He was a good man. He looked up, immediately ceding his place to her.

"Thank you," he said to Alex.

She nodded, and slid into the chair.

Over the next 24 hours, Olivia's fever continued to fall, albeit unbearably slowly. By the middle of the next afternoon, Rebecca came in to Olivia's room to check her vitals. "102.2," she smiled at Alex. "If this continues, they'll extubate her tomorrow, and maybe bring her round soon after that. She's doing very well, Alex."

"Is she going to be okay?" Alex asked.

"Nobody can be sure right now. We don't know if there was any damage caused by her seizures."

"_Seizures_?" Alex snapped. "I thought she only had one seizure."

"She had another on the table," Rebecca admitted. "But they got it under control real quick. We can't give any guarantees at this stage. But it's looking good, Alex. We just have to hope, and pray."

Alex nodded.

"Have you slept?"

Alex blinked. "Not much."

"Try and get some sleep. She's going to need you when she wakes up."

"When," Alex said. "You said _when_. Not if," she smiled. "You think she's going to be okay?"

"She has a long way to go," Rebecca cautioned. "Not least coping with that terrible injury. But I've gotta say, it's looking good."

Alex let out a loud sob. "Hear that Liv? You're going to be okay," she lifted her hand to her lips. "You're going to be okay, baby. I'm not going to lose you. I love you, Olivia. I love you so much."

Rebecca shook the blanket out and draped it over Alex. "Try and sleep," she said.

Alex nodded. She slipped Olivia's hand back under her scrubs. For the first time, she had real hope in her heart.


	21. Chapter 21

"Graham's waiting for you," Melinda said to Alex. "We should leave them to it. She won't know what's happening, Alex. But it'll be easier for them without you there. You'd hate it, watching the tube coming out isn't nice."

"I want to help her," Alex was stubborn.

"It _won't_ help," Melinda was firm. "She's still out of it, she won't know anything about it. But they need to concentrate, and not to be worrying about your reaction. You can come back in a half hour, once they have her settled again. And don't forget, Alex," Melinda smiled. "They're bringing her out of the coma today. All her vitals are looking good."

Alex nodded. "'kay," she whispered. She replaced Olivia's hand by her side. "I'll see you real soon, baby," she whispered, kissing her tenderly on the forehead.

"And you'll be able to talk to her too, in a few hours," Melinda said, guiding her out of the room.

Graham was waiting for Alex in the cafeteria. He leapt up from the table, and enveloped her in a huge, warm, comforting hug. "Hey, Ali-Baba," he said softly as he rocked her. "How's my favorite sister?"

"Don't let Carolyn hear you say that," Alex said.

"Too late, I already heard it," Carolyn came from around the corner with a tray of tea. "I have a lot of making up to do, to even be in the running."

Graham released his hold on Alex. He looked at Carolyn and smiled. "I'd say you're making progress every day."

Alex nodded, and tried to smile. Carolyn could see the tension radiating off her. She put the tray of tea on the table, and took Alex's arm. "Come, sit," she said. "They're extubating now?"

Alex nodded, trying not to cry.

"That's good news," Carolyn said. "Very good news."

Alex nodded. "It is," she whispered. "And they're stopping the sedation. They're going to bring her round today. And then we'll know, if she's going to be okay."

"She _will_ be okay," Graham said firmly. "You'll be home together before you know it."

"How's Lily today?" Alex addressed Carolyn.

Carolyn smiled. "She's so good. She's a little unsettled, without you two. But she was so good. Sarah and Jay have taken her to Jay's father's this morning. Jay has to work this afternoon, so Sarah and Joe are spending the afternoon together with Lily. I think they're planning to invite their friend from the coffee shop to come over."

"Vanessa?"

"I think that was her name. Now, drink your tea, Lexie. And try and eat some of that sandwich too. You'll be back in there with her before you know it. And she won't have so many machines attached."

"She really is getting better," Alex said. "It's hard to believe."

"It's been a long road," Carolyn said.

"How are _you_ doing, anyway? I haven't even asked, with all this going on. Are you okay?"

Carolyn smiled. "I'm doing okay. Graham's going to build me a bookcase for the new apartment. And I called that counsellor Olivia suggested. I'm meeting her next week."

"Why not this week?" Alex asked.

"Because right now, my family comes first. I'm going to be okay, Lexie. If there's one good thing to come out of this terrible situation, it's that we're talking again. And Sarah," her eyes filled with tears. "Sarah says she's forgiven me. I don't expect she truly has, and I can't blame her for that. But she's trying to. And I'm trying to get used to her being with Jay."

"Jay's great," Alex said, defensively.

"I know," Carolyn's voice was soft. "She really is. It's just kinda weird, overcoming prejudices from so many years. And adjusting my expectations for Sarah. But I'm getting there. And I can see from you and Olivia that you can still have a family. A real family. Your daughter has taught me so much in the last couple of days."

"Lily?"

Carolyn nodded. "Watching her, I see that she loves _both_ her parents. And that you are both her parents, her real parents. And one day, maybe Sarah and Jay can have that too. I know Jay will want to, she's completely in love with Lily."

"We want to help, in any way we can," Alex said. "If you need us. If you want to talk. Liv's a great person to talk to. She has so much experience, and she's so compassionate. She'll want to help you."

Carolyn nodded. "Thank you. I know we're all looking forward to being able to talk to Olivia. I owe her so much. And I need to apologize, for what that animal did to her."

"It's not your fault, Carolyn," Graham interjected. "There's only one person who's to blame, that _animal_," he spat.

"You never did like him, did you? Nor did Carla?" Carolyn asked.

"I thought he was a sleaze," Graham said frankly. "Now I wish that was all he was. After what he did to you, and now Olivia."

"They'll throw the book at him," Alex said. "Have you heard anything about the trial?"

"No news yet," Carolyn replied.

"I'll call Liz, find out what's happening," Alex promised.

"You focus on Olivia. We'll find out soon enough. Hey," she smiled, seeing Melinda approaching, a smile on her face.

Alex looked up, afraid to ask.

"It went well," Melinda said. "You can come back in whenever you want," Alex was already on her feet.

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Alex had to force herself not to sprint to Olivia's room. She pushed the door opened, and breathed a huge sigh of relief at the sight in front of her.

Olivia was lying peacefully, an oxygen mask over her face instead of that monstrous ventilator.

Alex leant down, briefly pulling the mask away to kiss her softly on the lips. "Olivia," she said quietly. "My beautiful girl."

She sat on the chair by the bed, and took up Olivia's hand, pulling it to her lips. "What's her temperature?" she asked Melinda.

"101," Melinda smiled. "Falling all the time. She looks good, doesn't she? She's even getting some color back in her face."

Alex nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"I'll leave you now," Melinda said. "I have to go to work in an hour."

"Thank you," Alex whispered. "For everything."

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Alex sat by Olivia's bed all day, as she had done for longer than she now remembered. Her back ached, and she was stiff from days sitting at an unnatural angle. But it had all been worth it. Olivia was going to be okay. She was just asleep now, no longer unconscious. There was no apparent sign of brain damage from her seizures, though nobody could be completely confident until Olivia awoke.

Despite herself, Alex dropped off to sleep mid-afternoon, Olivia's hand held between both of hers. So when she first felt a light pressure on her fingers, she didn't stir. But when it came again, she jerked awake. Olivia's fingers twitched again.

Alex immediately pressed the buzzer to call the nurse, who was there in under a minute.

Olivia's eyelids flickered, and her fingers moved once more. "She's waking up," Alex said. "Liv. Olivia my darling. It's okay. Relax, honey. I'm here. It's all going to be okay now," her voice was thick with unshed tears.

Olivia whimpered slightly. Alex reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She let her hand rest on Olivia's forehead for a few moments. "She's cooler," she looked eagerly at the nurse.

"100.2," the nurse smiled. "She's doing real well." She looked up at the monitors. "Her oxygen's good too. You can take the mask off. Her heart rate's gone up a little, but that's only to be expected. Try and keep her calm if you can. I'm just going to get a doctor to call in."

Olivia whimpered again, her fingers tightening once more around Alex's.

"It's alright, Liv. It's okay. You don't have to do anything. Try not to worry, honey. You're in the hospital. You're going to be okay."

Olivia's face creased in pain as she shifted in her bed.

Alex put a restraining hand on her shoulder. "Try not to move, baby. You were hurt. Everything's gonna be sore for a while."

Olivia moaned. Alex brought her hand to her lips and kissed it tenderly. "You need to stay calm, Liv."

Olivia's eyes flickered open, and she looked round in panic. Alex could hear the heartrate monitor increasing. "Liv? I'm here. I'm right here, honey. We're all going to take care of you."

Olivia's gaze finally fell on Alex's face, and the heartrate monitor slowed its rhythm.

Alex looked into Olivia's eyes; they were clouded with fear and pain, but they were open. Olivia was back with her.

The nurse returned with a doctor Alex hadn't seen before. The doctor looked at the various monitors, and at Olivia's chart. Finally, he looked down at Olivia. He smiled. "Well, it's good to see you with us Miss Benson. I understand you've been napping."

Olivia ignored the doctor, her eyes looking only at Alex. She didn't know what was happening, or why she hurt so much. All that she knew was that Alex was with her. Alex was holding her hand. Alex was looking down at her with such love and compassion in her eyes.

Olivia swallowed, her throat horribly dry.

"Here, baby," Alex spoke softly as she spooned a couple of ice chips onto Olivia's chapped lips. Olivia's tongue flicked out and took them into her mouth. Alex added a few more, which Olivia hungrily sucked down.

"Is that good honey?" Alex asked.

"Lex?" Olivia finally managed to formulate a sound.

"It's me, baby. It's me. And you're going to be okay. You're going to be fine, Liv."

Olivia grimaced. The dull ache in her gut was getting sharper.

"You in pain?" Alex asked.

Olivia nodded. "Yeah," she bit out. "Hurts."

The doctor nodded, and went over and adjusted her IV. "That should help," he said. "I'm going to leave you two alone for a while. I'll be back in a half hour, to give you a full work-up Miss Benson, once you've had a chance to acclimatize. Call if you need anything."

Alex nodded her thanks, her attention already back on Olivia. She smiled at her. "I missed you," she whispered simply.

"I went somewhere?" Olivia's voice was scratchy.

"You nearly did," Alex was struggling not to cry. "But now you're back, with me. Thank you for coming back. I was lost without you."

Olivia squeezed her fingers weakly. "I'll never leave you," she promised.

"God, I hope that's true. We need you. I never realized quite how much. I love you, Liv. So very much."

"I love you too," Olivia's eyes were shutting from exhaustion.

"Sleep," Alex kissed her softly on the lips. "Sleep my darling girl."


	22. Chapter 22

Alex kissed Olivia as she reluctantly left the room to get some dinner. "I'll be back real soon, Liv," she whispered.

Olivia gave a half-smile as her eyes shut once more.

When Alex returned to the room half an hour later, she was horrified to see the door open, and the bed empty.

She ran out into the corridor. She grabbed the first nurse she could see. "Olivia! Olivia Benson. Where is she? What's happened? She was getting better. She's gone!" her breathing was panicked.

The nurse looked confused. "I'm sorry, I've only just started my shift. I'll find out. What was the name again?"

"Benson! Olivia Benson. Please be quick," Alex couldn't believe that the whole nightmare was starting again.

The nurse pushed her into a chair by the wall. "I'll be right back," she promised.

Alex sat stunned, her heart racing.

The nurse returned in under two minutes. She was smiling. "I'm so sorry, she said. Somebody should have told you. They've moved her. She doesn't need critical care any more. They've moved her to another ward. It should be quieter there for her. I'm so sorry you weren't told."

Alex could breathe again. She looked up at the nurse, whose apology was clearly sincere. "Where?" she asked, weakly.

"I'll take you. You're okay to walk?"

Alex nodded. "I just want to see her."

"It's good news," the nurse said gently. "It means she's going to recover. Not everyone here does," she spoke quietly.

"I know," Alex replied as they walked. "I was just... I thought... maybe," she tailed off.

The nurse smiled. "You two are close?" she asked.

"We're engaged. And we have a daughter. She's beautiful," Alex smiled.

"Well you're getting your family back," the nurse said. "It's right here."

Alex thanked her, as she let herself into the room, which had a much warmer tone than the previous one. The soft furnishings were welcoming, the light was soft, and there was a couch against the wall.

Olivia was dozing.

Alex pulled up a chair, and took her hand again gently.

Olivia blinked, turning to see Alex. She smiled. "Alexandra," her voice was still weak.

Alex smiled back. "I like your new accommodations," she said. "Go back to sleep, Liv."

"In a minute," Olivia said. "I just want to see you. Just for a bit."

"I'm right here, Olivia. And I'll be here when you wake up. Close your eyes, sweetheart," Alex spoke soothingly.

Olivia was already asleep.

Over the next few days, Olivia remained weak and in pain, but she bore her frailty stoically, mostly because she could see what it did to Alex every time she whimpered or complained. The day after she first awoke, she reached out for Alex's hand. "How's Lily?" she asked.

"She's good," Alex said. "I haven't seen her for two days, but I've spoken to Sarah and Jay, and Carolyn. They're all taking turns to take care of her."

"I want to see her," Olivia said. "Can I see her?"

"Of course you can, Liv. I'll call Sarah, get her to bring her in. You got much pain?"

Olivia gave a tight smile. "Yeah," she had promised Alex she would be honest about how she was feeling.

"Shall I call the doctor?"

"No. Just Sarah. Seeing Lily will help me forget."

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"It's your cell," Jay pointed at Sarah's jacket, which rested over the back of her chair in the coffee shop. Sarah reached behind her and answered it.

"Hey Alex, how is she?" she answered. "That's great. Do send her our love. Does she? We'll come right in. No, Jay's not working today, she's on again tomorrow for four days. Mom's going to help me out then. We'll be there in under an hour. Do you need us to bring anything else? We'll see you soon."

Sarah smiled as she hung up the phone. "Olivia wants to see Lily. So _you_, munchkin," she smiled at the baby who was sitting on Vanessa's lap and playing with her glasses which hung on a chain round her neck, "are gonna come with us, spend some time with your moms. Thank you so much, Vanessa. Lily likes you."

"She likes playing with my glasses," Vanessa smiled.

"She likes glasses," Jay said quietly. "She's always trying to take Alex's."

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"Hey, baby girl," Olivia's voice was weak, but her face lit up at the sight of their daughter in Alex's arms. Lily was gurgling with delight, happy to be in Alex's arms after so long.

Alex sat very gingerly on the side of the bed, making sure to keep away from Olivia's injured side. Very carefully, she lowered Lily onto the bed, so that Olivia could cuddle her without compromising her wound.

Alex's emotions were overwhelming. The sight of her beloved Olivia with little Lily filled her with joy.

"I've missed you, Lily," Olivia whispered to their daughter. "Whenever I want to feel better, I just picture your face. You're looking beautiful, are you being a good girl for Sarah and Jay?"

"They say she's been great, though she's missing you," Alex said.

"Where are they?"

"In the cafeteria, getting some tea," Alex said. "They didn't want to overwhelm you."

"I'd like to see them," Olivia was fading already.

"I tell you what," Alex compromised. "Let's just sit here with Lily for fifteen minutes. Then I'll ask them to come in and say a quick hello while they collect her and take her home for the night."

Olivia nodded, her face pale. "I want to see her again tomorrow."

"And you shall," Alex said. "You have to pace yourself, Liv."

"I know," Olivia winced in pain.

Alex reached out and pressed the call button. Olivia looked pissed. "Don't give me that look, Olivia. You need more pain control."

Olivia nodded reluctantly. "Yeah," she said. "You're right."

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"It was good to see her," Jay said. "She looks so much better, doesn't she?" She noticed how quiet Sarah was. "Are you okay, Sarah?" she asked.

Sarah nodded. "I'm fine," her voice was thick with unshed tears. "I was just thinking..."

"What could have happened...," Jay finished the sentence for her. "I know. It was close. Too close. I don't know what I'd ever do if that happened to you."

"Me neither," Sarah said. "And your job is so dangerous."

"Hey, honey, don't think like that. It's not that dangerous, truly. We really know what we're doing. Safety is paramount. Yeah, we get a bit bruised or battered occasionally, but a fatality, or even a serious injury, is very rare. Terrorist attacks aside, that is."

"Tell that to your Dad," Sarah's voice shook.

"Oh Sarah, you know that was a freak accident. And he was playing the hero, too. I don't do that. I _won't_ do that. Not when I have something so precious to come home to."

"You swear?"

"I swear. Come on, let's get Lily fed and bathed. Then we can both put her to bed. After that, maybe we can have some quiet time to ourselves?" Jay smoothed the hair back off Sarah's forehead.

Sarah nodded. "I'd like that," she said.

"And maybe, now that Olivia's out of danger, you might even sleep properly tonight?" Jay looked at the dark bags under her eyes.

Sarah's eyes glittered with emotion.

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"Couch," Olivia's voice was strained.

"I'll just sit here until you fall asleep," Alex stroked her arm unconsciously. "I'll lie down after, I swear."

"'kay," Olivia closed her eyes.

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Sarah watched, as Jay held Lily close to her chest, as the child drifted off to sleep. Jay lowered her into her crib, touching her soft golden hair lovingly. They both crept out of her room.

"You sit," Jay said. "I'll be right back." She returned a few moments later, a small glass of whisky in each hand. "Drink this," she passed a glass to Sarah as she sat on the couch next to her.

Sarah smiled, and snuggled into her girlfriend. "Lie down with me," Sarah said.

So Jay and Sarah lay out the couch together. "This music's beautiful," Sarah realized that Jay had put a CD on quietly. "What is it? I've heard it so often."

"It's Elgar's cello concerto. Being played by Jacqueline du Pré. I just love it. It was listening to this that made me determined to play the cello. Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful. It's kinda intense. Really emotional."

Jay nodded, pulling Sarah closer to her, so that she was snuggled in her arms. "You've been amazing," Jay said quietly. "You've been holding everyone together. Alex, Olivia. And Lily."

"Lily's hated being away from her moms," Sarah said.

"I know. But she would have been much worse without you. She loves you Sarah, you can see it in her eyes."

"She loves you too, Jay." Sarah turned in Jay's arms and cupped her cheek. She kissed her softly. For the first time since the attack on Olivia, she felt unexpectedly aroused. She kissed her again, whimpering softly as their tongues entwined.

"You should sleep," Jay said, reluctantly, but worried for her girlfriend, who was showing signs of exhaustion.

"I will. Soon," she slid one hand under Jay's loose t-shirt. As her hand touched metal and pebbled flesh, she couldn't hold in a small moan, matching Jay's sharp inhalation. Sarah pushed the shirt up higher, exposing Jay's breast fully. She saw the pierced nipple hardening before her eyes, which sent a jolt to her center. Sarah toyed lovingly with the dark bud, smiling as Jay's eyes darkened with lust, and her mouth opened slightly.

Sarah grasped the bottom of Jay's t-shirt, and pulled it over her head, thrilled at the sight of both breasts. "I love it when you don't wear a bra," her voice was low and lustful. She cupped both breasts tenderly, leaning down to taste both dark pert nipples.

"Oh God," Jay's resolve evaporated. "We've gotta make this quick. I mean it, sweetheart, you need to sleep. If you... oh Sarah. Oh … that's beautiful," she felt Sarah's tongue work its magic on her sensitized flesh.

Sarah got off the couch and put out both hands, pulling Jay to her feet. "Bedroom," Sarah said huskily.

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Olivia stirred in her sleep, and unwittingly tried to turn over. A sharp pain ripped through her side, and she cried out involuntarily, waking both of them up.

Alex was at her side in an instant. "Easy, Liv." She saw the pained expression on her face, and heard her erratic breathing. She pressed the button to summon the nurse. "Try not to move, honey. They'll come give you a shot or something." She saw tears rolling down Olivia's face.

"Oh sweetie, it'll be okay soon," she wiped the tears from her cheek with her thumb. She kissed her very softly on the lips. "Hey, here she is. Hi Laura," Alex smiled at her favorite nurse. "You got some good drugs for us?"

Laura smiled, and injected something into Olivia's IV. "No, only my very favorite patients get the good drugs. Their girlfriends just get tea, can I bring you a cup?"

"That'd be great," Alex nodded. "Thank you so much."

"You should start to feel better soon, Olivia," Laura told her. "Try and relax, if you can. I'll go get that tea," she smiled at Alex.

Alex didn't know what to do to help Olivia, who was trying to control her breathing to avoid setting off further agony. Alex reached into the drawer, withdrawing a tub of Olivia's favorite moisturizing cream. She scooped a little into her hands, warming it between the palms. She reached out for Olivia's hand, and gently rubbed it into the skin, moving up her forearm, in a reassuring motion. Tenderly she rubbed the lotion in, smiling at she saw Olivia's features relax. She did the same with her other arm, nodding her thanks as Laura delivered the mug of tea to her. Slowly, Olivia's breathing evened out.

Alex unbuttoned her nightshirt, and slid Olivia's hand in. Instinctively, even in her sleep, Olivia's fingers closed around the soft breast. "That's it, baby, good girl," Alex whispered. "Remember, I'm here for you. I'm always here."

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Sarah awoke to an empty bed. She shuffled out of the bedroom, to see Jay dressed in her uniform pants and t-shirt, a smiling Lily in her arms. She was talking animatedly to the child, her face creasing with delight when Lily giggled.

"Hi sweetheart," Jay said when she spotted Sarah. "We've just had our breakfast, haven't we Lily? And I think Lily knows she's seeing her moms again today, she's woken up real cheerful." She looked closely at Sarah. "You're looking much better," she kissed her tenderly.

"I feel great," Sarah said. "Thanks to you."

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Olivia was pissed to wake up and see that Alex wasn't on the couch. "Did you get any sleep at all?"

"I slept enough," Alex told her. "I talked to your doctor earlier, he says someone's gonna come and give you a painkiller at midnight. So you shouldn't have that awful pain that you got last night."

Olivia nodded. "It's going to take a while, huh?" she realized that she wasn't going to get home any time soon.

"I think so. But it's all mending well. They're gonna come check out your wound soon."

"I don't really remember what happened."

"It doesn't matter. Not now. The only thing that matters is that you're getting better. I'll talk you through it all in a few days, okay?" Alex didn't want Olivia to be any more distressed than she already was.

"Okay. If you promise to sleep tonight. If you won't take the couch, I'm going to ask them not to let you in here tonight," Olivia's voice was weak, but firm.

"I swear," Alex agreed. "Want a little water?"

Olivia nodded, and took a few sips.

"They're going to try you on some food today. The doctor said they'll try with a protein drink, see if you can keep that down. They want to know how your stomach will hold up."

"I'm not really hungry. But if that's what they want..." Olivia trailed off, her eyes closing.

Alex ran her hand through her hair, kissing her on the forehead. "I'm gonna get showered and dressed. I'll be right back, baby."

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"She's doing well," Alex phoned Liz Donnelly at the DA's office. "But it's going to be a long road. I can't leave her, Liz. I don't know when she's even gonna get out of the hospital, they're talking about weeks. I'm going to have to take some time unpaid. Three months. I know it's asking a lot, but I just can't leave her. I _won't_ leave her. I understand if you need me to resign."

"Alexandra, we need you back here. And if we have to wait three months to get you back, we'll wait. You mean a lot to this office, you must know that. Go, be with your girlfriend. And I'm going to get a temporary replacement for you. It's what, July 18th now. We'll expect you back here on October 18th, unless we hear from you. And I want you to keep me updated. And send my love to that big, bad cop of yours."

"Thanks, Liz," Alex replied.

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"Hi peanut," Olivia smiled as Carolyn lowered her onto the bed with her.

"You look great, Olivia," Carolyn smiled.

"I look awful," Olivia said, wryly. "But I'm told by my beloved fiancée," she winked at Alex, "that I looked like shit before. So awful is an improvement! Thank you, for all you've done."

"It was the very least I could do," Carolyn said. "And I've really enjoyed getting to know Lily. And Sarah again," she tried to keep her voice even.

"How's that going?" Olivia asked.

"Good," Carolyn said. "Really good."


	23. Chapter 23

"How was that, Liv?" Alex was concerned by the expression on Olivia's face. She had just had a few ounces of a protein drink, her first food since the attack.

"Okay," Olivia tried to make her voice sound strong.

"You feel sick?" Alex didn't believe her.

"A little," Olivia said weakly.

"Maybe we were too hasty," the doctor said. "Perhaps another few days on the IV nutrition would be better."

Olivia had turned green. "Alex?" she whispered. "I think...," she swallowed desperately.

Alex held a basin for her as she threw up. The pain was excruciating, her wound hurting like hell as her stomach muscles convulsed. Alex sat on the side of the bed, and put a supporting arm round her waist, concerned by the tremors that wracked Olivia's body. When the nausea finally subsided, a nurse removed the basin as Olivia slumped in Alex's hold.

Alex's embrace was warm and comforting. "It's over," she whispered to Olivia. "It's all over now."

Olivia felt so weak, she just wanted to sleep for a month. Tears of frustration poured down her cheeks.

"Hey, Liv, try not to get upset. This is common, the first time, that's what they say."

"I hate this," Olivia sniffled. "I hate feeling so... useless. Pathetic. I can barely sit up without your help. You shouldn't have to take care of me like this. I should be taking care of _you_, and Lily."

"You do take care of us, Olivia. You always have. This will be over soon. We'll be back home soon."

"It's going to be a long time before I'm up to strength again, though," Olivia sounded so miserable Alex just wanted to cry.

"It will be a while, Liv," Alex had promised she would be honest with Olivia. "But it will happen. It's all mending well. But it was a hell of a trauma Olivia. It's not something you can just snap out of. But you were so fit when it happened, so that'll make your recovery easier."

"Have you seen it?" Olivia asked, dreading the answer.

"The wound? Yes, baby, I have seen it. It's not that bad, truly it isn't. It's just a few inches long."

"How many inches?"

"Seven," Alex admitted. "They had to go in a second time, and they had to make sure they got all the dead tissue."

"You'll never want to touch me again," Olivia sounded shocked.

"Because of a scar? Do you really believe that?" Alex tried to hide her anger. "If it had happened to me, would that change the way you felt about me?"

"No, of course not. Nothing could ever...," Olivia realized what she was saying. She turned and looked into Alex's eyes. "Oh Alex, I'm sorry. It's just... all this. It's hardly romantic. Sexy. I don't know when I'll be able to make love again."

"There's no hurry for any of that," Alex kept her voice calm and unthreatening. She smiled. "We can always make up for lost time later," she said. "You know what I'm missing the most?" she asked softly.

Olivia looked blankly at her.

"You. At night. Not sex, but just having you next to me. Lying next to you. Holding you. Being held by you. And it won't be long, sweetie. The doctors say that you should be home in a few weeks."

"_Weeks_?" Olivia was appalled.

"Maybe less. It all depends on how things go. Once you're eating again, they're going to try to get you up, just for a few steps. Then you can lose the catheter, and maybe even have a shower."

"Oh God, that would be fantastic," Olivia breathed. "I can't wait for a shower. How long?"

"A few days, they think. That'll make you feel better, huh?"

Olivia nodded, miserably. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Liv. You're doing amazingly. I'm so proud of you. C'mon, lie down for a little while."

"Stay with me, on the bed?" Olivia tried not to plead.

"Of course. Try and sleep."

"I love you, Alexandra."

"I love you too, Liv. It'll all be okay."

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Two hours later, Rosie tapped on the door. She smiled, seeing Olivia still sleeping in Alex's arms. She was carrying an alert, smiling Lily. "Shall we come back?" she mouthed to Alex.

"No," Alex said quietly. "Stay. Olivia made me promise I'd wake her up when Lily got here." Tenderly, she stroked Olivia's cheek. "Hey, Liv," she whispered, "you've got a visitor."

Olivia blinked, trying to focus.

"That's it, my darling. Guess who's come to see you?" Alex slid out from Olivia's grasp, putting pillows behind her so that she was in a half-sitting position. She picked up the control for the bed, raising the head to make Olivia comfortable.

Olivia smiled at the sight of Rosie and Lily.

Alex approached Rosie, kissing her on the cheek. She took Lily from her arms, hugging her tightly to her. "Hey, peanut," she kissed her. "You're looking especially beautiful today. Come and see your mama, cheer her up. She lowered her carefully onto Olivia's bed, keeping one hand on the baby's back to steady her.

"Let me get you some tea," Rosie said.

"No," Alex said. "You stay and talk to Liv, I'll get the tea. If you can be here to balance Lily, just in case."

"Of course," Rosie said, stepping forward. She kissed Olivia on the cheek. "You look better every time I see you," she said.

Olivia smiled. "They say I'm doing well," she said. "How are you Rosie? And how are Melinda and the girls?"

"They're all great," Rosie said. "Lindy's taken Katie to the doctor this morning. No, nothing wrong with her, just to get her inoculations."

"I'm so sorry," Olivia said. "You should be with them."

Rosie smiled. "I'm glad I'm not," she admitted. "I can't bear it when they stick needles in Katie. I couldn't bear it with Gracie either. Did Melinda not tell you about that first time?"

"No?"

Rosie chuckled, a little embarrassed. "I passed out. On the floor of the pediatrician's office. Poor Lindy. Gracie was fine, but she had to take the morning off to take care of me after I bumped my head. _So_," she grinned, "coming here is a perfect excuse to make Melinda take Katie. She said she was going to do it anyway."

Olivia laughed. "Well I'm glad we're good for something. I'll just have to warn the nurses to hold the needles while you're here!"

Rosie grinned. She took Olivia's hand. She looked deep into her eyes. "It's so good to see you laugh," her voice cracked a little as she spoke. "It was so awful... before. And poor Alex, I've never seen anything like it. She'd fall apart without you. She looked so sad."

"I hate what this has done to her," Olivia's voice hitched. "I hate that she feels she has to take care of me."

"She doesn't," Rosie was firm. "She doesn't feel she _has_ to. She just can't leave you. It's as much for her as it is for you, Liv, can't you see that? She _needs_ to be by your side. Wouldn't you feel the same?"

Olivia nodded. "Thank you," she whispered. "You're a good friend."

"We all love you, Olivia. Don't we Lily?" Rosie addressed the baby, who was toying with the buttons on Olivia's pajamas. Lily gave her a gummy grin. "You wouldn't believe how grizzly this one has been this morning. But she just needs to get sight of her mommies, and she's in seventh heaven."

"It's unsettling for her," Alex returned with two teas, passing one over to Rosie. "All these different people. We'll be home soon, Lily-bean," she perched on the edge of the bed again, smiling at Lily's welcoming smile.

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"She's growing so fast," Olivia said as they waved goodbye to Rosie and Lily.

"Her eyes are still blue," Alex said.

Olivia smiled. "I know," she said, happily. "She's going to have your beautiful eyes."

"I just hope she doesn't need glasses too," Alex smiled.

"If she does, she'll rock them. Just like you do," Olivia was sounding sleepy, and made no objection as Alex lowered the bed.

"You like my glasses?" Alex teased. She knew how much Olivia loved her 'stern librarian' look as she called it; sometimes she even insisted that she kept them on while they made love.

"You know I do," Olivia's eyes were shutting. "The glasses of justice," she murmured.

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After Olivia fell to sleep, Alex moved to the couch and got out her cellphone. "Hi Carolyn," she said shyly. "I just wondered how you got on at the counselor?"

"Hello Lexie," Carolyn's voice was warm. "How's Olivia?"

"She's okay. She had a bit of a trying morning, but she's doing better now. We've just seen Lily, that always cheers her up."

"That's good. It must be very frustrating for her. For you both."

"Not for me. I don't care how long it takes. I'm just glad she's here. That's all I need," Alex tried to keep her voice strong. "But tell me, how did it go? We've both been thinking of you."

"It was good," Carolyn was clearly trying to hold it together. "Not at all like I expected. She's really nice, and she didn't treat me like some invalid. Really she just let me talk. She was very kind."

"I know Olivia's speaks very highly of her," Alex said. "Do you think it's going to help?"

"I think it probably will."

"You'll go again?"

"I don't really want to. If I'm honest, I just want to forget about the whole thing. But I know that's not going to happen. And if I ever want to sleep again, or feel safe, I need to do this. It's weird though, Lexie. Telling a stranger about everything. She wants me to tell her all about the marriage. That's going to be hard."

"You know I'm here if you ever want to talk to me, don't you?" Alex said.

"Thank you, Alexandra," Carolyn said.

"I mean it. And Olivia too. She's very wise, and she has such compassion. I can't wait for you two to get to know each other properly. _**I**_ want to get to know you too, Caro. I know I've been too inflexible, too unforgiving. All these terrible things, it makes you realize what's important, doesn't it?"

Carolyn nodded, forgetting that Alex couldn't see her. "It does, Lexie," she choked out. "It really does."

"Is Graham with you?"

"Yes, he's been amazing. He flies back tomorrow, he wants to come and see you and Olivia before his flight, he'll call to make sure that's okay before he comes."

"Have you heard from Mother?" Alex asked.

"I went to see her yesterday. She doesn't change, Lexie. She won't ever change. I told her we're in touch again, and that I'm enjoying getting to know you and your family."

"I bet she was pissed at that," Alex gave a hollow chuckle.

"You could say that," Carolyn smiled. "She's still my mother, though, Alex. I can't just cut her out."

"And I wouldn't want you to," Alex's voice was gentle. "Maybe one day I'll try again with her? Right now I can't think about her."

"I showed her a picture of Lily, I hope you don't mind," Carolyn sounded nervous.

"Of course I don't mind. Did she say anything?"

"No. She pretended to look away. But she kept looking at it, when she thought I wasn't looking. And then she put a book on top of it. She wanted to keep it, but she couldn't bring herself to ask. I think she thought I'd forget about it if it was out of sight."

"Did you leave it there?"

"Yeah. I hope that's okay. Lily looks so like you did, Alex. I wonder if she's going to be a little hellraiser too," she chuckled.

"Oh God, I hope so," Alex smiled. "If she's anything like Liv, she will be."

"She's got a great sense of humor already," Carolyn said.

"Are you okay, Caro?" Alex asked suddenly. "I do want you to be okay."

Carolyn swallowed. "I will be. Especially now I have my family."

"It's your first night alone in the new apartment tomorrow?" Alex was astute.

"Yes," Carolyn sounded nervous.

"Why don't you go and stay with Sarah and Jay at the apartment? I know they'll appreciate the help with Lily."

"I don't want to impose. It's not exactly fair, is it? I can't reject my daughter, and then go running to her just because I'm scared to be alone."

"Of course you can," Alex said. "Sarah has forgiven you. She told me so. Carolyn, we all make mistakes. We all deserve a second chance." She looked over at a sleeping Olivia, and all her emotions came bubbling to the top. "God has given me a second chance with Olivia," her voice was thick. "I'm not going to waste one single moment. And he's given me a second chance with you too, Caro. Let's not waste it, huh?"

"I love you, Lexie."

"Love you too, Caro."

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Olivia awoke four hours later, to find Alex had sneaked back onto the bed with her, and was snuggling into her uninjured side. Alex's hand was cupping Olivia's breast as she slept. Olivia gently put her hand on top of Alex's and fell to sleep again.

When the two women woke early that afternoon, they looked at each other and giggled.

"This feels like summer camp," Olivia said. "Sneaking into Emma Redman's tent, so we could make out when no-one was looking."

Alex raised one eyebrow. She kissed Olivia tenderly, thrilled as she felt a spark in her lover's response. "You never told me about that!"

"We all have our secrets," Olivia winked. "Emma Redman is one of mine."

"Tell me everything," Alex demanded playfully. "I need every last detail."

Olivia shook her head stubbornly, trying not to laugh.

"So I have to guess?" Alex twinkled. "Okay. I'm guessing she was blonde. Tall. Kinda gawky."

"_Gawky_? I have never in my life fallen for _gawky_. I like sophisticated," she ran her hand down Alex's soft cheek. "You of all people should know my type. You're right, she was tall and blonde. And super-intelligent. And," with a glint in her eye Olivia cupped a soft breast through Alex's shirt, "she had the most perfect boobs. Rounded, soft, perky. You know the sort of thing I mean?"

Alex nodded, trying to not react to the feel of Olivia's fingers. "So what happened?"

Olivia laughed. "She left me. For an older woman. I caught her making out with Laurie Simpson. She was three months older than me. _But_," Olivia laughed. "What Emma didn't know was that Laurie was cheating on her, with Billy in the boathouse. Poetic justice."

"How old were you?" Alex was enjoying the bantering tone in Olivia's conversation.

"Nearly twelve," Olivia grinned. "She broke my heart."

"And how old was she?"

"Thirteen."

"And she already had perfect boobs?"

"Thirteen-and-a-half," Olivia said. "What can I say? I've always had a thing about boobs!"

Alex looked at Olivia, and burst out laughing. They held each other as they laughed together, the shared mirth doing much to lift both their spirits.

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"That's great, Olivia," Alex beamed. For the fourth day running, Olivia had managed to keep down the protein drink, and the doctor had just told her she could try a poached egg that evening.

Even more excitingly for Olivia, she had taken her first steps that morning. She needed a walker, and the nurse was by her side throughout, but she had managed to stay upright. So her hated catheter was removed, and she was finally able to shuffle to the bathroom and back on her own.

Rebecca came into the room, holding a plastic chair, just like the kind that Rosie and Melinda had in their yard. Alex look confused.

Rebecca smiled. "I thought maybe, this evening, if you're feeling strong, you might like a shower."

Olivia's face lit up.

"We can't let you go in on your own. But if you can think of anyone," she winked at Alex, "who would go in with you, then that should be fine. I'll put the chair in the shower stall, and you have to promise to use it."

Alex kissed Olivia soundly.

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"You look exhausted, Liv," Alex said softly that evening. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked; it was less than an hour since Olivia had managed most of her poached egg.

Olivia smiled. "I feel great," she said. "I don't feel sick at all. And I'm _clean_ at last! And I can't tell you what a relief it is to be able to go to the bathroom on my own. I hated that catheter."

"Are you ready for more good news?" Alex had a twinkle in her eye.

"Always," Olivia said.

"Rebecca thinks it'll only be ten days until I can take you home, if you keep making progress like this."

Olivia's eyes filled with tears. She took Alex's hand and held it tight.

"You have to follow all the doctor's instructions, before we go home and afterward," Alex cautioned. "You have to be patient and not try and rush things."

"I swear," Olivia said, bringing Alex's hand to her lips. "We're going home, Alexandra," she whispered.

"Soon," Alex promised. "Soon, my darling."


	24. Chapter 24

"No!" Alex was pissed.

Olivia had expected her reaction. She tried to remain calm. "Alexandra...," she spoke softly.

"Don't you 'Alexandra' me!" Alex spat. "How can you? How _can_ you do that? I want to be with you. I _need_ to be with you."

"And I need you, honey. It's not that I want us to be apart. Of course it's not. But look at you, Alex. You're stiff, you're exhausted. You're getting hardly any sleep on that couch. And I'm doing fine now. I'll be home in six days. With you. And I'm going to need you then. A lot. And you'll have Lily to take care of too. You need to be refreshed, ready for me to be home with you."

"I'm _always_ ready to have you home," Alex's voice softened.

"Lily needs you too, Alex. The girls and Carolyn have been amazing. And Rosie and Melinda. But she needs to settle back into a routine. She's unsettled without you around. And she's been teething again. She needs her mom."

"She needs _both_ her moms," Alex said firmly.

Olivia smiled. "I know. And I'll be home soon enough. Please, baby, for me?"

Alex tried to stop the tears gathering in her eyes. "I swore I wouldn't leave your side," she whispered.

Olivia reached out and caught her hand. "I know. And you haven't. You've made it bearable here for me. I don't know what I would have done without you. But I'm sleeping much better now, and I'll be much happier knowing that you're okay, in our bed. And knowing that when Lily wakes up it's you she'll see first."

Alex looked distraught.

Olivia pulled her to her and kissed her softly. "Please, honey?"

Eventually Alex nodded. "Okay. If that's what you really want."

Olivia smiled. "It is. Then Sarah can go back to school. You can be with Lily in the morning, then bring her in around twelve, and then Carolyn or Rosie can take her home for the afternoon."

"And I can stay here in the afternoon?" Alex was eager.

"Yes, honey. We can spend a little time just the two of us."

"What about your shower?"

"I can have it early evening, if you don't mind?"

"I don't mind. Whenever you want, Liv."

"Evening will be nice. Then I can think about you, all wet and naked, when I go to bed," Olivia winked, hoping that Alex would follow her lead and lighten the atmosphere. Alex was wound tight, and Olivia was worried about her. She had given herself selflessly to Olivia since the attack, and had taken no time for herself at all. She was tired, she was tense and her emotions were on a knife's edge.

Alex tried to smile back at her. "I'll get more of that body wash you like," she said. She let out a deep breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "I'm sorry, Olivia. I don't know why I keep snapping. I'll be better when you're home with me."

"I can't wait," Olivia said softly. "Now," she smiled, putting out both hands, "help me up."

"Are you okay?" 

"I'm great. But I gotta pee!" Olivia winced as she sat fully upright.

Expertly, Alex helped her to her feet, putting an arm round her waist and allowing Olivia to lean on her. They had abandoned the walker, finding it too cumbersome. Instead Alex was by Olivia's side whenever she needed to use the bathroom.

Alex walked her into the bathroom, and left her in there for a few moments until she heard a flush. She knocked lightly on the door, and smiled when she saw Olivia washing her hands. "You got up on your own!" she said.

Olivia grinned. "I used the handles round the toilet, but I did it!" she sounded triumphant.

"I've ordered a frame for our bathroom at home," Alex slid her hand round her waist again, "so you'll be able to use that. I also got one of those mechanical reacher things, in case you drop anything."

"Reacher things?" Olivia sounded amused as she shuffled carefully along.

"You know, like a long mechanical hand. You can use it to pick stuff up, save you bending over."

"Oh I know," Olivia said. She smiled. "I can use it to grab your ass!"

Alex giggled. "You can try that once, Benson," she was mock-stern. "And once only. My ass does not appreciate such treatment."

"I'll just have to think of something that your ass _does_ appreciate," Olivia's tone was saucy. "No," she shook her head. "Not that damned bed. I'm going to sit in the chair a while."

Olivia winced as she lowered herself into the chair, but looked happy when she was seated. "That's better, I cannot tell you how boring it is spending all day in bed."

Alex raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow so suggestively that Olivia burst out laughing. "Well..." Alex began.

"It's a date," Olivia said, reaching out to catch Alex's hand. "Once all this is over with. We'll get Munch and Cragen to take Lily out on a playdate."

"While we have our own playdate?" Alex bantered. "I'm gonna hold you to that Liv."

"I'll make sure you do," Olivia smiled.

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"Hey Vanessa," Jay smiled at the waitress as she came into the coffee shop, Lily in her arms.

"Hey Jakie," Vanessa smiled. "No Sarah today?"

"She has school," Jay told her. "I said I'd take Lily for the afternoon. I just picked her up from the hospital."

"How's Olivia?"

"She's great," Jay smiled. "She comes home tomorrow. She's so excited. Alex is like an excited child. You would not believe how much time she's spent cleaning the apartment. And it was clean to start with. She's put fresh flowers _everywhere_. It's like a florist's shop in there. And she got the grocery store to deliver, I swear she's bought every type of fruit known to man. She's got a great long list of the foods that Olivia can eat, so all the cupboards are full."

"That's wonderful," Vanessa smiled. "You must tell me once she's settled back in and ready for visitors."

"So how are you?" Jay asked. "You look tired, Vanessa."

Vanessa gave a hollow chuckle. "You could say that," she replied, reaching out for Lily and taking her from Jay's arms. "Tony's out sick, so I'm doing most of the cooking as well. I've got Martin coming in to do some shifts, and some help with the waitressing, but it's all been kinda crazy here."

"When's Tony back?" Jay asked, smiling as Lily starting toying with Vanessa's glasses.

"I'm not sure he wants to come back. He says he's getting too old for all this. He's talking about selling his share."

"Oh Vanessa, that's bad news. I'm so sorry. What's going to happen?"

"Who knows? Right now, I need a decent short-order chef, you know anyone looking for a job?" Vanessa smiled.

Jay had a sudden idea. "Can I see the kitchen?" she asked.

"For what?"

"Let me see it first, I may have an idea."

"Go through. I'm not taking Lily through, not with all that hot fat spitting," Vanessa jiggled Lily in her arms. "So, Lily," she addressed the baby directly, "you're going to get your mommies home tomorrow. Isn't that exciting?"

Lily gurgled.

Jay returned, a smile on her face. "I think I may know someone who could help you out, Vanessa," she said. "I'd have to put a couple of ramps in, and a few handles, but it could work."

Vanessa stared at her.

"My pop!" Jay exclaimed. "He keeps telling me he's bored out of his mind at home. And he's the best cook I know. Let me call him. He likes you, he often talks about you. Shall I give him a call?"

"That would be wonderful," Vanessa beamed.

Jay hung up the phone. "He'll see you this evening," she smiled. "You know where his house is, right?"

Vanessa nodded. "He doesn't have to cook me dinner," she said.

"He wants you to see how he copes in a kitchen. He says you should bring your menu, and whatever you want to eat, and he'll cook it for you while you watch, so's you can see how he gets on."

"I can't wait," Vanessa said. "Now, what are you and Sarah doing for Olivia's return tomorrow?"

"We talked about that. We both really want to do something nice for her, but she's going to be tired, and we don't want to overwhelm her. So we're just going to stay a short while after she gets back, and then we're going to leave them alone for the night. We'll do something special when Olivia gets her strength back."

Vanessa nodded her approval. "And what about Carolyn?" she asked quietly.

Jay's face clouded. "She's had a tough week," she admitted. "She's seen the counselor twice this week, and quite honestly, I think she's wrung out. She's still not sleeping, but she won't stay with us any longer. She's had three nights in her own apartment now, and she says she's doing fine, but we can see the bags under her eyes."

Vanessa nodded, understandingly. "Maybe," she put a gentle hand on Jay's arm, "maybe it would help her to know she's not alone," she spoke very softly.

"What do you mean?" Jay's head snapped up.

"You could tell her you understand," Vanessa said gently.

"Did Sarah say something?" Jay was defensive.

"No, sweetheart," Vanessa pushed Jay toward a booth. When she was seated, she passed her baby Lily, who made herself comfortable in Jay's arms. Vanessa sat down directly opposite Jay. "I know something awful happened to you. I know she did something terrible. That was the only thing that made sense. You're strong Jakie, it takes something devastating to get to you like that. I'm right, aren't I?"

Jay nodded dumbly. Unwittingly, she tightened her hold on Lily, holding her close. "It's over now," she whispered.

"You told Sarah?"

"Yeah. I couldn't hide it from her. She's been wonderful."

"She loves you Jakie. She'll help you to get over this."

Jay looked up. "I _am_ over it," she declared, the single tear rolling down her cheek giving lie to the statement.

Vanessa nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

"You're not prying," Jay tried to smile. "You've been such a good friend to me. I don't know how I would have coped without you. You and Pop. And now Sarah. I really do love her, Vanessa."

"I know, sweetheart. And she loves you so much. Everything's going to be good, especially now that Carolyn has come around. She is trying to accept you, isn't she?"

"She really is," Jay said. "I think it's strange for her, difficult. She couldn't understand it before, she was frightened of it I think. The gay 'lifestyle'. She thought all lesbians have shaved heads and dungarees, and all hate men. The stereotype. But she's been very sweet to me really."

"How is Sarah coping?"

"She's trying to let her in. It's weird for her, adapting to a mother who has changed so much. I really think they're going to get there. And having Olivia to focus on has helped. Is it awful to say that? It's horrible what happened to Olivia, but I think everyone found it easier to focus on what's important."

"Like this one," Vanessa smiled, stroking Lily's cheek.

"Yeah," Jay felt wrung out. She hesitated. "Do you really think it could help Carolyn? If I talked to her?"

"It might. You never know. You may be able to help each other. Go with your gut, Jakie. Don't feel you have to."

"You're so sweet to me," Jay was choked.

"That's 'cos I love you, honey," Vanessa smiled. "And I want what's best for you."

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Elliot drew up outside the apartment. He pulled the wheelchair out of the trunk and assembled it, pushing it to Olivia's door.

Alex looked sternly at Olivia. "No arguments," she said firmly.

Olivia smiled. "Me?" she grinned. "It's okay, Alex. I'll do what I'm told. Whatever it takes to get me inside and away from that hospital."

Olivia put her arms around Alex's neck, and allowed her to take most of the strain lifting her to an upright position, while Elliot maneuvered the chair so that Olivia slid safely in. She was paled and tired, but looked so happy.

Elliot pushed the chair into the apartment, which was full of everyone from the 1-6, as well as Melinda, Rosie and their two daughters.

"Auntie Livvie!" Gracie cried. She ran up to her.

"Come give me a hug, then," Olivia demanded. "Just make sure you do it from this side."

"Is this okay?" Gracie looked nervous.

"Of course it is," Olivia pulled her into her arms and squeezed her tight. She was overwhelmed by the support of all her friends, who were all wreathed with smiles, delighted to see her home.

"We're not staying," Munch promised. "We just wanted you to have this," he couldn't keep the grin off his face as he passed her a parcel.

Olivia looked intrigued.

"Don't blame me," Finn said, putting his hands in the air. "We took a collection, and Munch dragged his skinny ass to the mall. We had _no_ idea that's what he would get."

Olivia smiled as she tore open the box, pulling aside the tissue paper. She started to laugh, and once she had started, she couldn't stop. She laughed and laughed until her sides hurt and Alex started to look worried. Alex stepped forward. "I'm okay, Alex," Olivia wheezed. "Truly. These are amazing, guys. I shall wear them tonight!" she held up a pair of adult-size flannel pajamas, decorated with Wonder Woman.

"Could nobody find a headdress to go with this?" Alex asked, trying to contain her laughter.

"We'll go now, leave you to settle in," Cragen said. He kissed Olivia on the cheek. "It's good to see you looking so much better, Olivia," he said, with feeling.

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Alex and Olivia showered together as usual in the evening. Having a shower at home instead of in the hospital was bliss for them both, and they made a point of soaping each other tenderly, touching and kissing soft skin. Olivia stood for part of the time, and didn't argue when Alex guided her gently onto the plastic stool she had placed in the shower stall.

Olivia let her hands run up Alex's sides, reveling in her perfect alabaster skin. She loved that Alex still touched her all over, despite taking care with her wound, which she had covered with a temporary waterproof dressing.

Alex helped Olivia back to their bed, and encouraged her to lie back while she dried her off, tenderly peeling away the waterproof dressing. Alex pressed a soft kiss to her healing wound. Olivia no longer flinched with horror when Alex touched her damaged skin. She knew that it made no difference to Alex, who had made it almost painfully clear that she loved her as much as before, if not more so.

Olivia pulled Alex to her, and peeled away her towel, so that they lay naked against each other. "I've missed this so much," Olivia kissed her. "Holding you like this. Feeling you against me."

Alex smiled, as she leant in for a deeper kiss. "My darling girl," she whispered. "My beautiful, darling girl."

They pulled the covers over each other and fell to sleep, entwined in each other's arms.


	25. Chapter 25

Alex jerked awake in the middle of the night, all sorts of horror stories running through her mind. Then she realized that she wasn't alone, that she was in bed with Olivia. She let out a small sob of gratitude.

"Lex?" Olivia's voice was sleepy.

Alex stroked her cheek gently. "Go back to sleep, baby. I'm sorry. It's okay. Everything's okay now."

Still half-asleep, Olivia reached out and pulled Alex closer to her. Alex was grateful they had both decided to forgo pajamas as she snuggled into Olivia's naked embrace. The feel of her lover's skin was intoxicating, as was the light scent that was so unmistakably Olivia, her shampoo and her earthiness.

"s'all okay, Lex," Olivia. "I'll take care of you."

Alex blinked, trying to stop tears forming in her eyes. She nodded. She took one of Olivia's hands and interlaced their fingers. For the first time, she really believed that everything would be alright. "I love you, Liv," she whispered.

"Love you too, Alexandra," Olivia kissed her. "Sleep, honey."

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Alex was smiling as she entered the bedroom, bearing a tray with weak tea and a bowl of oatmeal for Olivia. Olivia still had to be careful with what she ate, and Alex was going to make damned sure that she stuck to the rules.

Olivia was just stirring, and opened one eye. "Hey, Alex," she smiled, grimacing as she tried to sit up.

"Let me help you," Alex set the tray on the nightstand, and helped Olivia into a seated position, stuffing pillows behind her back. "Ready for some breakfast?"

Olivia smiled. "Nearly," she said, catching Alex's hand. "First," with a tug she pulled Alex onto the bed next to hear, "_first_ I want to do this," very tenderly she cupped Alex's face and kissed her slowly, enjoying the sensations as Alex responded. Eventually they broke apart. Olivia grinned. "That's better! _Now_," she pulled a face, "now I have to pee. Then I'm all yours."

Alex helped her to her feet, and guided her arms into her warm robe. She supported her to the bathroom and back again.

"I'm not staying in bed all day," Olivia warned as she sat down. "I don't think I could bear another day in bed."

"That's good," Alex agreed. "Because I have a full day planned. This morning, we're going to spend on the couch. I need you to help me with the crosswords, I have a whole week's worth saved up. Then Jay and Sarah are coming to make lunch and to take Lily out for an hour afterwards. And this afternoon, if the sun stays out, I thought maybe we could sit in the back yard for a little while. We can put a blanket out with some toys for Lily."

"Is she awake?"

"She's been awake and had breakfast, can't you tell?" Alex gestured humorously at her robe, which showed evidence of smeared banana and breakfast cereal. "I was going to bring her through, but she seemed sleepy, so she's just having a quick nap. I'm sure she'll be up again soon enough."

"She's okay?"

"She's great. I can't wait to see her face when she realizes her mama's home with us all."

"She saw me here yesterday," Olivia said.

"I know, but she hasn't woken up to you for so long, she's going to love that."

"Me too," Olivia fought to keep her voice steady. "When she wakes up, will you let me go to her? I know I can't lift her out of the crib, but I want to be with you when you do."

"Of course, baby," Alex smiled. "Now eat up. I think we should get time for a shower before she wakes."

Olivia smiled. She couldn't wait to feel Alex's wet skin under her fingers.

Alex caught the look in her eye and grinned back. Very deliberately, she pulled Olivia's robe to one side, and caressed a soft breast before she cupped it lovingly in one hand. "This okay?" she looked up to check that Olivia was comfortable with the level of intimacy.

"Oh God yes," Olivia whispered.

Alex leant down, and took the dark nipple in her mouth, suckling it gently as she felt it pebble in her mouth. She let her tongue flick out, teasing the rigid bud. She smiled at the increase in Olivia's breathing. "You like that, huh?"

Olivia grunted her assent. Alex pulled the other side of her robe and moved on to the other breast, mimicking her previous actions.

"Oh Alexandra," Olivia was instantly aroused. "I want you so badly right now. I just wish I could...," she stifled a sob and grimaced as pain shot through her side.

Alex stopped in her ministrations, and looked deep into Olivia's eyes. "I know, baby, I know. Here," she guided Olivia down onto the mattress. "See if you can just lie still. Let me do this for you, sweetheart. As long as you promise not to exert yourself, can you do that?"

Olivia nodded, her breathing quickening at the realization that Alex was going to help her come. Alex lay down facing her, kissing her gently at first, but increasing the passion until Olivia was whimpering with need. "Keep still, baby, we can't do this if you're going to hurt yourself," Alex whispered, as she pulled away from the kiss.

Olivia could see Alex's eyes which had darkened with lust, sending a flood of moisture to her core.

Slowly, Alex moved down her body, dropping tender kisses on Olivia's slender neck, nibbling and suckling as she went. This time, Alex used her teeth to graze Olivia's nipples, eliciting a cry of ecstasy from the brunette. "Keep still, Liv," Alex gasped.

"I'm trying," Olivia bit out.

Alex smiled as she allowed her right hand to trace its way down Olivia's body, feeling the firm, warm skin under her fingers. She lightly traced Olivia's wound, being extra careful not to disturb the dressing or to put any pressure on the tender flesh. Her hand traced the contour of the curve of Olivia's hip, caressing it tenderly. She gave her ass cheek a quick squeeze before placing her hand on Olivia's inner thigh. "Still okay?" she whispered, looking up at Olivia's face to make sure she wasn't causing her lover any pain.

Olivia's eyes were half shut, and her sweet mouth was half open, her breathing coming in short gasps. "Please, Lex. I'm so close. I need to feel you," Olivia's hand closed round Alex's, bringing it to cup her own center. "Please baby, I'm... nuggh... that's... oh Alex, you don't know what you do to me... God I've missed you. This. This is... oh sweet Jesus. Oh God, Alex, no, that's..." she tried desperately to keep her hips still as Alex's talented tongue made its way down her body, dipping into her navel with a tantalising swirling movement.

Alex grinned when she reached her target; Olivia was so wet and ready for her. She would have loved to tease her fiancée, prolonging the pleasure for them both, but her concerns about Olivia over-exerting herself were uppermost in her mind. She slid two fingers inside her lover, quickly building a rhythm that had Olivia begging for her release. Olivia's climax was explosive, as she came again and again against Alex's sweet mouth.

Alex held Olivia in her arms afterwards, unsurprised to feel her lover's tears as they fell on her front. "Are you okay?" Alex whispered. "Did I hurt you?"

Olivia shook her head. "No. That was beautiful. Thank you, my darling. I just feel a little..."

"I know, Liv. I know. Just let me hold you. You're so beautiful."

"Even with the scar?"

"_Especially_ with the scar. Look at me, Olivia," Alex cupped her face gently, and kissed the tears from her eyes. "You were so sick, Liv. You could have died. But you're back with me now, and that scar just shows me what you went through, to come back to me and our baby girl."

Olivia looked at Alex. "You really mean that," she said in wonder.

"Of course I do, Liv. You're _here_. With me. That's the only thing that matters. And you are still, by far, the hottest woman I have ever seen. And these," playfully she kissed a dark nipple, "are somethin' else!"

Olivia tried to smile. "I was so scared," she finally said, after a long silence. "I was so scared of leaving you. When he stabbed me, I thought... I thought that was it. And in the hospital, everything was so frightening. Everything hurt. But you were always there. Your face, next to mine. Your hand, in mine. It made me want to fight, to get back to you. I wanted to touch you," she reached out and tenderly stroked a soft breast, her thumb unwittingly flicking the rosy nipple. "Everything hurt, all the time. But I always felt you were there with me. You were, weren't you? You never left?"

Alex shrugged. "I didn't have anywhere I'd rather be."

"And now you've jeopardized your career. Three months, down the drain."

"Three months spent with _you_," Alex kissed her. "And our daughter. We can afford it, Liv," she reminded her gently. "Even with the hospital bill," she grimaced. "We'll get that in the next few days."

"Only because you insisted on a private room," Olivia smiled. "The city's paying for all the treatment."

"We have Daddy's money. That's what it's for, so's we don't have to compromise on anything. And so that we can be together when we need to be. It's not just for you, Liv. I _need_ to be with you, probably more than you need me to be here."

"That's what Rosie told me," Olivia said in a small voice.

"It's true, Liv. I needed to see you, to feel you. To know your heart was still beating."

Olivia kissed her tenderly. "It's all okay now, Alexandra. I'll be all better soon. We're a family again."

Alex realized that her own cheeks were damp with tears. She smiled. "Your oatmeal got cold," she said.

"It was worth it," Olivia said.

"I'll bring you a new batch," Alex hopped off the bed, shrugging on her robe. "Be right back."

When she returned, Olivia was dozing.

Alex reached out and smoothed the hair from her face. Olivia stirred and smiled at her.

"Your hair's getting long," Alex mused.

"Yeah. I've gotta get it cut," Olivia said, as Alex stuffed pillows behind her.

"I like it longer," Alex toyed with her dark locks. "You have such beautiful hair," she passed her the bowl of oatmeal.

"Maybe I'll grow it a little," Olivia said.

Alex smiled, watching her eat. Olivia's appetite was still poor, but it was improving slowly, and Alex was going to make sure that she didn't skip a meal.

"Shower?" Alex smiled, when Olivia finished.

"Please," Olivia replied.

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As they stood in the hot shower, they both relished the feeling as the hot water pounded them. Alex held Olivia in her arms, taking some of her weight so that she could remain upright as long as possible. When Alex felt Olivia starting to tire, she guided her lovingly onto the plastic stool, kissing her as she sat.

Olivia looked up into her eyes. She reached up, flicking a tight nipple. She slid her other hand up Alex's inner thigh.

"Liv, you don't have to do this," Alex tried to keep her voice even. "Earlier... that was just for you."

"Don't tell me it didn't make you horny Alexandra, don't forget, I know you," Olivia's hand cupped her center.

"Olivia, you need to conserve your energy," Alex tried to sound firm. "I don't want you to... oh my," she felt Olivia's fingers start to work their magic.

"I'll be quick," Olivia promised. "And I'll just sit here. It's just my hand that's... see, sweetheart," she smiled smugly. "Don't tell me this is going to take long."

Alex gasped, desperately aroused. She clutched onto the metal pipe in the shower with one hand, determined not to put any of her weight on Olivia. "I don't want to... oh my word. Liv...," she felt Olivia's fingers curl inside her and start to pump. Alex's other hand reached out for the pipe, as she felt all her self control leave her. She could not fall against Olivia.

"How're you doing there, stud?" Olivia chuckled as she saw the look of desperation on Alex's face. She kissed her washboard stomach, allowing her tongue to flick out and tease the soft skin, grinning as she felt Alex's muscles contract. Alex was moaning loudly now, her senses on overload. When Olivia's thumb reached ground zero, Alex let out a gutteral wail. She could feel her legs buckling, and with a great force of will, she shoved herself away from Olivia, sliding down the tiled wall opposite her as her body shook with the force of her climax.

Alex lay slumped against the wall, the water still pounding over her, for a few minutes. Eventually, she opened her eyes to see a smug-looking Olivia sitting on the stool, looking down at her. She grinned. "Well, detective," Alex drawled. "When you're right, you're right!"

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Alex had just slipped Olivia's second sock on her, when a low wail came from Lily's room. She took Olivia's hands, and helped her to her feet. "Shall we?" she smiled at Olivia.

They entered Lily's room together, but then Alex deliberately held back, supporting Olivia from behind as she approached the crib. She peered over Olivia's shoulder, to see the look of delight on Lily's face when she saw her mother. "Somebody loves you, Liv," Alex rested her chin on Olivia's shoulder.

Olivia nodded. She reached out, stroking Lily's back lovingly. She then turned slightly in Alex's arms to face her. "Sometimes," she said, "sometimes, I think I'm the luckiest woman in the world."


	26. Chapter 26

"Liz!" Alex was surprised as she opened the door to her boss Bureau Chief Elizabeth Donnelly. "Come in."

"How's Olivia?" Liz asked, smiling at Lily who was perched happily in her mother's arms.

"She's asleep," Alex waved toward the bedroom door, keeping her voice low. "She's exhausted. A whole morning with this munchkin," she winked at Lily, "is enough to wear anyone out."

Liz smiled. "She's a beautiful baby," she said. "She looks just like you, Alexandra."

"She has Olivia's smile," Alex said affectionately.

"So she's doing well?" Liz nodded to the bedroom door.

"She's great," Alex said, and Liz could see the relief on her face. She had visited three weeks ago in the hospital, and had been shocked by the tension radiating off her favorite ADA. "She's just gets tired real fast. She still has a long way to go."

"You'll be glad to have her home."

"We both are, aren't we, peanut?" Alex kissed Lily. She lowered her onto the rug, which was covered in toys. "I was just going to have some tea, can I make you a cup?"

"Thank you," Liz said. "Lily can keep me company until then."

Alex smiled as Liz knelt by Lily. She had never imagined her tough boss would be such a soft touch with kids.

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"You do understand, Alexandra? And don't forget, it's only temporary. The job is there for you when you decide to come back."

"Of course I understand. You need to have the same person there every day. And I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. And _you_, coming here to tell me in person. I always expected you'd get a temporary ADA in, and I meant what I said. If you need me to resign, I will. I can find another job when Liv's better. I just have to be here with her right now."

"There's no question of that," Liz said. "We want you back, just as soon as you are ready. There is one thing you should know, though, Alex. We were looking round to see who's available, and Caryn Wright has just left the bureau in Washington, she's sniffing around at the moment. I hear she's interested."

Alex tried to school her face to a neutral expression. "She's an excellent lawyer," she said, pleased that her voice didn't betray her. "I'm sure she'd do a great job."

"But would it be awkward for you?" Liz Donnelly was uncharacteristically nervous. "With your... history?"

Alex blushed. "God, does everybody know about that?"

"She's not as discreet as you, Alexandra."

"Liz, it's not a problem. Seriously. It was a one-night stand. I'm not proud of it, and I'm certainly not going to repeat it. There were no hard feelings between us. And it was nearly five years ago."

"Just so long as it's not going to be problematic for you... or Olivia. There's a chance that whoever fills in for you will stay on at the bureau, at least on a part-time basis. I know she's hoping to go into private practice at some point, maybe she can do a little of both."

"It won't be a problem. We're perfectly amicable. And I'm in a different place now. I'm happy. And I have a wonderful family," she smiled as Lily batted a large ball, exploding with laughter as it rolled across the floor. "Was that funny, Lily?" Alex kissed the top of her head.

Liz smiled. "This suits you," she said, thoughtfully. "I never imagined that Alexandra Cabot would suit motherhood so well. If Petrovsky could see you now," she laughed.

Alex smiled at her. "I'm very lucky," she said. "I have a wonderful family, and I have a job I love. I couldn't ask for more than that."

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Olivia emerged from the bedroom, her hair tousled, leaning on a cane. Alex didn't notice her, and Olivia took the opportunity to watch her as she cleaned up Lily's toys in the living room. Her movements were graceful and fluid, and she looked serene. Alex looked over and saw Olivia, her eyes lighting up with pleasure. She approached the brunette, and ran her fingers down her sleep-flushed cheek. "Hey, Liv, you okay?"

Olivia smiled. "I'm good," she said.

Alex's smile was wide. She leant forward and kissed her softly, reveling in Olivia's warm flesh and her responsiveness. After a few minutes, she pulled back. "I love you," Alex whispered.

"I love you too, honey. Where's Lily, is she napping?"

"I just put her down. With any luck, we'll get an hour or two to ourselves."

Olivia smiled. "That's great."

"You sit, I'll make some tea."

Olivia shook her head. "I think I'll move around. Just for a little while. I've been still for too long."

Alex eyed her sharply, but decided that she was telling the truth and wasn't in horrible pain. "Okay," she said. "You'll tell me if you're in pain? More than usual, I mean?"

"I swear," Olivia said. "I'm feeling good, Alex. Even the wound feels better."

"We had a visitor," Alex told Olivia.

"Anyone interesting?"

"Liz Donnelly. She came to tell me they're recruiting for a temporary ADA, to fill in for me. I think," Alex swallowed, "that they're going to go for Caryn Wright," she tried to sound nonchalant.

"Isn't that the one you..."

"Yes," Alex answered quickly. "It is."

"Your only one-night stand," Olivia tried not to smile. "That's shitty luck, isn't it?"

Alex nodded, looking a little glum.

"It'll be fine, Alexandra. And she'll be gone when you get back."

"She might not. They may keep her part-time. Liz says they're still working it all out."

"You'll be okay, honey. You coped before, when you had to work together."

"It was awkward," Alex admitted. "She's incredibly flirty. Almost... predatory. And she's so _brazen_!"

Olivia laughed at the look on Alex's face. "I thought you liked brazen," she lowered her voice an octave, raising a suggestive eyebrow.

Alex grinned back. "On occasion, I do," she said. "Especially from New York's finest!"

Olivia stood carefully and put out her hand. Alex took it and stood in front of her, her nerve endings immediately zinging at the look on Olivia's face. Olivia cupped her face with both hands and kissed her. "How long do you think we have?" Olivia's voice was a little breathless.

"Maybe 90 minutes, if we're real lucky," Alex looked at her watch.

Olivia grinned, and gave Alex a little push. "Bedroom," she growled, sliding an arm over Alex's shoulder so she had something to lean on. She didn't want to use the cane.

"Are you sure?" Alex was immediately solicitous, mindful of Olivia's injury.

Olivia glared at her. "I've been asleep for four hours. I need to work off some energy."

"Well we'll just have to find a way for you to do that, then, won't we detective?"

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"We need to get to the market," Jay was stressed. "We promised we'd cook tonight, remember?"

Sarah laughed. "We have time," she kissed her girlfriend. "We said we'd be there at 6pm, it's only 3pm now. We have nearly two hours before we need to leave."

"But we have to pick up your mother," Jay reminded her.

"No, she's not coming," Sarah sounded a little worried.

Jay leaned up on one elbow. "She's not? Is she okay?"

"She called, she says she has a headache. I think maybe she just wants some time to herself. And Lily can be tiring."

"She saw the counselor this morning, huh?"

Sarah nodded. "Three times a week. I don't know if it's helping, Jay. She seems to be getting worse."

"I think maybe that's how it works, it gets worse before it gets better," Jay spoke quietly.

"Is that how it is for you?" Sarah asked gently. She didn't like interrogating Jay. She knew her girlfriend hated talking about her own assault, but she also worried that she should give her more opportunity to open up.

Jay's face darkened. She nodded. "It got real bad, before I did anything about it. Even then..."

"I know, sweetheart. I know. I'm sorry. I just think maybe _you_ should talk to a professional too," Sarah kissed her tenderly.

Jay shook her head. "I couldn't. Not ever."

Sarah stroked her back lovingly. "Okay," she whispered.

"Can't I just talk to you?" Jay sounded so fragile.

"Of course you can, baby, of course you can. Do you want to talk now?"

"No," Jay's voice sounded muffled as she buried her face in Sarah's front.

"That's okay. I'm sorry I brought it up. I love you Jay."

Jay looked up at her. "I know," she whispered. "And knowing that has done more for me than a thousand counselors could do. I love you too, Sarah," she reached out and cupped a full breast. "You say we have time?" her spark was returning.

Sarah smiled back. "Yeah. You have something in mind?" Jay was already trailing kisses down her neck. When Jay reached her breast and took the pink nipple in her mouth, Sarah squeaked with pleasure.

"I have some provisional plans," Jay smirked.

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Olivia lay back on the couch. "Dinner was fantastic," she told Sarah and Jay. "I'm just sorry Carolyn couldn't make it."

"She's coming tomorrow," Alex said. "I just spoke to her."

Olivia nodded her approval. "She's part of the family now, so she should be here. Are you sure you don't mind, Jay?" she asked.

"I'm real happy to do it," Jay said. "I just hope I can get pictures that you are happy with."

"I _love_ your pictures," Olivia said, sincerely. "It's a real honor that you've agreed to do this. We just want to get some good photos of Lily, she's so alert and funny, and smiley, we want a record of that."

"So's we can show the pictures to her when she's a monosyllabic thirteen-year-old," Alex smiled wryly.

"I'll do what I can," Jay promised.

"I'll make the coffee," Alex walked toward the kitchen. "_And_ the tea," she smiled at Jay, knowing that Jay tried to limit her caffeine intake.

"I'll help," Jay followed her. "Alex?" Jay spoke tentatively when they reached the kitchen, out of earshot of Sarah and Olivia. "Did Carolyn sound okay?"

"She sounded tired," Alex admitted. "And a little tense. Is something up?"

"She's been tired a lot this past week, and she's cancelled us three times now. I know Sarah's worried about her."

Alex nodded. "I think she's having a tough time. She's had to face a hell of a lot. And _Mother_," she spat the word, "is not helping. She keeps demanding that she go over to help her out, it's really not fair."

"She's still going over there?" Jay was surprised.

"All the time. She feels obliged. She won't listen to me when I tell her she needs to put herself first right now."

"Maybe Sarah and I can try and get through to her?"

"Would you? It's worth a try. I think the trauma of what she's been through is only hitting her now. And I know she's trying not to burden us. Maybe we shouldn't press her to come tomorrow? I just wanted her to feel included."

"We could do it another day, if you think that would be better?" Jay suggested.

"I'll call and ask her," Alex said. She smiled at her niece's girlfriend. "You're very thoughtful," she said softly. "Thank you."

Jay nodded, embarrassed. "She's Sarah's mom," she said.

"Yeah," Alex said. "I think Sarah's beginning to view her that way again. That's one good thing to come out of all this. How is Sarah?"

"She's good, I think," Jay said. "I know she feels terrible about all the things her father has done. She was distraught when Olivia was so sick. But she's doing well now. She loves being part of this family. So do I," she said, a little shyly.

"And we love that you are part of the family," Alex smiled. "And your dad. He _is_ coming, I hope?"

"We're picking him up at 12pm," Jay smiled. "He says he can't wait. He loves seeing you all, and he's totally in love with Lily. He loves babies."

"I bet he was a great dad when you were small."

"The best," Jay said simply. "Even after mom left, he was always cheerful, always loving. We had no money, but I didn't want for anything."

Alex hugged her. "I'm so pleased," she said quietly.

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Alex was laughing loudly at a joke made by Jay's father Joe, so when the doorbell rang, Olivia put a restraining hand on Alex's arm. "I'll go," she said. "It's good for me to move around."

"If you're sure?" Alex looked concerned.

"I'm sure," Olivia was already on her feet. She opened the door, and smiled when she saw Carolyn. She reached out to pull her into a hug, which the older woman happily accepted. Olivia pulled back, and looked closely at her. She had made a great effort with her make-up, but Olivia could still see the dark rings under her eyes, and the tense look in her face.

"You didn't have to come," Olivia said gently.

Carolyn tried to smile. "I wanted to. It's an important day, Lily's first photoshoot," she teased. "I brought her this," she put a bag on the table, not wanting to burden Olivia who was leaning on her cane.

"What's in there?" Olivia asked.

"It's just a few things, books mostly. One of them was Alex's, Wind in the Willows. She just loved it when she was small, it was her favorite."

"You kept it?"

Carolyn nodded. "It reminded me of when she was young. When we were close."

"She loves you, Carolyn," Olivia spoke softly. "She keeps telling how pleased she is you're back in her life."

Tears sprang to Carolyn's eyes. She dashed them away. "I'm sorry," she gulped. "I can't seem to control my emotions these days. I love her too. I hate that I wasted all that time."

Olivia took her hand, squeezing it kindly. "That's all finished with now," she said. "We're all getting a second chance now, to do it all right."

"I do want to do it right," Carolyn sniffed.

"You're doing great. Come and join the throng," Olivia said. "Promise me one thing; only stay as long as you want to. I know things are difficult."

"I promise."

"One more thing," Olivia kept her voice low. "I don't want to intrude. But I'm here for you, if ever you want to talk."

Carolyn nodded. "Thank you," she said. "I'm getting there."

"It's hard. I know. And you have the trial hanging over you too. It'll be easier once that's out of the way."

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"I'll go through the pictures, and email you the good ones," Jay promised, as she hugged Alex goodbye. "Thank you for today, it was wonderful."

Joe added his thanks to those of his daughter.

"Thank _you_," Olivia said. "For being our official photographer!" She had loved the family day, but was now exhausted, and happy to be waving off the last of the guests.

Alex slid an arm around her waist, and she could feel Olivia sag gratefully against her as they closed the door. "Bed," she said gently.

Olivia surprised her by not arguing. Alex led her to the bed, supporting much of her weight. "Pain pills?" Alex suggested.

Olivia nodded. "I think so," she said, wearily. "I'm good, Alexandra. It was a wonderful day."

"You need to sleep," Alex ran her hand down Olivia's cheek.

"Just for a little while," Olivia failed to stifle a yawn.

"I'll bring dinner in a few hours," Alex promised.

Olivia grasped her hand. "Don't go," she pleaded, suddenly feeling rather emotional. "Stay with me, jus' for a bit?"

Alex looked at her anxiously, but seemed satisfied that she was just tired. "'kay," she agreed, helping Olivia to remove her jeans and snuggle into bed. "I'll just get a book," she went into the living room, returning a moment later. She shrugged off her own jeans, and slid under the covers next to her lover. She smiled as Olivia shuffled over in bed, resting her head on Alex's thigh. Soothingly, Alex petted Olivia's head, letting her hand tangle in the soft hair. "Sleep, my angel," she whispered.

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"She looked awful," Sarah looked anguished as she sat on Jay's couch, nursing a cup of cocoa.

"She did look tired," Jay agreed. "It's a tough time for her, Sarah. It's not going to get better overnight."

"I don't think she's sleeping. She seemed exhausted. And she barely stayed an hour."

"Did you try talking to her?" Jay asked.

Sarah nodded. "She just said she was fine."

"Maybe she was trying to protect you," Jay suggested gently, taking her hand and chafing it between her own. "I know she feels guilty about you."

"I think you're right. I just don't know what to do."

"Maybe I could talk to her?" Jay sounded nervous. "I mean, I'm one step away. She doesn't have to protect me, like she does you. I think it's worse because... because..."

"Because it's my father that did it," Sarah's voice shook.

"I think so, sweetheart. Vanessa said something to me the other day. She said... she suggested... she thought it might be a good idea..."

"What Jay?"

Jay looked deep into her eyes. "She thinks it might help for me to talk to her. Since we have that in common," she tried not to let her voice crack.

"Vanessa knows? When did you tell her?"

"I didn't. She just knows. She's _always_ known. Or suspected. She doesn't know any details, but she knows."

"Oh Jay. Are you okay? Why didn't she say something before?"

"She was respecting my privacy, I guess."

"She was likely waiting for you to say something," Sarah suggested, as gently as she could.

Jay nodded. "I expect so. I nearly told her once, but I couldn't. You're the only one I've told."

Sarah cupped her face, and kissed her very softly on the lips. "I love you, Jay."

Jay smiled weakly.

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The next morning, Alex came into the bedroom carrying a wriggling Lily and, seeing that Olivia was awake, dumped her unceremoniously on the bed. "_Your_ daughter," she mock-scowled, "is a holy terror this morning."

Olivia grinned, putting a loving hand on Lily's back, as the baby gave her a gummy grin. "What did you do now, munchkin?" she winked at the child.

"She's learning to move across the floor, and I'll be damned if I can work out how she's doing it!" Alex said. "I left her on the blanket while I went to look for the oatmeal, and thirty seconds I turn round, and she's at my feet! But she isn't crawling yet."

"She must be," Olivia smiled. "Or at the very least shuffling! So you're on the move, Lily? That's going to make things more interesting around here!"

"Your oatmeal's ready," Alex told Olivia. "Shall we all sit here? I know we said we'd always sit at the table as a family, but..."

"It _is_ Sunday," Olivia smiled. "Let's be reckless." She reached out and pulled Lily to her, noting Alex's look of panic. "I'm being careful, honey," she said. "I swear." She wrapped her arms round Lily, giving her a big, silly kiss, making the child giggle with glee.

"How do you feel this morning?" Alex asked Olivia, as she watched her eat her oatmeal.

"I feel good. Refreshed."

"And the wound?"

"It's getting better every day."

"Do you feel up to a trip to the park? If we get a cab? If we take the entrance near the playground, there's a bench real close."

"That would be wonderful," Olivia said eagerly. "Just to get out, see a little of the world. Maybe we could take a cab to the coffee shop after? Get some lunch? We could catch up with Vanessa, it was such a shame she couldn't make it yesterday."

Alex nodded. "Let's see how tired you are, is that okay Liv?"

Olivia smiled.

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"Don't let Joe see her!" Vanessa called loudly, so that Joe would _definitely_ hear from the kitchen. "He got to spend yesterday with her, today it's my turn!" she laughed as she sat at the booth with Lily on her lap.

Vanessa looked at Olivia. "Well _you're_ looking better," she smiled.

"I feel great," Olivia said. "I'll be back at work before you know it."

"Not too soon," Alex's eyes flashed a warning.

"I swear," Olivia smiled. "Hey, Vanessa, want to see Lily's latest trick?"

"I sure do," Vanessa exclaimed.

"Put her on the floor. There's nobody in this section. And Joe can block her off," Alex grinned as Joe appeared in his chair, effectively blocking Lily's escape.

"It's filthy!" Vanessa objected.

"So's she," Olivia laughed. "We got kinda grubby in the park. She'll be fine, and we'll give her a bath as soon as we get in."

Doubtfully, Vanessa lowered her gently to the floor. Lily grinned, and set off at a fast crawl. Vanessa smiled and clapped her hands with delight. "Just when did she learn that?" she asked.

"This morning," Alex said, drily. "She chased me into the kitchen."

"She knows what a good cook you are," Joe smiled, as he scooped Lily from the floor, holding her above his head and smiling at her.

"Joseph Kazinsky, get your ass back in that kitchen!" Vanessa demanded.

He grinned, holding Lily on his lap as he rolled forward one-handed and passed Lily to Vanessa. "Yes, boss," he said, ducking as she reached out to swat him.

Olivia laughed heartily, not realizing that Alex was watching her closely. Alex's heart filled with joy at the sight of her lover so relaxed and happy, and finally almost out of pain. Olivia was still troubled by her wound, but those days and weeks of what seemed almost relentless agony were over at last, and Alex felt that she could breathe easy for the first time in far too long.

Alex reached out and took Olivia's hand under the table, interlacing their fingers.

Olivia looked surprised, but was immediately able to read Alex's expression. She squeezed her fingers lovingly. "I love you, Alex," she whispered.

Alex nodded, too moved to speak.

Vanessa looked up, and smiled. "Hey, Lily," she said to the baby in her lap. "It looks to me like your mommies are getting all sloppy."

Olivia smiled happily. "Yeah," she said. "We are."

Vanessa glanced over and saw the love that was evident in the eyes of both women. "You're a very lucky little girl," she said to Lily.


	27. Chapter 27

**[Thank you so much for all the reviews, I really appreciate them!]**

_Alex saw everything in precise detail. She could see his hands as they broke free from the handcuffs, and she saw horrifyingly clearly as he plunged the flat-headed screwdriver into her lover's stomach and twisted it viciously._

_Alex vaulted over the handrail on the boat, catching Olivia as she fell to the floor, the look of agony clear on her face._

"_Liv," Alex was desperate. "Liv, you're going to be okay. Stay with me baby," she took Elliot's proffered jacket, pressing it into the wound. She heard Olivia's gasp of anguish as she pushed against the flow of blood. So much blood. Too much blood. "Help is on the way, sweetheart," she whispered, feeling Olivia's hand grasp her forearm, squeezing tight as the pain shook her very core._

_Still the blood flowed. Olivia's breathing became more erratic. "Hang on in there, baby, we're gonna get to the hospital. Liv, stay with me," Alex pleaded. "Stay with me, baby. Olivia, you need to fight this," Alex begged as Olivia's breathing became shallower, each inhalation agonizing. "Liv, you're going to be okay. You need to focus, sweetheart, you have to fight. For me, for Lily. Liv, just keep breathing. I know it hurts."_

_Alex heard an ominous gurgle in Olivia's lungs, and saw blood escaping from her lips. She cradled her in her arms, and saw that Olivia was trying to say something._

_"Liv, sweetheart. Don't try to talk. We're going to get you fixed up. A bus is on its way. You'll be at Mercy any moment. I love you, baby. I love you. I love you. I love you, Liv. Stay with me. Just for a few more minutes. Keep looking at me. No, baby, keep your eyes open. Olivia," she felt Olivia's hand slip off her forearm. She looked in horror at her limp fingers. Olivia's eyes were closing again, a blue tinge evident on her lips. "Liv, no. Don't give up. They'll be here soon." Olivia took a shuddering breath, her head falling back as the life left her. "Liv? Olivia? OLIVIA?" Alex screamed._

_Alex was aware of someone shaking her, of a warm hand taking hers, pulling her into a tight embrace. She fought against the touch. "No!" she yelled, trying to shake off her comforter. There was no comfort to be had. The grip around her tightened. She thought she could hear Olivia's voice. That wasn't possible._

"Alex? Alex, sweetheart. It was just a nightmare. I'm here, with you. I'm okay. We're all okay," Olivia was beginning to panic. Alex was trapped in her nightmare, weeping uncontrollably. She kept pulling away from her, and Olivia couldn't think how to wake her.

"Alexandra? Listen to me my darling. You had a bad dream. It didn't happen, baby. I'm okay," Olivia reached out and took Alex's hand, trying to ignore the shaking in the limb. "Here, feel this," she guided her hand to the raised scar on her stomach. "It's all better now, Alex."

Alex felt her hand being taken gently but firmly. She could feel warm skin beneath her fingers. She felt a ridge in the flesh, and fingered it carefully. This felt like... like Olivia's scar. As she came to, Alex realized that she was in Olivia's embrace, her hand on her lover's wound. Olivia was okay. She was going to be fine. It had been a nightmare. "Oh God," Alex's words came out in a strangled sob.

"Hey," Olivia said softly. "That's it, honey. You've come back to me, huh?" she gathered Alex in her arms and held her tight, as the blonde fell apart in her embrace. Olivia held her close to her chest, rocking her slightly, making soothing shushing noises.

Within minutes, Olivia's nightshirt was drenched in her lover's tears. Olivia had never seen such misery. Alex had tried so hard to be strong, for her, for Lily, and Olivia was shocked to realize just how the last few weeks had affected her.

Olivia tried to put herself in Alex's position, but just thinking about how she would cope if she were to lose Alex, or even just to watch her being injured, and she felt faint. Poor Alex; she had genuinely thought that Olivia would die, that she would be left alone to bring up Lily. "I know, baby," she whispered to her tormented lover. "I know. I'm so sorry. It's all going to be okay, Alexandra. I love you. Lily loves you. Try and relax if you can. I know, honey," she kissed her on her sweat-soaked brow. "It's all over now," she caressed Alex's soft cheek.

Alex continued to weep hysterically, seemingly barely aware of Olivia's presence. Olivia made a decision. Carefully, she lay Alex down on the pillows, kissing her tenderly on her forehead. "I'll be right back," she promised.

Within a minute, Olivia was back at her side, holding a warm washcloth. She slid back onto the bed, reaching out for Alex. Alex immediately flung her arms around Olivia's waist, burying her face in her front. "Good girl," Olivia whispered. "Let me just..." she took the washcloth, and wiped Alex's face tenderly. Alex's weeping slowed a little. "That's nice, huh?" Olivia spoke very quietly. Very gently, she continued to bathe Alex's face, moving on to her neck and upper chest. "There, sweetheart, that's good. You're okay, Alex," Olivia was relieved as Alex calmed in her arms. "It was a bad dream. I know how real it felt. But we're alright, all of us. Everything's going to be good now, honey. We have a lot of great things to look forward to. Lily started crawling, so that's going to be fun. And she's making lots of noises, I'm betting she's trying to talk. I wonder what she's going to say first?"

Olivia watched as Alex turned a little in her arms, and opened her eyes. She blinked as she tried to focus on Olivia. "Liv?" Alex croaked. She reached up a shaking hand and touched Olivia's face. "Really you?"

"It's really me, Alexandra," Olivia kissed her softly. "You had a nightmare, honey."

Alex's face crumpled again, and she buried her face in Olivia's sodden front. "Sorry," she whispered eventually.

"You don't have to be sorry. It's okay, Alex," she rubbed her back lovingly. "It's okay."

Alex stayed buried in Olivia's front for several minutes, trying not to cry as Olivia ran her hand through her hair, petting her soothingly. Eventually she turned again, and sat up a little. "You're all wet," she put out a hand to touch Olivia's sodden nightshirt..

"I can change," Olivia said. She put an arm around Alex's waist, supporting her shaking lover. She saw the pallor in Alex's face, and cupped it gently. "Hey, honey, it's over. You're okay."

"I feel sick," Alex said, thickly, swallowing.

"That's okay. You want to throw up?"

"Dunno," Alex swayed a little.

"There's a trashcan right here if you need it," Olivia stroked her face. She reached out for the washcloth, bathing Alex's face once more.

"S'nice," Alex croaked.

Olivia smiled. "You'll be okay, Lex," she said confidently, continuing to bathe her face. She kissed her again. "Try and take some deep breaths. There, that's it. It's all over, Alex. You're okay now."

Alex nodded. "So sorry," she said weakly.

"Don't be silly. It's alright," Olivia's hand rubbed soothing circles on her back. Only then did she realize that the t-shirt Alex was sleeping in was damp, soaked with her own sweat. "Let me get you a clean shirt," Olivia made as if to get off the bed.

"No!" Alex sounded panicked. "Don't go," she pulled her to her.

"Okay, Alexandra. I'll stay. But we need to get you out of that wet shirt," Olivia smiled kindly.

"You too," Alex sounded miserable.

"Me too," Olivia agreed mildly. She grasped the hem of Alex's shirt and, before she knew what was happening, Olivia had peeled it off her and thrown it to the floor.

Alex reached out trembling hands, and tried to unbutton Olivia's nightshirt, but her fingers were shaking too much. Olivia put one hand over Alex's. "Let me," she said, as she easily flicked the shirt open.

Alex's face fell once more as her eyes alighted on Olivia's scar. She leant down and kissed it softly.

"See?" Olivia said quietly. "I'm all better now."

Alex nodded, misery continuing to engulf her.

Olivia took her hand, and brought it to her own front. "Feel that?" she said quietly. "That's me. I'm alive. And that's my heart beating under your fingers. I have too much to live for, Alex. There's no way I'm leaving you and Lily."

Alex nodded again. "I love you," she whispered.

"I know, my darling. And we love you too. Here," Olivia adjusted Alex's hand, so that it was molded around her own breast. "You need to sleep."

"I'll sleep in the guest room," Alex pulled her hand away.

"No, Alex. You will _not_," Olivia spoke calmly. "You'll stay right where you are."

"I'm disturbing you. _Again_," Alex sounded so unhappy that Olivia's heart went out to her. "That's the third time this week. You need your sleep, Liv."

"I wouldn't sleep, not without you. Alex, please? I need you with me," she stroked her cheek, and kissed her softly on the lips. "I need to feel you. We'll talk about all of this tomorrow. Now," she guided Alex back down, replacing her hand on her breast, "now we sleep," she adjusted their positions in bed, so that she was sitting up slightly and Alex's head was nestled on her breast. Alex's eyes closed and her breathing evened out. Olivia cupped the back of Alex's head, and pulled it closer to her, so that her nipple brushed against Alex's lips. "That's it, baby," Olivia said as Alex unwittingly took the nipple in her mouth. "Good girl. Just relax. I'm here for you, Alexandra. It's my turn to take care of you."

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When Alex blinked awake, the morning sun was half way across the bedroom. Blearily she reached out for her glasses, and tried to focus on the clock on the nightstand. 9.43am! Lily would have been up for hours. Alex shook her head to try and clear it, instantly regretting it as pain coursed through her skull. It was then that she noticed the pills and water by the bed.

Olivia must have known she'd wake with a headache. Alex smiled, despite herself. She swallowed the pills and took a swig of water. She climbed gingerly out of bed and stumbled into the en-suite bathroom to pee. She returned to the bedroom, sitting on the bed as she reached into a drawer to grab a shirt, smiling affectionately as her hand found Olivia's long NYPD t-shirt. She loved that shirt, even though it was fraying at the edges and had a hole in one of the sleeves. She loved the soft cotton, and the fact that it always seemed to smell of Olivia, no matter how many times it was washed. She shrugged it on, and was about to head to the living room when the door opened and Olivia peeked round, Lily in her arms.

Alex smiled widely. "You should have woken me," she said.

"You needed your sleep," Olivia said gently. "Anyways, Lily and I have been having fun, haven't we peanut?"

Lily took one look at her blonde mother and smiled widely. She put out her arms, demanding to be held. Olivia passed her over, and Alex took her gladly, hugging her tight.

Olivia glanced at the nightstand, seeing that the pills were gone. "How are you doing this morning?" she asked softly, sitting on the bed next to her.

"I'm great," Alex said.

"Even better when the headache goes?" Olivia smiled.

Alex nodded, smiling as Lily launched herself off her lap onto the soft bed. "Something like that," she agreed.

"You can always talk to me, you know that? I don't want you to bottle anything up."

Alex shook her head. "You're the one that suffered, not me," she whispered. "You nearly died, Liv," she blinked the tears away from her eyes.

"It was worse for you. I've tried to think how I would feel if it were you lying in that hospital bed, and I can't even bear to contemplate it. You had it much worse than I did." She reached out and blocked Lily's progress across the bed. "Hey, munchkin," she grabbed one foot and pulled her back playfully. "We're going to have to rethink things, now you're on the move."

"I held her," Alex paled at the memory. "In the hospital. Sarah brought her to see me. I held her so tight, Liv. I was scared she'd be the only thing I would have left of you. I wanted to be strong for her, but I don't think I could have done it. If we'd had to... if you hadn't... if the operation..."

"You would have done it. You're the strongest person I know. And you are a wonderful mother. But you don't have to do it, not on your own. We'll take care of this little urban terrorist," Olivia reached out as Lily tried to plunge off the far side of the bed, laughing as the infant's giggle filled the room, "together. Won't we, Lily-bean?" she tickled the child enthusiastically.

"You're amazing," Alex said.

"So are you, Alexandra," Olivia said softly. "Every day I thank God for you."

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"It's from Olivia," Sarah said as she read the text. "They're all going to the hardware store. Apparently there's no stopping Lily, so they're going to get all the safety stuff to Lily-proof the apartment."

"Tell them to get that foam tubing, you know, the stuff you use to lag pipes," Jay advised.

Sarah stared at her.

"It's great for table and chair legs, it'll stop Lily banging her head. Pop says he put it all around the house when I was a toddler, I was always banging into things."

Sarah grinned, as she started to text. "Thank God you have a hard head," she said. "Your dad is real smart."

"He had to be," Jay grinned. "He never stops telling me what a brat I was!"

"That's funny, he tells me you were wonderful."

"Things always look better in hindsight. I was a handful, poor Pop. He was for ever having to bawl me out for one thing or another."

"So if we have ever kids, we should bear that in mind, huh?" Sarah said playfully.

"Definitely," Jay agreed with a grin. She looked at Sarah. "I _would_ like to have children. One day. How about you?"

Sarah smiled. "With _you_? Hell yeah!" she swept her girlfriend up in a huge hug.

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"She canceled again," Sarah sounded tense as she put the phone down. "Says she's tired."

"Do you think she's avoiding us?" Jay asked.

"Not _us_, specifically. People in general, I think."

"How did she sound?"

"Anxious. She's seeing the ADA about the trial tomorrow. She won't let me go with her, I wish she would."

"She wants to protect you, Sarah," Jay said. "She doesn't think you should have to hear all the details. Can you imagine how hard it would be for her to talk about your dad in front of you?"

"Not my _dad_. My father. Sperm donor," Sarah was bitter.

"See?" Jay said gently. "She doesn't need to be worrying about your reaction. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, sweetheart," she reached out and took Sarah's hand.

Sarah looked at her. "I'm sorry," she said. "You're right. I just hate that she'll be alone."

Jay nodded. She took out her cellphone. "Hey, Mike," she said. "Look, something's come up for tomorrow. It's important. I don't suppose you'd swap shifts? You would? Does Marie mind? Mike, you're a peach. I'll do your next night shift to make up. Thank you so much." She smiled as she hung up. "Now she won't have to be alone. I'll meet her at the courthouse. I'm not going to call her before, I don't want her to worry about me being there until she sees me, by then it'll be too late. I've been meaning to talk with her."

"You'd do that for her?"

"For her. And for you. We're in this together, Sarah. Good and bad. And," she took a deep breath, "if I think it would help her, I'll tell her about Katarina," she flinched as she said the name. "So she knows that it's possible to find happiness afterward. But at least she'll have somebody there with her."

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"She's a good lawyer, Alexandra. You said that yourself," Olivia said.

"I know. It's just... Carolyn's my sister. I just hope she'll be kind."

Olivia nodded. "I know you want to be there, but you can see why it's not appropriate. And they want to do the... other... prosecution separately."

"The 'other' prosecution?" Alex sounded bitter. "You mean when he tried to kill you? Damned nearly succeeded!" her anger was bubbling over, until she saw Olivia look away. Olivia had paled, and her chin wobbled noticeably. "Oh Liv, I'm so sorry. That was crass of me. Baby, don't cry."

"I'm okay," Olivia tried to pull herself together. "This is just all so... fucked up," she said. "Your sister was raped by her husband. Sarah's father. And then he tried to kill me, the fiancée of his sister-in-law." She smiled weakly. "You couldn't make this stuff up."

"He'll pay," Alex said firmly. "I'm gonna call Caryn. Make sure we have all the angles covered."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Olivia knew Alex was nervous of seeing Caryn again, after their one-night stand nearly five years before. If she was honest, she herself was not keen on seeing the woman who had bedded her girlfriend.

"She's the best ADA for the job," Alex said. "And if there's any way I can help nail that bastard, I want to do it. Do you mind?"

Olivia shook her head. "Of course I don't mind. Invite her over for a drink. It'll be easier to talk here than in the office."

"If you're sure that's okay?"

"I'm sure."

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"Caryn, thanks for coming," Alex tried to keep her voice even.

"Cabot!" Caryn Wright appraised Alex frankly. "Well, I never thought I'd say it, but this domestic lark seems to suit you."

Alex smiled. "I'm very happy," she said. "Come in and meet Olivia."

Caryn strode confidently into the living room. Olivia rose from her seat to shake her hand. "Well, it looks like the rumors were true," Caryn winked at Alex. "Teflon got herself a hot cop."

"Caryn!" Alex protested.

"It's okay, Alexandra," Olivia said mildly. "If that's the worst rumor being spread about us, then I'm very happy. I'm pleased to meet you, Ms Wright."

"Caryn, please," the lawyer drawled. "You mustn't mind me. I just like to stir things up."

Olivia decided that, despite herself, she couldn't dislike the woman. She was brash and pushy, but she seemed honest and, in some ways, rather fun. She could see why Alex had fallen for her charms, though it was clear that Caryn Wright was not the type of person to be interested in having a relationship with anyone. "You go ahead," Olivia said with a smile.

At that moment, Sarah emerged from the bathroom, with a freshly bathed, pink-cheeked Lily in her arms. "Someone wants to say goodnight," she said, smiling as Alex came over and took Lily, holding the sleepy baby to her tenderly.

"I'll take her, Lex," Olivia said softly. "I'll settle her while you two talk. I'll only be a few minutes, looks to me like she's half-asleep already."

"Is this the babe?" Caryn's voice was unexpectedly gentle. She touched her cheek gently. "Now I see why you look so happy, Cabot. You have a beautiful daughter," she spoke with real sincerity.

Alex smiled as she passed Lily over to Olivia. "She's our angel," she said quietly.

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"Thank you for coming," Olivia put out her hand, which Caryn shook wryly.

"It was a real pleasure," Caryn said. "Unexpectedly so. And _you_, Cabot," she wagged a finger at Alex. "You've done okay. And don't worry, we're going to make that asshole wish he'd never been born. That's even _before_ the murder trial. And we all know what happens to rapists in prison," she said. She looked Olivia straight in the eye. "Be good to her, or you'll regret it," she said.

"I will. I swear," Olivia replied.

Caryn smiled. "I think I believe that. I'm beginning to see the attraction. Wife, kids. Never appealed to me before."

"It's the best," Alex said, simply.


	28. Chapter 28

"Wow. Just wow," Sarah smiled as she looked at Jay.

Jay fidgeted uncomfortably. "I don't look dumb?"

Sarah's face softened. "You look great," she took in the sight of her girlfriend standing in front of her in a skirt and smart white shirt. "I don't think I've ever seen you wear a skirt before."

"I don't expect you'll see it again," Jay grimaced. "I just... I don't want to embarrass your mom. She'll have enough to cope with."

"I don't think there's any need for you to dress up. But that's such a kind thought."

"I don't want to let either of you down," Jay said.

"You never have, and you never will. You know," Sarah's head tilted to one side as she looked closely. "I could get to like seeing you in a skirt."

"Don't get used to it," Jay said darkly. "I'll be back in my jeans as soon as possible."

"You look great whatever you wear. It's nice to see your legs though. You have great legs, have I ever told you that?"

"Many times," Jay kissed her softly. "So this is okay?"

"Very okay. Do you know what you're going to say to her?" Sarah looked a little tense.

"I don't know," Jay said. "I think I'll just see how it goes."

Sarah nodded. "Go with the flow. You're very good at finding the right thing to say. Just having someone there's gotta make it easier for her. God, this is so weird, huh? A few weeks ago, and mom and I weren't even speaking."

"I'm glad you are now. How about you?"

"I'm glad too. I hate how it happened, but it has made me think about what's important. And it's taught me the importance of forgiveness. Don't let me fuck up with our children, not like she has."

Jay smiled. "There's no chance _that_ will ever happen. We'll do lots of things wrong, but nothing like that."

"I hope that's true," Sarah's voice was small. "I can get real snarky sometimes."

"Snarky's allowed. We all get snarky from time to time. I haven't seen it from you yet though," Jay smiled. "Is this something I have to look forward to?"

"Just you wait," Sarah said wryly.

Jay took her in her arms. "We can be snarky together," she said.

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Jay arrived at the courthouse 20 minutes early, and was startled to see Carolyn already seated in the waiting area.

"Jay?" Carolyn's voice was faint. "What are you doing here?"

"I talked to Sarah," Jay said, sitting on the chair next to her. "We realized having her here would just add to your stress. But we didn't want you to be alone. I can leave if you want?"

Carolyn looked startled. "I... I didn't expect... I thought...," she struggled to control herself.

"I don't want to make this any harder for you."

"It's not that," Carolyn said hastily. "I'm just surprised. And touched. And, if I'm honest, I'm relieved. I'm dreading this."

Jay nodded. "We thought you would be. I don't have to come in with you. You tell me what you'd like."

"Would you?"

"Of course, as long as I'm not intruding," she took her hand. "I know there will be some things you don't want me to tell Sarah, and I swear I won't. I want to protect her as much as you do."

"Mrs Lomas?" Caryn's head appeared round the corner.

"Actually I'm reverting to my maiden name," Carolyn said.

"I don't blame you," Caryn smiled. "It's good to meet you. I'm Caryn Wright, and I'm going to prosecute the hell out of that bastard."

Carolyn gave a weak smile. "Is it okay if I bring my... well, she's kind of my daughter-in-law. Outlaw, I suppose," she tried to laugh.

"Of course," Caryn said. She led them both along the corridor. "So you're a Cabot now, then?"

Carolyn nodded.

Caryn grinned. "Just please tell me you're not as awkward as Alex!"

"I thought you called her 'Teflon'?" Carolyn tried to match the banter.

Caryn winked. "Among other things," she said.

"Why Teflon?" Jay asked curiously.

"I heard Detective Munch call her that, and it suits her perfectly. Whatever she does, it never seems to stick."

"It?" Jay laughed. "I'll just guess what _it_ is."

"Sh," Carolyn offered, causing Caryn to burst out laughing.

"I think I'm going to like you," Caryn said, showing her to a seat in her office.

"Will that help?" Carolyn's mood sobered.

"It won't hurt," Caryn replied. She took out a folder and flicked through it. "The first thing you should know is that his lawyer's already asking for a deal. He'll cough to assault and reckless endangerment if..."

"No!" Carolyn interjected.

Caryn smiled. "That's what I wanted to hear. My plan is to take this to court. It'll be harder on you, having to face his lawyer, and to see him sitting there in the court. But I am confident, _very_ confident, that we'll get 25 years for the rape, and at least a further 20 for attempted murder. He left you on that roof to die. And," she lowered her voice, speaking as gently as she was able, "that was a brutal assault. He's trying to intimidate you into not testifying, but if you do, I'm sure, _damned_ sure, that we'll win. If you think you can cope."

"I can cope," Carolyn said firmly.

"It won't be easy. But I'll coach you. And I know you likely won't want to discuss this in detail with your sister, but that hot cop she lives with will be able to give you advice too, if you want to talk to someone. We will get a conviction, if you can just hold firm."

"I'll be as firm as you need," Carolyn tried to stop her voice shaking.

"You'll have to commit to this. We're going to need a lot of preparation."

"I have nothing better to do. Bring it on."

Jay touched her arm briefly, and smiled encouragingly. "You're very brave," she whispered.

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"I wonder how they're getting along," Olivia mused.

"Caryn knows what she's doing. Maybe it's a good thing I'm not working right now," Alex replied. "It'll be easier for Carolyn to be open."

Olivia nodded. "How are _you_?"

"Anxious," Alex admitted. "I never thought it would be anyone I know. Or that he'd attack you too. It's like a nightmare."

"The worst is over, honey," Olivia's voice was soft. "Once the trial is finished... the trials... we can all go back to normal. Except now," she smiled, "now you have your sister back in your life. Some good has come of it all."

"Lily has an aunt," Alex smiled. "Isn't it time she woke up?"

"Are you missing her?"

"Yeah. Is that dumb? It _is_ dumb. Considering how much time we spending wishing she'd sleep just a little longer," Alex laughed at herself.

"It's not dumb, sweetheart. I want to see her too. We promised Gracie we'd go over. If she doesn't wake up soon, I'll get her up."

"Let me?" Alex pleaded. "I love it when she's sleepy and snuggly."

"You want to hold our snuggly baby?" Olivia smiled.

"Yeah. I do. Can I go get her?"

"Of course you can. You're her mom too, you don't have to ask me."

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"Are you okay?" Jay took Carolyn's arm as they left the office.

Carolyn nodded.

"That was intense, huh?" Jay's voice was kind.

"Uh huh."

"You want to get some coffee?"

Carolyn shook her head. "Fuck coffee," she said, startling Jay with her language. "I need a drink."

Jay smiled. "I know just the place," she led her out of the courthouse. In a few minutes, they were in a quiet bar.

"Bourbon. No ice," Carolyn said to the bartender.

"Club soda for me," Jay said. "I'm driving," she said, apologetically.

Carolyn nodded. She picked up her glass and drained it in one. She nodded at the bartender, who poured her a second.

"You want to get a booth?" Jay asked.

Carolyn nodded. She picked up her glass from the bar, and followed Jay to a quiet corner. "You were so kind," she said. "I'm so sorry for ever judging you."

Jay smiled. "We're all learning. This is new to us all. I've never had much contact with any of my girlfriends' families. But then, I've never had a girlfriend like Sarah. With her, it's... it's real."

"You love her?"

"I do. I truly do. More than I ever knew I could."

"I'm so pleased," Carolyn said. "She needed to find someone after those terrible things I did. Someone to love her unconditionally for who she is. Someone who didn't want to mold her into something she could never be."

"I like her just as she is."

"I know. I can tell. And that makes me so happy," Carolyn sipped at her drink.

"How are you now?"

"Exhausted," Carolyn admitted. "This is my life, for the next couple of months, isn't it?"

"I think so."

"It'll be worth it. I want him to know that there are consequences. That he can't go around destroying people. I can't bear to think what this has done to Sarah. How is she Jay? Really, I mean? I can't imagine what it is to know something like that about her father."

"That's why you didn't want to pursue this to start with?"

Carolyn nodded. "I hate that she knows."

"She's okay. She really is. It was hard for her. Real hard. She thought she might inherit... she... being a rapist's daughter. She was scared. She didn't trust herself."

"Oh God," Carolyn paled.

"She's alright," Jay put a hand on her arm. "Truly." Jay took a deep breath. "I hate to betray a confidence, but I don't think Olivia will mind. Not in the circumstances. It's not like it's a secret."

Carolyn stared at her.

"Olivia's mother was raped. Olivia is the product of rape. She saw how upset Sarah was, so she told her. It was a very brave thing to do, but it enabled Sarah to see that she didn't _have_ to follow in his footsteps. If someone like Olivia could have such a bad start and still end up so kind and compassionate, it could be alright."

"Oh poor Olivia," Carolyn said. "And still she works at SVU?"

"That's why she works there. She told Sarah she joined initially to try and find her mother's rapist, but it has become about so much more than that. She wants to be there, for the sake of all the victims she comes across."

"I suppose that's how she sees me," Carolyn said. "A victim."

"A recovering victim," Jay said gently. "You _will_ recover, Carolyn. Things will get better."

"I hope so. I want to put all this behind me. I want to move on."

"And you will. You can get your life back. Believe me," Jay took a deep breath. "I know," she said, her gaze steady.

"Are you trying to tell me...?"

Jay nodded, furious as her voice shook. "I didn't want you to think you were alone in this."

"Are you okay?"

"I knew the day I met Sarah that I was going to be okay. And I am. She fixed me," Jay gave a small smile.

"What happened?"

"It doesn't matter. It was an old girlfriend."

"Is she in prison?"

"I didn't prosecute," Jay admitted, suddenly feeling shamefaced. "That's why I was so proud of you this morning, when you didn't take the deal."

"How long ago was it?"

"A little over two years."

"You could still prosecute," this time it was Carolyn's turn to speak gently.

Jay nodded. "Maybe. Right now, I'm more worried about you."

"You don't have to worry. I will be okay. I'm not going to let him win. And I've already taken too much from Sarah. I want her to know she comes first. She's the main reason I'm going through with this."

"She's very proud of you," Jay said.

"And I'm proud of her. And of her life choices. Somehow, even with us as examples, she's done everything right."

Jay nodded. "She's very special."

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Alex sat on Gracie's trampoline, a struggling Lily in her arms. "No," she laughed, talking to the infant. "I am not letting you go, Lily. We both know if I let go of you, you'll be off like a rocket, and you'll find that the ground is not nice and bouncy, not like this. Here," she set her on the surface of the trampoline, holding her between her legs, her arm firmly around her waist. "Let's bounce a little." She bounced gently, loving the giggles of delight that came from her daughter. She was so intent on ensuring that the child didn't escape that she didn't notice Olivia's expression as she watched them.

Olivia found herself intensely moved by the scene in front of her; her goddaughter, her lover and her precious child were playing together so sweetly. Gracie fought against her naturally wild instincts, and was being gentle and considerate. Alex was laughing, her face devoid of make-up, her beautiful soft hair loose around her shoulders. She wore an old t-shirt that hugged her in all the right places, and her favorite jeans, which were worn and soft. Olivia loved it when Alex was relaxed enough not to be 'perfect'. To her, those moments were when she really achieved perfection.

Alex glanced over, and saw Olivia's shining eyes. "Can you watch her?" she asked Gracie.

Gracie nodded enthusiastically. "I do this with Katie all the time," she said. "I'll be real careful, I promise."

"You're a good girl," Alex squeezed her hand affectionately. She climbed off the trampoline and approached Olivia. "Hey," she said softly. "Are you okay?"

Olivia nodded. "I'm in love," she said, in wonder. "I'm in love with the most wonderful woman in the world."

Alex grinned. "Where is she?" she demanded, mock-angrily. "I'll punch her out for muscling in on my woman!"

Olivia stood and faced Alex. She put one hand around her waist, using the other to cup the back of her head. She kissed her, relishing the feel of Alex in her arms. "_You_," she kissed her again, a shiver running down her spine as Alex's tongue slipped into her mouth. "You make me so happy."

"So why are you crying?" Alex spoke softly.

"Am I? It's you. I could look at you all day. You make everything right."

Alex shook her head. "Not me," she whispered, leaning in for another kiss. "It's you that does that. The world makes sense at last, when you're here."

"I never knew this was possible, Alexandra. This sort of joy."

Alex smiled. "I knew. The moment I saw you, I knew."


	29. Chapter 29

**[I'm so very sorry for the delay, work has been crazy. Thanks as ever for the kind reviews, they keep me going – albeit belatedly!]**

Jay heard the sound of the violin before she reached the door of the apartment. She smiled to herself. Sarah really was very good, she mused. Far better than she herself realized.

Jay let herself in very quietly, trying not to disturb the playing. Sarah was standing by the window, the violin in her hands, her eyes shut as she swayed very gently to the music. Jay's mouth went dry. It was at these unguarded moments that Sarah looked her most beautiful. The late fall sun was just setting, and the glow on Sarah's face was magical.

Sarah came to the end of her melody, and slowly lowered the violin, her eyes still shut.

"Hey," Jay said quietly.

Sarah turned round, startled. "You been there long?" she asked.

"Long enough," Jay smiled. "That was beautiful, Sarah. _You're_ beautiful."

Sarah blushed. "You're a smooth talker," she said affectionately, as she lay the violin back in its case.

"I meant every word. I could really fall for a gal like you," Jay's eyes twinkled.

"Is that right?" Sarah replied saucily. "I can see myself with someone like you too," she grinned. She stepped forward, taking Jay's backpack from her hand and dropping it casually on the floor. She removed Jay's leather jacket and dangled it provocatively from her fingers before dropping that too.

"I've missed you," Jay became serious. "Three whole days. I don't like it when I don't see you," she took Sarah's hands, and kissed them softly.

"I've missed you too, sweetheart. You are okay?" Sarah looked suddenly concerned.

"I'm great. Especially now that you're here," Jay pulled her into her arms. "These damned shifts. Thank God for cellphones," she thought back to the previous night, when she had slipped out onto the roof of the fire station with her phone.

"We shouldn't talk so long when you should be sleeping," Sarah said.

Jay nodded. "I know," she leant in for a tender kiss. "I was just missing you so damned much." She kissed her again, teasing her with her tongue.

Sarah gasped with pleasure as their tongues tangled. "You're wearing too many clothes," she husked, her hands reaching up to flick her shirt buttons open. Impatiently, she dragged Jay's soft cotton shirt down her toned arms. Under the shirt, Jay was wearing Sarah's favorite white sleeveless t-shirt, which was just baggy enough to allow Sarah a glimpse of a pert, dark nipple. "No bra?" Sarah grinned.

"Just for you," Jay's own hand wandered up Sarah's front, grasping a full breast almost roughly, causing Sarah to inhale sharply. She kissed Sarah once more, unable to prevent herself from moaning into her love's mouth. "You don't have any idea how hot you are, do you?" Jay's voice deepened with lust.

Sarah finally succeeded in dragging Jay's t-shirt over her head. She grinned at the sight of the toned torso. Very tenderly, she took her pert breasts in both hands, allowing her thumbs to flick suggestively over the nipples which puckered at her touch. "It's _you_ that's the hot one," her breathing quickened. "Oh God, Jay. Three days is too long," she flicked her tongue over one nipple, toying with the jewelry in the other with her fingers.

Jay whimpered at the delicious sensations. Her fingers fumbled with Sarah's shirt, hauling it impatiently over her head rather than waste time on buttons. She felt a button popping and pinging onto the floor. "Sorry," she grinned, not meaning a word. She would buy her a new shirt. This was worth it. She buried her face between Sarah's ample breasts as she thrust one hand down the front of Sarah's jeans.

Sarah squeaked at the invading digits. "Oh God, Jay. Why do you always know what I … uhn … Jay. No. I can't … I should … you need some dinner. You've been working hard. We should stop. You … oh sweet Jesus."

Jay was already unbuttoning Sarah's fly, transfixed by the sight of the prominent nipples that were clearly visible through the lacy red bra that Sarah wore, straining at the flimsy material.

Sarah put a restraining hand on Jay's. "Bedroom," she gasped.

Jay stared at her for a few seconds. She grinned. "'kay," she said. She leant forward and, before Sarah knew what was happening, she was lifted off her feet and draped across Jay's shoulders in a fireman's carry.

"Jay!" Sarah squeaked indignantly.

"Something wrong?" Jay teased, as she strode across the floor. In seconds, they were in the bedroom, and Jay lowered Sarah gently to the bed, still grinning widely as she knelt possessively over her. "What?" she pretended innocence. "I didn't want you to trip over your jeans," she gestured to the cotton material that she had dragged half way down Sarah's thighs. "In fact, I have reason to believe that you would be safer altogether without these," she drew the jeans down Sarah's legs, taking the opportunity to caress her as she did so.

Sarah smiled. "I think maybe you're right. In fact," she sat up a little and put her hands behind her back. "I think this...," she unhooked her bra, "may also present a hazard," slowly she pulled the bra down her arms and flung it onto the floor.

Jay stopped dead, her eyes on Sarah's candy pink nipples. Sarah laughed; she always had this effect on Jay, and it filled her with delight – and lust – to see the need in Jay's eyes.

"Something wrong, officer?" Sarah teased, reaching out for Jay's hand and bringing it to her breast.

Jay cupped the back of Sarah's head, and drew her into a deep, passionate kiss, her whole body zinging with need. She pulled back and looked deep into Sarah's eyes. Her hand toyed with one breast as she trailed kisses down her neck. When she reached her nipple, she heard Sarah's breathing hitch. Her tongue circled the rock hard nub; at the same time, she felt Sarah's hands unzip her own jeans. The feel of Sarah's hand pressing her hand to her core was overwhelming, releasing a flood of moisture.

"I want to see you," Sarah whispered into her ear. "I want to see your face," she dragged Jay's boyshorts down her legs as she wriggled out of her own panties. Within minutes, both women were moaning loudly, as they bucked and writhed, slamming their sweat-soaked bodies against one another. Sarah came first, her whimper of release tipping Jay over the edge as she crashed against her.

Jay loved making love to Sarah, more than anything in the world. What she loved too, very nearly as much, was holding her lover to her after they had both come, just watching as her love drifted off to sleep, her face free of cares or concerns. The events of recent months had been hard on both of them, but more so for Sarah, Jay thought. Too often she saw a haunted look on Sarah's face, an acknowledgement of all that her loved ones had suffered recently. After Olivia's attack, Sarah barely slept, only finally relaxing once her … aunt? friend? surrogate mother? … was home with her family. And now Sarah's mom was going through an ordeal that no-one should ever have to suffer.

Sarah shifted in Jay's arms, her face creasing lightly.

"No thinking," Jay whispered softly, running a loving hand softly over her brow. She kissed her very gently. "No thinking. Not tonight, baby. Just sleep. That's good," she smiled as Sarah's brows unknitted.

In her sleep, Sarah snuggled closer into Jay's strong arms. She pressed her cheek against Jay's bejeweled nipple, the sensation of the warm silver reassuring against her skin. She slid one hand over Jay's flat stomach, splaying her fingers as she unwittingly stroked the soft skin.

"I love you, Sarah," Jay whispered.

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"So when does the concert start?" Alex looked anxious, as Olivia held their unhappy daughter.

"Seven-thirty," Olivia said. "It's on over two nights. You go, honey. I can't leave her," she stroked Lily's reddened cheek lovingly. "We'll be fine. She's only teething, aren't you chipmunk?" she carried the baby to the kitchen, where she extracted a teething ring from the freezer. She took the old one and was just running it under the cold faucet when she felt Alex's hand over hers.

"I'll do it," Alex said. "You go and sit." She rinsed the gel-filled ring and slipped it into the freezer, smiling as she saw four others sitting in there. She perched on the edge of the leather chair in Lily's room, her hand lovingly on their daughter's back. "I'm staying here," she said.

Olivia shook her head. "No, you should go. Sarah's real nervous, Jay too. Sarah wasn't going to tell you, it's a surprise. Jay's doing a solo. The Swan. She wanted you to be surprised."

Alex gasped. The Swan, from Saint Saens' Carnival of the Animals, was one of her very favorite pieces of music, the haunting sound of the single line of the cello never failing to stir her soul.

"You go tonight, I'll go tomorrow," Olivia said quietly, as she rocked Lily. "Look," she gestured to the sleepy baby. "She's nearly asleep."

"She's full of Calpol," Alex smiled. "I'd be asleep if you drugged me, too!"

Olivia smiled back, tiredly. She had had very little sleep over the last week, but she had refused to let Alex help at night. Alex was starting back to work the following week, and she wanted her to be refreshed. "Please, baby?" Olivia asked. "Sarah needs you there. She needs some normality."

"Okay. I'll leave my phone on vibrate though. You'll call if you need anything, you swear?"

"I swear," Olivia promised. "Can you call Melinda before you go, and tell her we don't need her to babysit?"

"Of course," Alex leant down and kissed Olivia deeply.

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"Teflon!" Caryn's voice came strongly down the line as Alex answered the phone.

"Hi Caryn," Alex replied. "What can I do for you?"

"I need to see you," Caryn said. "I'm nearby, can I call in?"

"Yeah, I'm here," Alex replied. "What's up, Caryn?"

"Better in person," Caryn replied. "Tell me, is Hot Cop there?"

"If you mean Olivia, we're both here, with Lily. Do you need us both?"

"No. It's just nice to have something sexy to look at over coffee," Caryn teased. "I'll be there in five," she hung up the phone before Alex had a chance to reply.

"What?" Olivia demanded, as she saw the slight smile on Alex's face.

"You've got a nickname, Liv," Alex said.

"Oh God," Olivia groaned. "Don't tell me. 'Ball-buster'. 'Diesel-dyke'. 'Butchy-McButch'? Not worse than that, please tell me it's not worse than that?"

Alex grinned. "'Butchy-McButch'? Whoever called you that?"

"My old partner. _Once_," she said, fire in her eyes. "Never again. C'mon, Alexandra, spill."

"'Hot Cop'!" Alex said proudly. "I think it kinda suits you. I mean," she reached out and cupped a full breast. "You _are_ a cop," she grinned as Olivia swatted her.

"Are you implying that I'm not hot?" Olivia mock-scowled.

"You? Hot?" Alex teased. "Never. Hot is not enough to describe what you are, Detective Olivia Benson. _You_, my beautiful girl, _you_ are _scorching_."

Olivia grinned. "I can live with that," she said, as she strode toward the kitchen. "Shall I make coffee?"

"Please," Alex said, as she scooped Lily up from the floor. "_You_, munchkin, need to sit quietly while I talk with your evil auntie Caryn, okay baby?"

Lily gave a gummy grin, proudly displaying her only tooth in the middle of her mouth on the bottom.

"Sit quietly?" Olivia called laughing from the kitchen. "Since when did _your_ daughter ever sit quietly?"

Alex smiled, her retort blocked when the doorbell rang. She let Caryn into the apartment. "Go, sit," she instructed, as she strode toward the kitchen. "I'll take the coffees through," she told Olivia as she passed her their daughter. "You're in charge."

Olivia smiled, adjusting Lily on her hip. "C'mon Lily-bean," she told her daughter. "We know when we're not wanted," she saw Lily give a huge yawn. "Tired, baby?" she said softly. "I'm not surprised, you barely slept last night. Let's take you for a nap, shall we? We'll have some stories first," she reassured her.

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"You shouldn't really be talking to me about this," Alex said.

"I know. But it's not really about the case. Not as such. Look, Teflon," Caryn looked Alex in the eye. "I like your sister. I really do. She's no _you_, but for a Cabot she's pretty cool. Now that she's accepted that we dykes are not the spawn of the devil, of course. But she's not helping herself, not like this."

"Spit it out, Caryn," Alex said, dreading what she was going to say. She thought she could guess what she was going to say, and her heart sank when she realized that her fears were not unfounded.

"She's drinking," Caryn said bluntly. "Not that I blame her. Christ, if that had happened to me, I'd be swimming in gin. But the jury can sniff out a... I mean..."

"A lush?" Alex supplied.

Caryn nodded. "I'm sorry, Teflon. I really am. But you've gotta get her off the booze. She's okay in the mornings, she's been fine when we've met then. But if our meetings are after lunch, forget it. And we can't ask the trial judge to only convene before 1pm, can we?" Caryn attempted a smile.

"We'll talk to her," Olivia said quietly, startling them both as they hadn't realized she had entered the living room. She stood behind Alex's chair, and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "We'll fix this. We've got two weeks, right?"

Caryn nodded.

"Make sure you only see her in the mornings this week. Please?" Alex pleaded.

Caryn smiled. "Okay. You have until next week. She can't jeopardize this trial. She just can't."

"She won't," Olivia said firmly.

"I'm sorry I had to come say this. I like her. I don't want to see him win, either in court or if he turns her into a lush."

"We appreciate it," Olivia gave a small, sad smile. "Thank you."

Caryn nodded. "Just doing my job. And," she grinned, "just checking that you're still happy with Alex? Because if not, I'm sure we could come to some arrangement..."

Olivia laughed. "I thought you were more into leggy blondes," she teased.

Caryn winked. "Oh I am. But Teflon's smitten, so I thought I'd … shall we say, widen my catchment area?"

"Goodbye Caryn," Alex said firmly as she pushed her toward the door.

"Something wrong, Teflon?" Caryn smirked.

"You're hitting on my fiancée. In _front_ of me!"

"Would you rather I did it behind your back?"

"You can do it anywhere and any way you like," Olivia grinned. "The answer will still be no," she slid an arm around Alex's slim waist. "I have all I need right here."

Caryn smiled. "You made a good choice," she told Olivia. "So did you, Teflon. You finally found somebody who was good enough for you."

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"I think maybe it would be better if I go alone," Olivia said. "You're too close. And I..."

"You have experience of drunks?" Alex said softly.

Olivia nodded. "She's not a drunk, Alex. Not yet. She's just having a really hard time. She should know how quickly it can take hold though. It's not too late, I really believe that."

"Do you?" Alex's voice was small.

"I do," Olivia tried to sound more confident than she felt. "Look, it's a cold day. Why don't you and Lily wait in the café for me? Vanessa and Joe keep saying we don't bring her in often enough. I'll meet you there."

"I love you," Alex kissed her softly.

"I love you too, honey. Yes," she grinned at Lily. "_Both_ of you."

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"Olivia?" Carolyn tried not to look startled.

"Can I come in?" Olivia asked.

"Sure," Carolyn opened the door fully. She led her through the apartment. "Can I get you a coffee?"

"Please," Olivia said, trying not to stare at the empty bottles on the floor.

"Is everything alright?" Carolyn asked. "Sarah? Alex? Lily?"

"They're all fine. Sarah was great at the concert last month, wasn't she?"

"She really was," Carolyn replied. "And Jay too. She played that solo beautifully. Alex always used to love The Swan."

"She still does," Olivia said. "We have three different recordings."

Carolyn smiled, as she passed Olivia her coffee and grabbing her own mug. She pointed to the living room indicating that they should sit. "I'm so lucky to get a second chance with Sarah. I was so proud of her at that concert. I don't want to screw this up."

"That's why I'm here," Olivia spoke gently, noticing the shaking in Carolyn's hands. She set her coffee on the side, and reached out for Carolyn's mug, taking it from her and placing it on the side table. She took her hands, folding them between her own. "Carolyn, this isn't easy. And I don't want you to think I'm judging you. I'm not. I'm truly not. But I've seen this happen before. To my own mother," her eyes glittered with emotion. "And I like you too much to stand by and watch it happening to you."

"My drinking," Carolyn whispered.

Olivia nodded. "I know it's been awful. I know it's still awful, what you have to cope with. But you don't have to cope alone. We're all on your side. We all want to help."

"You have enough to deal with," Carolyn replied. "With what he did to you," her voice cracked. "And you have the baby. You're all busy."

"I'm fine," Olivia squeezed her fingers. "I'm going back to work next month. I'm all better. And Lily does keep us on our toes," she smiled, "but we're not too busy. You're _family_, Carolyn. Just like Sarah is. And Jay. We care about you. We want you to be okay."

"It just makes it easier. Especially at night," Carolyn said.

"You get scared at night?" Olivia probed.

Carolyn nodded. "I know he's locked up, but..."

"I know," Olivia said softly. "This is going to sound cruel, but you have to think of Sarah in this."

Carolyn looked up sharply.

"I'm the daughter of a drunk," Olivia said. "And I have to tell you, it's no walk in the park. She drank every day. Every single day. For as long as I can remember. I spent my childhood trying to help her. Trying to stop her. Wondering why I wasn't enough. Why she didn't love me enough to stop drinking. And then she told me, and it all made sense. She couldn't love me, I was a daily reminder of what she had gone through. And she couldn't ever forgive me for that. Thirty-two years of watching her disintegrate, and not being able to do anything about it. Hauling her out of bars. Cleaning up vomit. Hospital visits. Believe me, it's not pretty."

"What happened to her?" Carolyn whispered.

"She was so drunk she fell down the steps at a subway station."

"She died?"

Olivia nodded.

"Before she could get herself straight?"

"She was never going to get herself straight. I've learned to accept that now. With Alex's love, I've finally accepted it wasn't my fault. But it's taken me years. And it took away my childhood. It's not too late, Carolyn. Don't do this to Sarah, please? Or to Alex," she whispered to herself.

Carolyn was weeping openly now. Olivia got up and sat on the edge of her chair. She pulled her into a hug. "We can deal with this together," she whispered, as the older woman flung her arms around her waist as her sobbing increased. "All of us. Me, Alex. Sarah. Jay. And Lily," she smiled. "We're a family."

"I'm sorry," Carolyn whispered eventually, her face still buried in Olivia's front.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about. We'll fix this. Here," Olivia passed her a cotton handkerchief. "Let's talk tactics, are you up to that?"

Carolyn nodded miserably.

"We want you to come live with us. Just for a few months. We have a spare room that's empty. Sarah's not even in her room half the time, so the apartment won't get too crowded. And when it does, when she and Jay are there, we'll cope. It's fun to have lots of people around. We all need people around us sometimes. We can help you during the trial, and afterward. And if you get scared at night, you can call one of us. We'll likely be up anyway, Lily's a little restless right now," Olivia smiled. "And I know you don't want to hear this, but it really will help if you go back to the counselor. We can find you a different one if..."

Carolyn shook her head. "No, I liked her. I just... I …," she started to cry again.

"It's okay. Don't look back. We're all moving forward from here on in. We'll set it up again. And if you want one of us to go with you, even if it's just to sit in the waiting room, we'll be there."

"Why are you doing all this?"

"You're family. We love you. And I need you to be okay, too, for selfish reasons. I can't sit back and watch what this would do to Sarah. And to Alex."

"I still have to take care of Mother," Carolyn said. "I'm spending three afternoons a week with her."

Olivia shook her head. "Not any more," she said gently. "You don't have the strength for that, right now. Alex is going to call her, tell her. Graham's coming up for a week, he'll spend time with her, get it through to her."

"He'll never get through to her," Carolyn spat bitterly.

"Then it's her loss," Olivia said firmly. "You can see her once a month, and one of us will be in the car outside waiting for you. She's dragging you down, Carolyn, and you can't afford that right now."

"I know," Carolyn whispered.

"Go pack a bag," Olivia said gently. "I want you to come with me now."

"Now?"

"Or you'll never do it."

"Thank you. I can't believe how kind you're being," Carolyn's voice cracked. "After … everything."

Olivia smiled. "The past is past. It won't all be plain sailing, Carolyn. And we'll be taking advantage of you too. Lily can be quite demanding, you know!"

"She's such a beautiful baby," Carolyn's eyes filled with tears. "She looks just like Alex."

"She's stubborn like Alex too," Olivia smiled. "You'll have to teach me how to keep her in check."

"If she's like Alex, you'll never do it," Carolyn got to her feet shakily. "I'll go pack."

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"Hey," Olivia entered the coffee shop, hit by a blast of warmth which contrasted with the sharp air outside. She held Carolyn's hand firmly.

Alex looked up. She could see that her sister had been crying, but had attempted to mask the fact with make-up. She got up and pulled Carolyn into a hug, holding her for several minutes, her hand rubbing reassuring circles on her back. She looked down and saw the bag at Olivia's feet. "Thank you," she mouthed at Olivia.

Once Carolyn was seated in the warm booth, Olivia passed her a delighted Lily. Lily loved her aunt, and was happy to be in her lap. Carolyn put her arms around the baby, kissing her softly on the top of her head.

"Your auntie Carolyn's coming to stay with us for a while, Lily," Olivia told their daughter. "Isn't that great?"

Alex reached under the table for Olivia's hand, relishing the soft strong fingers in her grasp. "There's more house-moving happening too," Alex smiled, as she saw Vanessa approach. "Isn't that right, Vanessa?"

Vanessa blushed. "Well it makes sense. I drive him home every night. And my apartment's too small for both of us. So now I can rent it out."

"She just can't keep her hands off of me!" Joe shouted from the kitchen. "She's a sex maniac!"

"Joseph Kazinsky!" Vanessa hollered. "I swear, if you can't learn to behave, I'll … I'll …," she searched desperately for an appropriate punishment.

"Loosen the nuts on his wheels?" Olivia suggested with a grin.

"Perfect!" Vanessa agreed.


	30. Chapter 30

"Caryn?" Alex sounded stressed on the phone.

"Teflon? Is that you?" Caryn sounded sleepy.

"Oh God, I woke you. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize," belatedly Alex looked at her watch; 6.31am.

"I needed to get up anyway. What is it Teflon? You don't sound your usual collected self," Caryn's words were teasing, but her tone was kind.

"Carolyn's going to have to cancel this morning. She had a bad night," Alex tried to gloss over the terrible night they had all just had.

"Drinking?" Caryn asked, unexpectedly gently.

"No," Alex exhaled. "Thank God. But she's not doing well cold turkey. I didn't realize how bad it must have got. The withdrawal's terrible. She's not fit for anything this morning."

"Sounds like you could all do with some sleep," Caryn said kindly. "Call me when she's ready. You know the deadlines as well as I do. I can make myself available whenever you need me."

"Thanks, Caryn," Alex said. "You're being very kind."

"Make sure Hot Cop takes care of you, huh?"

"I will. She is. She's being amazing," Alex tried to keep the emotion out of her voice.

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Alex went back into Carolyn's room. "The doctor will be here in a half hour," she whispered. "She's sleeping?" she looked over at the sweat-soaked form of her sister, huddled in the corner of her bed.

"No, but she's calmer," Olivia kept her voice low too. She wrung out a washcloth, and placed it over Carolyn's brow, making soothing noises.

"Headache?" Alex asked.

"Bad, I think. But she hasn't thrown up since last time," Olivia nodded at the clean basin on the floor.

"Has she had any water?"

Olivia shook her head. "I don't think she'd keep it down. I'm so stupid. I didn't realize it was this bad. If I had, I would never have suggested she go cold turkey, not without medical advice."

"She kept it hidden," Alex said. "You know how it goes. Better than anyone," she said sadly. She gave a tired smile as she heard Lily's morning cry. "Looks like we have company," she said.

"You go to her. I'll stay here," Olivia said as Carolyn moaned pitifully.

"If you're sure?"

"I'm sure," Olivia was already moving on to the bed to cradle a distressed Carolyn. "Just pass me that basin, huh?" she could see a distinctly green cast to Carolyn's face and felt her shaking through her damp pajamas.

"I'll call Rosie," Alex decided, wincing as Carolyn convulsed, heaving painfully into the basin. "She'll take Lily today."

Olivia nodded, her attention back on Carolyn as she supported her. The tremors wracking her body were severe. Olivia wondered how things could have gotten this bad without them noticing. "We'll fix this," she whispered to Carolyn, holding the damp washcloth to her brow. "Together. We're going to make everything better." Carolyn moaned as her knuckles gripped the basin. "I know it hurts," Olivia whispered. "Try some water," she begged, holding the glass to Carolyn's chapped lips.

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"She has a serious problem," the doctor half-closed Carolyn's bedroom door. "She's sleeping now."

"Did you give her something?" Alex asked.

The doctor nodded. "I've sedated her. She'll be out for a few hours."

"We should have realized," Olivia was distressed. "I'm sorry. We should have called you before this."

"You didn't know," the doctor said kindly. "She's a very determined lady. She'll make it through. I'll be back this evening, to take the drip out."

"You put her on a drip?" Alex sounded aghast.

"It's not as bad as it sounds," the doctor was gentle. "The last thing she needs right now is to get dehydrated. She's feeling bad enough as it is. It's just to get her fluids up. She should finish the bag in," she looked at her watch, "around four hours."

"Do you want me to take it out after that?" Olivia asked.

"You're confident to do that?"

Olivia nodded. "I've done it a bunch of times. My mother …," she didn't bother to finish her sentence as the doctor nodded understandingly.

"Okay, once it's empty. And just keep her on clear fluids if you can. She likely won't want to eat anyway. The first three days are the worst. I can admit her if you'd like?"

Alex shook her head firmly. "We'll stay with her. It's the least we can do."

"She's very lucky. So many people don't have someone to help them through. I really do think she's going to be okay. She told me she's never going to drink again. She wants to beat this. That's a huge step."

Olivia nodded. "Thank you," she whispered, and walked off, letting herself into Carolyn's room. Alex was a little startled, but she realized that this was a horribly familiar scenario for her lover, so she didn't try to stop her.

"I'll be back at six," the doctor said. "See how you're all getting along. You have a baby?" she smiled as she picked up a teething ring from the counter.

Alex smiled. "Yeah. She's nearly 10 months. We got a friend to take her today. I'll ask her to keep her overnight."

"That might be best. _You_ look like you could sleep for a week anyway. What's your baby's name?" the doctor asked.

"Lily," Alex found it hard to keep the proud smile off her face.

"Lily's a very lucky girl. So's Carolyn."

Alex nodded. "I'd better get in there," she said. "Thank you."

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Alex approached Olivia, who was sitting stiffly in a chair by Carolyn's bedside. She put a soft hand on her back. "She'll be out for quite a while, Liv. Here," she placed Lily's baby monitor on the nightstand, switching it on with practiced ease. "Come with me. We'll hear her if she needs us," she pulled Olivia to her feet, trying not to react as her lover swayed a little unsteadily.

Alex led her to the bedroom and pushed her gently so that she was sitting on the bed. She stripped off her own pajamas swiftly, and then helped Olivia to shed her own t-shirt and boxer shorts. Alex threw the discarded items in the hamper. She put both hands out, smiling lovingly as Olivia took them. She pulled her to her feet, and led her to the shower. The two women stood under the pounding water, which cleansed more than their bodies. Gently, Alex soaped them both down and shampooed both their hair. Olivia clung to her, unspeaking and barely moving. Once Alex had rinsed them both off, she wrapped a soft towel around Olivia, settling her on the edge of the bed again as she dried herself off as quickly as she could, wrapping her long hair in a small towel. She patted Olivia down, and raised the quilt, inviting her to lie down.

Olivia complied, her eyes never once leaving Alex. Alex slid in next to her, both of them naked. She pulled Olivia to her, offering up her breast as the ultimate comfort she knew Olivia could never resist. She cradled Olivia's head to her, giving a small half-smile as she felt Olivia's oh-so-familiar lips close around her nipple.

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Olivia was surprised to wake over four hours later, feeling much refreshed. The bed was empty. Swiftly, she dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and went in search of her lover. Alex was in Carolyn's room. Carolyn was also awake. She was as white as milk and looked like hell, but she was sitting upright, sipping gingerly at a glass of water.

Olivia smiled at Carolyn, letting her hand rest on Alex's shoulder. Alex reached up and put her hand over Olivia's. "How are you doing?" she asked Carolyn quietly.

"Better," Carolyn's voice was hoarse. "My head's pounding, but that's nothing. I don't know what happened. You were with me. Both of you. I'm so sorry," tears sprang to her eyes.

"You don't have to be sorry," Olivia said softly. "You just have to get better."

"You called the doctor?" Carolyn looked at the IV in her arm.

Alex nodded. "You were so sick. We were worried."

"I'll take that out for you," Olivia said, grabbing the cotton wool and band-aid the doctor had left. She sat on the side of the bed, and took Carolyn's arm. "Here," she spoke tenderly, "there," she slid the needle out, passing it over to Alex, who collected the paraphernalia and took it out of the room, "that's better. We'll just hold this here," she pressed the cotton wool over the site, "just for a few moments. That's it, that's good," she expertly applied a band-aid.

"Are you medically trained?" Carolyn's brain was fogged.

Olivia shook her head. "No, I've just done this before. I used …," she tailed off.

Carolyn nodded. "Your mother. I'm so sorry," she said again, tears starting to fall. "I shouldn't be doing this to you. It's not fair. I'll go home," she tried to push herself to the edge of the bed.

Olivia restrained her gently. "You're not going anywhere. You're staying here. Until you get better. And you _will_ get better. I'm not losing anyone else to this," she said fiercely.

Carolyn nodded. "I will. I swear. I'm never drinking again. I can't do it to Sarah. I know it's not fair to ask, but …"

"You don't want her to know?"

"She knows. I know she knows. But I don't want her to know about last night. I don't want her to know how bad it got. She doesn't know, does she? She wasn't here, was she?"

Olivia shook her head. "She wasn't here. And you're right, she doesn't need to know. I'll make you a deal. We won't tell her, as long as you can assure us there's nothing she needs to know? If she has to prepare herself for a life with a mom who drinks, I can't lie to her. I _won't_ lie to her." Olivia knew she was being harsh, but she was so desperate that Carolyn would not fall into the same trap as her mother.

"I swear. I mean it. Whatever happens. I'll never let that happen again. You have my word."

Olivia smiled. "That's good enough for me." She took the damp washcloth, and bathed Carolyn's face. "Think you can sleep?"

"I think so," Carolyn sounded a little nervous.

"Good. I'll stay here until you're asleep," Olivia could see the relief flood her face. "And we'll just be out here, if you need us. Call us if you do. We want to help. We want to do anything we can to make this better."

Carolyn nodded, trying not to cry again. She let Olivia take her hand, and within minutes she was asleep.

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"When is Sarah due back?" Olivia asked.

"She said she'd drop in around 8pm," Alex said.

"She's staying the night with Jay?"

"Yeah, Jay's working until 10pm, I think."

"I'm going to call her, tell her not to come. Carolyn doesn't want her to know. It'll be easier for her to get herself together if she doesn't see Sarah tonight."

"Sarah knows she's been drinking," Alex said gently, knowing that part of Olivia's motivation was to protect Sarah from the experiences she had had with her mother.

"She doesn't know how bad it's got. And Carolyn's promised me she won't ever have to find out. And I believe her, Alex," Olivia's voice hitched. "I really do."

Alex took Olivia in her arms. She kissed her very softly. "I don't want you doing this to yourself again. You can't take responsibility for Carolyn. I hope she gets better, just like you do. But you have to protect yourself, Liv," she put her hand over Olivia's heart. "I can't let you go through it all again."

"I believe her," Olivia's voice was muffled as she buried herself in Alex's shoulder.

"And so do I, Liv. But you come first, so if this doesn't work, she's on her own. I know that sounds cold, baby. But I love you too much to let you risk yourself."

"Hold me," Olivia asked.

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"Teflon!" Caryn bellowed. "You're calling with good news, I hope?"

"I am," Alex couldn't hide the happiness in her voice. "She's going well, Caryn. I can bring her in today, if you have time to see her?"

"I'll _make_ time," Caryn said. "How does 3pm sound to you?"

"We'll see you then," Alex smiled, hanging up the phone.

"Five days clean," Carolyn said as she emerged from her bedroom. She was washed and dressed in jeans and a shirt, wearing a light make-up.

"You look great," Olivia beamed. "Doesn't she Lily-bean?" she was carrying the child on her hip. "Did you sleep?"

"I did, on and off," Carolyn said.

"You should have woken me," Olivia sounded concerned.

Carolyn smiled. "I didn't need to. Truly. I was fine. I got some thinking done. A lot of thinking. I'm getting this filled today," she waved a prescription in the air.

"Antabuse?" Olivia smiled.

Carolyn nodded. "If I take these, then if I have even one drink, I'll be sick as a dog. And the trial is in eight days. I can't afford that."

"Do you feel you want to drink?" Olivia asked.

"Truthfully? I really don't. And that's the best feeling in the world. But I don't want to get cocky. As soon as the trial's over, I'm going to find a group too."

"Did you talk this all over with your counselor?" Olivia wanted to know.

"Yeah. The group was her idea. I can't say I'm look forward to it. Telling everyone I'm an alcoholic."

"A _recovering_ alcoholic," Olivia's voice was kind. "That makes all the difference."

"It really does," Carolyn smiled.

"Hey Mom," Sarah called as she emerged from the shower. "How are you this morning?" she went over and kissed her on the cheek.

"I'm great," Carolyn said. "I feel really good."

"You look great," Sarah looked relieved. "Really great. You always were good in the mornings." She looked up at her bedroom door, grinning as a dishevelled, half-asleep Jay stumbled out of the door, pulling crossly at the cord on her robe. "Did you know," she smiled wickedly, "some people," she looked pointedly at her girlfriend, "_some_ people are _not_ good in the mornings!"

Jay looked up and realized everyone was staring at her, laughing at her attempts to get her arm into the sleeve of the robe. She grinned, self-mockingly. "I have _other_ attributes," she defended herself.

"You certainly do," Alex smiled, as she passed her a cup of coffee.

Jay's smile was wide as she accepted the hot nectar. "See," she poked Sarah teasingly. "_Someone_ in this house understands me! Alex, you are a lifesaver."

"It's not my fault we have to up at this hour," Sarah reminded her. "You're the one that promised your dad we'd help him redecorate!"

Jay smiled again, as she leant against the back of the couch, taking a long grateful slug of her coffee. "You're right. It's great, though, don't you think?" she was waking up. "Have you ever seen Pop so happy?"

"Didn't he have girlfriends when you were a kid?"

"None that he introduced to me. He didn't want me confused, he said. He couldn't bear the idea of bringing in a succession of new mommies for me. But Vanessa … she's perfect. She's the only one I know who can keep him in check."

"And she's already been like a surrogate mom for you?" Sarah said gently.

Jay nodded. She looked at her watch. "I must get dressed. We need to go to the hardware store on the way."

"Can I maybe help?" Carolyn asked tentatively. "I know it's a long time since I've done it, but I was always good with a paintbrush. Just for this morning, I have to meet Caryn at 3pm. Only if you want. I don't want to impose. You'd probably rather ..."

"Yes!" Jay cried. "The more help we get, the quicker it'll be done." She kissed Carolyn on the cheek.

"Why don't we all go?" Olivia suggested. "Lily'll love it. As long as one of us keeps an eye on her to keep her out of the paint pots."

"That would be fantastic," Jay smiled. "Pop and Vanessa can argue over who gets Lily, while we get on with the work. Thanks guys."

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Olivia sat back in her chair at Joe Kazinsky's kitchen table. They had all just eaten delicious homemade soup and rolls. It was nearly 2pm, and the day had gone swimmingly. She looked over at Carolyn, who looked so at home, settled between her daughter and her daughter's almost-father-in-law. She had spatters of paint in her hair, baby Lily on her lap, and she was laughing fit to bust at something that Vanessa had whispered to her. She was going to be okay, Olivia decided.

"We should go," Alex said, looking at her watch. "We just have time to get home and for you to change before we head off to see Caryn," she said to Carolyn.

"Unless," Olivia suggested. "Unless you don't bother to change. You can go like that. Caryn won't mind. Then we could stay another half hour."

"I _couldn't_!" Carolyn exclaimed. "I've never gone to any meeting in jeans. _Dirty_ jeans. Could I? Do you really think she wouldn't mind?" she started to hesitate.

"_Stay_!" the group chorused.

"I made apple pie," Vanessa tempted. "With home-made ice cream. You have to stay for that."

Carolyn looked hesitant, and then grinned.

Alex had to excuse herself from the table, on the pretext of finding a pacifier for Lily, who wasn't even crying. Olivia followed her out to the front porch. Alex was leaning against the railing, her eyes shut. She was breathing carefully. "Lex?" Olivia spoke softly.

Alex opened her eyes, and it was then that Olivia saw that they were glistening. Olivia stepped forward and pulled her into a warm embrace.

"It's all going to be okay, isn't it Liv?" Alex said, a hint of wonder in her voice. "We're all going to be okay, aren't we?"

"We are, baby. We are. Everything's gonna be fine," Olivia pulled back slightly so that she could look into Alex's eyes. She wiped the tears from her face with her thumb. She grinned. "You have paint in your hair," she reached up and toyed with Alex's golden locks.

Alex nodded. "You too."

"You look unbelievably hot," Olivia whispered to her, as she leant forward and captured her lips in a kiss.

"Early night tonight?" Alex suggested.

"Without a doubt," Olivia smiled, taking her hand and leading her back into the kitchen. "Alright," she called humorously. "So where's this pie you've been promising us?"


	31. Chapter 31

Olivia realized that she was alone in the bed. She stumbled into the bathroom and peed, seeing that the shower had recently been used. She smiled. Alex was going back to work today, but still she had let Olivia sleep on, not wanting to disturb her. She looked at her watch, relieved to see it was only 7.15am, so Alex would still be in the apartment.

Alex looked up as Olivia came out of the bedroom. She smiled. "Hey, sleepyhead," she said, going over to her and kissing her softly.

"You taste of coffee," Olivia said with a smile. She looked her over; it was three months since she had seen Alex wearing a business suit. "God, you're looking hot as hell," Olivia's mouth went dry at the sight before her.

Alex grinned. "I thought you preferred me in jeans?"

"I do. But there's something damned sexy about a powerful woman. And you, my darling, you look ready to take on the world. Strong, intelligent. And _unbelievably_ sexy."

"You think I'll pass, then?" Alex asked mildly.

Olivia nodded. "Kiss me again," she begged.

Alex took her face in both hands, and kissed her passionately, a kiss that lasted long minutes. When she finally pulled back, she snickered at the slightly dazed expression on Olivia's face. She also noticed Olivia's hard nipples straining at the flimsy material of the t-shirt she had slept in. She reached out and cupped a breast lovingly, her thumb brushing tantalizingly over a nipple. "You liked that, huh?"

Olivia just nodded again.

"I'll try not to be late," Alex said, as she reapplied her lipstick. She smiled at Olivia tenderly, taking her back in her arms. She pressed a gentle hand over Olivia's wound site. "You feeling okay?"

Olivia spoke at last. "I feel great. _You_ feel great," she grinned. "We'll miss you today. Take it easy, won't you? I don't want you to get overtired."

"I'll save all my energy for you tonight," Alex promised. "I'll miss you too. Both of you. Kiss Lily for me, she's still asleep. Probably because she was up so much in the night. You will try and catch up on some sleep, Liv?"

Olivia smiled. "I'm fine, Alexandra. She's just teething again, you know how cranky it makes her. I'm sorry if we woke you."

"You didn't wake me. I just hate that you won't let me help."

"You can help when I'm back at work. We'll share it then. Only three weeks to go, and they'll let me back, on desk duty."

"You know I love you?" Alex said.

Olivia smiled. "I do know that. I've got used to having you around too. Go, you'll be late. Knock 'em dead, Counselor."

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It was just after 6.30pm that Alex came home that evening, and she could her Lily's cry from outside the apartment door. She let herself in, and took in the sight of her lover sitting on the couch, rocking their baby gently, whispering lovingly to her.

"It's alright, Lily," Olivia was saying. "I know it's lousy. Just try and stay calm, baby. You'll feel better once you get some sleep. There," she held the miserable child as she snuggled into her. "We love you chipmunk. More than you can ever know. And your mommy will be home soon, that'll cheer you up, huh?"

"I'm here now," Alex spoke softly. She saw the lines of tension and fatigue on Olivia's face. "Bad day?"

"It's not her fault," Olivia said, smiling tiredly. "Hey, Lily, look who's here?" she rubbed her back.

Lily looked up from her mother's hold, and saw her other mother. Her face split into a wide grin. She held her arms out for Alex to take her. "Ma!" she cried.

Alex looked at her, and at Olivia, a look of wonder on her face.

"She called you ma!" Olivia said. "Her first word! Hey, Lily, who's that?" she pointed at Alex.

"Ma!" Lily said, pushing herself towards Alex.

Alex was open-mouthed with surprise. She stepped forward to take the baby.

"Here," Olivia said, passing her a towel. "She's real dribbly, you need to protect your shirt."

Alex nodded, and draped the towel over her front. She reached out for Lily and took her in her arms, trying not to cry with joy at the baby snuggled into her.

"I missed you both so much. But at least I didn't miss your first word, Lily! Hey, baby, it's okay," Alex spoke quietly, as she rocked Lily carefully. "I know you're having a rough time. It won't last forever." She looked over at Olivia. "How are you doing, Liv?"

"Now you're here?" Olivia replied tiredly. "I'm great. I think I'd gotten too used to having you around 24/7. We got lonely, didn't we Lily?" she stroked Lily's back softly.

Alex kicked off her shoes, grimacing as she did so. "I'd forgotten how sore heels can be," she said, as she sighed in relief.

"You want to take a bath?" Olivia suggested.

Alex shook her head. "I'll have a quick shower. I feel like I want to wash the grime of the city off of me. Then we can play a little, Lily," she kissed her softly on the cheek. Reluctantly, she passesd her back to Olivia.

Lily struggled a little in Olivia's arms. "I know, baby, you want your mommy. I know. You've been stuck with me all day. Mommy'll be right back, she's just going to take a shower."

"Come into the bathroom," Alex suggested. "Keep me company."

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Alex left the door of the shower half open so that she could talk to Lily as she showered. "Nearly there, munchkin," she smiled as she rubbed shampoo into her hair.

Olivia held the baby tight on her lap as she sat on the chair they kept in the bathroom. She couldn't take her eyes of her lover. She had loved seeing Alex in her business clothes; she had first met Alex in the workplace, and had been immediately smitten by the cool, efficient attorney. It was only as she had gotten to know her that she learned how compassionate, loving and tender she was, as well as being unbelievably good at her job. Now she saw her transforming back into the 'private Alex', the one that she saved for her family only. As she washed off her make up, she once more looked so young, so fresh. And Olivia knew she would never tire of seeing Alex's body. She was slim, but not skeletal. Her soft curves, so well hidden under her business suit, were revealed to her once more.

"Need some help?" Olivia asked teasingly.

Alex stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. She leant down to kiss Olivia tenderly. "I think I've got it handled," her tone was light.

Within minutes, Alex was dressed in sweats, her hair drying naturally around her shoulders, which she covered with a towel. She scooped up Lily from Olivia. "You've been keeping your mamma on her toes today, have you sweetie?" she kissed her, seeing that her cheeks were still red. "I know, it's not your fault. Come on, we'll sit and have some stories. You'd like that, wouldn't you baby?"

Lily looked up at her. "Ma!" she declared.

Alex sat on the couch with Lily in her arms as she read stories to her. After a while, Lily got a little restless, and tried to climb off her lap. Alex took the hint, and lowered her to the floor.

"She's been restless like that all day," Olivia spoke from the chair opposite the couch. "She can't settle."

Alex smiled sympathetically. "I'm sorry you had to cope on your own."

"It was fine. I just hope she's okay with Rosie, and at daycare, when I go back."

"It'll be good for her, Liv," Alex said softly. "We want her to socialize. And the daycare is three floors away from my office. We can both drop in all the time," she smiled as Lily crawled around the floor. "And she loves Rosie, and Katie."

"I don't ever want to let her go," Olivia admitted.

"I know, sweetheart. But she'll enjoy it. And if she doesn't, we'll know. And we'll fix it. Liv, you look exhausted."

"I'm okay. Truly. Anyway, how was your day? Was it good to be back?"

"Frantic," Alex admitted. "But yes. It is good to be back."

"And it's working okay with Caryn there?"

"So far," Alex smiled wryly. "I didn't see too much of her today. But she's being better than I imagined, when I first heard she was coming. And she's been wonderful with Carolyn."

"The trial's still set for Thursday?"

Alex nodded, grinning as she saw Lily heading across the carpet toward Olivia. "Liz knows I want to be there. She's been incredible too. Very understanding."

Lily reached Olivia, her pudgy fingers trying to grab at her jeans as she tried to pull herself up from her butt. Olivia reached down, holding out one hand. Lily grasped at her fingers and tried to pull, levering herself a few inches from the floor, but she slipped and landed on her butt with a look of such surprise on her face that Olivia and Alex both laughed. Lily looked up at Olivia, and put out her arms, demanding to be picked up. "Ma!" she said.

Olivia laughed again, and swept her up into her arms. Lily buried her face in Olivia's ample front, suddenly exhausted from the day.

"So we're both Ma, huh?" Olivia said softly. "Well that's true. We're both your mommies. And we'll both always love you. Time for a bath and then bed, sweet baby," she got to her feet.

"Let's do it together?" Alex suggested. "Then we can relax and have dinner."

"I haven't cooked yet," Olivia said apologetically. "I'm sorry, it's been non-stop today."

"Don't be sorry," Alex said. "I know how busy you are. And don't even think of cooking now. We'll get take out. I'm in the mood for Thai, how about you?"

"Perfect," Olivia sounded relieved, twisting her neck trying to get some of the stiffness out.

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"She's down?" Olivia looked up as Alex left Lily's bedroom.

Alex nodded. "She called us Ma," she said softly. "Both of us."

Olivia smiled happily. She took Alex in her arms and kissed her deeply, reveling in the feel and taste of her. Eventually, she pulled back, and smiled at Alex.

"The take-out's gonna be here in an hour. They're real busy tonight," Olivia said. "Is that okay?"

"It's great," Alex said. She kissed Olivia again. "That gives me time to give you a massage," she massaged Olivia's neck gently. "Your muscles are like iron."

"It's okay, Lex, I'm fine, I just..."

"No arguments, Liv. I'm a lawyer, remember?" Alex smiled, as she took Olivia by the hand and led her to the bedroom. "Shirt off!" she commanded.

Olivia shrugged off her shirt. Alex smiled. She kissed her tenderly, and as she did so, she reached to Olivia's back and expertly unclasped her bra, pulling the black lacy material away from the warm flesh. Alex cupped Olivia's breasts in both hands, kissing one nipple slowly and sensually, her tongue encircling the tight bud. "You are exquisite," Alex's breath hitched. She pulled herself together. "On your front," she commanded, smiling at the almost comic look of disappointment on Olivia's face.

Alex spent long minutes gently massaging her lover's back, neck and shoulders, feeling the muscles slowly start to relax under her expert ministrations. She was careful not to push too deep to start with, waiting as the muscles warmed up, allowing her to knead more deeply as they did.

Olivia loved Alex's massages. She felt herself relaxing and starting to drift off into a haze of contentment. The headache that had been threatening from the last three hours dissipated, and she felt warm, content and loved.

Alex knelt with one knee either side of her lover as she eased away the stresses of Olivia's day. She knew Olivia had had a tough day, and had slept at most two hours the night before. She had to admit that Olivia had been right not to allow her to help with Lily during the night, but she wanted to do all she could now to make things better. Olivia was 99% back to full health, but Alex was determined to ensure that she remained healthy, and this was the best way she could think of to relax her tense lover. Lily was such a happy child ordinarily, so it was doubly stressful when she was fussy. Alex smiled as she felt Olivia melt under her hands.

After a full half hour, Alex sat back on her heels, satisfied that her fingers had relaxed Olivia. Olivia grinned and rolled onto her back.

Alex tried not to stare too openly at Olivia's breasts, but she couldn't help noticing the erect nipples and the look of need in Olivia's eyes.

"I thought you were tired!" Alex teased, unable to resist smoothing a palm over one full breast.

"Not me," Olivia's voice was husky. "You got me all worked up."

"I was trying to relax you," Alex said, in a mock-defensive tone.

"And you did. And then I started enjoying your touch just a little too much. I've been thinking about you all day. I've been thinking about _these_ all day," Olivia reached up and clasped Alex's breast, smiling as she realized Alex had not donned a bra after her shower. "I think someone may be pleased to see me too," she grinned, as she felt the nipple harden, even under the thick material of Alex's sweatshirt, which was actually her old sweatshirt from the Academy. She slipped her hand under the old sweatshirt, and grinned at Alex's gasp of pleasure as her hand reached up for the pert flesh she was seeking.

At that moment, they both heard the doorbell to the apartment, and broke apart, both laughing.

"I'll go," Alex said. "The take-out must have gotten here quicker than they said."

She was back in the bedroom in under three minutes, expecting to see Olivia redressed and ready to eat. Olivia was completely naked, lying enticingly on the bed, a shit-eating grin on her face.

"We can always heat it up," Alex's voice faltered, as she felt a sharp jolt at her own center.

"I think that would be best, Counselor," Olivia spoke in a sultry tone.

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It was three hours later that Olivia finally slid off Alex's panting body.

"Don't go," Alex begged, pulling her tightly to her so that they were facing each other, their whole bodies touching. "I missed you so much today. Never leave me Olivia. Promise me you'll never leave me."

"Leave you? I can't bear to be away from you. Eleven hours apart, and I'm a mess. I don't know much, Alexandra, but I do know this. We'll be together for ever. For ever and a day."

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"Where's Lily?" Carolyn asked, as Olivia strode into the waiting room at the courthouse.

"She's with Rosie today. I had to be here today, Carolyn. How are you?"

Carolyn nodded, tensely, ignoring the question.

"Caryn's talking to Alex, in there," she nodded to the small office at the side.

"Is Sarah in there too?" 

Carolyn looked anguished. "Sarah's pissed at me," she said, bluntly.

Olivia looked askance.

"I told her I didn't want her to come in to court," Carolyn explained. "She thinks I'm trying to shut her out. I'm truly not. I just..."

"I know," Olivia put a warm hand on her arm. She had seen enough of these cases – too many – and she understood all the emotions that Carolyn was going through. "I know. Where is she?"

"Jay took her to the coffee shop across the road. She's trying to calm her down."

Alex and Caryn came out of the office together. Olivia kissed Alex softly, looking deep into her eyes, relieved to see a quiet confidence there, despite the obvious concern she had for her sister.

Olivia looked at her watch. "It starts in an hour?" she said.

Caryn nodded.

"I'll go talk to Sarah," Olivia suggested.

"Would you?" Carolyn asked. "Please tell her it's not that I don't need her. I do."

"I will. I'll be right back."

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Olivia saw Jay and Sarah in a booth at the back of the coffee shop. Sarah was pale and shaken, her face streaked in tears. Jay was holding both of her hands, talking earnestly to her, but Olivia could tell from her body language that Sarah wasn't listening.

She approached them. "May I?" she asked, softly.

Jay nodded, a relieved smile on her face.

Olivia sat next to Sarah.

"Just coffee, please," she said as the waitress approached. She put a hand on Sarah's arm, feeling her shaking. "Oh Sarah," she pulled her into a tight hug. Sarah's body was stiff at first, but as Olivia held her and rubbed her back gently, she suddenly relaxed into her embrace, and gave into the shuddering sobs she had been trying to suppress.

"She's been wound up for weeks," Jay explained in a quiet voice. "She's barely slept this last week. And then when Carolyn told her that she shouldn't go in, she just lost it."

"I yelled at her," Sarah's voice was scratchy and small and frightened, like a child's.

"It's okay," Olivia whispered. "It's okay. She understands."

"She's trying to protect me," Sarah said. "I don't need protecting."

Olivia pulled back, and cupped her cheek gently. "Maybe it's not _you_ she's trying to protect," she suggested quietly.

Sarah just stared.

"This is probably the hardest thing she has ever had to do," Olivia continued, "apart from the night of the attack."

"That's why I want to be there for her," Sarah said, stubbornly.

"I know, sweetie. But think of it from her point of view. She has to talk, in front of all those strangers, about something so frightening, so personal. She's scared that the memories will overwhelm her. That's going to be hard enough for her. But it'll be even harder if you're listening. She doesn't want you to know the intimate details of the attack. Especially as it was her husband, _your father_, that attacked her. So maybe she's protecting herself as much as you? Surely you can see that."

Sarah's face fell. "I didn't think of it that way. Oh God, I can't believe I'm being so selfish. Making it worse for her."

"You're not being selfish, sweetheart," Jay's voice broke in. "You're trying to help your mother. There's no right or wrong in this. We're all just stumbling around, trying to find our way."

Olivia nodded. "She's right, Sarah. We all know you just want to be there for her."

"What can I do?" Sarah whispered.

"I think you should drink your tea," Jay pushed the mug of hot, sweet tea toward her. "And then we'll go back over the road, and you can tell your mom that you understand. And then we'll wait, together, in the waiting room, until she comes out. Then you can give her a big hug and tell her you love her."

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"You did well. Really well," Alex reassured Carolyn as the first day of the trial came to an end. They walked into the waiting room, and saw Sarah snoozing in Jay's lap.

At the sound of the door opening, Sarah jerked awake. She rushed over to her mother, and looked closely at her. "Are you okay?"

Carolyn nodded. "I will be. As soon as you give me a hug," she said.

Sarah held her tight. "Just two more days, right?" she asked Alex. Alex nodded.

"Nearly half way," Carolyn said.

"It's going well," Alex said. "Really well."

"That's because you have the best ADA in the business on your side," Caryn grinned as she entered the room with Olivia. "Isn't that right, HC?" she smiled at Olivia.

"Second-best," Olivia smiled. "And I do wish you'd call me Olivia."

"Not a chance," Caryn replied. "I like Hot Cop. It's … spicy. Like you."

"Caryn!" Alex protested. "If you hadn't just destroyed three defense witnesses on the stand, I swear I'd slap you."

"Let's get you home," Jay spoke kindly to Carolyn.

"It's nearly over," Alex put a comforting arm around her sister's shoulders.

Carolyn nodded. "It'll all be worth it," she said in a quiet voice.


	32. Chapter 32

"Surely he can't do that?" Olivia was appalled.

Alex's face was grim. "What I want to know, is how he found out. It's a private matter."

"What should we do?"

"Caryn's talking to her now. It's not as bad as it seems, Liv. It's just unfair of him to mention it. He's just trying to unsettle her."

Olivia's face was a mask of fury. "He's an asshole."

Alex smiled. "Yes," she agreed. "He is."

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"So let me get this straight," Carolyn fumed. "He's allowed to bring up the fact that I drank to excess, as a _result_ of his attack, but I'm not allowed to mention what a crap husband he was?"

"It's not relevant," Caryn spoke unusually gently. "And I know it's real difficult. He's just trying to throw you off balance, before you give your testimony."

"Well it's working," suddenly spent, Carolyn put her head in her hands.

"Then you mustn't let it," Caryn was firm. "This is just a ploy. He was hoping to discredit you as a witness in the eyes of the jury, it's his last hope. But did you see their faces? Their sympathy was all with you."

"Is that why you didn't object?"

"There was no point at that stage. Now, when you get to the stand, I want to ask you all about your drinking. How you didn't do it before the attack, and how you've stopped now. Everyone knows someone who has become too reliant on booze, they're gonna understand. Can you do that? Can you face going through it all?"

"I can," Carolyn took a deep breath. "I have to go through the details of the attack, if I can do that, I can tell them about the boozing. It just doesn't seem fair."

"It isn't. But it'll put him behind bars for 25 years. And that's before we try him for the attempted murder of a police officer. He's never getting out, Carolyn. You have to trust me."

"I do. You've been very kind."

Caryn smiled. "Don't tell Teflon that. She has to think I'm a hard-ass 100% of the time."

"It'll be our secret," Carolyn tried to smile. "Thank you."

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"I should call Sarah," Olivia said. "I need some air, I'll call her from outside. I won't tell her," she reassured Alex. "I'll just say they're trying to play hardball, but you're confident it's still going our way."

"It _is_, Liv. He doesn't have a hope in hell. Which, coincidentally, is where he's gonna end up sooner or later," Alex gave a tight, tense smile. "Tell her to kiss Lily from me, will you?"

"I will," Olivia smiled at the thought of their baby. "I'll bet they're over at Joe and Vanessa's. Vanessa's knitting her another hat, did Sarah tell you?"

"Yeah," Alex's eyes crinkled with affection. "She's a sweetheart, she just loves Lily."

"Can I bring you back a sandwich? The coffee shop across the road does a great pastrami on rye."

"That'd be wonderful," Alex exhaled. "I'll be glad when this is over."

Olivia stroked her cheek lovingly, and kissed her softly. "Be right back," she promised.

Olivia strode down the corridors of the court house, her hands in her pockets. She didn't notice Trevor Langan until she almost bumped into him. "Sorry," she said automatically.

"Detective Benson," Langan replied. "I can guess why you're here."

Olivia's head shot up defensively. "I was surprised not to find _you_ defending him," she said, bitterly.

"He asked me," Langan said mildly. "I refused. So did Rogers and DiNozzi. We know what he did to you detective. And I know you don't like me, I can live with that. But I have great respect for you. We all do. Even if we seem to be on different sides sometimes. He tried to kill you. He can go to hell, as far as I'm concerned."

Olivia looked startled. "Lambert agreed though," she said.

Langan smiled, a real smile. "He's having to pay him treble his usual charges," he revealed.

"So Lambert's making a fortune, big deal," Olivia found herself unexpectedly emotional about the whole issue.

Langan shook his head. "George Lambert isn't making a penny. He's donating the fee."

Olivia was stunned. "Donating it?" she said, weakly.

"He's splitting the donation. Half is going to the rape crisis center, and the other half is going to the injured police officer's association. We're not all monsters, detective," he spoke kindly. He could see from Olivia's reaction that she was trying to hold it together.

After a few moments, Olivia nodded. "That's good to know," she tried to keep her voice steady. She gave a half smile, and set off down the corridor. After a couple of yards, she turned. "Trevor?" she called.

He turned, and looked at her.

"Thank you," she said warmly. "It means a lot."

"You're one of the good guys," Trevor Langan replied with a smile. "Don't be fooled though, that won't stop me trying to take you apart on the stand next time I'm defending one of your perps."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Olivia smiled.

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"You're right," Alex bit into her sandwich. "This is really good."

Carolyn nodded. She had joined them for lunch. She was looking stronger, Alex had noted with relief. Whatever Caryn had said to her after the shock of the defense's attack had worked. She was back in control.

"It'll all be over by the end of tomorrow," Alex said, smiling affectionately at her sister.

Carolyn nodded, and tried to smile back. She turned to Olivia. "So," she changed the subject, "how are Sarah and Jay coping with Lily today?"

Olivia grinned. "They're all having a lovely day. Joe and Vanessa have the day off too, so they've all taken Lily out to the aquarium. She's having the time of her life, all of her favorite people in the same room with her."

"Not quite all," Alex pouted.

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Jay took Sarah's hand as they walked around the aquarium, and slipped it into her jeans pocket. She smiled lovingly at her. Sometimes words weren't necessary.

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"Ma!" Lily cried, putting her arms out for Olivia to take her.

Olivia smiled widely, swinging her daughter into her arms and kissing her soundly. "You didn't have to come in," she told Sarah. "We're coming home in a few."

"I know. But it was on the way, and we thought we'd stop by. We wondered if Mom wanted to come stay with us at Jay's apartment tonight? We're planning a quiet evening."

"That might be a good idea," Olivia agreed. "Lily's still a little antsy some nights, and your Mom needs to be refreshed tomorrow. Look," she pointed down the corridor. "Here they all come now."

Sarah looked up, pleased to see that her mother looked okay. She was clearly tired, but she wasn't distraught, and was even smiling at the ADA that was dealing with her case. Sarah couldn't quite figure out Caryn Wright, she was never entirely sure that her flirtatious manner was serious, but Jay assured her that she was only teasing. And Jay was an excellent judge of character.

Carolyn readily agreed to come and stay with her daughter and nearly-daughter-in-law. She was endlessly grateful to Alex and Olivia, but she hated to be a burden on them. She was also touched by the invitation; it was only very recently that Sarah wouldn't speak to her at all.

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"Guilty!" Alex was grinning all over her face as she went straight into the waiting room, and flung her arms around her niece. "He's guilty, Sarah. He's going away for 25 years, no parole. And that'll be doubled, at least, when he's tried for trying to kill Liv."

Sarah hugged her tightly, her emotions running wild. She was relieved for her mother, angry beyond belief with her father, but also sad. She knew he had done it, but now it had been proved beyond doubt. He was an animal. The man she had grown up calling 'Daddy' was, officially, a monster.

Alex released her as the rest of the party entered the waiting room; Carolyn was holding Olivia's hand, with Caryn holding the door open.

Carolyn approached Sarah, touching her cheek so gently that Sarah wanted to cry. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart," she whispered.

"I'm not," Sarah said, stubbornly. She pulled her mother into a tight embrace.

Jay stood back, watching all the developments unfold, blinking back the tears. She knew it would take Sarah a long time to process everything properly. They all had a long way to go in the healing process. But Carolyn, at long last, could now start to put herself back together. She looked younger, relieved. Exhausted. Jay swallowed, thinking back to her own assault. Maybe bringing a prosecution would be worth it. She couldn't think about that right now.

Olivia watched the emotions flicker over Jay's open, honest face. She went up to her and put a gentle arm around her shoulders. Jay looked at her and smiled. Olivia kissed her on the cheek. "You okay, kiddo?" she asked quietly.

Jay nodded.

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The following Friday morning, Olivia sat in the living room, playing peek-a-boo with Lily, who was giggling fit to bust. She heard the key turn in the lock, and saw Sarah, Jay and Carolyn coming in. All three looked refreshed and happy, and were all smiling conspiratorially.

"Did you have a good breakfast?" Olivia asked.

"We did," Sarah came and sat on the arm of the chair. She dropped a small paper sack in Olivia's lap. "Almond croissant," she smiled. "I know you love them."

Olivia's face split with a grin. "I do. I really do!"

"We have another surprise," Carolyn sat on the couch opposite Olivia. "For you and Lexie."

"You do?" Olivia smiled and passed Lily over to Jay who had come to claim her.

Lily grinned widely at Jay.

"We do," Sarah said. "And we're not taking no for an answer. Show it to her, Mom," she begged her mother.

Carolyn took an envelope out of her purse and passed it to Olivia.

Perplexed, Olivia withdrew a single sheet of paper. "What is this?"

"What does it look like?" Sarah laughed.

"It looks like someone's booked one night at the Four Seasons hotel. In the penthouse?"

Jay put Olivia out of her misery. "It's for tonight. We're going to take Lily. We want you and Alex to have just one night to yourselves. It was Carolyn who thought of the hotel. She paid for it too," Jay grinned.

"We can't take this. It's too much," Olivia was stunned.

"It's paid for," Carolyn said simply. "It would be criminal to waste it. Look," she took Olivia's hand. "You, and Alex, have been there for all of us. Through everything. You nearly _died_ bringing him in. There's no way to make up for something like that, or for all the support you two have given me. Given us," she smiled at Sarah. "But we can say thank you. You have to say yes. I promised we'd take Lily to the café to see Joe and Vanessa. You can't make a liar out of me," she smiled affectionately.

"In that case," Olivia said, "thank you. Thank you all. So much. You didn't need to do this."

"We wanted to," Carolyn said. "Now," she smiled, and pulled out her cellphone and dialed a number. "Hi," she said, a laugh in her voice. "Yes, we got her to agree. She'll pack for them both. I think we can get her there in an hour. Hour and a half," she saw Olivia shaking her head vehemently. "Perfect. She's right here, I'll put you on," she passed the phone to Olivia.

Olivia took it from her, looking bemused. "Hello?" she said, tentatively.

"HC!" Caryn boomed down the line.

"Caryn?"

"The one and only. Yes, I've been in on this for days. I've been plotting behind your back. I've told your sexy fiancée that we have a meeting with Judge Petrovsky. So she'll be waiting for me in her office at 12.30pm. So you can come get her then. You'll be in the penthouse eating strawberries off her naked body by 2pm!"

"Caryn!" Olivia squealed.

"Something wrong, HC?" Caryn's voice cracked with laughter. "Look, if you're not up to the task, I'll take her there myself. I just know she pines after me …"

"I'll be there!" Olivia laughed.

"Or you can take me instead? It's been too long since I've seen the finer parts of any of New York's Finest …," Caryn teased.

"Goodbye, Caryn," Olivia said firmly, hanging up the phone and returning it to Carolyn. "I suppose I had better pack," she said, in wonder.

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By 12.45pm, Olivia was outside Alex's door. She rapped softly on the door.

"You're early!" Alex called. "I wanted to make a call before the meeting," she looked up and saw Olivia walking in the door. She smiled widely.

"I hope it was me you were going to call," Olivia said, with a twinkle in her eye.

"It was," Alex stood up and approached her. "Is everything okay, Liv? Where's Lily?"

"Lily's with her fan club," Olivia said. "And everything's great. And _you_ are coming with me."

"I can't," Alex shook her head sadly. "I'd love to have lunch with you, Liv, but I have a meeting with Petrovsky and Caryn."

Olivia grinned. "That was just a cover," she said. "Your sister and niece, and niece's girlfriend, have been plotting. We have one night at the Four Seasons. In the _penthouse_," she brandished a piece of paper.

Alex's mouth fell open. "Wha'? How?"

"I'm not quite sure about the details. But it's booked, and paid for. All we have to do is be there."

"I'm not dressed … I have to go home, find something to wear to dinner."

Olivia lifted a small suitcase and a garment bag that Alex hadn't noticed. "It's all organized."

"Oh my God," Alex gave a huge smile. She held Olivia and kissed her passionately, loving the feel of her fiancée as she melted in her arms. They were both a little breathless when they finally broke apart. "I'm told the penthouse has one of the best views of New York."

Olivia nodded. "I can't _wait_ to make love to you with that as a backdrop," she said.

"What time do we have to check out tomorrow?"

"We have a late checkout, look," Olivia dangled the booking in front of Alex. "3pm!"

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Alex lay limply between the heavy Egyptian cotton sheets, her energy sapped, a goofy grin on her face. She ran her fingertips over Olivia's taut abdomen, unwittingly tracing the scar from her near-death experience.

Olivia caught her hand and brought it to her lips, kissing it tenderly. She turned it over in her own hands, stroking every finger. "It's amazing," she said, in wonder.

"What's amazing?"

"Your hand. Your _hands_. What they can do. I don't think I have ever been so thoroughly made love to in all my life," Olivia grinned.

"Right back at you, Detective," Alex drawled. "Not forgetting the tongue, of course," she captured Olivia's lips in a passionate kiss, chuckling as her tongue teased Olivia's. "God, you are so beautiful. And look at it out there," she raised herself up on one elbow. "It's amazing. We can see the whole city. But nobody can see us."

"I hope not," Olivia reached up and cupped Alex's breast.

"Come with me," Alex's eyes twinkled, as she hopped off the bed, grabbing Olivia and pulling her with her. She dragged her to the huge, glass window-walls that looked out on to the city.

"Let me get my robe," Olivia protested.

"No," Alex smiled. "I want to hold you. I want to hold the most perfect thing in my life. I want to stand looking out at the best city in the world, and hold my lover. We don't need clothes. Nobody can see us. But we can see everything," she pulled Olivia gently in front of her, and wrapped her hands around her waist. She rested her head on her shoulder. "See?" she whispered.

"It's beautiful," Olivia sounded awed. "I've never seen it like this, at night. You can see so far from here."

"It is beautiful. But it doesn't even begin to compare to you," Alex lifted Olivia's hair away from her long, slender neck and kissed it softly. "Your hair's grown," she said.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it. I love everything about you," Alex's hands slid up and cupped Olivia's breasts from behind. "You make everything good," she started to knead very gently, grinning as she felt Olivia's breath catching. She reluctantly released one breast and allowed her right hand to travel south. As she cupped Olivia's center tenderly, she heard her gasp. "You want to go again, baby?" Alex whispered.

"We should dress for dinner," Olivia croaked.

"Room service," Alex husked.

"But they say the dining room is incredible. Oh God, Alex. You have _no_ idea what you do to me. Oh sweet Jesus," she slammed a supporting hand on the glass in front of her as her legs turned to jelly. "Alex, no, we should … Alex! That's … you're not playing fair."

"I want you to come for me," Alex's voice was deep with lust. "I want you to show the whole city just how perfect you are," she slid one hand up a toned thigh from behind. "I want you to … that's it, Liv. We'll come back another time. I'll take you to the dining room. Right now, you … Olivia, you are … relax for me sweetheart. There's no hurry," Alex's own breathing quickened. "We have all night. I want to spend every minute with you. I want you to … oh baby, that's right, that's good," she pushed her own sodden center to Olivia's smooth backside, her long fingers reaching forward and sliding into her lover. "Turn round for me, just a little," Alex put her soft hand to Olivia's cheek, and kissed her with such passion that Olivia nearly came on the spot. Alex worked her way down Olivia's body, spending long minutes on her luxuriant breasts, tonguing, nipping, kissing as she felt Olivia's muscles twitch uncontrollably.

Olivia left one hand on the glass, trying to support herself as Alex fell to her knees in front of her. Alex grinned. "You still want to go to dinner?"

Olivia whimpered. "If you stop now," she gasped, "I'll have you arrested. Breach of promise," she inhaled sharply as Alex's fingers parted her swollen folds.

Olivia cried out loudly as she came, the feel of Alex's velvet tongue against her, in her, sending waves of ecstasy crashing through her. She felt herself falling, and only Alex's strong arms stopped her sliding to the ground.

Alex helped her back to the bed, grinning from ear to ear. Olivia lay dazed on the bed, her breathing still coming in short gasps. She reached out and pulled Alex to her, clinging tight as she came down from her high.

They lay still, entwined and unspeaking, for nearly fifteen minutes. Eventually, Olivia turned a little to face Alex. She put out her hand, unsurprised to see it shaking a little, and stroked Alex's soft, beautiful face. "You're perfect," she whispered, and kissed her softly.

Alex smiled, trying not to cry at the tenderness of the kiss.

They kissed for long minutes. Slowly, the kiss deepened, and Olivia started to move down Alex's elegant neck. She took her time as she worked her way down to her breasts, which had given her more pleasure than she had ever dreamed possible. As she suckled the pink nipples, she was gratified to find Alex responding rapidly to her attentions. "Your turn," she husked as she moved south.

Alex's climax was overwhelming, her whole body arching as she bucked, coming again and again in Olivia's mouth.

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"Who needs a dining room?" Alex grinned, as she licked seafood sauce from Olivia's fingers at twenty minutes after midnight.

"This place is great," Olivia lay back, sated. "Room service available 24 hours a day. I wonder how much Carolyn paid for it."

"It's best not to think about that," Alex said. "She wanted us to have fun. They all did."

"We have certainly had fun," Olivia smiled. "Wanna join me in the jacuzzi?"

Alex smiled widely.

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It was after 4am that they two lovers finally fell to sleep. They woke again at 9am and made love, before drifting off to sleep in each other's arms. Finally, at 12pm, they took a long, leisurely bath together, and had a light lunch in their room. "We should pack," Alex said, reluctantly.

"We barely unpacked," Olivia grinned.

"This was amazing."

"It was," Olivia agreed. "We're so lucky. I'm so lucky. Hey, that's your cell," she heard Alex's ring tone. "Here," she delved into a bag and tossed the phone to her lover.

"Hey Caryn," Alex looked at the screen. "Yes, we _are_ out of bed!" she winked at Olivia. "Oh my God. When? Have you just heard? Does Carolyn know? Is she okay? We're leaving now anyway. I have to talk to Sarah. Carolyn hasn't told her, has she? Good. We'll do it. Tell her not to worry."

"Alexandra?" Olivia looked worried. "What is it?"

"It's Brian. He was killed. Last night. Seems he pissed someone off at Rikers. He was stabbed. A toothbrush, sharpened into a shiv. Carolyn's at Rikers with Caryn, to do the official identification. But she doesn't know what to say to Sarah."

"We'll talk to her," Olivia said. "Lex, are you okay?"

Alex nodded. "I'm okay. I just hope Sarah is."


	33. Chapter 33

"Hi Joe," Olivia smiled as Jay's father opened the door to his house. "Apparently the girls are here?"

He smiled back. "Come in," he wheeled backwards in his chair.

"We're sorry to disturb you," Alex said as she followed Olivia into the house.

"I'm always happy to see my favorite law enforcement ladies," Joe grinned. "What can I get you? Tea? Beer?"

"We're good, thanks. We need to talk to Sarah," Alex's face was tense.

Olivia looked up, seeing Jay coming down the stairs. Jay smiled when she saw them.

"Too many of us in the bathroom," she explained. "Did you two have a good time?" Jay's dark eyes twinkled mischievously.

Olivia couldn't keep the smile off her face. "We really did, didn't we Alexandra?" she put her arm around her fiancée's waist. "What's happening in the bathroom?"

"Your daughter decided it would be fun to dump a whole juice box over her head. So she's in the bath!" Jay laughed.

"She loves the bath," Alex said.

"I wouldn't put it past her to have done that deliberately," Olivia laughed.

"That's what I said, isn't it Jakie?" Joe said. "That baby of yours is one smart cookie."

"Is something wrong?" Jay noticed the expression on Alex's face.

"No," Alex answered, too fast. Her face fell further. "Yes," she said, her voice not much above a whisper. She was dreading having to put Sarah through more pain – Jay too, she realized, knowing how much she hated it every time Olivia had to cope with difficult news.

"What?" Jay went white. "Something's happened?"

"I need to talk to Sarah," Alex said.

"You go up," Olivia said gently. "We'll talk here," she put a restraining hand on Jay's arm. "You need to know what happened."

Jay nodded.

With a heavy heart, Alex ascended the stairs. She poked her head round the bathroom, watching for a few moments as Sarah scooped Lily up from the bath, and passed her to Vanessa, who was seated in a chair, a towel in her lap ready to receive the baby.

Sarah saw Alex out of the corner of her eye, and smiled. "Hey Lily, look who's come to see you!"

Lily grinned from Vanessa's lap. She put out her arms. "Ma! Ma!"

Alex's heart filled with joy, as it always did when she saw their beautiful daughter. "Hey, peanut," she took her from Vanessa, and hugged her tight. "I hear you're being a monster for your aunties," she kissed her. Reluctantly, she passed her back to Vanessa.

Sarah saw the tentative look on Alex's face. "What is it? What's happened?" fear rolled through her. "Is Olivia okay? And Mom?"

"Olivia's downstairs. She's fine. So's your Mom. I swear to you. Sarah, I need to talk to you."

"Use Jay's room," Vanessa suggested, pointing down the hallway. "You can talk in there."

Alex followed Sarah into the neat bedroom. "I think we should both sit. Here," she patted the bed next to her. She took Sarah's hand. "I'm so sorry, baby girl. Your Dad...," she took a deep breath.

"He's not my _Dad_," Sarah spat. "He may be my biological father, but that's where it ends."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Your father … it turns out he pissed off some dangerous people at Rikers. He's dead, Sarah. He was stabbed last night. I'm so sorry."

Sarah flinched as though she had been slapped. Then she drew a sharp breath. "I thought you couldn't get weapons in prison."

"Prisoners are very inventive," Alex kept her voice calm. "It was a toothbrush. Sharpened to a point against the concrete wall."

Sarah stuck her chin out defiantly. "Perfect. It's the perfect ending. He stabbed Olivia, now someone has stabbed him."

"Sarah," Alex tried to put her arm around the girl's shoulders, and was startled when she shrugged her off.

"It's okay. I'm glad he's dead. He was an animal. He's died like an animal. Poetic justice." She stood up, her face white, but her stance determined. "Is that it?"

Alex knew her niece was in turmoil, but she also knew she couldn't force her to talk. Maybe Jay could help her. She prayed Jay could help her. "That's it," she said, softly.

Sarah nodded. "I have to get back to Lily," she stalked out of the room, leaving Alex sitting stunned on the bed.

Alex made her way downstairs, trying to school her face to a neutral expression. She saw Jay's face first, and could see the anguish in her eyes. "She says she's okay. I don't think she wants to talk about it."

"Where is she?" Jay's voice cracked.

"She's dressing Lily. I thought it best to let her."

"You did right," Olivia said quietly. "She'll process this in her own time."

Joe reached out and took his daughter's hand. "All you can do now is love her, Jakie," he spoke quietly. "She'll talk to you, sooner or later. Let her set the pace."

Jay nodded. "Okay, Daddy," she hadn't called her father daddy for 15 years.

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Alex carried Lily to the car, while Olivia strapped the baby seat in firmly. "Did you miss us, Lily?" she smiled at the baby.

Lily reached for Alex's glasses, and Alex moved her head just in time, dodging the attack.

"Gotcha!" Alex laughed, seeing the look of disappointment on her daughter's face.

Lily grinned. She knew she'd get them, and sooner rather than later.

Jay carried a backpack, stuffed to the brim with Lily's clothes and toys. She passed it to Olivia who slung it into the trunk.

Olivia could see the concern that was written all over Jay's face. "She'll get through this," she said, quietly. "And you call us if you need us. Any time. Day or night. I mean it," she said.

Jay nodded miserably. She tried to smile, as Alex settled Lily into her chair.

"You gonna say goodbye to Jay?" Alex spoke to Lily.

Lily put both her arms out. "Jay-Jay!" she cried.

Jay's eyes filled with tears. "That's the first time she's said that," she whispered, touching the child's soft cheek.

"I think maybe she likes you," Olivia smiled. "She's a great judge of character."

Olivia pulled Jay into a tight hug. "Sarah has you. That means more than anything," Olivia whispered.

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Olivia and Alex snuggled into each other on the couch. "Do you think she'll be okay?" Alex asked quietly.

"Maybe not for a while," Olivia replied honestly. "But long term? Yeah, I think she will. Truly, I do. So will Carolyn," she nodded over at Carolyn's closed bedroom door. Carolyn had come home exhausted, and had gone early to bed.

"She's so young, she shouldn't have to deal with this sort of shit," Alex sounded bitter.

"I know. It's not fair. Losing a parent at that age is hard enough, under ordinary circumstances."

"Thank God she has Jay. She really does love her, doesn't she Liv?"

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"I'll make dinner," Jay suggested.

"You can't cook," Sarah tried to smile.

"By _make_, I of course meant _order._ Or microwave," Jay smiled.

"I want to do it. Is that okay? I just want things to be normal. The same."

Jay looked over at Sarah. She could see that she was barely hanging on, but her face was stubborn. "Okay," Jay said softly. "Want me to chop things? Boil some water?"

"Why? Are you planning to give birth?" Sarah tried desperately to joke.

Jay grinned. "I'll take a shower," she said. She rested a hand lightly on Sarah's shoulder. "You know I love you?" her voice was quiet and tender.

Sarah nodded.

"Whenever you need to talk, I'm here. I won't push you."

Sarah swallowed. "I won't want to talk," her voice was barely above a whisper.

"'kay," Jay went toward the bathroom, her heart heavy. She didn't know what to do for the best, so she decided to do as she was asked. She would get online, get some advice, she decided. She should talk to Olivia too, she knew about situations like this.

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Sarah toyed with her pasta, but ate very little of it. After a few abortive attempts at conversation, they fell silent. Even as they cleared the dishes, they spoke very little.

"You look tired," Sarah said eventually as she dried her hands.

Jay looked up, startled. "I am a little," she admitted.

"You should go to bed."

"You too," Jay could see the exhaustion in Sarah's eyes.

"I will. Soon. I just want to … there's a chapter I need to read," Sarah nodded toward her pile of college books.

"I can wait?"

"You go. I'll be there real soon," Sarah lied.

Jay knew that Sarah was trying to avoid any sort of intimacy, physical or emotional. She was shutting herself off, so that she could pretend the day hadn't happened.

"Okay," Jay said. She kissed Sarah very lightly, and slipped into the bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed, breathing carefully. She felt devastated, but she knew Sarah wasn't rejecting her. She just couldn't cope with seeing her own emotions, her real emotions, reflected in her lover's eyes.

Over an hour later, the bedroom door creaked open. Jay lay still, pretending to be asleep. Sarah slid in the bed next to her. For the first time since they had gotten together, Sarah didn't snuggle into Jay's arms.

Jay felt a single tear slip down her face, but didn't move to wipe it, she didn't want to betray her wakefulness to Sarah.

Jay lay still, breathing carefully so that Sarah would believe she was sleeping. Sarah turned restlessly every few minutes, clearly unable to make herself comfortable. Jay desperately wanted to take her in her arms, to offer her the comfort she knew she needed, but she didn't want to spook her.

After two hours of tossing and turning, Sarah sat up. She went out to the bathroom, returning a few minutes later, a glass of water in her hand. She lay down again, trying not to disturb Jay. She loved Jay more than she had ever known was possible, but she was frightened of her own reactions to Jay's tenderness. But she couldn't sleep like this. Even though Jay was only inches from her, it felt like there was a huge chasm between them. Sarah stared at Jay's sleeping form. She lay down next to her, and tenderly pushed a lock of hair behind Jay's ear.

Jay had to force herself not to react. Sarah reached out and very carefully placed her hand over Jay's, interlinking their fingers. Sarah could feel herself start to relax. She would get through this. They all would. She knew she still had to face her mother, and she would have to do that tomorrow. She closed her eyes. She needed sleep. She knew that.

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Jay sat up and looked at the clock. 4.04am. The bed next her was empty and cold. She shrugged on her robe, and went out quietly in search of her lover.

Sarah sat in the armchair, the curtains open a few inches. She stared out into the city. Her face was soaked with tears, her breathing coming in short gasps as she sobbed silently. She didn't even notice Jay approaching her. She barely felt Jay's warm hand on her back. It was only when Jay cupped her face tenderly that she looked up and realized she wasn't alone.

Jay kissed her unbelievably tenderly on her brow. The loving touch only served to make Sarah weep harder. "Move over," Jay said, as she slid next to her lover, pulling her to her.

"I … I didn't … this … I … it's not ….," Sarah was almost incoherent.

"Just let it go, sweetheart," Jay wrapped her arms around her, trying not to react as she felt the terrible shaking that coursed through the whole of her girlfriend's body. "You don't need to talk." Sarah's weeping intensified. She was breathing erratically, trying to snatch gulps of air.

"Jay … I can't … please … this …," Sarah clutched desperately at Jay's singlet. "Oh God," she cried. Her sobs became louder and more violent.

Jay rubbed loving circles on Sarah's back, holding her tight to her. "You don't always have to be strong, Sarah," Jay whispered. "You've been so strong for everyone. The last few months were always going to take their toll. You've taken care of everyone. Of me. Of your Mom. Of Alex and Olivia. Now you need to take care of yourself. You'll get through this."

"But … he … like an animal," Sarah stuttered.

"He was still your father. He was there all the time you were growing up. You can't just shut off your feelings. It's okay. It's okay to _feel_, sweetheart."

"But … Mom. _Olivia_," Sarah's agitation was growing.

"I know. I know. There's no easy answers to any of this. They both know you love them. Give yourself a break, Sarah. They both know nothing's ever black and white. Did you see your Mom's face after the conviction? She was relieved, but at the same time, she was devastated. She married him. She made a baby with him," Jay stroked her face. "She had hoped he was the one who would make her happy."

Sarah was breathing rapidly, too rapidly, Jay realized. "Hey," she tightened her hold on her lover. "Just try and relax, honey. You'll go into shock if you're not careful. Try to stay calm if you can. Breathe with me, if you can. Sarah," she cupped her face. "C'mon, baby, you can do this. Take a deep breath. Count with me. One, hold it a little, two. Slow it down, sweetheart. Here," she took Sarah's hand and placed it on her own chest. "Feel my heart. I'm here with you. Try again. Take a breath, breathe with me. That's it, Sarah. Count with me. One, hold it, two, hold it, three, hold it."

Finally Sarah's hysteria started to abate as she stayed in Jay's warm embrace. She continued to weep weakly into Jay's front, but at least the risk of hyperventilation was over.

Jay could feel her shaking, and made an executive decision. She slid out of the chair and picked Sarah up tenderly, carrying her to the bedroom. She lowered her gently onto the bed. "We need to get you out of these wet things," Jay whispered, pulling at Sarah's tear-soaked t-shirt. Efficiently, she stripped her of the t-shirt and sweat-soaked boxers. She dried her off with a warm towel, and reached for a clean nightshirt.

"No," Sarah whispered, tugging at Jay's own soggy singlet. "No clothes. Want to feel you," she hiccuped.

Jay nodded. She flung her own singlet on the floor, and slid out of her boxers. She gathered Sarah tenderly in her arms, pulling the quilt over them both. Sarah was still shaking badly. She cradled her tenderly, smiling a little as Sarah's hand reached up to toy with the jewelry in her nipple. Slowly, the shaking lessened, and Sarah's crying slowed. "How are you doing?" Jay asked her quietly.

"My head's pounding," Sarah whispered.

"Let me get you some Tylenol," Jay offered.

Sarah shook her head. "Wouldn't keep it down," she admitted.

Jay rocked her gently, her hand cupping her face. "Okay," she said softly. "Water?"

"Nu uh," Sarah's eyes were closing.

"Sleep then, sweetheart. We'll fix it all. It's going to be okay. I love you."

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Alex hung up the phone. Olivia was at her side, a look of concern on her face. "What can we do?"

"Jay says she'll stay with her. But she's working 5pm to 1am. She doesn't want to leave Sarah in the apartment on her own. So she's going to bring her over on the way to work, so she can stay here tonight." Alex looked tense as she spoke.

"She'll be okay. Eventually," Olivia reassured her. "She has Jay. That's huge."

Alex looked at her, and tried to blink back her tears.

"That's what did it for me," Olivia spoke softly. "That's what fixed me."

Alex stared. "What?"

"You, baby. Being with you. Nothing hurts any more. Not really. Not like it did. I have you. I have Lily."

Alex nodded. "She'll be alright," she agreed. "We'll make sure of it."

"We will."


	34. Chapter 34

**[I'm so very, very sorry for the delay. This is the worst time of the year for me at work, and it's been _crazy_! I never intended to keep everyone waiting this long, my apologies. xxx]**

"Olivia's like a mom to her," Carolyn spoke quietly, gesturing with her chin to the couch where Sarah was snuggled in Olivia's arms.

"She loves you too, Caro," Alex said quietly. "More each day."

Carolyn tried to smile. "We're getting there," she said. "I'm happy she's formed such a bond with Olivia. With you too, Lexie."

"They have a lot in common," Alex said. "Olivia knows just how she's feeling." She looked over at her lover, and her heart broke anew at the painful history she had had to endure. Alex hated that Olivia's childhood had been so traumatic, and marveled at how she had overcome everything to become the loving, compassionate woman that she was.

Carolyn nodded. "Jay's good for Sarah, huh?" this time her smile was genuine. "She was real worried about her. She'll always take care of her."

"She will," Alex agreed. "She loves her. It's kinda cute how much in love they are."

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"You think you can sleep?" Olivia asked Sarah, solicitously.

"I think so. Jay'll be over after her shift anyway. Are you sure you don't mind her coming over so late?"

"She can come whenever she wants. You should really give her her own key," Olivia suggested.

"Can I really do that? Are you sure you and Alex don't mind?"

"Of course we don't mind, sweetheart. Jay's one of the family now. Here," Olivia reached into a drawer, "this one's spare. I'll get another spare cut next week. C'mon," she pulled Sarah to her feet. "You need to rest," Olivia was worried by the dark shadows on Sarah's face.

"'kay," Sarah agreed. She stood up and stretched, trying to stifle a yawn. She took her empty mug into the kitchen, where Carolyn was cleaning up. "G'night, Mom," she said.

"Goodnight baby girl. You'll call if you need anything, won't you?" Carolyn looked at her closely.

Impulsively, Sarah pulled her into a hug. "I need _you_," she whispered, holding tight. "I'm so pleased you've come back into my life. I missed you, Mom."

"I missed you too," Carolyn blinked back tears. "Hey," she smiled. "Are you going to let me tuck you in? Like I used to when you were small?"

"I'd like that," Sarah's throat constricted. "I'd really like that."

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It was 1.36am when Jay slid in the bed next to Sarah, trying not to disturb her.

Sarah turned immediately and burrowed her face into Jay's front. "Love you," her voice was muffled. Her hand sought out Jay's, and she clasped it firmly to her.

Jay slid her other arm around her girlfriend and pulled her tight. "Sleep, baby," she whispered.

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"Next week," Alex's voice was clipped.

"You'll miss her," Caryn said, unusually gently.

"I'll be at work too," Alex was defensive.

"But she's been waiting at home for you every day, for months," Caryn reminded her. "She won't be at home when you get there, or not every day. I think you've gotten used to having Hot Cop waiting for you each night."

Alex opened her mouth to issue a denial, and then she shut it, and smiled ruefully. "I have. You're right, Caryn. But she has to go back to work. She loves her work, even though it tears her apart sometimes. You should see her in action. She's … well, she's amazing," Alex couldn't hide her admiration for her lover.

"You don't like her being out there," Caryn said astutely.

"I don't like it when she gets hurt. Or puts herself in danger."

"Do you trust her to take care of herself?"

"I do. Even more so, now we have Lily. But she can't control every situation. Nobody could. And I hate it when a case eats at her. She gets awful nightmares."

"And you don't?" Caryn's tone was teasing, but her words deadly serious.

Alex smiled again. "Point taken. I'm sorry, you don't need to hear all this."

"I rather like it," Caryn surprised herself by her reaction. She grinned. "God, this is hokey as hell. I used to sneer at couples, it was all too 'cutesy' for me."

"I remember!" Alex laughed.

"It never appealed to me. I've always liked … variety," Caryn winked. "Love 'em and leave 'em. Be honest up front, never commit yourself. Never put your own heart on the line. Just party, party, as often as possible."

"You've certainly done your fair share of partying," Alex smiled.

"I have. And I've had some great times. But now, when I look at you and Olivia, part of me is jealous as hell. I'm 37, Alex. I'm no longer the cute, sex bomb I used to be."

"You still look good to me," Alex replied, honestly. She appraised Caryn covertly, and could see that the woman still had all the qualities that had attracted her in the first place. She didn't begin to compare to Olivia, but then nobody measured up to her. Alex smiled, thinking of Olivia, and her firm, luscious body.

"You're thinking of Hot Cop again," Caryn accused, a twinkle in her eye.

"Sorry," Alex grinned. "My mind … it wanders."

"Always to her," Caryn said. "That's what I think I'd like. Somebody's whose mind always wanders to me, who smiles when she thinks of me. Who misses me even when we're in the same room. I've seen that look in your eye, Alex, when you think nobody's looking. You want her all the time, don't you?"

Alex nodded. "I love her," her voice cracked.

"And you deserve her. You deserve the best. You both do."

"Have you never been in love, Caryn?" Alex wanted to know.

"Once. Only once. Properly, that is."

"What happened?"

"I never told her. I left her."

"Why did you do that?" Alex asked.

"It wouldn't have been fair to her. She was a player. Like me," she said, a little sadly. "She just wanted some fun. I went into it with my eyes open, we never promised each other any type of commitment. It was the best six months of my life. But I couldn't bear to be with her, knowing I was just her … plaything. So I dumped her. She was pissed. Pissed as hell, actually," Caryn winced as she remembered that last, terrible fight. "I knew if I stayed with her, I wouldn't be able to hide my feelings. I'd tell her I was in love with her, and I couldn't do that."

"Why not? Because she might leave?" Alex sounded incredulous.

"It's stupid. I know that. I was frightened of losing her, so I pushed her away. It's too late now, anyway," she took a deep breath. "And I've had some great times since …," she blinked away tears. She pulled herself together. "Some of the ladies I've been with have been truly magnificent," she touched Alex's hand gently.

Alex remembered back to that one passion-filled night. Caryn had been almost insatiable in bed, but she had remained kind and considerate, and made sure that Alex was okay with everything. She had never made Alex feel uncomfortable. Alex felt that, when Caryn finally met the right person, she would be a wonderful partner.

"You be good to her, you swear?" Caryn demanded, almost harshly.

"To Olivia?"

"Of course to Olivia!" Caryn retorted. "To her, and to that gorgeous little sprite. You don't know how lucky you are, Teflon."

"I do. I'm the luckiest woman in the world."

Caryn nodded. "Just you keep remembering that." She stalked off, ostensibly in search of coffee.

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"She said that?" Olivia said.

"Why does that not surprise you?" Alex asked.

"I'm more surprised that it surprised you," Olivia smiled. "You usually read people so well. She's lonely, Alexandra. And a part of her is envious. I mean," she grinned, "can you blame her? She sees what a hot fiancée you've got and it makes her jealous!" she ducked as Alex swatted her.

"Hey, here they come," Olivia smiled as the door to the apartment opened, revealing Carolyn pushing baby Lily in her stroller. "Did you have a fun afternoon?"

"We had a wonderful time, didn't we Lily?" Carolyn addressed the baby as she unstrapped her from her seat. She pulled her out, and passed her to Olivia, who accepted her joyfully. "We have some news for you," Carolyn smiled. "For all of you. Where are the girls?"

"They've been helping Joe install a new shower," Alex laughed. She had just spent fifteen minutes on the phone to Sarah, who had regaled her with tales of Joe forgetting to shut off the water before Jay turned the wrench. Alex had been able to hear Jay cursing in the background, as she apparently changed out of her soaked clothes. "They're on their way back now. Sarah says we're not to laugh at Jay's wet hair. What news do you have?"

"I want Sarah to be here to hear this," Carolyn was unusually animated. "And then you all have to come with me. It'll only take an hour."

"We'd need two cars," Olivia said.

"Please?" Carolyn pleaded. "This is very important to me."

"Of course we'll come," Alex squeezed her hand.

"Come where?" Sarah demanded, as she came through the door, a grumpy Jay just behind her. Jay's hair was still damp, and her feet squelched.

"I'm not going anywhere until my damned feet are dry and warm," Jay snapped.

"I have some woollen socks right here," Olivia gestured to the pile of clean laundry. "They're wonderfully warm." She passed Lily to Alex, as she rooted in the clothes. "Here," she passed them to Jay, whose expression softened.

"I'm sorry," Jay said. "I'm being a bear. It's just too damned cold out there to have wet feet, and I didn't have any spare shoes at Pop's. I'm going to leave some there after this," she smiled. "These are great," she fingered the soft wool.

Olivia pushed her into the warm armchair. "I'll get you a towel. And some tea," she said.

Jay took the towel gratefully. "So," she forced herself to smile, "where are we going?"

Carolyn smiled nervously. "I bought a house," she said.

Alex spun round, astounded by the news. "You bought a house?" she asked. "What about the apartment?"

"I'm selling it. I know I should have moved back there ages ago," her chin started to wobble.

"No you shouldn't," Olivia said firmly. "You're welcome here for as long as you want."

Carolyn nodded. "You have all been unbelievably kind. And I've loved being here. But it's time … it's time for me to reclaim my life. But I couldn't bear going back to the apartment. I know he watched me there, or somebody did for him. I can't get that out of my mind there. So I've been looking for somewhere new, and I found it. It's about a half hour out of the city. It's a small house. It's in a real nice neighborhood. And it has a yard that Lily can play in when it's warmer. You liked the yard, didn't you Lily?" she smiled at the baby.

"You took Lily there?" Alex asked.

"We went today. I wanted her to see her room. It's nearly ready, the decorators have almost finished. I want you all to feel you can come and stay with me, whenever you want."

"Lily has her own room?" Sarah grinned.

"You all do," Carolyn looked a little embarassed. "I know, it's dumb. But there are four bedrooms, and the decorators were coming in, so I chose a room for each of you. Yours and Jay's," Carolyn addressed Sarah, "is nearest the stairs, so Jay doesn't have to worry about disturbing anyone if she's on an early or late shift. And yours," she smiled at Alex, "is next to Lily's. I've put in a baby monitor, so you can hear her from your room. You don't have to come stay though," she looked worried. "Only if you want to. I just thought maybe you could all come to me for Thanksgiving next year, and then you can stay after if you want."

"It sounds wonderful," Olivia spoke softly. "Really wonderful. How long have you been planning this?"

"Two months. It all happened real quick. It's a great house."

Jay was lacing up her sneakers. "Let's go!" she declared. "I wanna see this place!"

"There's a study downstairs," Carolyn said. "It's quite big. I thought your Dad and Vanessa could maybe sleep in there, once I get a bed. There's a shower room downstairs, so he'd have all the facilities. If they want to come to Thanksgiving, that is," she was starting to get flustered.

Jay pulled her into a hug. "It sounds perfect," she whispered. "All the family together."

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"I love how Lily gets the biggest room!" Olivia laughed.

"I thought that I could put another bed over there," Carolyn nodded to the side opposite the crib. "Lily will be out of that crib before we know what's happened. The crib can stay there, just in case you ever decided to increase the family," she smiled at Alex.

Alex just looked stunned. She reached for Olivia's hand.

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Alex climaxed convulsively, her breath coming in short gasps as she fought to regain control.

Olivia grinned as she held her lover, who slumped, still panting, onto her front. Olivia moved a sweat-soaked lock of hair behind Alex's ear, and kissed her so sweetly and tenderly that Alex whimpered anew.

"That … you … you are super-hot, you know that?" Alex's voice shook.

"Nobody's as hot as you are," Olivia ran a finger lovingly across a pink nipple. "I just have to think about you, and I'm gone. I've never met anyone like you, Alexandra. And knowing that you chose me, that makes me happier than anyone deserves to be."

"That's how I feel about you, Liv. And you've given me Lily. Perfect, beautiful Lily. The greatest gift you could ever give me. I want to do the same for you, Olivia," Alex looked deep into her eyes. "Did you hear Carolyn? She thinks we're ready for more kids. I want to have a baby, Olivia. Our baby. I want to give you another child." She looked up and saw tears streaming from Olivia's face.

"I want that too," Olivia gulped. "I've been thinking about it for a while. I don't want Lily to be an only child. I want her to learn to share. I want her to have a brother or a sister, so they can take care of each other when we're no longer around. And I can't think of anything more exquisite than a child that comes from you," she flattened her palm and drew it tenderly across Alex's belly. "Are you sure, sweetheart?"

"I've never been more sure of anything. Except when I said I'd marry you. That one was a no-brainer," Alex smiled. "Shall we do it, Liv? Shall we have another child?"

"Oh God yes," Olivia breathed. "With all my heart, yes!"


	35. Chapter 35

**[Last chapter! This one is rather saucy, so please don't read if it's not your thing. I'll do a sequel at some point if anyone would like. A big thank you to all who have taken the time to review, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.]**

"She go down okay?" Olivia asked, wiping her hands.

Alex nodded, and smiled. "Looks like I timed it well. You've done the dishes."

Olivia pulled a face. "I just know you and our daughter are in cahoots," she said. "Anything to get out of the cleaning up, I know your tricks Alexandra." Olivia knew her accusation was completely without foundation, but she loved to tease her blonde partner.

Alex grinned back at her. "Well," she said, lowering her voice noticeably, "how about I make it up to you?" she slid one arm around Olivia's waist, pulling her to her. "After all, we _do_ have the place to ourselves for once."

"I really think Carolyn's going to be happy at the house," Olivia agreed, enjoying the feel of being in Alex's arms.

"I think so too," Alex reached out and caressed Olivia's cheek. "I'm so pleased she stayed with us, but I've gotta admit, I like it when it's just us."

"And Sarah," Olivia reminded gently.

Alex smiled. "And Sarah. And Jay too. But they're staying at Jay's apartment tonight. So _we_," she let one hand drift to Olivia's torso, "we have free reign to do what we want. _Where_ we want. As often as we want."

"As long as your daughter lets us," Olivia's breathing quickened imperceptibly as Alex cupped a full breast lovingly.

"Why is she always _my_ daughter when she's antsy?" Alex pouted so sexily that Olivia could barely contain herself.

Olivia laughed. "Because she has a cold, and she's just like you when you have a cold. She's miserable and clingy."

"I do _not_ get clingy when I have a cold!" Alex declared, pretending not to notice that Olivia was unbuttoning her shirt.

"Yeah you do. You know you do. And you know that I find it adorable. I find _you_ adorable," Olivia amended, as she flicked the last button on Alex's shirt. "And I find _these_ adorable," her voice hitched as she saw Alex's breasts encased within a silky red bra. She slid Alex's shirt off her shoulders and gaped openly at the sight in front of her.

"See something you like, detective?" Alex drawled.

"Oh God yes," Olivia kissed her passionately.

"We can't be late," Alex reminded her. "You start back to work tomorrow, remember?"

"I remember. It's 7pm, Alexandra."

"I know. I also know what you're like when you get going."

"When I _get going_?" Olivia laughed. "I think you mean when you get me going," she said, seductively, reaching out for the clasp at Alex's back.

Alex pulled out of her arms, laughing at the almost comical look of disappointment on Olivia's face.

"Not here," Alex said. "Remember?"

Olivia grinned. She recalled the last time they had made love in the kitchen. They had gotten so carried away that Olivia had slipped and bruised her side badly on the sharp edge of the kitchen counter. "Oh yeah. It was worth it. _So_ worth it."

"The couch is softer," Alex guided her toward the living room. She pushed Olivia onto the couch, taking full note of the need in her lover's eyes. "There," she said, "isn't that better?"

Olivia nodded.

"Lay back," Alex instructed, lifting Olivia's legs onto the couch so that she was lying along its full length. She reached for the button on Olivia's jeans and flicked it open, grinning at Olivia's low growl of desire. "Don't rush it," Alex spoke seductively. "We have time. Lots of time. I want you to relax. I want you to enjoy this."

"Oh I'm enjoying it," Olivia husked. "Make no mistake about that."

Alex flicked a finger teasingly across Olivia's nipple, smiling as she felt the hard flesh through her shirt. "I can tell," she laughed. Slowly, tantalizingly, she pulled down the zipper on Olivia's jeans. She slipped a hand inside to cup her overheated center. "Yup," she smiled. "It would seem that New York's Finest is telling the truth." She kissed her hungrily on the mouth, her own desire ratcheting up sharply at the feel of Olivia's talented tongue. "I think you'll find you don't need this," Alex pulled at the hem of Olivia's t-shirt, laughing openly as Olivia half sat up and hauled the shirt over her head, flinging it across the room. Olivia reached behind herself, but Alex stopped her.

"Let me," she pleaded. She reached behind Olivia and expertly undid the clasp on her bra, and dropped it to the floor. The sight of Olivia's erect nipples sent a flood of moisture to Alex's core.

"Every time," Alex whispered, as she ghosted a finger over her right nipple. "Every time I see you like this, I just … you … you are just exquisite, Olivia," very softly, she took the nipple between her lips, trying not to react at Olivia's gasp of desire as she did so. She allowed her tongue to flick out and tease the tight bud.

Olivia's back arched as she unwittingly tried to increase the pressure between them. "Lex," she choked out. "Lex … I'm … you're … that's so …," she felt Alex's hands go to her waist, and lifted her hips as Alex dragged the thick material down her legs.

Alex straddled her lover on the couch, smiling as she saw her lying under her in just her panties.

"My turn," Olivia tried to sit up, but Alex pushed her back, knowing exactly what she wanted.

"You want something, detective?" she teased, cupping her own silk-clad breasts.

Olivia just gaped as Alex unclasped the garment and pulled it slowly down her arms. Her beautiful, pink nipples were as hard as rock, and Olivia reached up to claim one in her soft fingers. She toyed with it for long seconds, watching Alex's face as she did so. Alex's mouth fell open a little, and she sucked in air sharply as she tried to remain nonchalant.

Olivia reached her other hand and thrust it down the front of Alex's jeans, laughing as she found a hot pool of desire. Reluctantly, she released Alex's breast, and used both hands to unbutton her fly, dragging her jeans inelegantly to her knees. "Kick them off," Olivia instructed, her voice low and lustful. "I need to see you. All of you," she pulled her panties down to meet her jeans.

Alex wriggled on the couch, kicking off her discarded garments. She was happy to be naked, but wasn't planning to cede control. Not yet. She grinned as she set one knee either side of Olivia. She leant forward to kiss her, allowing her hair to fall in her lover's face.

Olivia reached up one hand to tangle in her hair. She loved Alex's soft, blonde tresses almost as much as her soft, alabaster skin. The kiss was long and passionate, and Olivia squirmed under Alex's hold as Alex let her hands wander down her body, stroking, grasping, teasing. Alex tweaked a turgid nipple, causing Olivia to gasp sharply into her mouth.

Slowly, Alex started to kiss her way down Olivia's body. She spent long minutes suckling Olivia's pulse point in her neck, leaving the detective to wonder briefly if she would have to wear a turtleneck on her first day back at work. She could already imagine the teasing. Then Alex was nipping at her shoulder and her clavicle, dropping sweet, tender kisses. Alex sat back briefly, to take in the full sight of Olivia's straining breasts. "Every time," she repeated. As she toyed with one nipple with her right hand, her tongue and teeth worked the other, teasing, nipping, suckling, until Olivia begged for mercy.

Olivia tried to drag Alex's hand down to her tortured center, but Alex was not going to be rushed.

"Lex. Alexandra … you have no idea what you're … oh my God. No. Oh Alex, please. I'm … you have to help me. This is … oh sweet Jesus …" Olivia was panting, her hips rocking. She tried to press up into Alex's hand, but Alex pulled it away.

"Patience," Alex bit out, her own ardor making her voice crack. "It'll be worth the wait, I promise you," her tongue played afresh across Olivia's heaving breasts, and Olivia could feel her smiling as she suckled, sending shocks of pleasure/pain rocketing through her.

Alex used her hands to try to still Olivia's straining hips, but could tell that it was not going to be long before Olivia reached completion. Olivia was gasping and moaning, her words hardly discernible. "Alex … that's … yes … right there. More. Inside. Please, baby. I need … oh God," Olivia grasped Alex's hand, and this time Alex allowed her to guide her to her center.

Alex smiled as her hand encountered Olivia's sweet folds. "Are you ready for me, baby?" she asked Olivia teasingly, as she slipped one finger inside.

"Don't tease, Lex," Olivia gulped. "I need to … oh sweet Lord," her hips rocked against the rhythm that Alex set up.

Alex's own center throbbed with need at the responsiveness of her lover. She knew that Olivia was close, so close. So she added a second finger, and brought her sweet mouth down to Olivia's core.

Olivia cried out as her body convulsed with the force of her climax, as Alex's expert fingers and mouth prolonged the sweet torture. She came again and again against Alex. It was many minutes before she was able to even start to collect herself.

Alex climbed back up her lover, grinning at the dazed look on her face. "Well?" she asked, as Olivia tried to focus. "Did that make up for not doing the dishes?"

Olivia blinked. She wrapped both arms around Alex, and kissed her softly and tenderly. "After that, you never have to do the dishes again. Ever," she was still breathless.

Alex smiled smugly. She loved to make Olivia come. Olivia was always so responsive, and had an unbelievably high sex drive.

Olivia dragged the afghan that rested on the back of the couch over them both. They lay in each other's arms for twenty minutes, just holding each other, occasionally kissing, touching, nuzzling.

Once Olivia had regained her strength, she smiled, and shifted in Alex's hold. Gently but firmly, she flipped them so that Alex was laying underneath her, and she pinned Alex to the couch with her knees, much as Alex had done to her an hour before. "Your turn," Olivia grinned.

Alex smiled, but then they both heard a wail coming from Lily's room.

Olivia laughed. She bent down, and gave Alex a mind-blowing kiss. "Hold that thought," she whispered into her ear. "Stay there, I'll go." She wrapped the afghan round Alex, and sauntered naked toward their bedroom, smugly sure that Alex's hungry eyes were following her every move.

A minute later, Olivia emerged from their bedroom in her robe, flinging Alex's robe at her.

Alex struggled into her robe, and smiled as Olivia came out of Lily's room, holding the snuffly child to her. Olivia was whispering soothing words to the child, rubbing her hand lovingly up and down her back.

She brought her to the couch, where Alex was now seated.

"Momma!" Lily cried miserably, putting her arms out to Alex.

Alex took her gladly, and held her to her. "Hey, sweet baby," she whispered. "Are you feeling lousy?"

"She's a little warm, but only a little," Olivia said. "She's gonna be fine, aren't you baby?"

Lily whimpered, and buried her face in Alex's front.

"Clingy," Olivia smiled. "Just like her mommy."

Alex smiled. "Let's just hope a cuddle makes her feel as good as it does me, when I'm sick. That's it, baby, you sleep," she kissed the top of Lily's head.

Olivia sat next to Alex, and gently applied vapor rub to Lily's chest. Lily shifted in Alex's hold.

Alex looked over the top of Lily's head, and smiled lovingly at Olivia. "If you had told me a few years ago that I wouldn't mind being interrupted in the middle of lovemaking to wipe snot from a baby, I wouldn't have believed you."

"You hadn't met Lily then," Olivia said quietly. She kissed Alex softly.

After a half hour, Lily was firmly asleep in Alex's loving hold. "I'll go put her down," Alex whispered.

"I'll be waiting for you," Olivia grinned.

Alex returned to the living room five minutes later. "Still asleep," she smiled.

Olivia stood, and cupped Alex's cheek. She kissed her, chastely at first, then became more passionate. Her tongue demanded, and was granted entrance. She pulled back after a few minutes. "If I know you, Counselor Cabot, you are horny as hell right now," her hand pulled at the belt on Alex's robe and she pushed the cotton material down Alex's arms. She then undid her own robe, stepping out of it, so that they were both naked facing each other.

Alex smiled. "When you're right, detective, you're right," she breathed. She allowed Olivia to guide her onto the couch, and gasped with pleasure when Olivia immediately lay along her and took one breast almost roughly into her mouth.

"Oh Liv, you know this won't take long, don't you?" Alex panted.

Olivia grinned. "I have a surprise for you," she said. She reached under a cushion, and Alex heard an unmistakeable buzzing sound. They rarely felt the need for any types of toy, but Olivia knew that, in the right mood, Alex went crazy for their battery-operated friend.

Alex came long and hard against Olivia, driven to distraction by Olivia's expert ministrations.

Afterwards, Olivia held Alex as she lay, boneless, in her strong arms. She had never felt so safe, so loved. So satiated. She never knew how it was that Olivia knew exactly what buttons to press. She never misjudged her mood, and knew even before she did precisely what would send her crashing over the edge.

"It's 10pm," Alex said, eventually. "I never want to move from here, but we'll be stiff as hell tomorrow morning. And you have to be on top form for work."

"I've never felt better," Olivia said. "Thanks to my beautiful fiancée's skills in the sack!"

Alex got to her feet reluctantly, pulling Olivia off the couch. "We should shower," she said.

Olivia grinned. They stumbled toward the bathroom, both their legs a little rubbery. Olivia held Alex to her as the water pounded over them both. Before Alex knew what was happening, Olivia's tender caresses became more demanding; Olivia quickly brought her to climax once again, laughing at the look of surprise on Alex's face.

"You really are a very talented woman," Alex said, as Olivia wrapped her in a warm towel.

"I'm not the only talented woman here," Olivia smiled.

a&a&a&a&a&a&a&a&

"It makes me spit," Alex said, bitterly. "We've been together nearly four years. It's 2005, for Christ's sake. We have a baby. We want to have another child. But we aren't allowed to marry, and show our children that we are committed to each other!"

Olivia smiled, gently. She knew that Alex hated waiting for the law to catch up with common sense. "It'll happen. One day," she promised. "I know it will. And, as for commitment, our children will never doubt that. I'm here for the long haul, Alexandra. There's no conceivable reason that will stop me being with you for ever. For ever and a day."

Alex turned and looked at Olivia. She saw the sincerity, and love, in her eyes. "I know," she said, softly, her anger gone. "I feel the same way. I love you, Liv. And I love Lily. I love our life."

"Shall we do it, then?" Olivia asked gently. She knew Alex was feeling tense. She had felt the exact same way when she had been fertilized with Graham's sperm.

"We made a good choice, Donor 1,218, didn't we?"

"Tall, dark haired. English professor. Coaches Little League on Sundays. Six kids of his own, just wants to help others to have kids. He wouldn't even take payment. I think he sounds pretty good, Alex. You don't have to do this, baby. Not if you're not ready."

"I'm ready. I want to have our baby. I want to give you our baby. Just like you gave me Lily."

Olivia kissed her softly. She took her hand in hers. "Okay," she said. "Let's go."

She looked up, and saw the sign: 'Galford Fertility Clinic'. Alex squeezed her fingers. Olivia pushed open the door.

END


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